Chapter 16

Lucy's POV

I stir feeling someone's gaze staring deeply at my form. Hesitantly opening my eyes I see Ian sitting up in bed next to me with his eyes gawking at me. Not wanting to get into last night's events right now I quickly shut my eyes right back, pretending to still be asleep.

"Lucy I know you're awake." Ian's voice taunts after a couple seconds.

Sighing, I open my eyes and push myself up in bed to a sitting position. Looking over at him I let him take the lead.

Sensing I wasn't going to say anything first he speaks up. "What happened last night?"

Glancing down at my hands I fiddle with the sheets between my fingers avoiding his gaze at all costs. "It was nothing I just wanted to check out the nursery and fell asleep."

Ian's arms reach out to scoop me up in his arms to cradle me in his lap. I still refuse to look up at him however.

"Honey I have known you for over a decade, I know exactly when you're lying. What's on your mind?"

Chewing on my bottom lip I force myself to catch his eye for a moment. Time for those perfected acting skills. "Nothing Ian. Really." I shrug my shoulders as an attempt to pass it off.

Ian scoffs at my obvious lying—he always had this ability to tell when I am in acting mode and when I am in true Lucy Mode. "Luce, come on."

"No Ian!" I spat out harshly. Shoving his arms away I climb out of his lap and off the bed all together. "Stop! Just stop okay. I don't want to talk about last night. There is nothing to talk about." I shout at him when he attempts to speak up yet again.

With my hormones running high and angry tears forming in my eyes I storm across the room to our bathroom slamming the door behind me. God I seem to be doing this a lot lately. Leaning back against the door I wipe my tears away in frustration. Why. Why can't I get past this? I was kidnapped months ago and I got past it. I thought I was past this! I just want to be happy and enjoy this pregnancy and the time with Ian. They took that away from me.

After calming myself down I complete my usual morning routine to prepare for the day. It is just after ten in the morning once I'm finished. I know Holly was wanting to come over sometime soon to see the color Ian and I are painting the nursery. Since he finished it yesterday I think I might just call her this morning to see if she wants to come over today. I could really use someone to talk to right now—someone other than Ian.

Exiting the master bath I scan my eyes over the vast bedroom before my eyes land on Ian. I see he has moved to sit at the end of the bed. His feet spread shoulder width apart and his elbows resting on his knees and running his hand roughing through his hair repeatedly.

Slowly I walk across the room until I am standing in front of him. Kneeling down between his spread legs I run my hands along his bare thighs. "I'm sorry," I murmur softly. My fingers becoming infatuated with the fabric of his light blue boxers.

"It's fine, Lucy. All I want is for you to be okay. I hate the thought of something bothering you and I am unable to fix it."

Shaking my head at him I grasp his hands in mine, removing them from where they had been tangled in his curly locks. "I'll be fine. I don't want to talk about it with you because I know it'll only upset you and I cannot stand the idea of you having the same images in your head of me that I currently hold."

"Lucy—."

"No," I but in. "Don't say anything. I'm sorry for snapping at you. Can we forget about earlier please?"

Ian nods his head, a smile growing on both our faces. His hands squeeze mine reassuringly just as I am leaning up to kiss him. Cheesy or not, Ian and I always kiss when we make up… and typically other things as well.

"I love you," we mutter simultaneously once our lips separate.

"I was thinking of inviting Holly over for lunch since she wants to see the nursery. How does that sound?"

"I think that sounds wonderful."

Tugging on his hands I stand up to my feet pulling him with me. "Let's get dressed then, and I'll text Holly to see if she wants to come over."

Holly had texted me back almost instantly this morning saying she would love to come over. She ended up arriving just after one o'clock in the afternoon which was just in time for us to eat lunch. Lunch was exceedingly fun and relaxed, it was full off laughs and giggles due to Ian and Holly's teasing banter.

Currently Holly and I are up in the nursery gushing over my pregnancy as well as the set up Ian and I are imagining for Brea's room.

"I love the color, I for one think it is perfect. You know I will be over here again the second you have the entire room furnished." Holly grins at me promising.

"You know you are always welcome here, Hol. It's an open invite!"

"I cannot wait for this little one to be here!"

