Update 4/4! This is the big one! I've written the word Soap so many times that I'm not sure what it means anymore!

The first half of this chapter was inspired by the most gorgeous song called The Light by The Album Leaf. For any Scandal fans, it's Olivia and Fitz's song and seemed to sum up exactly what I imagined would be playing if this scene was in a film. If you get a chance to listen to it, please do! It's one of those songs that i hear and it just gives me proper tingles!

xxx

I'm not sure what time it is when I wake up, but it's still dark outside, and the only light in the entire room is the gentle glow of the moon shining through the window.

It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust and a few seconds longer for me to work out that I'm in Soap's room and, furthermore, I've been sleeping in Soap's bed.

My brain claws at the last thing I remember - we had been watching Knocked Up together and I had slowly started to relent on my hatred of Katherine Heigl.

I mean, clearly, I was suffering from Stockholm syndrome. It was the only explanation to this horrifying turn of events. Everybody and their mother knew that Katherine Heigl was not to be trusted. Especially after that whole Grey's Anatomy saga.

Fucking Katherine Heigl.

But I don't remember seeing the end of the film. Because I had fallen asleep, obviously.

And from the sound of the heavy breathing next to me, so had Soap.

I turned to look at him. He was lying on his side facing me, his arms wrapped around the pillow underneath his head.

I had never seen him asleep. I mean, it's not really that unusual to not have seen somebody asleep but with him, it felt kind of weird. We'd slept together, obviously, but then he'd done his whole drunk, amnesia act on me the following day and had scarpered before I'd had the chance to wake up.

But here he was in all of his glory.

I was struck by how peaceful he looked. It's not that he was some wild lunatic who spent all of his days passing from one fit of rage to the other but I had grown used to seeing him the types of situations where the wasn't much call for the peace that he was at when he was asleep.

And suddenly, without warning, it hit me with the ferocity of a thousand bullets. I felt as though somebody had crept up behind me and had tipped gallons of ice water over my head.

I wanted him.

I needed him.

It had been there since the day that we had met.

Hell, it would always be there.

I could pretend but I knew it. Oh man alive, did I know it. I wanted so badly, to be the kind of person who could walk away and leave him to become the person that Price needed him to be, but I really, truly couldn't fight against the tide anymore. My need for him was terrifyingly powerful and the longer I fought it, the worse I felt.

My eyes scanned over his face.

That face.

That gorgeous, gorgeous face. So classically wonderful in its design yet completely mesmerizing. It was the kind of face that would make you do a double take if you passed it on the street because nobody could be this good looking in real life. You know…? The kind of brooding beauty that you only ever read about in books where every leading male is a marble skinned gift from the Gods.

I'm not sure that I had ever been so overwhelmingly attracted to anybody in my entire life.

It was the kind of attraction that tore through you like a hurricane. I didn't have any control over my feelings towards him and even if, by some divine miracle, I could control it, I'm not sure that I would.

I wanted to reach out to him and touch his face. I wanted him wrap me up in those big arms of his and hold me like he'd never let go.

I wanted to fuck him.

Oh God, I wanted to fuck him.

That kind of raw, animal sex that leaves you breathless and weak. The kind of sex where you aren't sure where one body started and the other one ended. The kind of sex that belonged on the big screen, accompanied by a slow motion action sequence and some kind of hypnotising, dark, thudding beat.

But one thing was blindingly clear.

We needed to figure out what – if anything – this could be. My lips tingled as I remembered the way that he had kissed me on Christmas Day and I ached to feel his mouth against mine once again.

I exhaled deeply and he stirred, his eyes opening to look at me.

We lay there for a few seconds, just staring at each other in the darkness.

There's so many unspoken words. So much that I want to say to him... so much that he wants to say to me. I can feel it. It's raw and it's powerful and it has the power to destroy us both.

My breathing was becoming heavier and I'm not really sure why but it felt as though my entire body was buzzing with unspent energy.

And we're just lying there.

Him looking at me, me looking at him.

And honestly? It's the most intense thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life. Far more intense that any of the looks that have proceeded it and let me tell you, those looks were quite powerful in their own right.

