Oh, I see new readers! Welcome!

This chapter is for derherher who thought it would be interesting to see Kuroko and Akashi not be calm for once (hence the title). Crack induced.

Kuroko & Akashi: Out of Character

One day, Aomine proposed an idea. A grin was wide across his lips as he spoke, "Do you guys want to see Tetsu and Akashi out of their cool for once?" His teammates looked at him like he'd gone out of his mind for even thinking of attempting something like that, and he defended himself with, "What? Aren't you curious?" And brought up that movie incident back at Kuroko's house for support. "They didn't even flinch! I mean, is that even normal?"

"The only thing that wasn't normal back then was when you smashed your phone against the floor, Aominecchi," Kise giggled, which Aomine returned with a snort.

"I want to know," Murasakibara said, staring longingly at the tasty looking mini muffins in his palm before devouring it.

"Me too!" Momoi chirped in. "I'm actually pretty curious myself!"

Aomine gave a triumphed cheer. "Awesome! What about you, Kise?"

"Count me in!" The blonde replied cheerily.

All that's left was Midorima, who was silently browsing on a textbook about World History, seeming to pretend that he hadn't been paying attention to the ongoing conversation. But when Aomine glanced at him, as if sensing, Midorima prompted with a, "No."

"But why?"

Midorima closed his book and looked at him. "I for one am not going to risk my life on some crazy endeavor of yours. If you want Akashi to hunt you down with a pair of scissors or have Kuroko do whatever it is that he does when he's mad, please do not drag me along."

But Midorima's refusal was easily dealt with by a month's purchasing of lucky items by Aomine (given that it was within his budget).

"Fine. But if anything happens to me. I'm blaming you."

After everyone had finalized their participation (Midorima was reluctant) in the quest of witnessing Kuroko and Akashi go totally out of character, they'd set the plan in motion for the following morning.

"Okay. You all know what to do, right?" Aomine said once everyone was complete at the school's gate. Momoi and Kise nodded enthusiastically. Murasakibara was enthusiastic too, if he just didn't look lazy all the time. Midorima was, well, not caring really. "You know who your targets are?"

"It's me and Murasakibaracchi to Kuroko," Kise trailed off.

"And me, you, and Midorin to Akashi," Momoi added.

"Let's go!"

And the group had dispersed to their respective targets...victims...err. Person.

Act #1: Kuroko

"Kuro-chin~!"

Murasakibara rounded the corner just in time to run into Kuroko (as he and Kise had planned). He had his head down droopily, sounding pained in all parts of the body, as he draped a weary arm over the smaller boy's shoulder.

Kuroko was caught off balance from the sudden weight and he had to lean against the wall to keep himself from falling. But with genuine concern (although, struggling to stand up properly), he asked, "What's wrong, Murasakibara-kun?"

"My face..." The giant trailed off. "IS MELTING!" And he quickly faced him with the ugliest expression, face smeared unattractively with red and blue, and other colors Kuroko couldn't make out of from the way they had blended together.

Kise palmed his face. Either over the fact that Kuroko didn't even flinch and that their plan didn't work, or because Murasakibara messed up.

"You mean the make-up on your face?"

"Uhh..."

Kuroko slipped off of him. "I'm sorry, Murasakibara-kun, but I have some tasks to do. Why don't you ask Kise-kun over there to help you out?"

Kise quickly straightened up from his posture (which had looked like he was sneaking around—which he really was) and quickly shot him a bright smile.

"Hi, Kurokocchi!" Kise waved. Kuroko waved back and said his goodbyes to them both before heading off. Once he was out of sight, Kise stomped over to the purplehead. "Melting? Murasakibaracchi, that's supposed to be a wound on your face! You're supposed to feel like you're dying!"

"Ah, really? Oops."

Kise groaned.

Act #1: Akashi

"I told you! It's not going to work! Akashi-kun isn't—" Momoi tried again, but before she could finish, Aomine had clamped a hand over her mouth. The blue-haired ace then backed up against the wall of a very small corner by the shoe lockers, pulling Momoi and Midorima along with him.

