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Chapter 29 - Kaazdovah

Middle of Last Seed, 5E 2

When they got home and were alone, Marcurio sat Yssha beside him on the couch and put his arm around her. "You haven't been yourself all day, love. That dream bothers you that badly?"

"Yes, and I do not understand why." Yssha snuggled up against him, her head on his shoulder. "It was not frightening, certainly, and I do not feel the dread I did when anticipating my final tempering. But despite that, I find it profoundly disturbing, and I cannot seem to shake that unease."

Marcurio leaned down to kiss her forehead, getting a lick on his nose in return. "The only thing I've been able to think of is that the four weapons have something to do with your desire to permanently remove the menace of those four Princes and maybe Hermaeus Mora's, as well."

"And somehow this mysterious CHIM is involved, perhaps even the key." Yssha sighed. "Perhaps my unease is partly frustration at not being able to do anything immediately. We must wait, and I am not good at that."

"No better than I am," Marcurio agreed. "Neither of us handles boredom well." He paused, thinking. "Grams didn't know any more about CHIM than we do, but it just occurred to me that Andreius might. He's the Nerevarine, after all, and he killed Dagoth Ur and the Tribunal gods."

Yssha purred, snuggling closer. "Even if he does not, it is an attempt to do something useful. And I would like to discuss shape-shifting with Uncle Sorcalin, as well."

"Oh ... that 'first Aedric shape-shifter' thing you mentioned right after you got back." Marcurio frowned. "You still think that's going to happen?"

Yssha shrugged. "As I said then, it was a guess as to why I would require mana without being a Divine. But Talos confirmed it, and that the mana would be needed because of the change of size. So it is only a matter of time and ... worship. There is no one I can talk to about shape-shifting into a dragon, and I get the strong impression Serana would prefer not to remember her Vampire Lord days - for which I can hardly blame her! - so that leaves Sorcalin."

"Then we find them tomorrow." Marcurio smiled. "Let me get you some wine, love?"

Yssha started to shake her head, then nodded. A single glass once in a while wouldn't get her drunk, and despite their discussion, the dream might make it difficult to get to sleep.

Yssha woke feeling much more optimistic, and wishing Marcurio didn't like to sleep in. He did, though, so she slipped out of bed and went through her morning routine, then out to join Rayya for tisane before the others woke. While they were chatting about nothing much, she got an idea, and smiled.

"What is it, my Thane?" Rayya asked.

"I have finally decided what to do with the pelts Nerissa took from me while I was a captive. Do you know where they are? And will you ever start using my name?"

"High-value storeroom, and probably not." Rayya grinned. "I am very well trained, my Thane. The only way I could do something so disrespectful is if I were ordered to do so."

Yssha stared at her for a full minute, wishing she was able to laugh. "So simple, and I never phrased it properly. Rayya, using my name is not disrespectful. Please do so."

"I will take that request as an order. But I reserve the right to be formal in public, if it is all right with you."

Yssha matched Rayya's grin. "Be my guest. But my true name in private, please."

"As you will, my Thane. Yssha."

"Good. Then I would like you to get one of the pelts, while I write a letter of authenticity to the curator of the new museum being built in Winterhold. Then I would like you to send both to ... hmm. Jarl Kraldar, in case a curator has not yet been appointed. The museum's foundation has been laid, but that is all I am certain of."

By the time that was accomplished, the rest were up and ready for breakfast. Once they were done, Nevan and Serana went back to their research for Yssha at Sightless Pit. That left only Marcurio and Yssha waiting when Odahviing landed. "Where to, thuri?" he asked.

"I do not yet know. One moment, while I find out." Andreius and his party were traveling on horseback, mostly, but they had two dragons flying air cover, so locating them was a simple matter of asking. "Odkiinbrii, fostaad hin?" she Called. [Odkiinbrii, where (are) you?]

The reply surprised her. "Windstad Manor, thuri." So Andreius and Sorcalin were taking her up on her offer to let them use her homes! That was gratifying.

"Saraan til; mu meyz." [Wait there; we come.]

"Geh, thuri."