I want to reach out and touch him but I'm frozen in place. The only thing I can feel is my heart thudding heavily against my chest. It's so loud that I wonder if he can hear it too.

There's a line.

We've crossed it before and it would be easy to cross it again. The way that he was looking at me told me as much.

But this trip has changed things. I don't just want the physical part of him, I want the entire thing. I want the highs, the lows and everything in between. The good, the bad and the ugly. As long as it's him, I know it will be fine.

One thing that the SAS has taught me, is that nothing is certain. It's always best to err on the side of caution.

Except with him.

Him I'm certain of.

Him I'll fight for.

But, the line has changed. If we cross it now, we can't go back. There's something in his gaze that tells me that we both know that.

His gaze.

Holy fuck, his gaze.

It's unrelenting.

It's as if he's trying to get inside my mind. Trying to unravel each and every thought piece by piece.

It's like... it's like he's the ocean and I'm just falling into him.

I'm drowning in him.

His gaze falters, hardening ever so slightly and he's looking at me as if he's made a choice.

It's time. I feel it. I know it.

My eyes on him, his on me, and both of us breathing, watching, tired of waiting.

I sigh and he makes his move, reaching out and pulling me towards him before flattening my back against the mattress with his powerful body.

He hovers above me, his face millimetres from mine. I'm staring into his eyes and it's as if I can see into his soul.

And I can barely stand to breathe.

I'm still drowning.

And then he kisses me.

Gently.

Carefully.

As if he's afraid that I'm going to push him away from me.

But I'm not running anymore.

Not now.

Not after all of this time.

He breaks away from me and holds his body up by his forearms. His fingers are everywhere – tangling themselves in my hair, stroking my cheeks and my lips.

And then they're at the bottom of my t-shirt.

He stops, and his eyes bore into mine.

It's a question.

Do or die.

He pushes the fabric up slightly, grazing my hip with the lightest of touches and my whole body erupts with goose bumps.

He smiles, and continues to move the t-shirt up my body.

Slowly.

So slowly.

I stretch out beneath him, my body uncoiling at his touch.

I can't help it.

There's so much that I'm unsure of... so many thoughts in my head trying to outshine the other.

But one thing is clear.

I trust him.

And although I'm unsure of so much, there is one shining beacon amongst the fog.

Him.

I'm sure of him.

I've been sure of him since the day that we met.

I give him the smallest of nods, and he smiles at me like he already knew what my answer was going to be.

And I'm not even mad that I'm so Goddamn predictable.

His mouth follows the path that his fingers have already carved out until eventually he pulls the t-shirt off and his mouth is, once again, fixed on mine.

He sits up and removes his own shirt, pulling it up and over his head in one fluid movement and it doesn't take long for the rest of our clothes to be discarded into a heap on the floor.

He flattens himself against me and my skin is finally against his and I feel as though I could scream with happiness at the sensation that stirs within my stomach. He grips the back of my neck and pulls me towards him, our lips crashing together in one fluid, beautiful motion.

We're all lips and teeth and frantic kissing as though the secret of life is hidden within the other's mouth. He bites down on my lower lip, soft enough that he doesn't hurt me, hard enough that it causes me to jolt at the sensation.

And suddenly he was inside of me, and our bodies were moving together as if that is what they had been designed for.

His hands moved underneath me, and I found myself sitting upright in his lap, our rhythm completely unchanged.

It was passionate and so, so intense and all the things that I knew sex with Soap could be.

He held on to the back of my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair and pushing my forehead to meet his, and we rocked against each other slowly, making sure that the other person felt every single delicious movement.

I came audibly, wrapping my arms around his thick shoulders and crying out his name like it was the sweetest word in the world and seconds later, he followed suit, clutching me so tightly that I was afraid I might break under his strength. Not that I would have minded. There were definitely worse ways to go. His grip loosened eventually but we remained locked in our embrace until our bodies stilled and my heart began beating at a normal rate.

