I start up the laptop and start sending the emails that need doing. I'm on fire, full of enthusiasm to get my life sorted. First I email a professor at Cambridge University to find out more details of the course and to request a visit when I've over in England. Next up is Harvard to see if there is still space available on any of the courses. I'm ready to move on to the next stage rather than wasting time doing another year at school for extra qualifications that I don't really need. Finally I look at art colleges for Hannah. I want her to come with me, wherever I decide to go but will understand if she wants to stay behind to complete the school year. I think my family will be shocked at my sudden decision making but I can't stand still any longer.

My fate is really in the hands of the universities. If I fall in love with Cambridge then that's where I'll apply to study music but will probably have to wait a year for the course. If I don't feel the attraction that my mommy and daddy did then I'll take a chance with Harvard, either this year if there's space or next.

So what do I do if I've got a year to wait for a place on a course? Do I go back to school so that I can spend time with Hannah there? Work for Christian? Or finally start getting to know what businesses I have?

The Mac pings at me indicating I have an email. It's the professor from Cambridge. He'd be delighted to show me round the music department and tells me when he's free that week. I choose the Wednesday so that it will give us a couple of days to get over the jetlag.

I pick up the phone once more and call dad. 'Hi dad, it's me again.' I say.

'What can I help you with this time?' dad says.

'I'm just trying to sort out the trip to England. I've arranged a visit around Cambridge already. How do I contact grandma to arrange to visit her?' I ask.

'I'll have to look up the details and I'll email them to you but they are at home and I won't be back for a while. You could ask Mrs Richards, she speaks to her regularly.' Dad says.

'OK, I'll do that. Also how do I go about booking flights? Do I just go on the internet and look? Should I book first class or would we manage in economy? I know Christian will insist on security so do I need to book tickets for them as well.' I say.

'Definitely first class. You'll need to speak to Christian first because he'll tell you who you're taking security wise. He'll probably get someone to book them for you.' Dad says.

'I wanted to try and do things on my own especially when it comes to paying for things.' I say.

'Just tell him that then.' Dad says.

'I'll try but you know what he's like.' I say. 'Dad, will you and mom be OK with whatever I decide to do?'

'You know we will, As long as you're happy.' Dad says. 'Are you going to enlighten me?'

'No, not until I know myself. A lot depends on the visit to Cambridge and whether I like it or not. I'll tell you then.' I say.

'OK son. It sounds like you're getting organised.' Dad says.

'Yes but I don't want to upset mom.' I say.

'Matt I'll deal with her. You just do what's best for you. We'll get through whatever it is.' Dad says.

'Thanks dad.' I say.

'No problem, is that all for now?' dad asks.

'Yes.' I say as the computer pings again. It's Christian and the subject is 'Flights.' 'How does he do that?' I ask.

'What are you on about?' dad asks.

'Christian has just emailed me asking me to send him the dates we want to fly to London so that he can arrange the flights.' I mutter.

'Call him then and tell him what you've just told me.' Dad says.

'It won't be as easy as talking to you.' I say.

'But you're getting there. Remember if you can deal with Christian then you can deal with anyone.' Dad says. I laugh at his words, they are so true.

'You're right dad, I'll call him now. Thanks for your help, I'll call you soon.' I say.

'Take care Matt.' Dad says as I click off. I instantly dial Christian's direct office line.

'Grey.' He answers.

'It's me again.' I say.

'Does your blackberry still work?' Christian asks.

'Yes, but I don't like using it.' I say.

'Would you rather I got you a different cell phone?' he asks.

'No.' I mutter.

'Did you get my email about your flights?' he asks.

'That's why I'm calling.' I say and then tell him about the conversation I've just had with dad.

'Matt please let me book them for you. It's a gift to say thank you for playing at the wedding.' Christian says gently which surprises me. He really wants to do this.

'OK.' I say quietly.

'Good, that was easier than expected. I thought you might put up more of a fight.' Christian says and I can tell he's smirking.

'It's not worth the fight. When I return next week I would like you to show me how to book flights though and who I have to do them for.' I say.

'Taylor normally sorts out everything for me and Andrews will probably do the same for you.' Christian says.

'Yes but I'd still like to know.' I mutter.

'OK, deal. I'll show you what to do.' Christian says.

'Have you spoken to Mia yet?' I ask.

'Yes and Elliot, mom and Ana.' He says.

