Chapter 16
Harry tossed and turned in bed as he rearranged the pillows for the tenth time trying to find a comfortable position. He was taking Severus' advice and thinking about his situation he came to a few startling revelations.
One, he hadn't truly come to terms with what his relatives had done to him. He realized that he had been avoiding all thoughts of the Dursleys and had steered conversations away from them whenever they were brought up. He thought about the nightmares he still had and how they had started to morph into something more terrifying. Instead of his Aunt standing over him with a frying pan it was Draco's parents, telling him that he was a freak. Not good enough for their son or the magic he possessed. They would tell him that he should have died along with his parents and saved the world from filth like himself. Then the dream would change and instead of his cousin it would be Snape who was kicking him repeatedly in the ribs, snarling at him. 'You deserve this, Potter!' He would hiss before punching him hard in the face. Again the dream would change, into the worst image yet. Vernon would barge into the bathroom like he had that night and knock him to the ground, prying his legs open and settling between them ignoring Harry's pleas for mercy. Vernon would force his way inside his body, grunting and groaning with pleasure before his image rippled and melted, taking on the form of Draco. Draco would sneer at him as he plunged painfully into Harry, taking his pleasure and giving back pain. Harry would wake up then, mouth open in a silent scream, having perfected that certain ability after the painful beatings he would get from Vernon after waking them up with his screaming, body drenched in sweat as his heart hammered painfully in his chest. Harry would always run to the bathroom to be sick, placing up silencing wards so he wouldn't wake Draco as he curled into a ball and sobbed his heart out. He needed to do something soon because he didn't think he could handle the dreams anymore without losing his mind.
The second thing he realized was that, while he was afraid of being intimate with Draco he didn't mind taking things a little farther then their intense snogging sessions. Which Harry thought was weird considering his nightmares, but he wanted to be closer to his dominant. He wanted to give his dominant the pleasure he deserved and he wanted his dominant to pleasure him in return, to show him that sex didn't have to be all about pain. He would need to do something about the way Draco always pushed him away when things started to get too heated. He hated the sharp pain of rejection that lanced through him every time. Maybe he could seduce Draco after he sorted out the Dursley problem and got over his fear of intimacy.
Third was his lack of knowledge. Not in school or spells or even "proper pureblood etiquette" as Draco had been trying to teach him. No what frustrated him was his lack of knowledge on families and sharing and receiving affection. He had known only hate and pain growing up and thus he was at a complete loss on how to act around people. He still froze whenever people touched him, part of him expecting to be punched. He didn't even know what he was doing with Draco most of the time. He was going on some newly awakened instinct but when it came down to it, he was afraid. Afraid that he would do something wrong because of his lack of experience with affection and drive Draco away from him. He wouldn't be able to survive without the blond Veela after finding out how good life with him was. But what did he do about all these things? Harry had no idea where to start fixing his fucked up life and he could feel the stress growing at his frustration.
With a low, irritated growl he threw a pillow across the room and sat up, rubbing his face tiredly. He stumbled out of bed and made his way slowly to the kitchen where he prepared a cup of tea. Harry pulled his wand as he walked to the common room and lit the fire place as he sat down, curling up on the couch and drinking his tea. Harry cast a quick tempus and groaned when the red blinking lights told him it was five in the morning.
"I didn't get any sleep!" He grumbled, running a hand through his hair. "There better be some coffee at breakfast or I'm going to be useless all damn day." Harry sighed as he drained the rest of his tea, licking his lips at the delicious taste, and got up to wash his dirty cup.
Harry made his way back to his bedroom, gathered his clothes for the day and took a long hot shower. When he reappeared from the bathroom he had his uniform on with his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, his tie hanging undone from around his neck and his cloak over his right arm. He grabbed his bag, shoved in the books he would need for today, some quills and parchment and made his way to the Great Hall.
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Draco lay flat on his back looking up at the ceiling wishing he could hold Harry in his arms. He turned on his side, mentally berating himself over his behavior the past few days. He knew, he knew, how hard it's been for Harry and he knew what his little mate was going through and he had the audacity to behave like the world's biggest prick! His Veela was tearing itself up about how he had treated his mate and Draco was inclined to agree.
