A/N: Before any of you get any spontaneous urges to kill me, rest assured I have a genuine reason for not updating in a while which I won't bother to tell you so do not bother to ask ;P
Disclaimer: Ownership is overrated. Who cares who owns Naruto? We all get to use the plot anyway.
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Chapter Nine
Ultimate Naruto
Mission Draftings
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Opening theme: Chaiyya chaiyya (A.R Rahman)
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It seemed that two things were quickly becoming a habit to the newly formed team three. One being that the boot camp; some ten miles away from the Konoha mainland, had become a meeting place of sorts. The other being that it had also become a waiting place of sorts.
Naruto, Sasuke and Kyuubi were once again waiting for their teacher to show up for the third time since they met him.
"Seriously, Doesn't he ever change?", Kyuubi griped, "This is really getting old."
There was only so much facebook and twittering a girl could take after all.
Naruto was perched upon the gates; keeping a lookout for Kakashi. He was in a new orange hoodie; Kyuubi noticed, and his black headband matched his golden locks perfectly. She shook her head to clear the thought.
Sasuke was laying on the grass; chewing on a stalk and basking in the morning sun. The redhead went to join him, ignoring the fact that she could stain her blouse. The dark-haired male barely raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement.
It was some thirty minutes later before a cloud of smoke appeared underneath Naruto, shocking him into freefall.
"Yo", Kakashi greeted.
"What the hell?", Naruto growled, struggling to right himself, "I didn't even see your car."
"Hm, I parked it some ways away. Needed to save fuel."
"Meh. Cheapskate."
"Do you really plan on keeping this up, sensei?", Kyuubi hissed in annoyance.
Kakashi shrugged, "What can I say? I helped a pretty lady with her shopping on my way here. She said she liked me."
"Whatever."
"So, what are we going to do today?", Naruto asked, going to stand beside Sasuke, "Since we passed your test, it means you'll teach us a new jutsu or something, right?"
Kakashi looked blandly at him, "Nope."
"Then, what do you have planned?".
The jonin shrugged and began walking out the gates, "Nothing. Just thought we'd drop by headquarters and get our team enlisted."
Naruto promptly fainted on the spot.
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It had taken a while before Kakashi had (grudgingly) let them into his car; after giving them a list of regulations, of course. The list included:
No eating once inside.
No drinking either, the Impala wasn't a bar.
No one got to touch the stereo, apart from him.
Hell forbid someone else even touch the steering wheel.
No whistling at hot passers-by.
No gay jokes.
And absolutely no making out in the backseat! Or in the frontseat too, for that matter (Kyuubi had raised her eyebrows at that one).
Naruto had been all hyper, dancing on the balls of his feet, but Kyuubi had been the one to call shotgun, relegating the blonde and the Uchiha to the back. Still, nothing could dampen Naruto's spirits and he let it be shown as they travelled.
"The headquarters of the Oniwabanshu? Can you believe it, teme?", Naruto crooned for the umpteenth time that morning, "We get to be real mercs, yo. Take that, muthafuckers!"
Sasuke smiled as he listened to his friend. It had always been a dream they shared to one day fly the colours of the Oniwaban. He too was a little intrigued as to what exactly the headquarters of one of the biggest organizations in the world would look like. Mercenaries were known to be secretive so he knew it wouldn't be easy to spot.
Kyuubi, meanwhile, seemed to have outgrown her irritation with Naruto's behaviour to an extent because she was also laughing alongside him. Kakashi sat relaxedly behind the wheels, occasionally turning up the volume on his stereo; wherein Kansas' Carry On My Wayward Son emanated. The jonin trummed his hand on the steering wheel in time with the beat and Sasuke wondered how old Kakashi really was if he listened to this kind of muck.
Still, although the car was archiac, the leather seats were pretty soft and well-maintained, and the AC was functioning very well. Sasuke found the whole environment rather dreamy.