Aomine's eyes blazed with excitement as he spotted Akashi in his line of view.

"This better work, Aomine. What we just did was..." Midorima began, disgust painting his face as he looked down to his hands. "...gross."

"Shhh! He's opening it!"

The creaking from Akashi's rusting shoe-locker door echoed throughout the area as it opened, and the three had expected some kind of...any kind of reaction to follow. But not even a gasp from Akashi as a cluster of bugs and insects of all classes came flooding out of it.

The redhead stepped aside as he waited for his locker to be cleared out enough to stick his hand inside and put back the spare sock he found earlier in his bag. And then his thought was to hunt down whoever had done this and make them wish they were never born, all in time for the next period.

As this very menacing aura emitted from him in a strangely calm yet terrifying way, the three took this as a sign to run for their freaking lives.

"I can't believe it didn't work!" Aomine said disappointedly in between breaths.

"I can't believe I listened to an idiot like you," Midorima added, twice as disappointed, but to himself.

"I can't believe you never listen to me. I already told you that Akashi-kun wasn't afraid of bugs. He killed one with his bare hands for god's sake!"

Momoi was right.

Aomine and Midorima had this sudden urge to bleach their hands.

Act #2: Kuroko

Boo.

"Kise-kun, why are you in a broom closet?" Kuroko asked when he had opened the broom closet, finding a head full of golden locks instead of the broom and dustpan he was original looking for.

Kise made a strangled sound of laughter. "A-ah... You know. I sensed you coming and... I wanted to help!" Kise didn't' convince himself at all as handed Kuroko what he needed. Because what he really intended to do was scare the crap out of the guy.

"Thanks." Kuroko then shut the door, "Kise-kun's weird." and pretended like nothing happened.

"It didn't work," Murasakibara pointed out as he poked his head from the pile of rags he was hiding behind.

"Obviously."

Act #2: Akashi

"Maybe if we take him by surprise..." Midorima repeated aloud in the same exact way Aomine had told him, except with a twinge of bitterness and a whole lot of pissed off.

It had been yet another mistake for him to listen to Aomine. Springing out of the corner to (in hopes of, 'cause they were desperate) scare Akashi with one of his weird lucky items (today it was a Namahage costume). Never would Midorima have thought that he'd actually have to wear the thing.

And because of that, he was assaulted with a pair of scissors. If it weren't for the thick layer of the clothing, Akashi would've pierced his belly.

"Next time, I shall cut you all the way through." Midorima recalled, chills up his spine.

On the up side (if it could really be considered as something positive for Midorima), Momoi and Aomine had thanked him for all his hard work and treated him to his favorite red bean drink.

They were also able to take candid snapshots of him in the costume. But he didn't need to know that.

Act #3: Kuroko

"Kurokocchi!" Kise yelled as he ran after the Phantom Player down the staircase. "Kurokocchi!" He yelled again, and this time Kuroko had stopped until Kise had caught up with him.

Murasakibara was sluggishly trailing behind Kise, sucking merrily on a lollipop.

"What is it, Kise-kun?" Kuroko asked.

Kise took a few breaths before he began excitedly, "Murasakibaracchi's classmate has a crush on you!" When the giant had arrived, Kise nudged him. "Right?"

"What? Uh, yeah, sure."

Kuroko only looked at him. At both of them. "Oh."

And Kise kind of flailed on the spot at Kuroko's very monotonous, very bland response. "Not even a reaction? Aren't you happy?" Kise said pleadingly, feeling sorry for that girl who really did have a crush on Kuroko.

"Well, I am quite delighted. But I don't know this person, so I don't really know how to react." Kuroko then had to excuse himself after his name had been called. "See you at practice."

Kise sighed at the hopelessness of the situation. "If it were me, then I'd be really happy," he said—as if he didn't have enough fans for that already.