"I don't deserve him." He whispered sadly. "But I swear I'll be a better mate from now on." He couldn't allow his idiocy to ruin everything he and Harry could have, not that he would admit aloud to being an idiot. With a groan Draco forced his body out of bed and sluggishly made his way to Severus' common room where he could hear the man moving around.
"Morning, Sev." Draco yawned as he dropped heavily down onto the couch. Severus turned to look at Draco and snorted in amusement.
"You look terrible." Severus said with a smirk on his lips. Draco glared blearily and rubbed his eyes.
"I didn't sleep last night." He said before he was caught by another large yawn.
"Why ever not? Surely you didn't have that much homework." Severus said, turning to face Draco fully. Draco shrugged.
"I couldn't. Every night since I found Harry we've either slept in the same room or on the same bed. Now I can't sleep without him. There's that feeling that something is missing and until I have him beside me again I don't think I'll be getting much sleep." Draco sighed as he leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.
"Well, I guess I can give you a pepper-up to get you through the day." Severus said. Draco shot him a grateful look as he dragged himself up and back to the guest room. He took a long shower and when he emerged he had his uniform on, tie tied neatly around his neck, shiny black shoes laced tightly, cloak settled perfectly over his shoulder and his hair gel free just like Harry liked it. He ambled out to Severus' small kitchen and practically snatched the cup of tea held out to him.
"Cheers." He mumbled as he drank down the tea gratefully, detecting a hint of the pepper-up potion in his tea.
"You are welcome. Now come, we will head down to the Great Hall and I will see if Harry requires a pepper-up also." Severus said as they headed out of rooms.
"May I give it to him?" Draco asked pleadingly.
"No, you two are supposed to be spending time apart, you giving him the potion would defeat that purpose." Severus said. Draco snarled at him before picking up his pace and sweeping ahead of his infuriating professor. Draco pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and his eyes immediately went to the Gryffindor table where he was pleasantly surprised to see a head of unruly black hair. He stopped moving and just stared, drinking in the sight of his mate as he had been doing every time they crossed paths for the last two days, before he began to notice things, like how Harry had dark circles under his eyes, or that he was slumped tiredly over his drink, or that he looked absolutely miserable. Without a second thought he started to make his way to his submissive only to be held back by Severus. Draco growled as he looked up at the potion master.
"Let me go. He needs me. Look at him, Sev! We can't do this!" Draco hissed. Severus looked over to Harry before he sighed and shook his head.
"One more night and then you can go back. It's already been two days, one more won't hurt." He said gently as he dragged Draco away towards the Slytherin table.
"You dare to keep me away from my mate?" He asked in a dangerously soft voice, eyes flickering between his normal grey and Veela silver.
"Yes and you will do as you are told and stay here." Severus snapped as he pushed the irate Veela onto the bench.
"You would keep me away from him knowing what he has been through? He needs me just as much as I need him and you, Severus, are hurting him by keeping us apart for so long." Draco hissed as he tried to stand back up.
"I'm trying to help you. Stay seated!" Severus snapped as he pushed Draco back down onto the bench. A loud growling suddenly filled the relative silence of the Great Hall and everyone inside turned to see Harry glaring over at the Slytherin table, his eyes going completely emerald.
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Harry sat slumped at the table going over everything he had thought about while he couldn't sleep. Maybe Neville could help him? Harry yawned widely as he reached for the teapot to his left. He poured a cup and placed waffles, eggs and bacon on his plate before poking at it with disinterest.
"Stay seated!" He heard Snape's voice snap out. Harry looked up and tensed when he saw Severus holding onto Draco's shoulders. Harry growled loudly. Draco was his! How dare anyone else put their hands on his dominant! Harry could feel his anger and frustration mix with his tiredness and knew that if he didn't calm down in the next thirty seconds that some things, and possibly some people, were going to be damaged. Harry closed his eyes and gripped the table with the claws that had transformed from his fingernails. He carved deep gouges into the wood as he tried to reign in his temper.
'Calm down, Emerald!' He heard in his head. 'He did not hurt me.'
'He was touching you, he is still touching you.' Harry hissed back, glaring death at the potions master who still had his hands on Draco's shoulders. 'Remove his hands from your person, Draco, or I will be forced to do it for him.' Harry watched as Draco said something to Severus who paled and quickly removed his hands and looked over to Harry. Harry snarled silently before taking deep breaths.