They were back in Konoha now; Kyuubi singing along with their sensei and Naruto busy staring out the windows - trying to memorize every detail so he could retrace the steps himself - when Sasuke asked his question,
"Hold on a minute, Kakashi. How exactly do mercenaries keep their hideout hidden from the cops?"
The silver-haired jonin looked away in thought.
"Hmm. Well, the norm is to employ elaborate genjutsus that are not too obvious and easy to bypass. Cops these days are undergoing chakra training, after all. The HQ is hidden by an intricate genjutsu set up long ago by the Nidaime Hokage; the sly mind affect technique as it was called. It won't be easy to spot unless you've seen it before and anyway, there's an unspoken agreement between mercs and cops. Do not enter our territory and we won't enter yours. Else, the police station would be reduced to little other than rubble by now."
Sasuke nodded in understanding.
"Woah, hold on", Naruto exclaimed, "What's going on?"
The Uchiha looked outside and mirrored his friend's surprise. Everywhere he turned was the same, identical building, painted in a wash of white and red. Everything looked similar; be it a flat, duplex, warehouse or tennis court. It was eerie.
"Where are we?", Kyuubi asked.
"Senju estate", was the offhanded reply, "The true home of the founders of modern mercenary."
"Founders?", Naruto asked.
"Don't you read history, Naruto?", Kyuubi replied, "Back then, mercenaries were not called mercenaries. They were shinobi who were separated under different clans. Governors and daimyos used them with discretion but their might was legendary due to the extent various families of shinobi warred against each other. Later on, the Senju family will unite all the shinobi clans of Fire country to form the Oniwabanshu. It was this move that spurred other countries to do the same, and started the mercenary regime we know today."
"Oh", stated Naruto, looking truly perplexed, "I didn't know that."
"So much for the guy who spent all his lifetime trying to become one."
He stuck out his tongue in a Kyuubi-like gesture causing the girl to flip him the bird.
"Hn. We're here", Sasuke noted.
The two stopped bickering to find out that Kakashi was now driving into the parking space of a large, nondescript building which looked like a run-down factory. The jonin shooed them out of the car.
"So, this is the Oniwabanshu?", Naruto asked, looking up at the building in awe, "I can't believe it! I'm in front of the Oniwabanshu!"
Sasuke bopped him on the head to keep him quiet. A number of cars were parked around and the Uchiha spotted two he was familiar with; the camo-colored Humvee and a black, hulking Range rover.
"Alright, follow me", Kakashi gestured, walking up to the mechanical door at the entrance. A security booth was by its side and a man was slouched over; sleeping within it. Kakashi rapped at the window and produced his ID card.
"Oh, Kakashi-san!", the guard snorted awake, "I didn't see when you drove in. Please, come in!"
The door slid open and Kakashi and his team walked in.
Naruto didn't know what to find but he definitely didn't expect to see an ante-room littered with deadbeat workers sucking on coffees and sweet wrappers. Their sensei threw a jaunty wave at them before heading to the adjoining reception area and subsequently, the desk.
"Yo", he greeted.
The woman behind the desk looked up and blushed at the man.
"Oh, good day, Kakashi-san."
Kakashi just hummed and signed a roster on her desk with his pen.
"Slow day, Ayame?"
"You have no idea, Kakashi-san. Most mercs defer to the outstations these days. Something about it being more fun or the like but there are some messages laying around for you."
"Have them sent to my office in thirty or better yet, page it to me. I need to get this bunch registered."
The brunette looked over her desk at the three teenages standing behind the jonin.
"Öh! So cute!"
Naruto frowned, "You better not be talking to me, lady."
She ignored him, "Look at his whisker marks! How adorable! And those baby red eyes, just like Kurenai-chan's! And isn't this one just Mr grumpy!"
Kakashi chuckled as all three genin shot death glares at the woman.
"If you wouldn't mind, Kakashi-san, I can get them all cozied up and registered while you attend to your other businesses."
The jonin threw a wave, "Don't worry. I have someone in mind, anyway. Just page those messages to me."