Moments later, they were landing at what she thought of as her workshop, and she greeted the five men and mer, and two dovah, who were waiting. She and Marcurio chatted with Valdimar, Imiril, and Arenim, then excused themselves to talk with Andreius and Sorcalin on family business inside.

Once they were settled in the main hall, Andreius said, "What is it, youngster?"

"I had a very strange dream night before last. Can you tell me anything about something called CHIM?"

"CHIM?" Andreius was startled. "Where did you hear about that? The dream?"

"Yes." Yssha described the dream to him, then the conference at Monahven where Marcurio had read the Daedric letters she'd drawn in the snow. "So now I am trying to find out what is known about it. Nevan and Serana are researching at Sightless Pit, Urag is having anything he can find at the Arcaneum copied for me, and Grams is doing the same at the Arcane University and White Gold Tower."

Andreius chuckled. "And you thought I could give you more information, or at least more quickly." He shrugged. "I'm not sure how much help I can be. There's very little known about CHIM, and while Vivec did tell me a bit about it, I doubt it was actually as he described it to me. You might want to read his Thirty-Six Lessons, though I'll warn you, they're tough going."

"I will; I am sure I will be getting at least one copy. But can you give me anything at all?"

"A bit, I suppose." Andreius was amused. Little Yssha hadn't lost any of her impatience, that was for sure. Of course, it had taken him over a century to do that, so perhaps she would, eventually.

"To start, CHIM is a ... state of mind. It has something to do with seeing the universe as a wheel from outside. The hub is Mundus. The empty spaces within it are the planes of Oblivion, the emptiness beyond it is the Void, and the rim holds the realms of Aetherius. The eight spokes connecting the rim to the hub are supposed to represent the Eight Divines that played a major part in Creation."

"Let me see if I understand this," Yssha said slowly. "So Mundus, the world as we know it, is at the center. Aetherius is what separates it from the Void, where Sithis rules. And Oblivion separates us from Aetherius, save for the support of the Divines."

"That's not exactly how I understand it, but I'm not at all sure any two people have the same understanding. Being able to see reality like you're not part of it gives you the chance to alter it, but how is beyond me. All I know is that Vivec used it to suspend a huge meteor to keep it from destroying his namesake city and, acording to legend, Talos used it to remove the jungles of Cyrodiil."

"So having CHIM makes you a Divine?"

Andreius frowned. "Not exactly. While CHIM makes you as powerful as a Divine, and maybe more so, it does not make you one. In fact, only mortals seem to be able to achieve it, and I've gotten the impression that it's not an intellectual achievement." He paused. "Though Lorkhan may have been an exception to the mortals-only 'rule' - he's the one who convinced the Divines to aid in the creation of Mundus. And if CHIM is confusing, Lorkhan is more so."

"I think I will pass on him for the present, then," Yssha said. "Especially since the stories I have heard say you destroyed his heart."

"Hmm. That's not necessarily so," Andreius said. "I used the Tools of Kagrenac on it, and it shrank to a point and vanished, but I can't claim I destroyed it. For all I know, it's still 'active' somewhere."

"This is all very confusing, you know," Yssha said, before she turned to her other uncle. "I hope you can be somewhat less vague."

"I'll try. What do you want to know?"

"What it is like to shift shapes?"

"It hurts like Oblivion the first few times and it will always continue to hurt, but you do get 'used' to it," Sorcalin replied promptly. "Even with the Ring of Hircine, which makes it a lot less painful. But face it, shifting rearranges bones and flesh, which is no fun, believe me. But why? You aren't a werewolf or Vampire Lord."

"True, I am not, and do not wish to be either. But I have reason to believe I will become the first Aedra shapeshifter, a were-dovah, when I gain enough mana. So I wish information."

Sorcalin flinched. "That massive a change? I can't even imagine. But from everything I know about dovah, you won't suffer from a werewolf or Vampire Lord's blood-lust, which was the worst part for me."

Yssha shook her head. "No, bloodlust will not be a problem.. A desire for combat might be, but we are not subject to bloodlust as such. Our greatest weakness is a lust for power, instead, though I pray daily that I not fall prey to it as Alduin did."