'Better now? Can you take deep breaths for me, Harry?'
'Sorry about that. I'm just tired, didn't get any sleep the last two nights.'
'Me either. Sev is going to bring you a pepper up potion.'
'I don't want a pepper up potion! I want you!' Harry snapped.
'I know, Love and I want you too. Just one more day and then we can be together again. I swear it.'
'I don't know if I can make it one more day without you, Dray.' Harry whispered. Draco groaned softly in his mind and Harry blushed at the implications of what he had thought.
'I love you, Harry.'
'Love you too, Draco.' Harry replied before they broke their mental connection feeling slightly better after that brief bit of mental contact.
"Mr. Potter?" Harry turned to see Severus standing behind him and blushed lightly.
"Sorry about that, Professor. I haven't had much sleep and I just snapped." Harry apologized.
"Quite alright, Mr. Potter. I understand that this must be hard for you, especially for you, but I truly think it will help you in the long run." Severus said. Harry nodded and Severus held out a potion vial. "Pepper up potion, you will need it to get you through the day." Harry took it and downed it gratefully, ignoring the horrid taste.
"Thank you, Professor." Harry said as he handed the empty vial back to Severus. "Er…Professor?" Harry said hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"I've been thinking like you said and I was wondering if…that is if you wouldn't mind…if you aren't too busy…maybe I could…" Harry trailed off not knowing how to ask a man who had hated him his entire life to listen to his problems.
"Yes, Mr. Potter. You may come to talk to me about whatever it is you wish to discuss. Come by my rooms during lunch. We can eat there while you tell me what you need to." Severus said before making his way to the Head Table. Harry sighed tiredly and turned back around to poke at his food. He perked up slightly when Neville dropped down next to him.
"Mornin' Harry." Neville greeted him as he searched the table for eggs.
" 'Lo, Neville." Harry grinned tiredly. Neville paused in his quest for the elusive eggs and stared hard at him for a minute.
"Harry, you look like crap. Actually, now that I think about it, you haven't been looking to good the past few days. " Neville said bluntly. Harry felt a spark of pride for the confidence Neville had gained after the Ministry fiasco. "Are you sick? Did you sleep at all last night?" Harry shook his head and told Neville about everything that had happened and their plan to fool Dumbledore into thinking they weren't together anymore.
"So Snape ordered us to stay away from each other for three days to give us time to calm down and think about things. I'm going to talk to him about some stuff later during the lunch break." Harry said. He glanced nervously at Neville and flinched at the hard look on his face.
"He hurt you? He bruised you? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Neville nearly snarled the words. Harry shook his head quickly. Neville glanced sharply at him.
"Don't lie to protect him, Harry. Did he hurt you?" Neville asked softly.
"No. He didn't grab me hard enough to bruise. He didn't want to hurt me, just discipline me. I was being rather rude." Harry said.
"And he was being an arse, so you're even. And that explains why you haven't been glued to his side." Neville said with a shrug. "Ha!" He shouted when he found the eggs. He snatched them up before Colin Creevey could reach them and piled some onto his plate. "Eat, Harry. You're way to skinny after being with those repulsive muggles. Don't you want to be strong and healthy for Malfoy?" Neville asked slyly. Harry nodded and brightened slightly as he finally began to eat his food.
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Draco rubbed his temples and sighed softly. He was getting a migraine and he knew the only way to make it go away was to have Harry at his side or in his arms. 'Or in my bed.' He thought before groaning loudly. Thoughts like that wouldn't do him any good now. He looked up at Flitwick who was going on about some incredibly fascinating charm that would blah,blah,blah. He looked over to the other side of the classroom where Harry was sitting with Longbottom and the pressure on his head alleviated somewhat.
"Mr. Malfoy! Would you like to demonstrate the correct way to cast the charm since you seemingly know how to do it perfectly? Otherwise you would not be staring into space completely disregarding this lesson." Flitwick said and Draco swore he was smirking at him. With a silent groan Draco stood raised his wand.
"Aguamenti!" Draco said clearly and shot a smug look at the professor when a steady stream of water spilled from his wand.