"Hai!"
The genin followed him into an elevator where he punched a set of buttons. They headed to the top in seconds.
They passed by more workers but to Naruto's eyes, they all looked ordinary with their briefcases, work ties and pressed shirts.
He asked, "Are all these people mercs?"
"Oh no", Kakashi replied, "They are common workers."
"As in civilians?"
"You do realise this is a phone company?"
"Nice cover", Sasuke grunted.
"Hold on a fucking second", groaned Naruto, pulling at his hair, "You mean to tell me that some group of civvies got into the company before me? "
Kyuubi patted him on the shoulder.
They turned a hall labelled 'Personell' and were introduced to rows of cubicles upon which numerous workers sat and operated. Kakashi led them down the aisle before stopping at a cubicle where a man was grinning pervesely at porn he streamed from the internet.
"So, this is what you get up to during work hours, Mibu-san", Kakashi noted nonchalantly.
The man jumped out of his seat like he had been electrocuted but then sighed depressingly when his eyes fell on the jonin.
"What do you want, Kakashi?"
He closed the window of the porn stream - Naruto had already committed the site to memory, hoping to surf it at a later date - before looking at the jonin warily.
"Ah, why do you speak like that, Mibu-san?"
"Drop the act, man! Everytime I do something for you, I get in trouble. I don't wanna lose this job!"
"Relax", the jonin said placatingly, "I just need you to help me register my team. . . this time."
"Hey! Go to Administrations yourself! I'm no fucking babysitter!"
"Wait a minute, sensei", Naruto interrupted, elbowing Kakashi at the side, "Why are we getting a civvy to help us with merc stuff?"
"What did you just call me, brat?"
Naruto deadpanned, "Do you have glue in your ears or something. I just called you a civvie right about... ow!"
Kyuubi had rapped him on the skull, "Don't be rude, Naruto!"
Kakashi sighed and looked at his students, "Mibu-san is not a civilian, in fact, he is a genin like you."
"Wow! This old? So, you really do spend your lifetime sitting on the same spo... ow!"
Kyuubi had rapped him again.
By now, Mibu was red in the face and was sneering at Naruto, "What do you know, brat? Not everyone advances up the ranks! I'd like to see you do it!"
"Hah! By the time I'm your age, I'll be running this shit! Then, you'd really be getting laid off... ow! What the hell?"
It had been Sasuke's turn to rap the blonde.
Kakashi shook his head, "Yare, yare. Anywho, Naruto, people like Mibu are very important. If you look around, you'd see the phone operators doing their normal jobs. But, look closely and you'd notice a few discrepancies."
Naruto and Kyuubi frowned, "I can't see anything, sensei."
Kakashi's eye crinkled (what his team was beginning to understand as his method of smiling) and he said, "Then it means the company is doing a good job."
"Hn, I see it", said Sasuke coolly, "Spaced out among the civilians are mercs who operate a different kind of job. They are not that obvious to the ordinary eye but their weathered hands give them away. Another good cover."
Naruto briefly wondered if the Uchiha had employed his sharingan.
"Correct, Sasuke-kun", the jonin said genially, "Those are the stationary mercs. Unlike the other operators, they man our hotlines and site. Their job is to accept and forward mission requests; which include customer care, payment transactions and spam identification. The missions accepted are then sent to Administrations where they are grouped into ranks from S, A to D. High priority ones are assigned immediately to a specialized cell, team or individual while medium priority ones are randomly assigned to any available merc on active duty, in relation to rank. The low priority ones are forwarded to the outstations where they can be picked up by anyone who has the time and upon completion, your payment can be collected anywhere; in hard-cash or bank digits."
"I see", Naruto said, nodding, "But that doesn't change the fact that only 'no-talent everlasting genin are given such work, probably to prevent them from dying in the field."
Kakashi had to restrain Mibu who had leapt at the blonde in rage.
Naruto dodged Kyuubi's rap.
"What can I say?", he muttered, "Dude reminds me of Kiba."
