A/N: Hmm, ice cream. I LOVE ice cream. It gives me brain freeze and messes up my writing. That's a good thing, right? Anyway, I just wanted to announce that the first nine or so chapters of this fic are going to make up the Synopsis/Starter arc. Y'know, something like what they did with Bleach. I need to get a feel of the world and its characters first before I can begin any major story arcs, so, please bear with me. However, I'm not going to be giving you pointless fillers, everything that happens during this period is Ultimate-canon and necessary to the advancement of the story.

So, without further ado, I give you:

(Ultimate Naruto)

Chapter Five:

Finally, A Mercenary!

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Disclaimer: Kid Sharingan possesses no rights to the manga/anime Naruto. All that is written here is non-profitable, and done because the author has an addiction to the weird mix of ice-cream and vodka. So, don't sue…yet.

Opening theme: Wind by Toshio Masuda

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The bus ride to the outskirts of Konoha was definitely much longer than she imagined. A few times, she almost dozed off, but the constant bumps and her rock-steady determination to avoid falling asleep kept her minimally awake.

Kyuubi knew she looked like a mess. She knew that make-up wasn't going to be enough to hide the dark circles underneath her eyes. Her wavy hair was now stringy and dull, and even her creamy skin was beginning to lose its lustre. Yet, she never once wavered from her decision. It was for the best.

Her parents were certainly going to be alarmed when they find out she had gone ahead to become a mercenary but Kyuubi didn't care. She needed to learn how to control the strange power within her and she needed to be somewhere safe to be able to do so. Only the Oniwaban could satisfy both wants.

So, it was with a heavy heart that she packed her bag; the one her mom had specially sealed for her (it was virtually bottomless), wore her favorite pair of good-luck bunny slippers, left a letter of apology, and hopped to catch a bus. Hopefully, life as a mercenary wouldn't be much worse than the one she had left behind.

"Next stop, Hirameki drive", the conductor announced.

That was her call.

Picking up her backpack, she alighted gingerly from the bus before pausing to take a deep breath and get her bearing. Unfurling her acceptation letter, she followed its directions; heading to the genjutsu-covered warehouse set aside for the examination of candidates.

She knew she must have looked silly; standing before the gates in her red tank-top and blue shorts, sporting a pair of bunny-eared slippers. Not that she minded but she felt that, maybe, if she wanted to mean business, she should probably look the part. So, taking a band off her wrist, she tied her waist-long, red hair into a ponytail and muttered to herself,

"You're just making so much fuss out of nothing, Kyuubi. I doubt there'd even be many candidates around. You know how picky the Oniwabanshu can be."

She opened the gates and nearly dropped dead in shock. No way. Almost every nook and cranny was filled with some teen and their respective guardian or family.

There was a boy with triangular markings on his cheek, trying to teach a small dog to perform a somersault. He was surrounded by a feral woman and a tall girl; both also possessing similar markings, and accompanied by canines of their own.

There was a fatso who was sitting with his father (if the resemblance was anything to go by); munching on a pack of potato chips, and engaging a pineapple-haired duo and a blonde man in a conversation.

Kyuubi even spied a group of girls her age; prominent among them being a pretty blonde (similar to the man she saw before) and one with oddly-colored pink hair. The girl must have been crazy to dye her hair pink of all colours.

But, most noticeable amongst the crowd, although trying – and failing – to look discreet, were a group of tall men in black suits, standing protectively around a short, blue-haired girl. They all possessed similar white, pupil-less eyes and for a moment, Kyuubi thought them to be blind (But then, she remembered her own strange chroma and shrugged it off. Numerous people had mistakenly thought she was inflicted with conjunctivitis, after all).

Still, the redhead had never seen such a diverse gathering before, thus, she felt very odd walking through the courtyard, looking so plain next to the people swarming around her. It was to her utmost relief, therefore, that after a few, tentative steps, she came across someone she, at least, could identify with to a relative extent.

The boy from the hospital was standing with a pretty woman, who was most likely his mother, and he seemed to be trying to fend her off as she attempted to tousle his hair. Kyuubi giggled as she caught ear of some of his words; such as "mom..." and "not cool".