I unhooked my arms from around his shoulders and pushed myself off his chest, staring at him, wordlessly, reaching my fingers up to his dishevelled hair, and twisting it gently around my fingers. He stared up at me with a lazy smile and then pulled me towards him so that our lips pressed together in the smallest, sweetest of kisses. The motion set my insides alight and I found myself pushing my body up against his.

He laughed throatily, shaking his head at me with a grin before shifting, so that I was once again lying flat against the mattress. Wordlessly, he pulled the duvet up around me before slotting himself behind my body and pulling me towards him with one strong arm pressed against my stomach.

"Get some sleep." He mumbled, pressing his mouth into the back of my neck. The effect of the motion, coupled with his gruff voice sent shivers up my spine. He tightened his grasp around me. "With what I've got planned for you, you're going to need all the energy you can get."

Oh…

Goodbye line. it was nice knowing you.

"You weren't kidding about the energy were you?"

It was three days later and we had, somehow, managed to find the time to decamp from Braemar down to my house in Beaconsfield for New Years Eve. It was an impressive feat considering the amount of sex that we had been having. Honestly, I'd lost count. If I had to estimate, I'd say we were in the thirties, or forties by now... including an hour and a half ago when the simple act of me putting an ice cube into his glass of whiskey, had resulted in us re-enacting a very specific part of the Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger film, Nine ½ Weeks – blindfold and all.

Soap and I had, effectively, opened some pretty horny floodgates and it was as though I would never get enough of him.

We had planned to go out around the village to ring in 2013, but following the ice cube debacle, I had jumped into the bath to warm up, and he had followed me.

Judging from the look he was giving me, he didn't plan on either of us leaving any time soon.

But hey, I was pretty happy to spend my New Year's Eve in the company of a gorgeous, soapy (no pun intended) man who wanted to fuck my brains out on a routine basis and I'm not sure that you'd find many girls who would disagree. We had surrounded ourselves with pizza, champagne and whiskey and I think we were both pretty happy with the set up.

Soap grinned at me. "I'm a very serious man, Lola. You should know that by now."

It was hard to take him as seriously as I normally would, given that he was currently wearing a beard made entirely of bubbles like some sort of weird, sexy santa.

"Oh, you don't know? That's what we all call you behind your back. Soap 'Mr Serious Himself' MacTavish." I raised an eyebrow at him playfully. "It's a working title but it's a definite improvement on what we called you when you first started."

He laughed and pulled my legs towards him. I squealed, kicking up at him, splashing water all over his face.

His face suddenly went very serious. "You have ruined my rather impressive beard."

"There's a lot of words that I could use to describe the monstrosity of bubbles on your face, but impressive doesn't really feature in the list." I grinned at him. "Sorry to disappoint."

He laughed and splashed the rest of the bubbles from around his mouth before pushing his hair back. As usual, my eyes went straight to his biceps and my stomach gave an involuntary jolt. "Ah Lola, there are many words that I can attribute to you... disappoint isn't one of them." He reached for my legs again, pulling me towards him so that I was straddled against his lap. "Annoying, quick tempered, mildly terrifying perhaps, but definitely not a disappointment."

I laughed and pushed myself away from him. "Charming."

He shrugged. "I try."

I settled back against the bath, reaching for the half empty bottle of champagne that was next to me, before taking a long gulp.

"You can take the girl out of the SAS but you can't take the SAS out of the girl, eh?"

I pulled a face at him and deposited to the bottle back at the side of the bath.

"Speaking of the SAS" I looked up at him beneath my eyelashes. "We need to figure this out before we head back to base."

He knew what was coming so couldn't have too startled by my, rather impressive, swerve towards this topic.

The chat.

The one that we'd needed to have since the first time that we had slept together on this break.

He sighed and extended a hand to me. I peered up at him curiously, before lying my palm flat against his. He wasted no time in spinning me around and pulling me towards him so that my back lay flat against his muscly chest and my torso was ensconced between his thighs. He rested his hands against the sides of my ribcage, his fingers tickling the bottom of my boobs before brushing my hair to one side and placing a kiss at the edge of my jawline. If I could have turned to look at him, I would have given him a look that told him I knew exactly what he was doing. But I couldn't. I was too busy trying not to jump his bones and remembering how to breathe properly.

