Cragen stood outside of Alex's room. While he was discussing Alex's past injuries she had been moved from the trauma bay to a standard ER exam room. For the first time ever he was at a lost on what to say when he entered the room. If this was a normal everyday case of abuse he would walk in and identify himself and why he was there. This case was far from ordinary. This was one of their own.
"Alex' Cragen almost whispered as he slowly opened the door and stepped in.
Alex head shot up when she heard her name and she shivered when she saw who it was. The look in his eyes told her he was beyond pissed and was barely hanging on by a thread before he lost complete control. She couldn't blame him after all she was to blame for him losing his best detective.
"Captain I'm so sorry." She choked out as a fresh batch of tears started to fall from her eyes. "I never meant for this to happen. I hope someday everyone will be able to forgive me."
Cragen stood there taken back. Was Olivia shot trying to protect Alex? Did she already know what Alex was going through and was quietly investigating it? If so why didn't she read him in? He understood that Alex probably wanted to keep this investigation as quiet as she could but he would of remained silent. Olivia knew he hated to be kept out of the loop. He couldn't protect them or back their plays if he didn't know what they were doing.
"Alex no one blames you." Cragen said as he pulled a chair up by her side. "It's not your fault."
"Yes it is Captain" Alex whispered as she looked away unable to look him in the eyes.
"Alex trust me no one blames you." He said as he reached for her hand and almost cringed when she jerked away as if he was going to hit her. "This happens. It's the nature of the job. Each and everyone of us knows the danger we are walking into when we accept employment. You are not to blame."
"I called her name." Alex yelled spinning around to face him "I screamed her name and she took her eyes off the target because of that. If I hadn't yelled she would still be alive she would still be here."
"Still be alive?" Cragen repeated slightly confused before he realized that everyone was so focused on her healed injuries no one probably filled her in on Olivia. "Alex, Olivia is still alive she's in surgery right now."
"Please don't lie to me Don to protect me. I was there when she took her last breath."
"Alex I've never lied to you and I have no intention to start now. Olivia is alive. We did lose her briefly but the paramedics were able to get her back. She is currently in surgery and everything is touch and go at the moment. Unfortunately that is all I know but I do promise to keep you updated with whatever information I have or know."
"There's no way she gave me her gun. I watched her become lifeless."
"Her gun?" He asked confused. Of course Olivia would have given Alex her gun. She would need it to keep them both alive till back up arrived. "Why does her giving you her gun equal her being dead?"
"If there's one thing I've learned by being an ADA is that an officer never surrenders their weapon until death. Their weapon is an extension of themselves. Something that they would never willingly give up till their death. Even then I have a feeling that most of them would prefer to be buried with it."
"You're right on both accounts." Cragen answered as he handed her some tissues "The only time we willingly give it up is on retirement or when we know we can't continue the fight. My guess would be that she handed you the weapon to keep you safe until back up arrived. She realized the extent of her injuries and knew she wouldn't be able to hold on that long. But I swear to you Olivia is alive and currently in surgery."
"She's alive?"
"At the moment yes but she's not out of the woods yet."
"Oh god I thought I killed her"
"Alex even if she doesn't make it, and there's still that chance, you are not to blame. She would have died doing what she loved,helping others. Can you tell me what happened?"
"I had left the station and was walking back to my office. Olivia wasn't paying attention and bumped into me. You could tell her mind was a million miles away. When I called her name she reached out and pulled me against her. Then before I knew it she had shoved to the ground and toward the alley. When I looked up she had her weapon out and trained on someone. She was shouting something that I couldn't understand. I screamed her name and she looked at me. That was when she was shot. I crawled to her applying pressure and called for help. The rest you know."
"What did the shooter look like?"
"I have no clue my eyes were on Olivia. I never looked in the direction she was looking."
"Alex." Cragen said dreading what he was about to have to ask her "I need to ask you about your injuries."
"It's just a few scrapes from where I caught myself when she pushed me to safety and crawled to her. The nurses have cleaned them up. None of them needed more than some antibiotic ointment and a bandage. As a precaution they told me that they would be prescribing me an antibiotic to take and 800 milligram matron for pain. They say once this IV is finished I will be released."
"I wasn't talking about those injuries" Cragen said as he swallowed hard "I need to know about the healed injuries that showed up on your x-rays."
"I'm clumsy" Alex whispered as the color drained from her face "I keep running into the door or tripping when I walk. It's not easy to walk in these four inch heels."
"Cabot I've been doing this for close to twenty five years and to be blunt with you that is the oldest excuse in the book. None of your injuries are consistent with a fall or running into a door. Not unless that door has the ability to keep your arms pinned behind you for hours."
"Captain Cragen without a complaining witness you have no case and as of this moment you have no complaining witness."
"Alex I swear to you that none of this will leave the 16. It will be discretely investigated and there will be no trial. We are trained to deal with highly sensitive case. There will be a total of five people that will know and there will never be a paper trail."
"I can't." Alex said as she buried her head in her hands.
"You can and if you need protection you have it. We will all rotate shifts to make sure you're covered. If anyone asks you received a credible threat from an inmate with ties to organized crime."
Alex looked up and stared into Cragen's eyes. There was something about the look in them that told her it was safe to talk to him and that it would be discretely investigated no matter what. Someone was hurting a member of his family and that never bode well for them. She truly believed him when he said that it would never leave the 16, and she was willing to bet his office to be exact, that it wouldn't. The guys would take it at face value about the threat and do what was asked of them. For the first time she saw a way out of the dark hell she had been living in.
A/N: I received a review stating that Alex had always been so strong and couldn't see her as a victim. That is true but the one thing I have learned in fourteen years in a uniform is that it's the one's that you think are the strongest are the ones that are being used as punching bags at home. They have the always in control nothing ever gets to them persona. The downfall in this profession is that you know how to hide everything and if you admit that there is a problem you feel as if you will be seen as weak. Hang with me I will reveal everything about Olivia in the chapters to come. Hope everyone enjoyed it and as always reviews are welcomed.