Here is part 2.
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Meri Ley - I am glad you find it so interesting. Here we return to Camelot.
Renaissancebooklover108 - no problem ;)
sjritts - I am glad you enjoyed that scene. I had always imagined Merlin would have taken great detail in where he buried Morgana because I still believe that he felt for her even if he ended up killing her in the end. I thought Gwen would be the same as well.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
Chapter 5
It had been 10 years since Camlann and only now had Merlin found the courage to return to Camelot.
Merlin didn't know what he was more scared of, seeing how much Camelot had changed or having to see Gwen again knowing that he couldn't save her husband.
Merlin had changed a lot in the 10 years. Being in solitude had changed him, not only in appearance but personality.
All the muscle that came about him being a manservant had gone from little use, his hair had become rowdy and long. Morgana used to cut his hair if his mother already hadn't. She said that he didn't suit long hair.
Merlin sighed. Even after 10 years Merlin still wanted to touch Morgana, to see her again.
He still thought about them. In his madness, he had even imagined them. He would think that Arthur was shouting his name or Morgana trying to seduce him. The images never lasted for long and Merlin was sure that he was on the edge of insanity.
That's why he had to go back. He had to have human contact or he was scared that he would turn into Morgana.
Aithusa had left him, not wanting to be near her master. He knew that he would never have the relationship that Morgana had with her.
Merlin reached the top of the hill.
Camelot still looked as magnificent as it did when he first arrived. Yet he was the innocent boy that arrived. Merlin couldn't believe how much his life had changed.
Merlin had spend a little time at the lake of Avalon but the rest he was at the hovel that he met Morgana at.
He kept an eye on the roses. His white on shone through the darkness of the hovel while its friend had wilted.
Merlin walked through the streets trying to brush off the stares that the people were giving him. Most of them would have thought he would have returned with the queen.
Gwen was walking through the town when this man walked into her.
"Excuse me." One of the knights said pushing the man to the floor.
The man fell to the floor and made no move to get up.
The knight stood over the man.
"Sir Henry, that is enough." Gwen said as she recognised the man.
"Do you know who this is?" Henry screamed at the man.
"Of course he does. He is Merlin." Gwen said looked at the knight.
Gwen pushed the knight out the way and offered her hand to her friend.
Merlin pushed himself up without using Gwen's hand. Yet after he got up he took her hand and have it a kiss.
Gwen smiled at him then slapped him.
"10 years! It's been 10 years since I saw you. You said you would return." Gwen shouted at him.
She didn't care who watched her. He was all she had left and she thought that he had left her.
"I have haven't I?" Merlin said with his same cheeky tone he use to us.
"Don't be cheeky with me Merlin." Gwen said pointing her finger in his face.
"Me be cheeky, never." Merlin said as he held out his arm for her.
Merlin left again after 5 years. Left in the night with only a letter.
Gwen read through the letter constantly after he left as if it would give her clues to where he had gone.
Even if Gwen knew that Merlin could look after himself, she knew that he was still grief stricken and needed people around him to help him through it.
Not only that but Gwen loved having her friend back. Merlin made everything seem like it was normal.
Yet Gwen knew he was going to leave. Even time he walked down the corridors, he would linger outside Arthur and Morgana's chambers, thinking nobody could see him. His head would perk up at times as if he has heard someone call his name. He would refuse to go to places which I believed was weird.
But there was also the death of Gaius. Gwen was scared that he was going to run off after the ceremony but he had stayed, for 6 months.
Gwen could see that everything was starting to get to Merlin and there was very little that she could do to stop him. He needed time away from Camelot and everything. She just hoped that he would return.
"Why are you reading that letter again?"
Gwen turned to see the young man by the door.
"Amhar, I need him."
Amhar came and sat on his father's desk.
"I know you do, mother. Just ... I still don't understand why I couldn't tell him who I was."
Gwen lent on the window. She wanted to tell Merlin about Amhar and but thought that he would have noticed. It wasn't as though they hide him away. "I thought he would realise. You are the split of your father."
Amhar smiled. "I should just be happy that I met my Uncle Merlin."
Gwen looked at the young man.
"He will kick himself when he realises." Gwen smiled.
They looked out as the new day began.
"Did he really love Aunty Morgana?" Amhar asked.
"I believe so. Every time she left, a part of him left with her. He isn't the man he use to be. But that might not just be because of losing her."
Amhar stood up and pulled his mother into a hug.
"He said he would be back. I am sure he is a man of his word."
Gwen smiled and Amhar realised his mother.
"I have got duties to attend to." He said bowing to her and leaving.
Gwen sighed.
She would have thought that Merlin would had noticed Amhar.
Merlin didn't want to leave. He didn't want to leave Gwen on her own again but he needed to.
He couldn't bare to see her getting older and older while he seemed to stay the same age.
He had noticed all his friends starting to wrinkle and go grey. Gwen just said that he aged better than most people. But they were all nearly 45. They should be ageing.
Merlin thought of a few people he could ask however most of them were dead.
He had tried to ask Gaius but he just brushed it off.
Merlin knew that there were people to ask he just needed to find them.
That's why Merlin left. He left for answers that he couldn't find in Camelot.
Many of the druids had fled the five kingdoms when the Saxons tried to take over and Merlin met Iseldir on the border between Caerleon and Powys, making sure that he met with King Damien.
Damien was Queen Annis' great-nephew, the only living relative that she had left. He didn't even know that he had a great-aunty that was a Queen. What Merlin believed, after find very little, was that Annis and her sister Marinia had a falling out, which led to the sisters disowning each other. Damien was only 25, young but was a good king.
Merlin tried to help him when he could because he reminded him so much of Arthur.
"Iseldir, it's good to see you." Merlin said once he reached the older man.
"It's good to see you too Emrys."
Merlin sighed.
"So you are now understanding the meaning of Emrys." Iseldir said with a smile.
"What do you mean?" Merlin said.
"Being in Powys, they speak another language. In English you should be called Ambrose, which means the same thing. Immortal."
That was a blow to Merlin.
"Are you okay Emrys?"
Merlin was still zoned out.
"So I am meant to sit around and watch my friends die. I am meant to watch the world go by." Merlin said.
He wanted to scream to the triple goddess for doing this to him.
"Emrys, you were born for this. Arthur will rise again, you need to be alive for him to come back. You are two sides of the same coin."
He remembered what he said to Morgana. How he couldn't bare to live without her.
If he was immortal, how was he meant to cope?
"And how am I meant to live without them?" Merlin looked defeated. "Destiny hates me. I couldn't save everyone I loved. I was even made to kill one."
Merlin thought back to Morgana and Arthur's deaths and knew that he would be insane.
"You cannot be angry at yourself forever Emrys."
"I have to go." Merlin said turning away from the druid.
"I know." Iseldir whispered as he watched the man go.
Merlin needed to know. It wasn't fair if he didn't know.
Iseldir didn't know what he could have been thinking but he knew that Merlin would fight through it.
He was Emrys after all.