"Hi", she said, approaching them.

Sasuke; still looking disgruntled, turned to face her before his eyes widened slightly in recognition.

"Hn. You're the girl from the hospital."

"Hn. And you're grumpy from the seven dwarfs."

Sasuke glared at her reply while Kyuubi stuck out her tongue.

"What are you doing here, anyway?", he asked.

"Well, obviously the same thing you're doing. Trying to become a merc!", she replied in a chipper tone.

"Right", Sasuke drawled, staring pointedly at her bunny slippers, "I can very well see just how possible that is."

Kyuubi flipped him the bird.

Mikoto, who had been watching the whole exchange, decided to intervene.

"You haven't introduced me to your girlfriend yet, Sasuke-kun.", she said, causing her son to turn several shades of red at her words.

"That's because she is NOT my girlfriend."

Kyuubi giggled. She really could see herself coming to like this woman.

"I'm Hanataka Kyuubi, ma'am."

"Oh, shush. Don't make me feel old. You can call me Mikoto-san."

Kyuubi nodded.

"But are you alright, my dear? You seem a bit pale."

The redhead self-consciously tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears, "I-It's probably the e-excitement. I couldn't s-sleep."

"Oh dear, I hate this mercenary thing. It's been blown fairly out of proportion. Even Sasuke-kun couldn't sit still on the way here…and that bag you're carrying, it seems quite heavy. Why don't you help her with that, Sasuke-kun?"

"It's alright, Mikoto-san", Kyuubi said politely, "It isn't as heavy as it looks."

"Okay, if you say so. What about your parents? Are they around here somewhere?", and Mikoto turned, as if trying to spot any redheads in the crowd.

"T-they c-couldn't make it. They got called a-away on business."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. The little he'd seen of Kyuubi's parents, they didn't seem like the type to stray away from their daughter. Especially concerning something of this magnitude.

Before the matron could say anymore, a man with a scar across his nose walked out of the warehouse, carrying a megaphone.

"Can I have everyone's attention, please? I'm Umino Iruka; coordinator of today's procedure. The entrance exams are about to begin. Upon calling, walk singly through this door and when done, file out through the opposite hallway. All guardians should please proceed to the ante room to await the examinees. Thank you."

As the crowd began shuffling, Mikoto took the opportunity to tousle Sasuke's hair once again.

"Mom!"

"Hush, Sasuke-kun. See you in the ante-room."

"Naruto's not here yet, mom."

"I'm sure Naruto-kun's just taking his time..."

"You just don't get it, do you?", Sasuke said, frustrated, "Naruto's gone missing."

It had been two days since he'd last seen the blonde, and he had checked everywhere; school, the station, Naruto's apartment (that place gave him the creeps), and finally, his own backyard! (The blonde was renowned to hid out there sometimes). He even tried calling the phone that his friend didn't have.

The truth was that Naruto was nowhere to be found and it was highly uncharacteristic for the blonde to just up and disappear, especially this close to the fulfillment of his life ambition… Okay, scratch that. So, it was a bit characteristic for Naruto to do just that. Sasuke only hoped that wherever the dobe was, he had finally gotten the Bunshin thing down. That and he'd be able to make it to the exams on time.

"Aburame Shino."

The first boy; with bushy, brown hair, black glasses, and a high collar, walked in. The rest of the aspirants, now without their guardians, bunched themselves together, although, the white-eyed bodyguards refrained from leaving the side of their liege.

"So, what now?", Kyuubi asked, sitting on the grass, and letting the ears of her slippers droop dramatically, "Are we just going to wait?"

Sasuke had to admit that the girl looked pretty frail and ill, though he didn't bother to comment on it; he had met her in a hospital after all.

"I guess we do", he said, joining her on the grass, "I just hope dobe-boy gets here before his turn."

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Naruto dreamt of having orgies with multiple, female versions of himself in frilly aprons and large tubs of ramen. He was just about getting to the best part; the part where the ramen began break-dancing, when a football struck him in the head, jolting him out of his reverie.

"Hey, get out of the pitch, hobo! We're about to have a soccer game!"