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The trek to Administrations had been short, though, agonizing if you factor Naruto and Mibu's hostility towards each other. Kakashi had promised to catch up with them and a harried Mibu had had their passports taken along with a fingerprint of all five fingers. This would be saved in the company's archives and forwarded to the Intelligence division. They were also given plain ID cards (which Naruto had gushed all over about) that contained only their photos and ID number. Mibu then ushered them to the lounge where they met up with their jonin instructor, who was reclining among civilians; his nose in his book.
"This is what you call 'being busy', sensei?", Kyuubi noted.
Kakashi shrugged, "Mibu-san needed the exercise anyway. I owe you one, man."
The desk-genin showed him the middlefinger before stalking off.
Kakashi chuckled, "Alright then, let's go instate the new team Kakashi."
"You mean team Naru-Sasu-Kyuu", Naruto corrected.
The jonin sweatdropped. It sounded horribly like something from the threesome pairings in his favorite novel.
He led them through a door, into an air-conditioned hall that was fairly busy, with workers reviewing files behind the desk and, people coming and going. In the center of it all was Iruka-sensei.
"Yo", Kakashi greeted.
"Ah! K-Kakashi-san!", Iruka stammered, "What brings you here? We usually have your missions sent up to your office."
The scarred chunin then noticed the three genin.
"W-What, Naruto-kun? You guys were assigned Kakashi? Impossible! You always fail all your teams, Kakashi-san!"
The jonin eye-smiled, "What can I say? This one grew on me."
"More like we kicked your ass", Kyuubi muttered.
"Well, I take it you came for a mission?", Iruka continued.
"Ja, D-class will be alright for now, Iruka-sensei."
The instructor nodded and checked his list before pulling an envelope from his cabinet,
"Okay, this should be easy enough. Good luck on this one, Naruto-kun."
Naruto snickered, "You got a desk job too, sensei."
"Shut up, baka! I'm still better than you, either way! This job is for the elite! I'm only doing this because it pays!"
"Uh huh. Yeah right."
The blonde ducked the stapler Iruka threw at his head.
Team three waved to Mizuki; who was also in the hall, before exiting the section.
"Wait a minute, hold on!", Naruto asked, "Is that all there is to this comapany?"
"Well, there is a cafetaria at the far end, along with a clinic. The head offices are to the..."
"You know what I mean, sensei. If this is Oni-central, where are the bad-ass mercs? Where are those weird ANBU guys? Where are the jutsus, the weapons; you know the dig. I mean, where the hell are the crazy, bloodthirsty chicks?"
"Hm, I'm not sure I get you, Naruto. I've never seen a poultry around here."
Sasuke and Kyuubi shared a laugh at the curses Naruto threw at their sensei's back.
"Sasuke-kun!"
Upon getting back to the reception, they caught sight of familiar faces, one of which squealed and jumped on the Uchiha.
"Get off, Ino", Sasuke grunted.
"What are you guys doing here?", Naruto asked Shikamaru, who looked lazier than usual.
"Getting a mission; like you. How troublesome."
Choji nodded, munching on his chips.
"Obviously, Asuma-sensei thought that today would be an ideal time to get our first mission", the pineapple-haired boy continued, "And I was sleeping at home when he called."
Their teacher; Asuma, laughed at Shikamaru's statement and lit another cigarette. Ayame looked at him critically as he did so.
"So, it seems the great Kakashi finally decided to pass a team this year", the bearded man spoke, "You guys must really be something."
"You bet", Ino crooned, mashing her boobs into Sasuke's arm, "Sasuke-kun is the best!"
Asuma and Kakashi sweat-dropped.
"Well, let's get going then", Kakashi said, nodding at his fellow jonin, "Got a mission to attend to. See you around."
"Bye, Kakashi-san!", Ayame chirped as Team three left with their sensei; Asuma restraining Ino, once again.
