Month twelve of twelve below! But fear not, I have plans for an epilogue which I am hoping you will be pleased with, as with the end of this story…
I must say thank you for all the wonderful comments I have received in response to this story. I am so glad you have enjoyed it as much I have enjoyed writing it… However, I do have to stress that I am not American, that I live in the UK and may have made some factual errors in this story because of this. I hope you have enjoyed this story regardless!
Let the Japril love continue!
Month Twelve
"Stop fidgeting." Arizona Robbins scolded, tapping April Kepner's knee cap gently.
April grimaced and ceased the movements in her legs. "I'm nervous. I can't help it."
"This is one of the better parts of the whole thing… A happy part." Arizona replied with a wide, warm smile. "There isn't anything to be scared of."
"Well it's just… considering everything that happened last time, I want this time to be perfect." April admitted, with a slight wavering edge in her voice. Arizona nodded and reached out a hand to a friend, who accepted it gratefully and managed a small smile as the older woman squeezed with definite empathy. After a few moments of silence, in which the friends shared the tender moment, April spoke once more. "I have no idea why I had to book in with an OBGYN though. I would have trusted you to do then scan."
Arizona rolled her eyes and released April's hand, shifting slightly so she could adjust the pillow behind the younger woman's head. "April, you know I wasn't going to agree to that."
"But why not? You have years of experience with this kind of thing, caring for tiny humans."
"I have years of experience fixing tiny humans that are already born. I am not an OBGYN like Doctor Hana, you know that." Arizona replied with a serious undertone to her voice. It didn't matter that she and April were close friends, or that she had indeed preformed a thousand and one ultrasounds before now, this was a tiny human growing inside of someone she knew, someone she would have even gone so far as to say loved. Considering the history that April had with the previous miscarriage, there was going to be nothing but the best for the expectant mother. "And besides," She added. "Now as member of the club involved in the making of the tiny humans, I know just how important it is to have a fully qualified OBGYN to attend to all your pregnant woes."
April nodded, aware her friend made perfect sense and re-adjusted herself underneath the exam sheet. "I know that, I just don't want to get too comfortable, you know… Having an OBGYN means that this is a real possibility. It's overwhelming."
It had been hard for the young surgeon to except that she was, in fact, pregnant. The signs and symptoms had been there, even before her trip to Moline but she had tried to push them to the back of her thoughts; the fight with Jackson was consuming most of her time and energy, and she did not need to be reminded of the past experiences she had had with pregnancy. Even the process of actually forcing herself to the clinic, to have a blood draw and confirmation from a medical professional, had been a huge effort for April. It had only been because of Kimmie's persistence during her home visit, that she had gone at all. Her reluctance, which Kimmie knew, were coming from the memories of the miscarriage, which she had inadvertently shared with her elder sister in the process of admitting the possibility of a new pregnancy. They had even gone on to discuss the first pregnancy scare that April had endured following her boards. None of the experiences April had had, were really helping to calm the worry and fear that she held now she was pregnant once again.
"What if it happens again, Arizona? I don't think I would make it if I had another miscarriage."
"April, you know as well as I do that if these things are going to happen, that they will. We have no control on the force of the greater powers."
April nodded and almost managed a small smile at the comforting words of her friend. "I'm really glad you could make it with me today. I couldn't have asked for a better friend."
Arizona nodded and smiled warmly once more, turning and taking a sear beside her friend at the sound of voices and feet on the other side of the exam room door. "April Avery?" A tall, slim dark haired woman asked as she entered the room and closed the door quietly behind her. April nodded and the woman smiled. "I'm Doctor Hana, your new OBGYN by all accounts… and you're here today to see you baby for the first time I understand?"
April nodded her head once more, shifting her hand out from beneath the sheet and gripping tightly at the side of the bed. "It's nice to meet you." She managed through gritted teeth.
Doctor Hana offered a wide, toothy grin and took her seat at the end of the exam couch. "Likewise." She replied, snapping on a glove to her left hand. "Now let's get you in the right position to see this baby shall we… Slip down the bed a little for me, knees up toward your stomach, ankles together and relax as best as you can manage."
