'Matt, lunch is ready.' Christian says as I finish a tune. I stand and close the lid carefully before turning to see him.
'OK, let's go.' I say. As we wander onto the terrace Mia and Hannah come towards me.
'Matt, we bought you a present this morning but we needed Elliot's help.' Hannah says and then Mia produces a guitar from behind her.
'Oh thank you.' I say and kiss them both on the cheek.
'You did say yesterday that you wanted one but I didn't know if you were serious or not.' Hannah says.
'I know, but I didn't expect you to buy me one. I'm pleased though.' I say as I start to strum.
'This is where Matt picks up a guitar and starts to play as if he's be doing it for years and puts my abilities to shame even though I had lessons for eight years.' Elliot says with a grin.
'I'll wait until you've gone home and then you don't need to know.' I say as I smile at him.
'Good idea. I'll be embarrassed.' He says.
'Elliot, you're never embarrassed.' I say.
'I've never had cause to be up to now.' Elliot says as we sit at the table. I pile the salad on my plate as Christian raises his eyebrows at me. I shake my head and he frowns. Hannah must have seen the exchange as she places her hand on my thigh and squeezes gently.
'Matt, are you going to have this steak?' Elliot asks. Christian narrows his eyes at me once more. I gulp.
'I'll have half of it, you can have the other half Elliot.' I say quietly. Christian nods at me as if to let me know he's happy that I'm at least trying it.
'Potatoes Matt.' Hannah says as she passes me the bowl.
'I'm fine thanks.' I say but take the dish from her and pass it to Elliot who I know will eat my share. As we eat lunch Hannah tells Mia about our friends that are coming on Saturday. I listen to Christian and Elliot as they talk about weddings, baseball and the flight home.
'I wish I could stay longer.' Elliot says.
'You know you're welcome to.' I find myself saying.
'No, you're coming back with me.' Christian says.
'I've never been so popular. My two little brothers fighting over me but which one will win.' Elliot says with a huge grin on his face.
'Me.' Christian says at the same time I say 'Christian'
'Looks like I'm going home then Matt.' Elliot says. 'You should have put up more of a fight.' I shake my head and put it down, I don't want to fight with Christian whilst we're getting on so well at the moment.
'How's your steak?' Christian asks in a bid to change the subject.
'OK, I prefer chicken.' I mutter.
'When was the last time you actually had a steak?' Elliot asks.
'I don't remember ever having one. I just decided I didn't like them.' I say.
'And potatoes?' Elliot asks.
''I still don't like them unless they're cold in a potato salad.' I say.
'You are a funny one.' Elliot says affectionately. 'Always have been.'
'Thanks Elliot.' I say.
'Hey, I meant it in a good way.' He says. Christian's phone must vibrate in his pocket as he takes it out to have a look. Mia watches me to see how I'm going to react. I look away pretending I haven't noticed.
'Matt, aren't you going to say anything?' Mia asks. I shrug my shoulders. 'Just because it's Christian you can't let him get away with it.'
'Get away with what?' Christian asks.
'Matt needs to tell you something.' Mia says and smiles encouragingly at me. I narrow my eyes at her and shake my head.
'Mia It's OK. I don't want to cause bad feeling.' I say quietly to her.
'No Matt, you have to say something.' She hisses back at me.
'Mia, just leave it.' I hiss back at her.
'What are you two arguing about now?' Christian says.
'The night we arrived Matt told me off for checking my mobile phone at the table. In his words 'It's my house so my rules no phones at the dinner table.' So perhaps you'd better refrain Christian.' Mia says with a pout. Elliot bursts out laughing. I'm totally embarrassed and don't know where to look.
'Sorry.' Christian says before standing and saying. 'Excuse me, this is important I need to make a call.' He then disappears down the garden.
'Thanks Mia.' I mutter.
'He needed telling. You can't have one rule for him and another for everyone else.' Mia states.
'She's right.' Elliot says seriously. Hannah takes my hand and kisses the knuckles. I smile at her shyly.
'I just feel so awkward. He's helped me out so much lately.' I say.
'We're here to help you as well Matt. Don't be intimidated by Christian.' Mia says.
'I'll try. Let's clean the table if we're all finished.' I say to change the subject.
'You sit with Elliot, me and Hannah will do it.' Mia says.
'Sounds good to me.' Elliot says as he slouches back on his chair and grins at me. 'Matt, relax. Don't worry about Christian. Mia will sort him out for you.'
'Are you scared of him?' I ask.
'No and you shouldn't be either.'
'I can't help it. I don't like it when he shouts at me.' I mutter.
'Matt, you've never liked anyone shouting at you or even speaking to you in a loud voice. You would always do anything to avoid it. I'm surprised at the mischief you got up to at school, did the teachers never shout at you.' Elliot says.
'No, I think they used to be so angry at times that they'd gone past the shouting stage. You could mentally see them counting to ten very slowly and then I would just sit quietly and smile sweetly at them. I knew mom or dad would be called though.' I say.
'Did dad shout?' Elliot asks.
'Sometimes. It was worse when he just spoke quietly to me. I always got a lecture in how disappointed he was with my behaviour and then he would stop my allowance. It got to the stage where if I actually got any allowance then it was a bit of a shock, until recently it was still fifty dollars a week and even then I never got it most weeks. Luckily Christian pays me for the work I've been doing for him.' I say.
'So if we've been on vacation and I've gone shopping with Mia and Christian did you always stay behind in whichever house we were in because you had no money to spend?' Elliot asks.
'Yes. It was easier to say that I had a book to read or homework to do or that I didn't like shopping.' I mutter.
'Jeez Matt. Why didn't you just come with us? We would have bought you stuff if you wanted it.' Elliot says.