"What is there to figure out?" He was kissing the back of neck between each word.

The scoundrel.

"We can't go back to the way things were." He said. "It's physically impossible for me. I have to see you every day. I think we both knew that."

My ears perked up.

Did we?

I mean, apart from wanting to have a lot of sex, Soap wasn't particularly forthcoming with his feelings about me or the situation in which we had found ourselves. To hear that he didn't want to go back to being just friends was music to my ears.

But it wasn't that simple, really.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

He sighed, and moved one hand down to my stomach, stroking his fingers across the smooth skin beneath my belly button.

"How do you feel about labels?" He asked.

"I hate them."

"Good, me too." He laughed, and his fingers moved lower, whilst his other hand moved to cup one of my boobs.

I wriggled away from his wandering hands, and span around to face him, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my chin against them.

He pouted at me dramatically. "That's very unfair."

I laughed. "No, unfair is me trying to have an actual conversation with you while you're pawing at me."

"Pawing is a good word." He smirked. "And I'd apologise, except I'm not sorry because any man in my position would be doing the exact same thing."

"But it's just you." I pointed out. "You are the first person I've slept with since I was a teenager."

When I put it like that, I realised how utterly absurd my promise to Price had been.

"And I'm grateful." He laughed. "Believe me, I'm so very, very grateful."

I swatted at him and he lunged forward to kiss me, pressing one soapy hand against my face.

I knew that I didn't want this to end. Now that we had scaled the wall together, we had a duty to one another to find out what was on the other side. There was no doubt in my mind that we would face a lot of shit, but I truly believe that it was going to be worth it.

"So we carry on." He told me, as if reading my mind. "No labels, no bullshit, just you and me, doing what we do best, and having fun along the way."

I laughed, as he kissed me again. "And how to you propose we do that? Let me remind you, I have an agreement with Price. An agreement that you acknowledged and promised to adhere to."

He gave me a look and gestured towards me.

"And we've both done so well with that haven't we? That's why we're naked in a bath together. That's why we're working our way through the Karma Sutra." He raised an eyebrow and stared at me with a wicked look in his eye. "That's why I went down on you for an hour with an ice cube between my teeth."

I nodded. "Point taken." I smirked. "But it's pretty easy to do that kind of stuff when there's nobody around to spy on us. I could be wrong, but there's not that many secret sex rooms for us to use back at the barracks." I laughed. "Plus, we have actual jobs to do that don't really allow for the ridiculous amount of sex that we've been having." I paused. "Think of all the people that you're responsible for, Soap. Securing their safety is better than getting a blowjob from me."

He pulled a face. "Those people would understand if they knew what a blowjob from you felt like."

I splashed him and he pulled me towards him so that our faces were millimetres apart. His eyes searched mine and I found myself biting my lip.

"Don't bite that lip at me." He growled, his voice suddenly hoarse and thick.

"I'm not doing it on purpose." I said.

He reached up and kissed me. Not a soft kiss like those that had come before, a real, gritty, rough kiss that let me know exactly what he needed.

It was the kind of kiss that I was getting used to and the kind of kiss that I wasn't about to forget in a hurry.

He broke away from me, and his eyes were back on mine. "We'll find a way." He told me. "It might not be as regular as either of us would like, but when the chance is there, we take it. You have your office in the medical wing. Nobody really comes in there unless they need to."

I nodded at him. It was true. Besides my room, the small office I had in the medical centre was the only place where nobody would interrupt me.

"We'll figure out a way, Lo." He told me. "You're the most capable girl I've ever known. If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything."

"Now you're just trying to flatter me." I grinned at him.

He laughed and pulled me onto his lap, his hands resting on the top of my thighs, whilst my feet crossed at the small of his back. I could feel his hardness beneath me – excitement pooled in my stomach.

"Is it working?" He asked. "Are you thinking about saying yes?"

"Yes to what?" I asked, needing him to say the words. I didn't really like labels, but if I was about to risk my whole career for him, I needed to hear exactly what it was that he expected of me.

