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"So what you're saying is that you, a nineteen year old girl, are now the sole owner of a six bedroom house in one of the most sought after postcodes in the UK?"

I looked at Steve. The room didn't stop spinning. I was hungover. No, hungover was an understatement. This may be in poor taste but I was pretty sure that I was dying. Following on from the strange conversation that I had endured with the elusive Captain Price, I had gone home alone, stopping only to buy a very large bottle of vodka. That I had drank. Alone. In two hours. Steve and Charlotte had returned from the recruitment day to find me, blind drunk and dancing around our living room to 'Eye of the Tiger' wearing just my knickers. And they had brought guests. Very embarrassing.

I lay my head against the kitchen table. "Yes."

In my drunken state I had been unable to tell them the full details of the day, including how I was now the sole owner of my parents house. I had been dragged from my bed of pain and forced into the kitchen to recount all of my news to them. And Hugo. Some poor soul that Charlotte had met at the recruitment day and presumably tortured during some strange sex game. He was sat next to her now in just his white Calvin Klein boxers and a pair of handcuffs. I didn't want to know. I was too hungover for all of this. Upon my first meeting with Hugo, Charlotte had shrugged and told me how sex was completely off the cards once she was shipped out to start her new military life.

"So I've set myself a monthly challenge of having sex at least once a day until I go." She looked at Hugo, who was completely under her spell. "He signed me up yesterday." She grinned at me wickedly. "So I thanked him in the best way I could."

Yep. Definitely too hungover for this.

"Oh!" I turned to Steve as Hugo and Charlotte began, what I can only assume, to consume one another whole. "Shay is preggo."

He slammed his hand on the table, his eyes wide with glee. "NO SHE ISN'T."

I nodded at him.

"Does Cavalli even do maternity wear?" he asked. "She's going to get so fat." he squeezed me hand. "She just looks like one of those women who doesn't carry very well doesn't she?"

This was Steve's weird party trick. He had the ability to predict, almost to the pound, exactly how a woman was going to look when she was at full term which he had discovered after he had done a short stint in a maternity ward.

"You're going to carry really well." he said as if to reassure me. "You'll be all baby and nothing else."

"Er, thanks, I guess..." I said. He nodded like the all knowing Oracle that he was.

We were interrupted by the sound of chairs being scraped back against the tile floor. Charlotte and Hugo disappeared upstairs in a flurry of giggles. It was kind of sweet. If you were completely twisted. Charlotte, God bless her soul, was the most experimental girl I knew. After a month of living together she had burst into my room dressed in a latex catsuit with zips covering her nipples and lady parts.

"Is this too much?" she asked. I noticed the whip in her hand.

"I thought you had a first date tonight." I had asked.

She looked at me as if I was completely crazy. "I do..."

I had suddenly been very grateful that my room wasn't next to hers.

I rested my head back down on the table whilst Steve busied about the kitchen like the really great house husband that he was.

"You haven't told me about the cute American."

I lifted my head and stared at him. "How do you know about him?"

Steve smirked. "He came to The Box looking for you last night." He leant across the worktops. "In his uniform." He fanned his hand across his face. "It was all very Richard Gere in 'An Officer and a Gentleman.'"

I smiled to myself. Dunn was cute but nothing more than a silly little kiss.

"I told him that the last time I had seen you was when you had been topless in the living room showing me how to booty pop."

"You didn't?!" I cringed.

"Oh, I did..." He laughed. "I offered to keep him company for the night but he politely declined and just gave me this." He pushed a piece of paper towards me. It took all my strength to stand up without vomiting. Vodka was not my friend. I opened the note. There was a phone number and a message.

"Hey blondie. Nice firing! If you ever find yourself at my base in Georgia, make sure you come and find me. I can be very, vERY accommodating to beautiful British girls who can shoot like you. Stay safe and make sure that asshole ex of yours doesn't do anything stupid or me and my Ranger buddies will have to pay him a visit and that would cost a lot of money that I don't really have the authority to spend. I'll be seeing ya. Corporal Jake Dunn."

I grinned to myself.

"Cute and funny..." Steve murmured. "But completely straight." He pouted. "Sadly."

A figure appeared at the door. Hugo. Now completely stark naked. He was covering his junk with his hands.

"This is really awkward but do either of you have condoms?" he asked. "Charlotte sent me."

"Why didn't Charlotte come and ask us herself?" Steve asked.

"She's a bit... erm.. tied up." He blushed. Adorable.

"Wait here..." Steve said. "I'll just go and get her some." He walked past Hugo, who shuffled sheepishly into the kitchen. Behind his back, Steve was pointing at his arse and giving me a thumbs up. He approved apparently. I grinned.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" I asked Hugo. He shook his head. "Or a mint?"

He shook his head again. I wanted a mint. My breath still had that horrible morning after taste even though I had brushed my teeth twice. I had bought some yesterday. The grey blazer I had worn was slung across the back of one of the chairs. I must have put them in there. I tried all the pockets. I pulled out a card.

A FRESHER SOD

I frowned at the riddle and threw the card onto the table. I know I had put the mints in my pocket.