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Oniwabanshu Company
Date:
Operatives: (fill in name) Team
NaruSasuKyuu! /scratch/ Team Kakashi
Mission briefing:
Deliver mission files from the
company to an outstation in the
Seiwan district. Files should be
protected with life to avoid falling
into the wrong hands. Meet up with
outstation manager; Raido
Namiashi, to collect
mission payment.
Reward: 3000 ryo.
"You've got to be kidding me", Naruto groaned, "3000 ryo? Who the fuck gives 3000 ryo to a group of four?"
They had picked up the files from the guard post and were now driving across Konoha; towards the middle class district of Seiwan. Naruto was already bored two minutes into his first mission.
"Well, to be honest, Naruto, it's not much of a job, is it?", Kyuubi reasoned, "It's a bit like pizza delivery. I think 3000 ryo should be just fine."
"Yeah", Naruto grumbled, "We became mercs to deliver sissy papers, after all, didn't we - er, sorry about that.", he added meekly after Kyuubi turned to glare at him.
Kakashi sighed, "There's no need to get ahead of yourself, Naruto. You're only genin. D-rank missions will help you get a feel of the Oniwabanshu and also help improve team bonds. All great mercenaries began from this level, including Me!"
Team three rolled their eyes at their sensei's statement.
Thirty minutes later (which also included another thirty minutes of hearing Naruto gripe - something Kakashi ended by threatning to give him none of the reward), the Impala pulled up in the Seiwan district; beside a run-down bar that said 'Raido's' in blue paint.
"Naruto, get the paper", Kakashi ordered.
"Eh? Why me?"
Sasuke and Kyuubi turned and deadpanned at the blonde causing him to grumble and stalk off towards the boot.
Raido's was a small bar with few, scattered tables and a piss-poor clientelle but everything still looked spic and span. The owner of the bar; who seemed to have been burned on a part of his face, looked up from his polishing when they walked in.
"Heyo, Kakashi-san. I'm not giving drinks to any minors. Still got to keep my liscence, y'know."
Kakashi waved his hand before Naruto could reply,
"We're not here to indulge ourselves, Raido. Just came to deposit the latest batch from Headquarters."
Raido cleaned his hands and turned to look at Naruto's bundle.
"So soon? Besides, when did you start taking up these sort of jobs, Kakashi? I'm piqued."
The jonin eye-smiled, "Old age has its benefits."
Raido guffawed and helped a grumbling Naruto with his load.
"Now that we're done, I'd like my money, thank you", the blonde said.
The bartender nodded and placed the files in his store room before looking at the expectant trio,
"Let me see the mission folder first. Just for protocol's sake."
Sasuke handed it over to him.
"What? 3000 ryo? Is HQ trying to rob me blind?"
"Hmm, why the complaint, Raido?", Kakashi inquired, "You make more than enough from running this outstation."
"Doesn't mean they have to rip me of it! No way!"
Naruto had begun to speak but Kyuubi was way ahead of him. She inched closer to the bartender and smiled coylishly. Raido immediately began shivering.
"Excuse me, bartender-san, but would it be possible to get our money any minute from now? I'm in no mood for all this preppy talk."
And her lips curled at the last statement, revealing elongated canines to the glory of all.
Raido almost shrieked. For such a young kid, she had real impressive killing intent.
It didn't take much of a while after that for him to pass them a sealed envelope.
"Here you go", Kakashi said as they left the bar, "You kids can have it all. 1000 ryo each."
"Wow, sensei! You're the best!", Naruto squealed.
"That's what I would have said if you had transported yourselves. So, I'd be deducting 20% from each of you for fuel citations."
"NANI?"
Kyuubi sighed. She knew it was too good to be true.
"Meh, cheapskate. Nasty old fiend", Naruto growled as the masked man handed each their portion.
"Thank you, Naruto", Kakashi joked.
"Conniving sensei. Theiving fraud. Good for nothing senior jonin..."
"So, what you gon' do with yours?", Sasuke asked Kyuubi as they headed back to the direction of Kakashi's car.
