A/N: I must say THANK YOU for so many reviews on the last chapter! I was so surprised and thrilled by them all. A lot of you thought E&B were headed for a breakup. I hope you agree with me that the inevitable breakup that happens midway through a lot of stories can be predictable and sluggish... so I went another way. I hope you all enjoy this chapter...!
Chapter 16:
BPOV
He left me. Again. Edward hasn't been this upset since I inadvertently told Carlisle that Edward was my Dom. He was seething mad that night, but not at me. No, by the time he returned the next day he was apologizing. Of course this is different; neither of us have done something wrong that can just be apologized for and then forgiven. We're at an impasse. Edward and I want the same things, but we disagree in how to go about having them.
I don't think I'm wrong for wanting Edward to turn down the morning talk show offer. More than anyone else, I can see how talented and charming Edward is on camera, but I just know that his private life would be even more exposed if he took that job. We would never be able to move past this public curiosity about our sex lives. Maybe it makes me a hypocrite for wanting privacy now after flaunting my sexuality in the theater for so long but I don't care.
It makes me so angry that Edward has just walked out on me in the middle of an argument. It's as if he can only handle so much stress before he needs to get away. I know where Edward's run to, but I won't chase him there. I'm never going back to Mr. Jenks' home dungeon ever again.
I'm beginning to realize I do have some residual animosity towards the club because of the ordeal Kinky Catie put us through. I unfairly associate the theater stage with the pain she caused us. I know it isn't fair to Edward, and our absence is costing Jenks money with fewer members filling the club on Friday nights. But I can't help the way I feel, and I won't push myself to do something that makes me uncomfortable just for Jenks' bottom line, or even to satisfy my boyfriend's darker needs. I'd be more than happy to increase play time at home; add another 24/7 day or let Edward make more rules for me. But those concessions wouldn't appease Edward. He's made it clear how those ordinary Dom actions do nothing to satisfy his needs.
His greatest thrill has always come from the voyeurism of others. He feels most powerful, most aroused, when others are watching him dominate. So what are we going to do to reconcile these innate differences in ourselves while my stage fright persists? I don't know if I'll ever feel the desire to perform on stage the way I once did. Trust was the most sacred part of that experience. Public scening had been about expressing myself somewhere safe, where people who understood my innermost fantasies could observe my Dom fulfilling them. Catie betrayed that trust and ruined the sense of security I once felt within those walls.
Unable to make sense of any of this, I wander through the empty house moping. I stop in front of the fireplace and stare at the carpet where Edward and I first made love. At the time it was just fucking, though looking back I think we both knew our relationship would become much more than that if we let it. There was no audience, no shackles or riding crops that night. Just Edward and I, and the passion driven lust we both felt for one another.
I slump down to the carpet and stare at the floor going over our argument in my head. I do understand that Edward's reputation will be hurt if he gets let go from his anchor position with no other network to go to. But it will suffer far worse from the spotlight that hosting a talk show will put him under. I can just picture the throngs of people that will recognize him everywhere we go with that more notable position. And he'll forever be known for having a sex tape, a way kinkier and more graphic tape than any national celebrity.
I'm so deep in thought I barely hear the phone ring. Beanie's bark pulls me out of my own head and I grab my cell just before the call goes to voicemail. "Alice," I say trying to sound upbeat and normal.
"Hey, Bella! I'm not calling at a bad time, am I? I know Edward probably just got home from work but I have some news that can't wait until Wednesday when I see you for lunch!"
I grin despite my mopefest. Alice can lift the spirits of even the grumpiest of grumps. "You have news that can't wait twelve hours? This must be good."
"Jasper and I found out today that I'm pregnant! Ah! Can you believe it?" she shrieks. "I've been feeling a little under the weather for days but every month when my period is due I've been mistaking every twinge or cramp for pregnancy and didn't want to get my hopes up again. Jazz suggested I just take the test anyway since I was officially a day late this morning. And it was positive! Can you believe we're having a baby? I've wanted this for so long! Isn't it exciting, Bella? …Bella?"