Placing my hands lovingly down on my baby bump I caress my rounding stomach in happiness. "Ian and I are incredibly impatient waiting for our little girl to be born. We are still caught up on her kicking for the first time yesterday. It's surreal Holly."

Holly places her hand on my bicep with a knowing look. "Trust me, I felt the same way with all three of mine. That feeling never goes away no matter how many pregnancies you have. You'll never forget that special moment when you hold your baby for the first time. Now that is the true definition of surreal, sweetheart."

Instinctively I wipe away the couple tears that fall from my eyes. I laugh softly apologizing to Holly for my pregnancy hormones grasping the best of me yet again.

"Don't worry about it honey, we've all been there."

After several minutes of sharing pregnancy stories and what to expect during the remainder of my pregnancy I take a leap and ask Holly something that's been on my mind lately.

"Hey Hol, can I ask you something?" I ask whilst fidgeting nervously with my fingernails.

Holly tilts her head to the side squinting her eyes partially. "Of course you can, Luce. You know you can always ask me anything."

"Actually do you mind if we go back downstairs to the living room, maybe? Give us a place to sit down and be a bit more comfortable."

Agreeing without hesitation Holly and I make our way downstairs to the living room where Holly takes a seat on the couch. Just as I am about to take a seat myself, my mind drifts to the fact that Ian is in the kitchen cleaning up and straightening up. I excuse myself from Holly for a moment to talk with Ian briefly.

Leaning my hip against the counter I run my hand down Ian's back. "Hey babe?" I hesitate for a moment.

Ian dries his hands with the hand towel to the right of the sink before turning his body to face my own and twines his now dry hands around my waist. "Yes baby?"

I cast my gaze down at his chest unable to look him in the eye at the moment.

"I know I shouldn't ask this…" I trail off too worried to voice my entire question.

Catching on to my hesitation Ian replies with, "But?"

Gnawing on my bottom lip I fully respond knowing I need to just get it out. "But I was wondering if I could have some privacy with Holly for a little while. I need to talk to her about some things… some things I'm not ready to share with you yet."

Daringly my eyes flicker up to meet his for a moment. I just barely catch the flash of hurt in his eyes before the emotion quickly vanishes completely.

"Yeah." He nods his head avoiding eye contact with me for a moment. "I'll get the dogs and take them to the dog park or something for a few hours."

"I'm sorry," I whisper up to him. God I feel like a horrible wife right now. The tears were brimming in my eyes and I bite my wavering lip.

"Hey Luce, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I understand."

Ian presses a kiss to my forehead then withdraws from our embrace to gather the dogs and leave. Despite him saying it was okay I know he's hurt that there is something I am not comfortable sharing with him when through the entirety of our relationship since the first day we met I have been able to tell him everything. Taking a deep breath to calm my stirring emotions I return to the living room where Holly is still waiting patiently for me.

I take a seat next to Holly on our black leather couch. "I've always felt as if you were a second mother to me. You're always there for me and offer me the best advice no matter the situation which is why I've been wanting to talk with you."

"What's on your mind, Goose?"

I release a heavy breath; scared to finally let out what's been haunting my mind.

"I haven't talked about this with anyone yet and you're the only person I feel comfortable talking to about it. I'm too terrified to even bring it up with Ian for many reasons but I can't keep these thoughts in my head anymore."

"Since the kidnapping I had been seemingly okay and felt as if I would be able to move on from it. However that isn't the case. I had put all of my focus and attention into the pregnancy, not allowing my mind to wonder anywhere outside of the baby or Ian. Though lately I've been having these horrid and vivid nightmares about what happened."

I pause for a moment to take a deep breath in attempt to remain completely calm and at ease.

"Everything had been fine up until that awful interview which only brought up all those buried feelings. Not to mention actually seeing a full blown up picture of Ian carrying me out of the motel didn't help ease my mind at all. Since that day I've been waking up in a cold sweat scared out of my mind that I'll wake up with either Daniel or Zach sitting next to me."

"I don't know what to do but I cannot keep going like this. I cannot take anymore nightmares or else I think I'll go crazy."

"And you haven't told any of this to Ian yet?" Holly asks me after a moment.

Shaking my head I respond promptly. "No. I can't tell him Holly. These nightmares I've been having, they're far too vivid and the things that happens in them well I can't tell him. I know he struggled enough with the fact I was kidnapped in the first place. If I tell him about these nightmares he'll… well I can't even fathom his reaction if I told him." I confess sadly.