"Where did you get that?" Hugo asked. He was staring at the card with wide eyes.

"Oh, some guy gave it to me." I shrugged, and shook the jacket. The mints rattled against the tin. "Well that's annoying." They must have fallen through a hole into the lining.

"What guy?" Hugo took one hand off his manhood and picked the card up off the table. I tried desperately not to look at the other hand. I failed. Nice job, Char.

"Ummm, I don't know..." I tried to remember the characteristics of Price's face. "Cockney, beardy, moustache, a bit ginger?" I tipped the jacket upside down. "Very vague and cryptic about everything."

"Did he tell you his name?"

The mints fell out of the jacket, spilling all over the floor. "Why does it matter?" I asked, exasperated at the stunted words passing between us.

"Because the only people that get this card are men who are chosen to go through selection for the SAS."

I looked at him, puzzled. Dunn had mentioned the SAS. Was I missing something. Was the SAS something important? "Well, I'm pretty sure that Price didn't give it to me for that."

"PRICE?" Hugo shouted. "As in Captain Price?"

I was growing tired of this bizarre conversation. Hugo was giving me his best serious face, but hey, I could see his dick through his hands so the seriousness was sort of lost on me.

"I guess so, yeah."

He dropped his other hand and grabbed the card with both hands, staring at it as if it was the cure to cancer.

"So... clearly I missed something?" Steve asked, waltzing back into the kitchen a box of condoms in his hand. "Hugo, do you realise I'm gay?"

"I guessed as much when you tried to take me to that gay club at the end of the night."

"Well..." Steve shrugged. "At least you know." He was staring. I was staring. It was sort of hard not to.

Hugo was staring at me, all wild eyes. There was a vein throbbing in his head.

"Do you know who the SAS are?" he asked me. "Do you know what this card means?"

I sighed. "It means that he thought I was an escort and just wanted a blowjob or something." I sat down. "No big deal."

Hugo sat opposite me. I made a mental note to bleach the ass print off the oak chair later on.

"I can't believe you met Captain Price." he sighed. "The man is a living legend."

I shrugged. "He seemed kind of rude to me."

"The man is the Captain of the SAS." Hugo said as if I was a child. "He can be as rude as he likes." He set the card down on the table. "What did he say to you?"

"He said he might have a job for me..." I picked up the card. "But like I said, I think he thought I was a prostitute." I looked at Steve. "I have to start wearing a bra more."

"It's a sad day for us all." he said.

"Did you tell him you weren't?" Hugo asked.

"Of course I did! What kind of a girl do you take me for Hugo?"

"And what did he say?"

I thought back to my conversation with Price. "He told me to go and see him today."

Hugo jumped up. Still completely stark naked. Steve was in heaven. "And you're going to go, right?!"

I pulled a face at him. "I don't know, dad." I sighed. "I'm really hungover and it's like, a three hour drive."

Hugo stared at me dumfounded. I suddenly had the feeling that Captain Price wasn't the kind of man you failed to turn up for.

"I don't have a car." I told him. "I always used to borrow Tristan's but since I shot him yesterday at the recruitment day -"

"-That was you?!" Hugo shouted. He seemed to forget that I was horrendously hungover and loud noises weren't my friend. "We heard about you! Four perfect head shots and you didn't even aim properly!"

"Well that's your opinion but -"

"- My friend was running the shooting range. He said you fired from the hip, but all your shots hit square in the forehead, right between the eyes."

I shrugged. "Okay."

I noticed that Steve was suspiciously quiet about the Tristan incident. I was sure I hadn't told him what had happened. I eyed him. He was staring at Hugo's dick again.

"You have to go and see him!" Hugo was frantic. "You don't get this card, from that man, THAT LEGEND, and not show up."

"But like I said I don't have a car -"

Steve stood up and pressed the box of condoms into Hugo's hand. "There is a gorgeous young girl waiting upstairs for you." He smiled. "I suggest you go to her before she gets bored."

Hugo stared at the box in his hand and then back to me. Finally he signed and turned towards the door. Steve was right, he had a great arse. "You need to go."

"Okay, bye Hugo!" Steve shut the kitchen door in his face.

I eyed him suspiciously. This was Steve. He wouldn't get rid of a naked man unless it was something serious. He turned to look at me.

"I have to tell you something." He gestured towards a chair. "And you're going to want to sit down."

I felt sick. Mostly down to my atrocious hangover which had been made worse by Hugo and his incessant hollering about Captain Price. He had seem incensed by the idea that I wasn't going to turn up to the proposed meeting in Hereford. I didn't even know what I was looking for. Something told me that the SAS was a big deal. I'm not sure they would have directions directly to their front door. I sat down and put my head in my hands.

"I think I know how we can get you a car." Steve said.

Was that it? He looked nervous because he somehow had access to a car in the next hour?

"Steve, I love you..." I said, staring up at him. "But I'm so hungover. So whatever you want to say, just say it." I smiled. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

"Lo." He sighed. "It's about Tristan."

"What about Tristan?" I eyed him. "What's he done now?"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pushed it across the table at me.

"It's not so much what he's done." I looked down at the phone as he spoke. "It's who."

"Holy shit."