Naruto blearily awoke, rubbing a hand across his face. Last he remembered, it was Sunday night and he was practicing the. . .

Wait! Wtf? Sunday night? That means...

He opened his eyes and was shocked to see the members of the school football team gawking at him, coach Satoshi approaching with a clipboard in his arms.

... This is Monday afternoon! I overslept! Shit, the mercenary exams were scheduled to hold today!

"Hey, isn't that the guy from the hallway", one of the soccer players began, "The one that beat up Riko and banged his girlfr..."

"Sorry, guys, heh-heh. Gotta run!", Naruto yelled, grabbing his stuff and speeding across the field. If he was even half lucky, he'd make it before the registration ended. No way was he going to fail out without even getting a proper chance.

It was only as he cleared the gates that he realized he was in deep shit. How the hell was he supposed to get to the outskirts of Konoha in ten minutes, no less, without a fucking penny on him?

His thoughts were answered by the driver of a familiar, black Mitsubishi, who pulled up next to him; red eyes spinning steadily.

"Get in, Naruto-kun."

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"Uchiha Sasuke."

The Kyuubi girl had gone ahead some while ago and Sasuke had been left alone with some blonde who seemed only robotically interested in chatting him up. He almost cried in relief when his name was called, though, not without chancing a glance over his shoulder. If Naruto didn't make it now, his career as a merc would virtually be over.

He performed the three required techniques easily before a panel consisting of Iruka and two other operatives. He was just about walking away when the scarred man stopped him.

"As a prerequisite, we'd like to know why you want to join the Oniwabanshu, Uchiha Sasuke."

The Uchiha gave the man a-what-the-fuck look which quickly morphed into a devious grin. Maybe, this was his chance to buy Naruto some time, after all. So he began,

"It all started when I was six, and my brother and I went to get some ice-cream cones..."

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Never again would I pull such a stunt, groaned Naruto, as he dizzily fell out the passenger seat of Itachi's car; some distance away from Hirameki drive. Anybody who said that Sasuke was the dare-devil of the family had definitely not come across one Uchiha Itachi. Only he could drive with such reckless – sharinginated - abandon. Naruto didn't even want to think of the hulking trailer that almost flattened them a while back.

"That's as far as I can go, Naruto-kun", Itachi said, revving his car once again, "I have to get back to work now. Good luck, and tell Sasuke-kun I said the same."

Naruto threw a hasty wave behind him before commencing into a run.

Please, don't be over, he pleaded.

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"...at that point, I remembered that I hadn't changed my niece's diaper yet, but my brother was being a jerk and the ice-cream van was pulling away. I had only 25 ryo in my pockets and..."

"That would be all, Uchiha Sasuke!", Iruka yelped, flustered, "Congratulations and welcome to the Oniwabanshu. You can proceed to the waiting area."

Sasuke eyed him skeptically, "Are you sure? I was just getting to the best part."

"Yes I am. Just sign here and here and we'll have your ID card sent to you."

"Well, if you insist."

Sasuke painstakingly signed his name on the dossier while all three instructors sweat-dropped.

"Mizuki-san, if you'd be so kind as to call the next person", Iruka groaned, dropping his head onto the desk. The aspirants this year were a pretty rowdy bunch.

"Not a problem, Iruka-san", said the silver-haired man as he skimmed through the list before calling 'Uzumaki Naruto' over the microphone.

Nobody came through the doors.

"Uzumaki Naruto", Mizuki repeated again. Still, there was no entrance.

Iruka sighed, "Who's the next on the list?"

"Well, the last person is a Yamanaka Ino."

"Let's get this over with then", said the third examiner, a man named Yamashiro Aoba.

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Yamanaka Ino; a ditsy girl with long, blonde hair, a loud mouth and perfect physique, had just finished signing her name onto the dossier, when the double doors behind her burst open and a yellow blur flew through it. Involuntarily, she let out a shriek.

The blur turned out to be a fellow blonde with bright, blue eyes, golden locks and three whisker-like marks on his cheek. There was a black band around his head and he struck a pose, yelling at the top of his voice,

"UZUMAKI NARUTO IS HERE!"