EPOV
I knock on the door to Jason's home and immediately hear two sets of giggling coming from inside the apartment. I swear that man is a machine. I hear him call out a warning to whoever's knocking on his door that they better be here to give him money or a blow job.
"If you're sure that's what you want, then okay!" I shout back loud enough for him to hear me through the door.
Laughing to myself, I wait a minute longer through more giggling and some grunting before Chloe finally opens the door for me. She's not surprised to see that it's me so Jason must have recognized my voice a minute ago.
"Hello, Edward." Chloe greets, a little out of breath. Her face is flushed and her hair is in disarray. She is, of course, completely nude but for a pair of vibrating red clamps adorning her nipples. The humming noise draws my eyes down to her chest, even as I'm promising in my head not to look. Fuck it to hell. She obviously wants me to look, judging by the way she's puffing out her large round breasts and licking her lips. Very nice.
"Just another day at Casa Jenks," I joke forcing my eyes back to Chloe's face. She giggles.
"Come on in. Master is just finishing up," she winks.
I follow her over to the living room area and sit myself on the sofa. Memories from the evening I brought Bella here fill my mind and I'm reminded how this place is where the infamous video was shot. My shoulders shudder involuntarily. I'm beginning to regret coming here.
"Are you cold, Sir?" Chloe asks coming to kneel by the sofa.
"No, I'm fine, thank you."
Chloe and I wait patiently as Jason continues groaning and grunting in the far corner of the large industrial style apartment. A few minutes pass before he finally saunters over. I look up to greet him and am relieved that he's dressed in casual jeans and a button down linen shirt. I've witnessed much worse over the years.
"Edward, what can I do for you this evening?" Jason asks while patting Chloe's head affectionately and taking the seat nearest her.
"I'm sorry to come unannounced, but I need some advice. It's about my career."
Jason's eyebrows spike up, clearly surprised. I usually go to him for D/s dilemmas so it's not surprising that this throws him for a loop. "I'd be happy to assist you any way I can, Edward. But first, you look tense. Can I offer you a drink? Perhaps a Scotch or maybe some red wine?"
I shake my head. "No thank you, no alcohol. I got fired today. Well, not fired exactly, but my station manager basically told me my contract isn't going to get renewed next month."
Jason's face falls, perturbed by my news. Aside from being my sexual mentor, I know he cares for me like a son. I always prefer talking to him about my problems rather than my actual father, who I feel like I've been disappointing a lot lately.
"We will talk about this, son. But first, you need to relax. When was your last orgasm?"
I roll my eyes but know Jason is dead serious. "Saturday evening."
"Oh, my heavens. Callie! Come here please. I want you girls to do that thing that you've been working on. You know, with the tongues. Master Cullen needs to release some tension."
"No, Jenks. No way. Bella-"
He cuts me off. "Yes, yes, I know. Monogamy is your new bed mate. But Bella doesn't object to you masturbating does she? Because if she does I have to tell you, Edward, you've got this whole Dom/sub relationship backwards."
"I really just came to talk, Jase," I plead.
"Yes, yes, and we will. Once you've calmed those nerves. You're so tense I can feel the negativity in the air. That vein in your forehead is about to burst."
I continue shaking my head; I don't have a vein in my forehead. Meanwhile, Callie has crossed the room and sat her naked self on the coffee table in front of me. Chloe crawls from her place at Jason's feet over to her sister sub, placing her hands on Callie's thighs and spreading them.
"Not here! There's no way in hell I'm masturbating in your living room!"
"But you'll do it somewhere," Jason affirms choosing to focus only on the location part of my refusal. "Oh, I know! Edward, you'll test out the new M-booths I'm developing for the club. There's one set up in the den. Come, I'll show you!"