"Very good, Mr. Malfoy. Five points to Slytherin." Professor Flitwick said before turning to another student. Draco sat back down, glad they had potions next. He would try to talk his godfather into shortening their separation period, he could feel their bond straining because of their forced time apart.
"-aco? Draco? Draco!"
"Fuck! What do you want?" He snapped, rubbing the stinging spot on his arm where Pansy had punched him.
"I've been calling your name for five minutes! What were you thinking about so hard?" She asked.
"None of your bloody business, Parkinson!" Draco snapped at her. "And I would appreciate it if you kept your disgusting paws of my delectable body." Pansy narrowed her eyes at him.
"You will watch your tone when you address me, Draconis. I will forgive you because I know you didn't get much sleep last night-"
"I got zero sleep last night and the night before." Draco interrupted.
"-And you are separated from Potter," She continued, completely ignoring his input, "but you need to focus on class. Maybe Professor Snape will pair you together in potions." Pansy suggested.
"What part of no contact did you not understand?" Blaize drawled from Draco's left. "If Snape said no contact for three days he isn't going to pair them together."
"Shut up, Zabini! I was trying to make him less depressed!" Pansy hissed over Draco's head.
"Well you're doing a bloody fantastic job, aren't you?" Blaize said smirking at Pansy's narrow-eyed glare.
"I was doing a fantastic job before you decided to intrude in a place where no one wanted you-"
"Silencio." Draco snapped, waving his wand at his two bickering friends before slamming it onto his desk. "If you would kindly shut the bloody fuck up then maybe I wouldn't feel like I've been trampled by stampeding giants and then beaten by fifty bludgers." Draco hissed while closing his eyes and messaging his temples. Draco waved his wand tiredly to take the silencing spell off and they glanced at him apologetically.
"Come on. Let's pack up. Class is almost over." Blaize said softly. Draco slowly packed, half watching the other side of the room where Longbottom was gently pulling Harry to his feet and leading him towards the door. Draco quickly stepped forward so he made it to the door at the same time as his mate. He "accidently" bumped into Harry, catching his mate around the waist when he started to fall forward.
"Dray." Harry's soft moan sent fire racing through Draco's veins and he tightened his grip on Harry.
"Mine. My Harry. Miss you." Draco groaned as he breathed in Harry's sent. He leaned down to kiss Harry and snarled when the younger teen was suddenly pulled from his grasp. He focused on Longbottom who now had Harry in his arms before shifting his glare onto his friends who stood blocking his way.
"Give him back to me." Draco hissed. Longbottom shook his head.
"Snape said three days, Malfoy, not two days, two nights and a few hours. Even if he hadn't you wouldn't be getting near Harry unless I thought it was safe for him. I won't have you abuse him like the muggles. He's had enough." Longbottom said firmly.
"He's also right here and can talk for himself." Harry snapped glaring at everyone. "I don't want to be late. Let's go, Nev." Longbottom nodded and dragged Harry away when he began walking slower so he could look behind him. Draco sighed and started after them, dreading the long hours that loomed ahead.
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Harry stood at the end of transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs and gathered his things. He walked with Neville until they reached the Great Hall.
"I'm going to the dungeons to talk with Snape. I have a free period after this so I'll meet up with you in Binns class, yeah?" Harry asked. Neville nodded.
"Good luck, Harry." Neville said softly. Harry grimaced slightly before turning and heading for Snape's personal rooms. He reached the portrait of Salazar Slytherin that Draco had told him about over the summer and knocked hesitantly.
"Enter." A calm, silky voice answered as the portrait swung smoothly open. Harry slowly stepped inside and peered over at Snape from beneath his long bangs.
"I am not going to lash out at you, Harry. You may sit down. I will call a house elf to bring us lunch." Snape said motioning to a comfy chair while he called an elf and ordered lunch for them. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Snape sighed.
"Harry? What did you want to talk about?" Snape asked. Harry hesitated, wondering if he could really trust this man. In many ways Snape reminded him of his…the Dursley's. They all hated him and made sure he knew by telling or reminding him every day. Could he trust Snape with his thoughts?
"I…Can I trust you?" Harry asked quietly. Snape stared at him for a moment before he pulled his wand. Harry flinched back into his chair and a sad look crossed over Snape's face before he raised his wand.