That was fair wasn't it? I mean, I wasn't expecting the Earth here, people.

"Yes to me." He said, suddenly appearing much more vulnerable than I had ever seen him. "Yes to having sex with me whenever possible, and just generally being you."

"Sounds like you want me to be your girlfriend." I laughed, wriggling my hips against him.

"You don't like labels." He laughed.

"I don't like sappy labels." I corrected.

"So give me some labels that you're comfortable with."

I frowned as I thought about it. I wasn't going to Soap's girlfriend that much I knew. I had no time for that word anyway – it didn't really signify exactly what a partnership like ours would be if we ever found ourselves skipping down that path.

"I'm happy to be your person." I told him. "Providing that I am the only person you're sleeping with."

He pulled an incredulous face at me. "Because of all the hot girls that I work with? The endless cycle of Victoria's Secret models that parade around Credenhill?"

I shrugged. "It's my only condition."

He laughed and shook his head. "Okay, but you have to promise me that I'm the only one you're sleeping with too."

I stared at him. "Hey, if I haven't slept with any of them before, I'm not sure what's going to change now."

"Well, okay." He said.

I peered down at him and we both found ourselves laughing at nothing in particular.

"I feel like we need to shake on this or something." He grinned. "Make it official."

I held my hand out to him with a giggle, and he wrapped his thick palm around it and shook.

"Can I touch your boobs now?" He asked. "It's just they're right there, and I think I've done pretty well not to motorboat you yet sooooo…"

I laughed. "I mean, I think we need to establish some ground rules first. That's what they do in films."

He sighed, impatiently. "And then I can touch your boobs?"

"I don't feel like you're taking this very seriously."

"And I don't think you're aware of how great your boobs are."

I looked down at him. "Oh, I know. Believe me, I know." I laughed. "But no rules, no boobs."

He groaned. "Okay, fine. I mean, rule number one is pretty easy – it's just me and you. I don't have sex with anybody else, and you don't have sex with anybody else."

"Agreed."

He stared at me. "Can I at least touch like, your nipples or something? I feel like it would help with my creative rule making process."

"The nipples are the best bit of the boob." I told him. "You can't just go straight for the nipple without caring for the surrounding area." I straightened up. "How would you feel if I just touched your dick and paid no attention whatsoever to your balls?"

I stared at me. "Erm, you know, I think I would cope."

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.

"It would be totally hard to have a really hot girl touching my dick, but, you know, I'd power on through like the solider that I am." He laughed. "I'd take one for the team, as they say."

"You're an idiot."

"And you're talking about touching my dick, whilst sitting directly on top of my dick, completely butt ass naked and soaking wet."

"So?"

"So, you've got about thirty seconds to finish these rules." He told me. "And once you're done, you're going to sit on the edge of the bath, I'm going to go down on you until you're tugging my hair and begging me to stop, and then I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be seeing stars."

Oh.

I blinked at him. "Rule number one is fine." I said quickly. "Rule number two – we do this because it's fun. The minute it stops being fun, we call it quits."

His hands were moving up my body now, and his mouth had attached itself to my neck.

"Rule number three…" I breathed heavily, as his lips moved to the base of my throat at the same time his hands found my boobs. "We're honest with each other about everything. No matter how big or how small it is – this will only work if we're completely transparent with one another."

"Fun – cool. Total honesty – also cool." He murmured, pressing his mouth against mine. "Anything else?"

He had moved one his hands so that his fingertips rested against my inner thigh and without warning, he was rubbing his thumb against the most sensitive part of my body. I jolted, involuntarily and gave him a look.

He laughed. "You wanted honesty, right?"

I nodded as he increased the pressure and motion of his thumb. "Yes." I said through gritted teeth.

"Okay, because honestly? I'm so done with talking. My mouth could be doing so many better things right now."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him hungrily.

"Okay, honestly?" I mumbled, breathlessly. "I don't know what you're waiting for."

"Thank God." He moved quickly, pushing me up to so that I was sitting in front of him, before diving between my legs.

And honestly? I came three times.