Suffice it to say, her first impression of him wasn't exactly a good one.

"Shut up, baka!", she yelled back, thwacking him over the head.

"Ouch! What the hell?", he cried, "Who the fuck are you?"

Ino turned red with rage. "FUCK?… Me?", she struggled, raising her fist to knock the living daylights out of the boy.

Naruto shrugged and looked her over. "Well, if you'd like to", he said honestly, causing Ino to sputter and turn red again; though, for entirely different reasons. She stormed out of the room, muttering something about 'perverts', 'cute blondes' and 'rude boys'.

Iruka, Mizuki and Aoba watched the whole scene with sweat drops on their heads before finally focusing on the grinning blonde.

"Well then, let's see what you got, Naruto", Iruka said, "How about we start with the henge?"

Naruto performed the first two techniques flawlessly and when Aoba asked him to perform the bunshin, he instead smirked and stated,

"Sorry boys, but I don't know that technique. However, I can do you one better."

And then, he illuminated the room with a massive expulsion of chakra, crossed his fingers perpendicularly and declared,

"Yosh! Don't fuck up now...TAIJYU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

There was a large burst of smoke and when it cleared, about a hundred Narutos were gathered around the room, linking arms and grinning expectantly at the examiners below.

"So, do we pass?"

Iruka fainted from blood loss.

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Sasuke had just advanced to the waiting room when he was immediately swept up into a crushing hug by Mikoto.

"I knew you could do it, Sasuke-kun. You're father and brother would be so proud."

"Hn", he said, pulling himself away from the embrace that he had secretly enjoyed, "Naruto still didn't make it."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

A few kids had been failed, Sasuke noticed, as the room was noticeably emptier than before in the yard. But he spied Kyuubi amongst the group of families, standing awkwardly on her bunny feet. As he watched, her legs gave way and she slumped, gaining speed like a sack of potatoes. He, however, caught her before she could hit the floor.

"Sasuke?", she said blearily, hazy red eyes rising to meet his.

"Hn. You're burning up. Obviously, you're very ill." He felt his mother approaching them; not able to keep up with his speed, after all.

"I'll be fine. I just got a bit tired after using all three of those jutsu. I..."

"...need to rest", the brooding male completed firmly.

"You're not the boss of me, Sasuke Uchiha", was the sly reply.

"Are you guys okay?", Mikoto asked in worry.

"No. Kyuubi here seems to be anaemic", Sasuke stated dryly as he helped the girl to her feet.

The fiery redhead glared at him whilst shakily adjusting the band on her ponytail, "Shut up, Sasuke."

"Ino-chan, over here!", called a tall, blonde man as he waved a fuming girl over.

Sasuke sighed, "That's the last person. The examiners should be joining us now."

And true enough, some minutes later, the three examiners walked in.

But behind them, with his arms behind his head; grinning the daylights away was...

"Dobe", Sasuke swore.

Uzumaki Naruto was finally a mercenary.

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Closing theme: Jerk It Out by Caesars Palace

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So, there you have it, Naruto and the gang are now operatives of the Oniwaban. For those that don't know, Oniwabanshu means Ones of the Garden. I chose the name since it has a ring with Konoha and it represents a real life group formed sometime around the Bakumatsu or Meiji period of Japan. However, please note that the Oniwabanshu used here has nothing to do with the real group of spies, and any further similarity will be purely coincidental. It's just a bad-ass name, dammit!

I don't feel any need to explain what Taijyu kage bunshin means. If you don't know, get out of fanfiction. Let me also use this arena to say that most – not all - of the jutsu I use here will be written in Japanese. It's much cooler that way! However, I will provide translations wherever need be.

Next chapter would be training and boot camp, and it will be released approximately three/four days from now. Please, be patient. That's super speed, men.

Finally: A special request from Kid Sharingan; try to leave a review. It'd help me as an author know what I'm doing wrong or note any suggestions you have to make. Not that I'll be changing for anybody anytime soon, but it does help one's work feel a bit appreciated. Don't do it and I'll sic my Nabelius on you:)

Anyway, I'm going back to my ice-cream (and vodka). So, till next time, Sayonara!