'You have been busy.' I say cheekily.

'I've instructed Mia to make the most of your shopping trip and take advantage that you're paying.' Christian says as he laughs at me.

'Shit Christian. She'll clean me out. When I spoke to dad earlier I asked him for a proper allowance and he's given me a thousand dollars a month but he also said I had to be careful and learn the value of money. I don't even know how much I have in my account.' I say.

'You have about a hundred and fifty thousand.' He says calmly.

'Jeez Christian, have you been putting money in there again.' I say. 'I'm never going to learn if you just pay me at an over the top rate.'

'Matt you're my brother.' Christian states.

'So, it shouldn't make a difference. I should still be paid the same as everyone else.' I say.

'I also feel guilty.' He says.

'What for? You have no need to be.' I say.

'For you never having any money before. I didn't realise dad was so tough and you never had anything. Elliot told me on the flight back what you said to him. Matt, we would have given you some if you'd come out with us.' Christian says.

'I was being punished for a reason and besides you gave me enough. When I turned eighteen you gave me the car and also a credit card and bank account.' I say.

'I would have given you the latter earlier if I'd have known.' He says. 'I just thought dad would have given you some cash each week like he did with the rest of us.'

'It wasn't that bad. I never went without.' I say.

'You went without going out with your friends.' He says.

'It wasn't an issue.' I say.

'Matt I didn't want you to turn out like me with hardly any friends.' Christian says.

'I have enough. I'm wary of people.' I say. 'So did you send Ana some flowers?'

'Don't try and change the subject but yes I did.' He says.

'I'd had enough of talking about me and my problems. They're in the past and we can't change it. I've got to look to the future now.' I say.

'That sounds positive.' he says.

'I'm living in the moment.' I say.

'What's brought this on?' he asks. I gulp. Shit, think of something to say. 'Something has. What are you hiding?'

'Nothing.' I reply guiltily. 'I'm just happy here. I feel more positive.'

'I'll get it out of you when I see you next week. You can't hide behind the phone when you're sat opposite me in my office.' I gulp once more.

'I've just been arranging stuff like the visit to Cambridge and I also contacted Harvard. I have to be realistic and if I don't like Cambridge for any reason then I have to go somewhere.' I say.

'You don't have to, you could always work for me initially before you take on your own businesses.' Christian says.

'I'll consider it as an option.' I say.

'You will, I wasn't expecting that.' He says in surprise.

'I have to assess whether it's worth going to university for three years. What will I actually gain from it apart from being separated from the people I love? I'll visit Cambridge and then after your wedding I'll go to New York and then I'll make a decision. I'm even considering not going back to school but please don't tell mom and dad that yet, that's what I was trying to hide.' I say.

'I love you Matt, you just can't help telling someone what's in your head. You've always been like it and if it builds up it always comes out in a rush.' Christian says and I just know he's smiling at me. 'You know if you come and work for me I'll be happy.'

'Thanks. I'll let you know as soon as I know what I want. If I do work for you can I have a decent amount of holiday? I think I want more than the standard two weeks.' I say.

'How much were you thinking?' he asks.

'How about twelve weeks?' I say and hold my breath.

'Twelve. What are you going to do in twelve weeks off?' he says.

'Go travelling. I'll have six houses to visit.' I say. 'I can take a laptop and work whilst I'm away.'

'OK.' He says and that surprises me.

'Wow Christian I didn't expect you to agree to that.' I say.

'Matt if that's what it takes for you to work for me then I'd have agreed to anything.' He says.

'You want me to work for you that badly.' I say.

'I'd miss you if you went away.' He says.

'We've had this conversation before. I missed you when you were away. I was nine and heartbroken. It hurt every time you left.' I say. 'I might not even like the universities, just give me a chance to see them.'

'Matt, whatever decision you make I will respect it. I know if you do leave Seattle it won't be easy for you but I will help you if you want it.' Christian says.

'Thank you.' I say. 'I'd better let you get back to work. I need to check on Hannah.'

'Is she OK?' Christian asks.

'Yes, I left her upstairs on the balcony sketching. She's missing her mom. Mia has been great, it's a good job we brought her with us, she's been sorting us both out.' I say.

'Go and spoil them both this afternoon, you have plenty in your account.' He says. 'I'll catch up with you soon.' He adds and then clicks off so I'm left staring at the phone.