"I, Severus Snape, swear on my magic that I will never knowingly or intentionally hurt Harry Potter with my actions, words, or magic." Severus lowered his wand after the bright white light faded from around him and Harry gave him a small smile.
"Thank you." He whispered. Harry took a deep breath and looked into onyx eyes. "I was thinking last night, I can't sleep without Draco." Harry blushed lightly. "Anyway I realized a few things that I…I need help with."
"And you want me to help you with them? Or do you just want to talk about them?" Severus asked. Harry opened his mouth to answer when the house elf popped back in with their food, Shepard's pie, treacle tart and pumpkin juice.
"Can I do both?" Harry asked when the elf disappeared. "Will you listen and help me?"
"I will help you in any way that I can." Severus said. Harry nodded and took a bite of his shepard's pie to give him time to gather his thoughts.
"I have nightmares." He finally blurted out. Severus raised an eyebrow at him.
"About Voldemort?" Harry shook his head.
"About my rel…the Dursley's. I have nightmares about the Dursley's, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, you and Draco." Harry said as he stabbed moodily at his food.
"All together or separately?" Severus asked.
"Together? I don't know it's kind of weird." Harry shrugged uncomfortably.
"Would you like to tell me about them?" Severus offered gently.
"I'd rather not but I need to get my shit together so…" Harry trailed off before heaving a big sigh. "Alright, the nightmares. It…it starts at the Dursley's. I'm cleaning, dusting, when Vernon and Petunia walk in and start telling me how useless I am. They're both shouting at me, telling me that they should have drowned me when they saw me on their doorstep and then they…they morph into Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy and its them telling me that I don't deserve the magic I have, that I'm a filthy half-blood who doesn't deserve to wash Draco's bed sheets let alone be his mate. And then they're gone and I'm in the garden and Dudley is standing over me, kicking me in the ribs and telling me nobody will ever love me and then he shifts into you and you start telling me that everyone hates me and that all of your lives would have been so much better if I wasn't there.
Then the nightmare shifts again and it's that night, the night they saved me. Uncle slams the bathroom door open and he's coming towards me. He's pushing me to the ground and tearing my clothes off but I don't want him to. I don't like it! Stop! Please, stop!" Harry starts whimpering, his eyes growing distant as he gets caught in the memory of his nightmare.
"Harry! Harry, snap out of it!" Severus shouts as he kneels in front of the distraught teen.
"Please! Uncle stop…Draco? Draco, what are you…NO! No, Draco please! You promised! You promised not to hurt me! NO! No no no no no!" Harry moaned, taking deep sobbing breaths. Severus reached out and shook Harry hard. Harry flinched away, emerald eyes snapping up to meet onyx before he collapsed against Severus' chest, hard, heart-breaking sobs vibrating in his chest.
"Harry, none of that will ever happen. Lucius and Narcissa-"
"Already don't want me near Draco! You saw how they acted when I lost control of my magic and accidently hurt him! They acted just like the Dursley's! Worried more for their own son than the little orphan boy who was dumped on them. And I understand, I really do. I just don't want to be around when it gets that far." Harry sighed, still leaning heavily on Severus.
"I will never treat you like that. I will never treat you like your cousin did." Severus protested.
"You already do. Every time I have your class, every year you tell me how worthless and useless I am. Call me an arrogant brat, born with a silver spoon in my mouth." Harry snorted in disgust. "Guess you finally know better." Severus stared at him, face paling slightly.
"Draco would never…" Severus stopped talking when Harry shook his head.
"Maybe not for a while but he will. He'll want to take things farther that I'll be able to go and when I refuse he'll take what he wants. He won't be able to help himself if the Veela is screaming at him about mating instincts." Harry said softly.
"You are wrong. About all of us." Severus whispered.
"With all due respect, Professor, I do not think I am." Harry said as he stood up. "I have a free period now. I'm going to my room to try and get some sleep." Harry walked out of Severus' private rooms without waiting for a response. He was just so tired. He needed to sleep, to relax.
"I need my dominant." Harry whispered forlornly as he ambled dejectedly to his room.