"If it were snacks..." There was a crunching sound from Murasakibara. "I'd be really happy."

Act #3: Akashi

Taking a deep breath, crossing her fingers, and praying to the deities for her safety, Momoi came up to Akashi. "My friend's friend likes you!"

Akashi paused for awhile and contemplated. "Oh?"

Momoi nodded eagerly. "And he's a guy!"

Akashi walked passed her wordlessly and Momoi sulked. She'd sworn the 'he's a guy' part would totally get him to react. "Not even a reaction..." She dejectedly turned to Aomine and Midorima who had just come up from a corner. "If it were a basketball player, who weren't any of you, who's really cool and monotonous then I'd be really happy!"

"If it involved boobs then I'd be happy..." Aomine said nonchalantly.

"I don't concern myself with these things, so I have nothing to say." Midorima pushed his glasses up.

. . .

At the end of the day, the two groups had unfortunately ended up with no progress at all, despite all the crazy attempts they did (the first part didn't even cover half of it). Perhaps Akashi and Kuroko were just very complex people that needed something just as complex to trigger their emotions.

"Well, this sucks..." Aomine grumbled as they all met up in the hall to walk to the gym together as they discussed their failures. "None of the stuff we did worked. Satsuki's still shocked by it..." Aomine shook Momoi a little as she had been staring off into space all the while. "See?"

"Same here," Kise agreed.

"Kise-chin went as far as to almost jump out the window."

"And Kurokocchi didn't even notice!" The blonde cried. "By the way, where's Midorimacchi?"

Aomine laughed, recalling today's earlier endeavor. "Getting changed. Pfft. Namahage."

"Nama—what?"

"I'll show you next time." Aomine was now wiping a stray tear from his face.

When they had arrived at the gym later on, none of them had the drive to play basketball at all. The drive had completely vanished when Akashi and Kuroko had reunited with them.

"Training will start in a few minutes," Akashi announced, which had been returned by groaning sounds.

"Is there anything wrong?" Kuroko asked, which had also been returned by more groaning sounds.

Oh, if only they both knew.

Midorima had then arrived, completely changed from the costume he was wearing to his practice clothes. "Akashi, Kuroko, I need to speak with you," he said seriously and made all heads turn to him. "Akashi, you failed an exam. And Kuroko, I'd just found out that they don't sell your favorite milkshakes at our regular place anymore."

"What?" Both said in unison.

Wait. Was that a reaction?

"F-failed?" Akashi actually stuttered, and for a moment it was almost hard to believe that he was the Akashi Seijuurou they had always known. Midorima nodded. And the redhead stared at him horrified as if he'd seen the movie Human Centipede in his face—which certainly wouldn't be appreciated by Midorima if he had known.

"They don't sell my milkshakes anymore..." Kuroko said in a way like he trying to ingest it. "WHY?!" Kuroko suddenly asked, rather, he demanded, and almost sent Midorima and everyone else in a jolt.

"I—I don't know..."

"Why not?!"

"Failed..." Akashi trailed off to himself. "But winners don't fail..." He then turned to Kuroko, grabbed him by the wrist and started pulling at him. "Let's go, Tetsuya. I need an explanation from the teacher who was a fool to have given me a failing mark."

Kuroko jerked his hand out of Akashi's grasp and grabbed him instead. "No, Akashi-kun! We have to go to my milkshakes! I need to know why."

"No!"

"No..."

And the two of them kind of just started freaking out, doing the grip-the-wrist and jerk-away cycle over and over until they'd found themselves out the gym.

Momoi, Aomine, Kise, and Murasakibara were left speechless for a good minute or two, until Kise whistled lowly.

"Wow. That was..."

"I can't even."

Aomine then turned to Midorima. "You lied, didn't you?" The shooter didn't say anything, and Aomine took this as a sign that he did. "Hah. You are so dead when they find out."

"Well, I hope you people are satisfied now." They all nodded. "You, Aomine, owe me lucky items."

Did anybody get the jokes TAT