Both of her uncles laughed at that. "You, a lust for power?" Andreius asked when he quit laughing. "You don't lust for it, you avoid it as much as you can!"

"With a remarkable lack of success, I might add," Sorcalin put in, then chuckled. "Not that I can see how you could've refused any of it, except maybe one. Refusing any of your Thaneships would've insulted the Jarls who bestowed them. Dovahkiin you were born with. Your own Jarldom I suppose you could have refused, but as we heard it, that one was actually your idea." He and Andreius both grinned, and Andreius took over.

"Legate you earned in war, when promotions come fast. Mastery of the Thieves Guild you earned, but your Second does all the work."

"I would gladly give him the Mastership," Yssha said. "But he does not want it, and High King Balgruuf wishes me to remain Master as long as he reigns, so I will, out of friendship. I did hand over being Harbinger of the Companions and Arch-Mage of the College as soon as replacements could be found."

"Good points," Andreius conceded. "Stormcrown came when the Greybeards acknowledged you, Dovahthur and Dovahjud when the dovah named you with those, and ... huh, I think the rest of your titles are all honorary."

"May we get back to the subjects?" Yssha said, smiling. "So my studies of CHIM will probably be pointless?"

"Except for personal satisfaction, probably so," Andreius said. "If it were achievable by study, a whole lot more would have achieved it than actually have. As I think I said, it's a state of mind, a way of looking at the universe. Even the picture of Aurbis may not help much, since that's an attempt at intellectual description of something that maybe can only be experienced."

Sorcalin glanced at his partner. "Maybe something like one of those 'Oh, that's it!' moments, you get when something that's been simmering under the surface of your mind suddenly becomes clear when you're doing something totally unrelated?"

"Like when you'd spent months working on that long-term paralysis spell, got the inspiration in the middle of a battle, and cast it on me instead of the necromancer I was fighting?" Andreius gave Sorcalin a withering look.

"Um, yes." Sorcalin had the grace to look abashed. "I was excited, and my aim was off. Will you ever let me live that down?"

"Maybe in a century or so," Andreius said with a chuckle.

Yssha sighed inwardly. So they'd given her all the help they could, and it wasn't much at all. Well, maybe one more thing. "Uncle Sorcalin, how does an ordinary were change? I know you have Hircine's Ring, but that is obviously not necessary."

"I only know about werewolves, not the other types, but our first changes are usually triggered by a full moon. For a more complete explanation, get hold of Imperial Scholar Lorgren Calidus' 'Interview with Faal Mungrohiik' - he was pretty thorough. But the quick and dirty answer is that once you make peace with your wolf, if you live long enough to manage that, all it takes is willing the change."

He paused, then grinned at her. "Considering you were born with your inner dragon, I very much doubt you'll have any problem getting acquainted or making peace, the way I did. So you can probably go right to the 'willing it' part. Want to give it a try?"

"Inside? This room is large, but hardly large enough for a dovah! Besides, I do not know if I have enough mana to support a change. Unlike magica, I cannot sense mana."

"Only one way to find out," Marcurio said. "Let's go back outside and give it a try."

"All right - I suppose I should know." Yssha went back outside, followed by the rest, to find the other three vodov nearby, and looking curious. She sighed. "I am going to try something. I have no way of knowing if it will work, or precisely what will happen if it does, so give me plenty of room." She turned to the three dovahhe, resting nearby. "The same for you, dii vahriinne, zu'u bolog." [my sworn, please.]

They nodded as one, and Odahviing replied for them. "Geh, thuri."

Yssha moved perhaps a hundred feet away, then hesitated. If it worked, this would be the greatest change in her life - and she wasn't sure she could cope with it, or that she had what it took to make the change. She was small for a Khajit, suthay, not even suthay-raht ...

She felt a warm presence beside her. Bormah?

Geh, moni. You are ready, though it is somewhat earlier than your zeymah or I had expected. But that may be well, after all, since you will need to make your new abilities reflexive instead of seeking out others' memories, which will take time.

You are preparing me for something as bad as Alduin? Or worse?