Reluctantly, I follow him through the kitchen into a small room tucked into the back corner of the loft near the staircase. His eyes light up with excitement when we enter the den and I'm just a little curious to see what he's talking about. I've never heard of a M-booth before. If it gets Jason's mind off of my rubbing one out in his living room then I'm all for it.
The den is fairly ordinary, a huge flat screen TV hangs on the wall and a large black leather sectional is positioned around it. I barely notice these furnishings as my eyes are immediately drawn to a large wood framed box standing in the center of the room. It's taller than me, rectangular in shape, and looks like a double wide telephone booth without the glass.
I open one of the two doors and see there is indeed glass encased in this odd structure. A full length two way mirror separates the two sides of the booths. I'm starting to understand its intended purpose…
Jenks is wearing a shit-eating grin, waiting for my reaction. "I want to put one in the club. You see on this side a submissive can put on any variety of sexual shows. On this side the other person simply watches in private with the ability to masturbate if he so chooses."
"You want me to jerk off in here right now?" I object. I go to open the other door, making sure I'm right about the mirror being two-way. It is.
"I need you to test it out," he insists. "This is just a prototype but you'll get the idea. Callie, go on in, give Edward a show that would make your Master proud."
Callie enters the side of the booth where the mirror is reflective, closing the door behind her. I groan inwardly but know better than to argue with Jenks. This will be a lot easier if I just go blow a load like he wants. I enter my side of the booth, getting a very weird and unwelcome flash of déjà vu of being forced as a teenager to go to confession. Though Father James is not on the other side of this booth.
I mumble a few curses to myself and ruefully unzip my jeans. It's oddly arousing, I must say, to see this naked woman staring straight ahead. I know she can't see me, but it still feels like she's watching me take my clothes off. I was only going to pull my dick out through the slit of my boxers but seeing Callie sit on the wooden chair, spread her legs wide, and begin teasing herself makes me want to give this booth an honest test drive. I remember how I've showed up here tonight unannounced and asking for help. This is the least I can do for my mentor, who's listened to my problems, big and small, countless times over the years.
I throw off all my clothes, studying Callie's eyes as she pleasures herself to her own reflection. I have to admit it's hot. I like touching myself imagining her watching me, all the while knowing I'm maintaining my privacy. She has one hand between her legs fingering herself, while the other hand squeezes her breast. She lifts her tit and lowers her head just enough for her tongue to dart out and swipe along the pink nipple. Fuck. I'm gonna make Bella do that next time we play.
Thinking of Bella reminds me of our terrible argument. The things we said to each other. I try not to dwell on it, concentrating instead on the task at hand. My cock is hard and growing more rigid as I squeeze and tug on myself. Callie is a naughty girl now, bending over the chair and rubbing her ass cheek like she needs a good spanking. Her legs are spread wide and I can see her fingers between her thighs teasing her pussy, in and out, spreading her moisture around. Damn, she puts on a good show.
What would Bella think of this M-booth? I wonder if she'd consider what I'm doing cheating? I'm not with another woman, but the acts we're both engaging in feel shared and intimate. A wave of guilt, not only for this sexual act but for everything Bella and I fought about earlier comes crashing down on me. She's home alone, probably worried about where I've gone. I turn away from the booth's shared wall and close my eyes to fill my thoughts of Bella. Sexy Bella wearing negligee and heels. Bella tied to the cross at Coming Attractions about to come.
It's her and only her I picture as semen gathers inside my body and comes shooting out all over the wall of the booth. I groan embarrassingly loudly and in the back of my mind wonder if these booths are sound proof. When I open my eyes I see what I've done to the wall. Gross. Luckily I have a tissue in my jeans pocket and I wipe up my mess before getting dressed again.
Jenks is seated on the sectional when I emerge from the M-booth. Callie is in her waiting position by his feet, a small smirk on her lips. Hmm, probably not sound proof then. Jason opens his mouth to speak but I hold up my hand to stop him.
