Find Me--I'm Lost

by Turtle Babe

Poppy's on a race to save Branch from Creek, but there is more going on than anyone knew. Creek finds himself in over his head when he realizes that he might have made a mistake. A big one.

17. Chapter 17

Find Me…I'm Lost

Okay. This is a unique take on Trolls. I wouldn't exactly call this an alternate universe, but it is a little different. Bear with me, but also tell me what you think…good or bad. This is a look into what could possibly be.

Hi!

Just to let everyone know, one of my favorite singers is Christina Perri. I pulled inspiration from her song "The Lonely" and rewrote a lot of her lyrics to be used in this chapter to create a song that is "The Lonely"-esque to carry the mood. Tanaka InuTasha must be a fan of Miss Perri too because she used the actual song without any adjustments in her ongoing story "Up the Creek Towards Happiness." Lovely story and let's hope Miss InuTasha updates soon, but I wanted to cite this so there is no finger pointing. Hope you enjoy and please let me know how you like the rewritten lyrics.

TTFN,

Turtle Babe

I own nothing. Nothing.

Chapter Seventeen

"Careful," Branch urged as Creek used crutches to walk beside him, "Don't push yourself too hard."

"My prince, Bhen told me to get some exercise with these things," Creek sighed, lifting his right leg a little more to take some pressure off his healing hip, "We are just going across the hall for you to be formally introduced to Master Thorn. Fix your crown, Mate, its crooked."

"It's annoying," Branch huffed, reaching to straighten the crystal headpiece, "I feel silly. Crowns and capes. Bah!"

"You don't look silly, Prince Branch," Creek assured as he hobbled forward, "You look like a prince and the king insisted that you meet Master Thorn as the other end of the royal trading line's keeper. You are King Frost's ambassador in the warm climate land."

"Yeah, yeah, but I want something less…gaudy," Branch grumped, flicking the crystal on his forehead irritably, "Let me get the door, Creek."

"No need," Guy Diamond spoke up as he caught up to the two, "I was sent to get you, but turned the wrong way. This place is huge! I'll get the door."

Branch sighed at having to go ahead of Creek as his title dictated. He hated how ice trolls stood on ceremony so much. Creek was on crutches for troll's sake. The prince would feel a lot better being closer in case Creek fell.

"Branch!" Poppy chirped before snorting at his attire, "Interesting wardrobe choices."

"Yeah?" Branch groaned, jerking on the cape, "Tell me about it. Frost insisted. Chenille, Satin, I need your help."

"You've got it and need it," the twins chorused as Branch turned to see Kiv sliding in the door to help Creek ease into a chair, "Thank you, Kiv. You good, Creek?"

Creek nodded as he settled his crutches beside his chair while Kiv smiled at the group and took his leave. The trip here had been more tiring than he'd expected. He observed Poppy introducing Master Thorn to Branch once the prince had taken the cape off and tossed the thing to the twins before taking a seat between Poppy and Creek. Thorn was a kind troll and it seemed that Branch had taken an immediate liking to the trader. Creek tuned out the proceedings as he turned inward to check on the stability of Branch's ice. All good there.

"Acorns can travel well and they make a tasty soup," Branch described as Thorn leaned forward eagerly, taking notes, "There are tons of acorns near the Troll Tree. Acorn soup is a staple at home."

Home. Creek hid a wince at the word. What kind of welcome would he receive? Nervous energy filled him before a tap on his wrist alerted him that he was clenching his fists too tight again. Creek nodded at Branch's reminder and relaxed his hands. He needed to ground himself so he began to breathe slowly as he closed his eyes and relaxed more into a state of meditation. Slowly, he released his tension and felt his energy smooth out as he calmed his anxiety. Felt good to relax a bit.

"Creek?"

Creek's eyes snapped open at the call from his prince. Branch watched him with bemusement as the purple troll looked around and noticed that Master Thorn was gone, but Poppy and the Snack Pack were watching him.

"You've been meditating for over an hour," Branch explained as Creek blinked at him, "Haven't moved a muscle. I was getting worried."

"Ah," Creek hummed, adjusting a bit in his chair when his hip reminded him he'd been up too long, "I was finding my center. Found myself a bit out of sorts for a moment."

"I noticed," Branch sighed, finding a fresh mark on Creek's palm, "At least you didn't draw blood this time."