At least equal, perhaps worse.

Very well, Bormah. As always, I do Your will.

There was no reply, so she willed the change.

And screamed, as she doubled over. A tiny bit of her noted wryly that Uncle Sor had, if anything, understated the pain. Bones altered, arms reforming into wings. Face went from feline to dovah muzzle. Legs remained legs, but changed shape, and feet became totally different. Even her skin felt odd.

When the pain ebbed, she moved toward the rest, awkwardly. Her legs didn't work right, and she had to use her arms - no, wing joints - to keep herself from falling.

Odahviing approached. "Thuri ... hi brit! Vintaas yuvon ... zok brit."

She was beautiful? Shining gold ... she didn't feel beautiful. The only thing she felt at the moment was clumsy. "You are too kind, vahriini. I can barely move without breathing dirt. I envied the dragon form, but now ... it is so hard to move."

"It is always clumsy, on the ground. You saw my problems on Hofkasejun's Great Porch, but you will improve with practice." Odahviing nuzzled her shoulder. "You need to be a-wing, thuri, to feel the glory of this form. Spread your wings, and ask one of your soul-sibs to show you how to use them."

"Geh." Yssha reached for her soul-sibs, and it was Mirmulnir who answered first.

It is good you have taken your true form, thuri. It will be even better to show you how to use it. Sit on your haunches and extend your wings.

Yssha tried, but a dragon body didn't balance the same way her Khajiit one did, and she found it impossible to remain upright long enough to stretch out her new wings.

Odahviing studied her thoughtfully. "What is wrong? You have experienced enough dragon memories that this should come easily to you, but it clearly is not doing so."

"I think I can guess," Sorcalin said. "Even a werewolf goes through a familiarization period after the change from human to werewolf, and the basic form is similar. There's a far greater difference between Khajiit and dovah - I'm betting she's going to have to retrain muscle memory for this form, like a baby learning to walk."

"Bormah did tell me I would have to make my new abilities reflexive," Yssha said. "So your analogy is probably accurate." She made sure to make eye contact with everyone before she spoke again. "Please, all of you, say nothing of this until I authorize it. I have appearances I must maintain, with both dov and vodov. I think it unwise to let my were status be known until I am equally competent in either form."

"A very good point," Andreius said. "Sor and I won't say anything."

"Nor will we," Imiril promised soberly. "I certainly know the need to maintain appearances." He grinned. "Nobody'd believe us anyway."

"I do think you should tell, and maybe show, a few people, though," Marcurio said. "Nevan, Serana, Grams, and Paarthurnax, at least."

"You have a point," Yssha conceded. "Them at first, then perhaps a few others as I gain greater control of this form. I am glad to have it, do not misunderstand - I simply wish to be competent with it before the knowledge spreads widely."

"Understood, love." Marcurio grinned. "Personally, I prefer your Khajiit form - but I have to echo Odahviing's opinion. Even as a dragon, you're beautiful. Unfortunately, mirrors don't come large enough for you to see that for yourself."

"With two I trust telling me so, I willl believe it. Perhaps some day I will be able to see what I look like in this form, but for now, my primary concern must be learning to use it." She sighed. "But I will have to do that in a place where I cannot be seen practicing." She turned to Odahviing. "It seems I will be dependent on you for transportation for some time yet, brod-zeymah."

He gape-grinned. "I do not find that an unpleasant prospect, thuri. If you wish to return home, though, you will need to change back."

Yssha winced, then willed the shift, collapsing when it was complete. She stared at Sorcalin as Marcurio helped her up. "You did say this gets easier with practice, did you not?"

"I did, and in the experience of every werewolf I've talked to, it does ... but you might want to have some healing or stamina potions around, for the dovah-to-Khajiit shift."

"I have a stamina potion, if you'd like it," Imiril offered.

Yssha nodded, accepting the potion he offered, and swallowed it. Then she sighed. "Thank you - that was a great help. I will make it a point to keep some on hand for this part of my changes. Now, I believe I would like to go home and get some rest. We can go to Monahven and tell the others as soon as I am able to avoid falling on my nose every time I move."