"I think it'll be a big success at Coming Attractions, but suffers one major design flaw," I say.
His eyebrows lift eagerly awaiting my elaboration. "You might want to think about adding tissue dispensers," I explain giving him a sly wink.
Jason laughs out loud, clapping his hands. "Brilliant! Let's tell Rosalie to make the change. Rose!" he calls loudly.
"Rosalie is here?" I ask dumbfounded. I'm really glad he told me that after I masturbated.
"Yes, she's upstairs going over the books from last quarter. Rosalie, darling!" he calls louder.
Jason stands and I follow him out of the den into the kitchen area where he pours us two glasses of sparkling water.
"Yes?" I hear my cousin say from the top of the staircase.
"Our distraught friend is here seeking another bit of my infinite wisdom. Would you be a doll and come join us?" Jason asks her.
Sure enough, Rose descends the stairs looking quite surprised to see me. "Edward? What's wrong?"
She takes a seat at the kitchen island beside me resting a supportive hand on my shoulder.
"I got fired today, got a new job offer, and then had a huge fight with Bella about the scandal, the jobs, and our future together," I sum up in one long breath.
Jason and Rosalie glance at each other. "So the station decided not to renew your contract?" Rosalie asks.
"Right."
"But you got another offer?"
I tell them about Stan and the co-host position open with Olympic TV. They listen as I explain the concerns Bella had about Stan's intentions as well as the other things we argued about.
"Edward, I want you to have an open mind for a moment," Jason says. "You said before that Bella doesn't want you to become a morning talk show host, and from the sound of things you aren't excited about the position either."
I shrug noncommittally. "It wouldn't be my first choice." All I care about right now is steady income. And getting Bella to forgive me for losing my temper. I really need her support right now.
"I have a problem of my own, you see. We might be able to help each other. I've just broken ground on a new project in Seattle. My business partners and I are developing a sister club to Coming Attractions in the Pike district and your stubborn cousin refuses to manage the project for me."
I frown at Rosalie; only half understanding what Jason is talking about. He's opening a new club similar to Coming Attractions and wants Rosalie to run it?
"I'm not stubborn, Jason, I'm practical. I have a life here, two businesses to run, and a house with no mortgage payment. Why would I give all that up?" Rosalie counters.
My head is starting to spin. What did Jase put in this sparkling water? "I'm sorry; but you said this could help me?"
"It's going to be grand," Jason continues ignoring my question. "A larger bar and dance floor. More tables in the main room. There will be two theaters, closed door rooms for private viewings and training purposes. I need someone there through all the renovations that can make decisions about designs, functionality, and furnishings. And of course I need this person to stay on as general manager; someone with BDSM experience and knowledge that I can trust to run the business smoothly while I'm not around."
"Jason, what are you talking about? It's been a very long day and I'm at my wits end over here. What does your new club have to do with me?" I ask exasperated.
"Edward, isn't in obvious? I want you to be the new manager of Full Exposure. You are a wonderfully talented broadcaster, don't get me wrong, but you have immense talent for BDSM too. Even back in your days of training you were a highly sought after dominant. You have experience, patience, and a strong respect for the lifestyle. Your reputation is prestigious within our community. You would be such a draw for dominants and submissives in Seattle to join the club."
Rosalie nods her head in agreement. It seems to me the two of them have already discussed this before my arrival this evening. I don't know what to say. Am I ready to give up on broadcasting and try a new industry? I've never really thought about doing anything else.
"I'll have to give your offer some thought, Jason, and talk to Bella of course."
Bella. I was harsh, cruel even with the way I left our issues unresolved. But she hurt me when she once again asked for more time to think things over. My pride suffered a huge blow losing my job today and every time Bella tells me she wants to keep thinking about decisions that affect both of us it feels like what she's really saying is that she is unsure of me. If she didn't doubt her commitment to me then why does moving forward frighten her so much?