'Elliot, I didn't have any money for a reason. I didn't want to make dad any more angry by coming out with you and you buying me stuff because that would have defeated the object of his punishments.' I say.
'I think dad was more worried that you didn't join in with us.' Elliot says. 'Why do you torture yourself more than you have to?'
'Because I was scared.' I say and look away so he can't see my face and the tears in my eyes.
'Scared, what did you have to be scared of?' Elliot asks. I shrug my shoulders and stand. Turning away I walk down to the pool and sit on the side with my feet in the water.
'Tell me.' Elliot says gently as he sits down beside me. I sit quietly in my own thoughts before Elliot speaks again. 'Matt, please talk to me. I'm worried about you.'
'I'll be OK in a minute.' I mutter. 'Tell me what I was like when I was small.'
'You were very funny, always up to no good. Very charming, you only had to smile at mom and she would spoil you.' Elliot says and smiles at me affectionately. 'So what have you been scared of?'
'That I'm not good enough to be part of the family.' I say very quietly. Elliot sucks in his breath in shock.
'No Matt, we all love you so much.' Elliot says.
'I know you do now but throughout my early teens it was difficult. I was fourteen almost fifteen when Christian gave me a lecture about behaving myself at school and I quietened down but up until then I was really mischievous. I got it in my head that I was no good, always in trouble for something. I thought dad didn't like me. He told me enough times how disappointed he was with me that I just thought it was me and not my behaviour he was disappointed with. It was also hard to understand why everyone was so over-protective, it's only now that I understand why. So when we went on holiday it was easier to read books whilst plugged into my ipod than go shopping with the three of you. I never had any money to just go out and do stuff. I thought if I stayed out of everyone's way then you could all do your own stuff and I could still be with you all. I liked the evenings though when everyone played board games and I would feel good again. Most of the time I was fine it was only now and again that I went through these times in my own world.' I say.
'Matt, why didn't you come and talk to me sooner?'
'You were busy trying to find a girl you liked longer than a week.' I say with a smirk. 'Christian was off building his empire and making millions and Mia was usually at the mall hanging out and certainly didn't want an annoying little brother hanging around her. The age gap between us isn't so bad now but you're twelve years older than me and Christian is ten so that's always seemed huge until recently. At least I can now have the occasional beer with you both and Christian finally accepts that I can go to work even if it is for him so that he can keep an eye on me.'
'Matt, I had no idea. You've kept so much to yourself. You always seemed happy when I saw you.' Elliot says.
'It was easy to be happy then because you would come home for a few hours for dinner. Think about what your life was like through your teenage years.' I say. He sits quietly for a while.
'Fuck Matt, don't do this to me.' He mutters.
'Why, I was born and I tormented you for them.' I say.
'Yes but then when I was seventeen…..oh shit this doesn't get any easier.' He says quietly.
'When you were seventeen my mommy and daddy died.' I state.
'Yes.' He whispers.
'Tell me about your life with them.' I say.
'OK, some of this you know like I was adopted by mom and dad when I was about nine moths so I've never really known any different. When we lived in Detroit your mommy and daddy still lived in London but we would go and see them regularly and they would also come and visit us. When Christian was adopted it wasn't long after that we moved to the house in Bellevue and a few months later your mommy and daddy moved into the house next door. It was great, Christian and I felt like we had two sets of parents. Your daddy had the climbing frame put in for us, I think it was a joint Christmas present. If mom or dad's work clashed then your mommy and daddy would step in and look after us. We didn't really talk about your parents work but I knew that they had a lot of money, sometimes their photos would be in newspapers or magazines and your daddy always seemed to have tickets for concerts that the kids at school were desperate to get their hands on, they would have been sold out in a couple of hours and I thought there was no chance of going and then your daddy would produce tickets and they were always the best seats. At the baseball we always had one of the executive suites and then there were the best holidays ever, the jet, helicopter, the boat. Matt we were really fortunate to have everything we did. Mia arrived when I was about eight and then you four years after that. You were a right little monkey, I think your mommy used to despair over some of your antics.' He says.
'You had them in your life for sixteen years.' I say quietly. 'It hurts sometimes that everyone knew them better than I did. You all have these memories and I can hardly remember them.'
'I feel so guilty that I haven't been around more to help you.' Elliot says.
'You shouldn't. When I did see you I was probably a right brat showing off and telling you what bad things I'd been up to.' I say.
'I thought most of them were funny.' He says with a smile.
'I know, I think you were the only person that did. Everyone else was exasperated with me. I liked telling you though and making you laugh.' I say.
'Matt will you be OK? Especially as we're leaving tonight.' Elliot says.
'Of course I will. Sorry I was just having a moment, it happens now and again. Look Elliot most of my life has been great, mom and dad have taken good care of me and I've got the best brothers and sister ever. Sometimes I Just have doubts with myself and recently I've started talking about all of them instead of keeping them bottled up, I've already spoken to mom and Christian and a little bit to Mia because I thought she hated me. I also had a long chat with dad. I realise now how much you all love me.' I say.
'It's about time.' He says.
'I know.' I say. 'Where's our phone?'
'Here, why do you need to use it?' Elliot says as he takes it out of his pocket. I nod and take it from him and then toss it on a sun lounger before pushing him in the pool. He surfaces with a splash but I'm already stood up so that he can't pull me in.
'You little shit.' He shouts. 'You certainly haven't changed. I can't believe you just did that.'
'Matthew Grey what have you done?' Mia says.
'Nothing.' I say innocently.
'Then why is Elliot in the pool fully clothed.' Mia says. 'Here, mom's on the phone she wants a word.' Mia adds as she hands me the phone and gets a towel for Elliot.