"Oh Honey." Holly coos toward me encasing me in her arms when the tears slip down my cheeks. I latch on to her desperate for the comfort I've been needing. She continues to caress my back in a rhythmic pattern holding me close to her.

"On top of everything else I am exhausted lately because these damn nightmares have me terrified to fall asleep since I have no idea if I'll have one or not. When you add the fact I'm not sleeping to the fatigue pregnancy brings I am about ready to drop at any given moment yet I have to act as if all if fine in order to prevent worrying Ian. Though I'm snapping at him left and right lately because I get cranky when I don't sleep."

Holly and I continue to talk for the next couple hours which consisted of me confessing everything I've had bottled up lately and Holly giving me her advice on it. I feel at ease now that I've discussed it and gotten some advice as to what to do. Holly said she thinks it would be beneficial for me to go see a therapist at least once to see what they'd say if I experience another nightmare. I'm desperately hoping that since I've talked about what's been on my mind I'll finally be able to have a peaceful night's rest. Though, there is a voice in the back of my head taunting me by saying otherwise.

Holly had left shortly after saying she needed to get back home to her kids. After taking about half an hour to myself where I proceeded to think over everything Holly said, I text Ian letting him know it was okay to head back home. Ian offered to pick up some dinner for us to eat for dinner ensuring neither of us had to cook.

I filled all three dog bowls with their food so Ian wouldn't have to do so when he gets home. Walking upstairs I head straight into our bathroom to wash off all my makeup and pull my hair up into a messy bun. Stripping off my clothes down into a pile on the floor I saunter across the decently large bathroom to the glass shower. I wait a moment for the water to warm up prior to stepping in. I instantly moan at the warmth running down my body promptly feeling relaxed. Grabbing my body wash off the shelf I fall into a completely tranquil state.

I smile to myself when my hands dance across my stomach where I feel little Brea kicking in happiness. Lately it seems as if she kicks every time I'm in the shower. I don't understand why Brea does it but I love it and cherish every time she kicks for me.

A faint knock on the bathroom door breaks me of my pleasant thoughts.

"Hey baby. What happened to taking showers with me present in order for me to feel our baby?" Ian teases as he walks into the room watching me through the glass panels of the large shower.

"You actually just missed it. Though maybe if we sing to her again tonight we can get her to respond with kicking again." I offer whilst rinsing my body of the suds. Shutting off the water I push open the glass door where I'm met with Ian holding my towel in his hand. Wrapping the fluffy towel around my wet body I thank Ian then step forward to kiss him.

"Are things better now?" Ian wonders pulling my body closer to his.

"Yeah," I nod my head briefly. "Things are better now. I'm sorry for sending you out of the house though." I frown glancing away from him.

"Luce I meant it when I said it wasn't a big deal. The dogs and I had a great time at the dog park; they ran around, made some friends, and even tired themselves out for the night."

"You sure?"

Ian chuckles, nodding his head. "Yes. Let's go eat some dinner. I figured we could have dinner in bed tonight since we're both pretty tired."

Smiling up to him I run my hands down his chest. "I love that idea. I just need to step into the closet for a minute to change into one of your shirts then I'll be all set."

Now dressed in one of Ian's softest shirts and a pair of panties I crawl into bed snuggling underneath the covers with Ian to eat a nice peaceful dinner together. Ian had turned on the nightly reruns of my all-time favorite show 'Friends' that we typically watch most nights. Upon finishing our food we simply sit our plates on our nightstands as well as our glasses of water seeing as neither of us have the desire to make a trip downstairs to the kitchen.

Before long I'm drifting into a deep sleep unaware of how bad tonight's nightmare will be.

For those of you wondering, Lucy is just over 5 months pregnant. There is a time jump approaching that will bring us to her 8th/9th month. As always thank you so so much for the reviews! I love you guys to death! Things are about to get rough.

I have half of chapter 19 written but I hope to squeeze in some writing this weekend because you guys are rapidly burning through my chapters!

Tomorrow is a busy day for me so if I update tomorrow it will either be really early in the morning or midafternoon. I don't know yet. But anyway once I get to 400 reviews I will post the next chapter! :)