"Shit. I hurt her when I walked out tonight. I'll be lucky if she even lets me back in the house."
"What did you fight about, Edward?" Rose asks concerned.
"She didn't react to the TV talk show job the way I expected and I took my frustration out on her. That job offer was the only solution to our problems and she dismissed it immediately. But I said a lot of things that were unfair. I accused her of blaming me entirely for the sex tape. And I basically told her to get her shit together and decide what she wants," I say running my hands through my hair. "I'm afraid she might not be willing to relocate to Seattle for me."
Rose looks at me strangely, like she doesn't recognize me. "I've never known you to be so insecure. Why wouldn't Bella be willing to consider Seattle?"
"She avoids making decisions. She doesn't know what to do about the club, or our relationship, or our future. I'm starting to wonder if she even sees herself marrying me someday."
Rose laughs. Laughs! I'm falling apart and she finds it humorous. "Edward, you're an idiot. Of course she wants to marry you," Rosalie replies confidently.
"How the hell would you know?"
"It's called girl talk, Edward. We discuss your possible question popping all the time. Alice says she has a feeling it's going to happen soon and asks Bella about it every time we hang out. Trust me, she loves you. She is not having second thoughts about you."
I stare at my cousin for a second processing this information. "Regardless of what she might have reveled during the so called 'girl talk' that was all pre scandal, right? Before my storming out while she cried."
Jason, who has been unusually silent during our exchange, suddenly clears his throat. "Edward, anyone with eyes can see how much that woman adores you. Go home, apologize for being a colossal ass to that sexy little minx of yours and let me know your decision in a few days."
I look at Rose and she's nodding her head and smiling.
Jason stands, effectively ending the discussion. "Think about my offer for a few days if you must, but I believe that this could be good for you, Edward. You and Isabella."
I push the front door open softly, not sure what I'll find on the other side. I half expect Bella to be there ready to ambush me. We left our relationship on such bad terms. No, not we. I realize it was me that stormed out. Again. I know, I'm a shit-head.
Beanie hears me come in and I greet him quietly in the foyer. "Hey, boy. Where's Bella?" I whisper. The dog turns and leads me into the living room. Bella is there, staring at the fire with a throw blanket over her legs. She looks lost in deep thought.
"Hey," I call out gently, afraid of frightening her.
She turns her gaze up to my face and smiles weakly. "You came back," she says sarcastically.
"I'm sorry I left. Even as I was walking away I knew it was wrong of me. I promise never to do that again."
Bella just nods and turns her gaze back to the fire. As I hesitantly walk closer I can tell that she's been crying. I feel like more of a shit-head.
"I have a new plan," I say coming to sit on the far end of the sofa. "It's better than my last one, I swear." I was hoping for a laugh or at least a smile, but all Bella gives me is a tiny upturn at the corners of her mouth.
"I agree with you that the co-host job would kind of suck. And there's no telling what personal information the producer will try to exploit for ratings; I get that they want me because of the sex tape. But that leaves me with very few options in this town, Bella. I told Jason what happened. That's where I've been, Jason's apartment. He had an interesting offer for me, but I told him I'd have to discuss it with you first."
Bella sits up straighter and turns her body toward me. "What do you mean, he offered you something?"
"Before I explain I just need you to know that I was wrong to take the anger I still feel towards Catie out on you. If you're not comfortable performing on stage anymore then we won't. End of story. I don't love you because we have good on-stage chemistry. I love you for your kindness and your warmth. You have such a powerful hold on me, Bella. The way I feel about you, even if you never want to have sex on stage again, it won't change how I feel. I love you for your heart and soul, not your kinky tendencies."
Finally she smiles. "I know, Edward. I feel the same way. You're it for me, you own me with or without the collar. And I do miss performing at the theater; showing everyone how I belong to you. I just need more time to feel safe doing it."