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Severus sat at the table long after Harry had left, thinking about what he had heard and thinking things over. He was disgusted to find that Harry was telling the truth, at least about Narcissa, Lucius and himself. He knew for a fact that Draco would never rape him, no matter what his instincts urged him to do. Not after the way he had found Harry. With a deep sigh he stood slowly and went to fetch a quill and some parchment.
Draco,
We need to talk. It is about Harry and is extremely urgent. Come to my rooms as soon as you get this owl. I will explain to your teachers why you will be missing class.
Severus.
Severus folded the letter, slipped it into an envelope and sent it off with his owl, Amadeus. He could only hope that Draco would be able to help Harry overcome his fear and insecurities.
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Draco,
We need to talk. It is about Harry and is extremely urgent. Come to my rooms as soon as you get this owl. I will explain to your teachers why you will be missing class.
Severus.
Draco shoved the letter into his pocket as he raced out of the Great Hall. He had been casting worried glances towards the Gryffindor table when he noticed Harry's absences. Draco had been surprised when Amadeus had landed in front of him hooting excitedly. Draco had quickly untied the letter and read it, his heart growing colder with every word. He ran up to Severus' rooms, barking the password when he was still a few feet away so he would not have to stop.
"What about Harry?" Draco shouted before he was halfway through the portrait. "Is he hurt? He looked so sick during class. Did he collapse? Is he in the hospital wing? What are we still doing here? We have to go!" Draco was frantic with fear.
"Calm yourself!" Severus snapped. "Harry has gone back to your rooms to sleep after the stressing talk we had during lunch. I told him he could come to me to talk and he told me about his nightmares."
"He still has nightmares. He puts up a silencing charm around himself at night. He thinks I don't know about them. I've been researching potions and spells to help him get rid of them." Draco sighed as he collapsed onto the couch.
"Do you know what they are about?"
"No. He won't talk about them with me." Draco grumbled.
"Considering what happens in them I would not expect him to."
"He told you? What does he dream about?" Draco demanded.
"Us. He dreams that your parents treat him like his aunt and uncle, that I degrade him like his obese cousin, and that when the instincts overwhelm you that you will rape him like his uncle did." Severus said softly. Draco paled and ran from the room gagging. Draco made it to Severus' bathroom before he lost his lunch in the toilet. Severus followed him and rubbed his back comfortingly as Draco sobbed and vomited.
"How could he think that?" Draco gasped out. "How could he think I would ever violate him in such a manner?"
"Draco you cannot blame him. He was abused all his life. He seems like he is getting better, yes, but it will take a long time, possibly years, before he completely understands that things are different now." Severus spoke calmly and smoothly and Draco calmed down, slumping tiredly against the rim of the bathtub.
"Please," Draco whispered, staring up at his godfather. "Please, let me go to him. He can't deal with this on his own.
"I know. I have already sent word to both your teachers that you will be missing the rest of today's classes and all of tomorrow. Try to put his mind at ease, Draco." Severus said as he helped Draco stand and conjured a warm, wet rag. Draco wiped his face hurriedly and cast a breath refreshing charm.
"Thank you, Sev." He said before running from the rooms. He made it to the rooms he shared with Harry in no time and snapped the password impatiently.
"Harry!" He shouted as soon as he was inside. He heard a sharp gasp from the bedroom before the door was thrown open with a bang and Harry stumbled out.
"Draco?" He breathed, eyes wide with wonder. "Draco!" He shouted before launching himself across the room. Draco met him half way and swept him into his arms, breathing in his sent.
"Harry, Harry, Harry." Draco whispered as he tightened his hold on his submissive,
"Missed you so much, Dominant. Please don't leave." Harry begged softly. Draco shook his head.
"Never again, Love. Never, ever again." Draco murmured as he made his way to their room. They tumbled onto the bed still wrapped around each other. "Sleep, submissive. We have much to talk about when we wake up."
"I love you so much, Draco. More than anything." Harry said solemnly as he stared up at him. Draco gazed down into emerald eyes, dull from exhaustion, worry and pain and pressed his lips softly against Harry's forehead.
"I love you too, Harry. More than anything." Draco whispered back before they both succumbed to the exhaustion pulling at their brains and gave in to much needed sleep.
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Next chapter Harry talks about his nightmares and works some things out. We hear more from Dumbledore. And for the first time in the story…a vision from our favorite Dark Lord!