The redhead stretched with feline grace, "Dunno. Probably go window-shopping or something. Pick up some new mags and icecream maybe. You?"
"Hn. I'm a mercenary now. I'd have to buy fitting gear and accessories."
"Oh? Are you asking me out on a shopping date, Sasuke-kun?", Kyuubi cooed.
"No", the Uchiha deadpanned but the girl could see the blush on his face as he walked on ahead.
Kyuubi grinned, Haha, up yours, Sasuke!
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Omake
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There were few things in life Itachi enjoyed more than sweets and Evanesence, and police work was certainly never one of them. That is, up until now.
He was sitting in his car, in full Shinsengumi regalia (including the hat), munching lazily on a box of donuts and jelly. With black shades on, he struck quite the picture of the lazy, no-good law-enforcers usually shown in hollywood specials. That is, of course, without the pot-belly. But nothing a little genjutsu couldn't take care of.
Now, this was the life, lazying away on the job while simultaneously staying away from the confines of his home. His radio sprung to life a few times but it was just common call, nothing the rest of the (inept) police force couldn't handle. Well, maybe, except for the part of a blue-skinned man running naked through the upper districts of Konoha. Itachi shuddered, wondering briefly if the man was also blue below the belt... He seriously didn't need that mental picture.
Still, today was his day off and nothing short of an October 10th was going to gear him into action. So, humming the tune of 'My Immortal', he selected another donut to eat from his sweet box.
His radio sprung to life again.
"10-4, this is Mikoto to Itachi."
His donut promptly dropped; as he stared warily at the radio before him. No fucking immortal way.
"10-4, this is Mikoto. Come in, Itachi."
The Uchiha heir briefly considered running for it. Anything was better than the tidal wave he was sure was about to en...
"Uchiha Itachi! Pick up your speaker right now! You're in a load of trouble today, young man! I'm currently with your police chief, and he informs me that you are not scheduled on duty for today or the next three days, for that matter! You have some nerve, boy! Thinking you can evade all your chores like that! I want you home before I get there but there are some groceries you'd have to pick for me first! Do you understand me, ITACHI?", she yelled.
"Yes, mother", he sighed into his reciever, briefly picturing the Shinsengumi chief smirking in the background. He pulled out of the McDonald parking lot as his mother fired off a list of the items she needed him to get.
"...half tube of paste, a tub of lard, some shaving cream to hide Sasuke-chan's new beard growth, milk; you emptied the last carton, Itachi, chicken drumsticks, full crate of rotten goose eggs to feed your father with, some cereal, a can of vitamins, green peas, and absolutely no pocky or eclairs, Itachi! I won't be paying for that again! Some glue, a hair roller, a jar of bathing salts; you're getting dirt behind your ears again, you know, a fashion mag; Cosmopolitan please..."
Itachi groaned as he drove into the highway, listening to his mother's increasing rant. Behind him, a cackling naked man ran past, leaving a trail of wailing police cars in his wake.
He was blue-skinned and carried a big-ass sword with a tattoo of a red cloud pasted on his butt.
All was well in Konoha and the Fire Nation.
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END
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Being my first story, it's been hard writing this without feedback, I won't lie to you, hoes. But luckily, I'm still some chapters ahead, my friends.
Next tomorrow, I'll be publishing the last chapter of the starter arc so all those who are despaired by the perceived lack of action, rest easy. You'd be seeing a lot of great fighting scenes soon.
I recently became immersed in DC and re-runs of the Paul and Dini-verses. I've always loved Batman; especially the Joker and Harlequin of old (not to mention the role of Heath Lodgers) but now I'm beginning to accept the entire DC universe as a whole (still struggling with Supes though) after my chickfriend forced me to sit and watch Batman/Superman: Apokolips (again). It's given me a huge burst of inspiration and newer fab ideas to use in my future Naruto fics.
Here's a hint of next chapter... it's about a boy named Konohamaru!
Do have an Ultimate day. See ya later, suckers!
Ki Sha