Creek blushed and looked away in embarrassment.

"Dude, that ain't right," Cooper crabbed, coming to look closer at Creek's hands, "Why'd you get all tense anyway?"

"Just felt a bit anxious for a moment, Mate," Creek admitted as Branch gave him a knowing look, "Never realize that I'm doing this until someone points out what is happening. I'm getting better since I haven't had one of these moments in a day or two."

"That's true," Branch agreed, patting Creek's hand gently, "Meditating was a good idea. You seem more you. More positive and…open is probably a good word."

Creek offered his prince a small smile before leaning back as Branch joined in more conversation with everyone. He still didn't feel comfortable. He'd gotten used to Poppy, but these were all trolls he'd betrayed. How could they stand to be in the same room with him?

"No, no, no!" Poppy yelped, grabbing Creek's wrists as he startled and stared down at his fisted hands in shock, "Talk to us, Creek. Something is bothering you. What's wrong?"

"I…I…," Creek tried, shaking his head as his breathing sped up.

"No. Slow your breathing," Branch urged, stooping to stare up at Creek as the troll tried to take gasping breaths while both the prince and Poppy worked to keep Creek from injuring his palms, "Just breathe slowly, Creek. You can do it. Breathe, Creek."

"Should I get the healer?" Creek heard Biggie ask as he tried to do as his prince asked.

"No. This is just a panic attack. He's had one other when he felt trapped by the brace on his hip a few days ago. He'll be fine in a minute," Branch denied, placing his hands to each side of Creek's face while Poppy took both of Creek's hands in hers, "Look at me, Creek. Breathe with me. Deep breath in. Good and now back out. That's it. Breathe with me, Creek."

Creek listened to Branch as he got himself back under control. The prince's eyes never once left Creek's until he knew the troll was past the attack.

"I'm sorry," Creek apologized once he could speak again, "Bhen thinks the pain medicine I'm on is one of the reasons why my thoughts get away from me. I'm not in as much control as I usually have over my mind."

"So what were those thoughts?" DJ Suki questioned as Creek blushed and lowered his head, "That bad?"

Creek shook his head before throwing a desperate look at Branch. He couldn't. Not yet.

"Okay, enough," Branch decided, reaching to help Creek stand as Poppy hurried to help with the crutches, "Creek is fine. His medication is just messing with his mind so he needs to rest. Come on, Creek. Take it slowly."

Creek took a couple of steps with his crutches before having to stop as he panted. He'd been up too long on his first trip out of bed. Voices flitted around him as he felt Branch calling for someone before he was lifted by strong arms. Familiar blue arms. King Frost.

"Feels nice," Creek sighed a bit later when he and Branch were alone while the prince stroked his hair to keep him calm as the guard lay quietly in bed, "Thank you, my prince."

"Want to tell me what happened to scare you?" Branch asked as Creek looked away, "Talk to me, please. Did someone look at you wrong or do something that I need to know about?"

"No," Creek denied, blushing again, "I…I was uncomfortable with…the others. No one did anything. It was all me."

"Elaborate," Branch insisted, "I need to know why Poppy and the Snack Pack scared you."

"Not Poppy," Creek explained as Branch watched him once the purple troll finally looked up at him, "The others. Everything was so normal and I was there too…in that normalcy. I-I didn't understand how I could be there too after…everything. It was all overwhelming. I just panicked."

Branch hummed in understanding as Creek saw the flickering of his emotions through the prince's aura.

"You…You're not angry or disappointed," Creek gasped, sitting up as Branch stared at him in question, "There was concern and frustration that you can't help me during my attacks, but not anger in your aura. Why, my prince? I shouldn't be showing such weakness as an honor guard. I should be looking out for you and not the other way around, Mate."

"Being a bodyguard does not make it so nobody looks after you," Branch fussed, touching Creek where his honor guard brand hid beneath his sleep clothes, "Yes, Bhen has figured out that medication is making you more emotionally vulnerable, but the feelings you are having are legitimate fears. There are older marks on your palms, Creek. You've been clenching your fists for a long time when your mind feels overwhelmed. I'm not angry or disappointed that you need understanding and comfort when you get scared, Creek."

"Honestly, I've never had that before," Creek breathed, shaking his head while Branch made him lay back down, "'Dependable Creek' never needed anyone. 'He's so perfect.' I sometimes hated that view of me and acted out…behind the scenes."