I move closer to her on the sofa until our arms are touching. I reach under the blanket and hold her hand in mine, while she brushes a fresh tear off her cheek.
"Please don't cry anymore. I'm sorry we fought. And you're right about this town never letting us forget what happened. That's why I think Jenks' idea might just work."
Bella squeezes my hand. "So tell me already," she demands with a twinkle of hope in her eyes.
I left out a long sigh, hoping this job offer isn't as ill received as the talk show idea. "Jason's opening a new club in Seattle. He's calling it Full Exposure. It's going to be in an old industrial building and he's stripping it down to the steel beams for renovations like he did with his apartment. Rose wants to stay in Port Angeles to run Coming Attractions so Jason is going to need someone to manage the Seattle club."
"And he wants you to do it?" she asks incredulously.
"Well, yeah," I respond with a shrug. "You don't think I could handle it?"
"No, that's not what I meant, Edward. I guess I'm just in shock. Of course you could do the job. I think you'd be great at managing a club. But do you think that would open you up to more public condemnation?"
"Jason was telling me about the Seattle populace and how they're a lot more accepting of alternative lifestyles. It's a lot more common there; we wouldn't stick out like sore thumbs. There's over half a million people living in Seattle. It's much different from a small town like this. Security will be tight inside the club and theater. Jason doesn't want to be responsible for any more of his members getting exposed the way we did. And I wouldn't be performing; I mean I don't have to. I'd just be working in the office and walking the floor."
"Wouldn't you have to live in Seattle then?"
"That's the only downside in my opinion. Yes, it would mean we'd have to move to Seattle."
"We?" Bella repeats. I scoff at her irrational uncertainty, as if I could ever live without her!
"Bella," I whisper. "I know what I'm asking you is no small favor. Relocating your whole life for me, I can't even begin to-" she cuts me off by placing two fingers over my mouth. I kiss her fingertips lovingly. I know what I'm asking of her is a huge step. Her father already thinks she lives too far from home.
"Edward, don't be stupid. You are my life. I can't live without you, so if you need to go to Seattle, well, then we go to Seattle."
"You would really move for me?"
She sighs. "Eighteen to thirty five year old women are the only people in this town who don't look at us like we're out of control sex addicts. A new city sounds like exactly what we need. But even if that weren't the case, I'd still follow you anywhere."
My face can't hide the relief and joy I feel from her words. How easy she makes it seem! There are obstacles to overcome like procuring a place to live, leaving our friends, finding Bella new clients in Seattle… and one more thing. The most important thing before we move together…
I suddenly jump to my feet and race up the stairs to our bedroom, calling over my shoulder that I'll be right back. I hear Bella giggle from the couch. I dig through the cardboard shoebox that sits on the top shelf in my closet until I find what I'm looking for. Ah, there it is. I turn and wink at Beanie, who's lazily sleeping on his doggy pillow on the bedroom floor. He gives me a stare and a tilt of the head that says good luck buddy as I run back down the stairs.
Bella's watching with equal parts fascination and amusement. "What are you up to?" she asks curiously.
"Something I've wanted to do for months," I whisper, pulling her hand until she's forced to stand.
And then I drop to one knee shocking the hell out of her. She realizes immediately what I'm doing and her breath catches in her throat. The diamond ring I purchased for Bella a few short weeks after she agreed to live with me is in my hand. I open the box carefully, trying very hard to hide the fact that my hands are shaking. I don't think it misses her attention because she smiles down at me and places one of her hands in mine to steady it.
"Bella, I've been certain for practically the entire time I've known you that you are the only woman I want to spend my life with. You are extraordinary and you've made my dreams come true. I could never ask you to follow me to a new city, to move away from your friends and family, without first proving my never-ending commitment to our love. Please forgive me for not waiting for the perfect, romantic time to ask you this question… but here goes everything. Bella Swan, will you do me the extreme honor of becoming my wife?"