"When you bullied me?" Branch chuckled as Creek's cheeks flushed, "Yeah, I've figured that one out. You choose me to bully because I could handle myself and not take what you said or did to heart. I disliked what you did, but I never hated you. Am I right?"

"Yeah, Prince Branch," Creek groaned, hiding his blushing face behind a hand, "I am sorry for being such a brat back then, Mate."

"Kind of like when I bottled up my hurt after Grandma…," Branch choked for a moment as emotions welled while Creek grabbed for him.

It was several seconds later before Branch was able to push down the overwhelming hurt at his grandmother's loss.

"I think we both have things that still cause us pain, Creek," Branch reminded finally, "How about this? I'll talk with you about my grandmother and how losing her still pulls at me if you will continue to talk with me about what hurts you. That way we can deal with our emotions in a healthier manner, hm?"

"I'd like that," Creek nodded out while Branch patted one of his hands.

"There is a hallway full of some trolls that were pretty terrified when my brother had to carry you in here," Branch began as Creek blinked at him in astonishment, "My brother and sister had to go to an important meeting, but Poppy and the rest waited to see that you are okay."

Creek glanced to the door and back to meet his prince's gaze. Branch understood the other troll's hesitancy.

'Creek, no one blames you for anything anymore," the prince pointed out, "That is the past. Let that go and start fresh, okay? Do you think you have strength for a little visit?"

"I…I think so," Creek agreed as Branch smiled at him, "You'll…you won't leave me alone with them, my prince?"

"Nope," Branch soothed, pulling the blankets up more over the healing troll, "I'll stay near. Don't be frightened."

Creek swallowed as Branch lead everyone inside a moment later. Even Kiv had been waiting outside.

"I'm sorry to worry everyone," Creek offered before gasping as he was surrounded by Poppy and the Snack Pack in a group hug, "Uh…so this is warm climate trolls, Kiv."

"So I see," Kiv chortled, crossing his arms in amusement, "How do you feel?"

"Little better," Creek answered as the other trolls settled around him in such a familiar way that his heart beat just a little faster as warmth spread through him, "Felt pretty overwhelmed for a moment and I pushed myself too soon after first being out of bed. I barely remember most of what occurred."

"All warriors have moments like that after injuries. No worries. I have to get to my next post now, Creek, but I'm glad you are feeling better," Kiv grinned out before bowing to Branch as he left, "My prince."

"Do you happen to know why you got upset?" Biggie asked once Kiv had closed the door to the room, "I'd like to know so you don't get upset again. Seeing you hurting and gasping like that was…it was terrible, Creek. I don't want to see you or any troll like that."

Murmurs of agreement spread among the trolls as all eyes stayed glued to one troll who was feeling uncomfortable at the attention. Creek hung his head for a moment and then nodded at Branch to assure the prince he was okay.

"I…it was nothing you or anyone did, Biggie," Creek tried, glancing up at everyone, "It is just…how to explain? I guess it is hard to allow myself to feel like I can be forgiven. After everything that happened and all I did, sitting with everyone felt like a…a forbidden dream. One that would be snatched away from me if I dared to believe that I was…was…"

"Was what?" Poppy urged as Creek trailed off into silence.

"One of you," Creek whispered, pulling in on himself before feeling each of his hands grabbed and held carefully so he wouldn't clench his fists.

Branch and Poppy. The dynamic duo.

"Oh, Creek. You are one of us," Poppy assured, making the troll gasp as he stared at her, "Even if my Branch's siblings have claimed you as their tribemate, you are ours. Or…it is more like you are like Branch."

"You are both warm climate and ice troll tribe like Mr. Princey," Satin nodded out as Branch chuckled from beside Creek, "You have been adopted into the Snack Pack just like Branch, Darling. Or rather, adopted back in. We forgive you, Creek."

"Of course we do!"

"We ain't no dream. I'd be one hunk of a great dream, but I'm not."

"Cooper!"

"What?"

Creek felt the laughter bubble before he erupted in peals of mirth. These trolls never changed. Ever. Not after the Bergens. Not after finding themselves in the land of ice. They just never changed. How he wished he could believe them, but doubts still haunted his thoughts.

"I haven't heard you laugh like that in a long time," Poppy gushed once Creek had gotten himself under control, "Felt like old times."

"It did," Creek sighed before grimacing as his hip pinged at him, "Oh, ow, Mate."

"You really did push yourself too hard today. Creek needs to sleep, Guys. Everyone out," Branch decided, beginning to shoo the group to the door, "Creek, I have to meet my sister now to discuss those trade routes. I'll be back soon. Just rest."

Creek nodded at his prince and settled back on his pillow once he was left alone. Sleep evaded him though. Darkness was setting in and the emptiness that Creek never seemed to shake welled up as one hour and then two slowly ticked by. How he wished he could let the past be just the past, but he couldn't. He was trying, as he promised his prince, but he just couldn't seem to stop his self-hatred. A song filled him as he finally sang for the first time since Chef stole him away.

"Where do I begin,
Crying painful tears again.
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed.

I'm a ghost of a troll,
That I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a troll,
That I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of home?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby,
Let home go and let the lonely in.
To take my heart again.

Too afraid, to go inside,
For the pain of one more loveless night.
For the loneliness will stay with me,
And hold me till I fall asleep.

Broken pieces of a barely breathing story.
Where there once was love,
Now there's only me.
And the lonely.

I'm a ghost of a troll,
That I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a troll,
That I used to know well.

I'm alone in this world where lonely bites hard,

Here in this room, where all that's left is scars.

Now there's only me,

And the lonely."

Creek choked as his emotions bubbled up before startling as another voice rose in song.

"But there isn't just you,

And the lonely can leave.

I am here now.

So no more scars to bleed."

Creek gasped at the sound of the beautiful voice and turned to see Branch staring at him with compassionate eyes from the shadows of the room.

"Don't be afraid, to go inside,
No more pain or loveless nights.
For the loneliness leaves with me,
And I'll be here as you fall asleep.

New pieces for your continuing story.
Where there once was lonely,
Now there's new ways towards glory.
And the lonely can leave."

Creek jumped when Poppy took his hand and added the next verse in her sweet voice.

"No more dancing slowly in an empty room,
We'll go home so no more gloom.
Singing a quiet lullaby,
In hopes that my words helps your lonely die."

Branch and Poppy curled around Creek as the troll shook at the impact of each word from their song. The two joined their voices together on the last verse.

We see you as you really are,

Believe in us and no more scars.

To be the troll we see inside,

All you have to do is try."

"I will," Creek tearfully promised, finding himself wrapped tight as he cried into Branch's shoulder after the final refrain, "I will make you both proud. I'll be a good troll. I swear it."

"We know you will," Branch assured as Creek shook harder while Poppy snuggled against Creek's back, "You are not alone, Creek. Poppy and I are here for you just like you are here for me. Please, please, Creek, you've got to forgive yourself. I know that unlearning the behavior you've developed to deal with stress will take time to go away, but I need you to know that we are here for you, okay?"

Creek hid his face against Branch's neck as he nodded for the prince to feel. He just didn't have any more energy to talk any longer and eventually stilled completely as the warm arms and gentle back rub made him sleepy and lethargic.

"Do you think he's asleep?"

"I think so, Pop. His shaking has stopped and his breathing is even now. His lyrics, Poppy. Creek's in so much pain. I hate this."

"He's going to be okay because he has you, Branch. You two are like brothers. Don't think I haven't notice how his eyes go straight to you when he's upset. He's been confiding in you how he feels, hasn't he?"

"I can't talk with you about that, Poppy. Creek trusts me to keep his private thoughts just that, private. I won't betray his trust."

"I will never ask, Branch. I'm just glad that Creek found someone he finally opens up to. I think he's been closed off for far too long. You two need one another."

"That is so weird, but true," Creek heard Branch chuckle out as the purple troll relaxed some more, "No more talking, Pop. Creek needs this sleep and I just felt him move a bit. I don't want him to wake."

Creek felt himself laid back in bed as Poppy and Branch held each of his hands in theirs. He really did drift to sleep then, feeling a lot happier. His prince understood his need for privacy and the knowledge left him feeling relief. There was also a new feeling…acceptance. Acceptance for who he was, flaws and all. He'd been lost for so long and now he felt like he'd been found.

To be continued…

I have no idea why this site messed with some of my spacing for the song lyrics. Can't seem to fix it either. Oh, well.