April nodded, swallowing hard before proceeding to follow the instructions. It was not a dignified position to be in, not in the slightest and the sound of the monitors loading only added to the thundering rythmn of her heart in her chest. "Sorry, I'm nervous." She apologised, noticing the slight shake of the exam sheet as she tried to manoeuvre her legs as instructed.
"That's ok, there's nothing to be worried about. This is all very routine when you first discover you're pregnant… Is this your friend, partner?" The older woman, gesturing in Arizona's direction.
Arizona laughed softly at the insinuation from the Doctor and April shook her head. "No, no, this is my friend, Doctor Arizona Robbins. My husband couldn't make it because he was has surgery, or something…" She trailed off, trying to focus on anything but the actions of the Doctor preparing the probe before the ultrasound began.
"Sorry I just made assumptions." Doctor Hana apologised, rolling her eyes at both women with a slightly embarrassed edge.
"I'm married too." Arizona added with a light tone to her voice, smiling at Doctor Hana as she acknowledge the quite rightful slip of the tongue. She, herself, knew only too well how others sometimes perceived the presence of two women at an ultrasound appointment; thoughts of Callie, and the small swell her wife was currently carrying around her middle, only made her smile a little wider.
"Ok, so now we've established the facts, shall we get started?"
April took a deep breath and swallowed against the dry, scratchy feeling in the back of her throat and tipped her head a little to show her consent.
"Ok, so this is quite uncomfort-"
The sound of an urgent knocking on the door stopped the Doctor in her tracks, whilst Arizona and April exchanged glances. With an apologetic raise of her eyebrows, she stood from her stool and padded over to the exam room door, opening it a little with caution considering the current position of her patient on the exam couch. After a few moments of hushed voices, Doctor Hana closed the door once more and turned to April.
"It's your husband. He wants to know if he can here with you, instead of your friend."
April shifted a little in her seat, turning her head again to see Arizona who simply smiled and stood from her seat. "I would much rather be Jackson be here with you, April." She said quietly, knowing that without a doubt this was the best outcome of the situation. If this had been Callie, and she had suddenly had chance to be with her wife, there was no comparison as to the choice she would have made.
April smiled at her friend, tipping her head knowingly and watched as the older woman strode across the room and exited through the door, before Jackson appeared beside Doctor Hana. "Hi." She murmured quietly as he moved across the room toward her and took the seat Arizona had just vacated.
"Your surgery?" She asked, without being fully able to digest his sudden presence in the room.
"I decided that nothing was more important than this. I was stupid for thinking it was ok to send you here with Arizona." He explained, fixing his eyes with hers and contorting his face into one that showed honesty and compassion.
"I would have been ok with Arizona, Jackson." She replied, suddenly rolling her head back into the centre of the pillow and fixing her eyes on the ceiling tiles. Slightly dejected, he nodded a little disorientated, and leant back against the cushioned back to the chair he occupied.
"Ok, so are we ready to start now?" Doctor Hana asked, returning to her stool once more and collecting the probe, adjusting the screen with her free hand.
"Yes." April replied with little sign of any feeling in her voice whatsoever.
A few moments passed as the Doctor organised the setup before informing April to relax, and slipping in the probe to the appropriate depth. It wasn't a particularly pleasant feeling, and April felt herself tighten a little at the sensation, but she did not move or murmur in the slightest, instead continuing to focus on the ceiling above them. She could hear the words of the Doctor as she explained what was happening on the screen, angling it now so Jackson and April could see if they so wished, adjusting the probe as appropriate.
"And here's the uterus, with the sac just to the left on the screen here."
"Is that the…" Jackson trailed off, his eyes fixed on the screen at the sight of the grainy image moving slightly as the probe shifted. In that very moment, he could not recall how to read the findings of the ultrasound as he had done so many times before. It was as if he was experiencing the entire process for the very first time.
"That," Doctor Hana replied, tapping at a large button below the screen. "Is your baby, yes… I would say you're about 9 weeks along actually."
April felt her head nod at the findings. The accuracy of the scan made sense. Around about that period was the last time she and Jackson had been intimate, the night before their fight. That could have been the only potential episode, since neither of them had been able to look at the other in the last few weeks, never mind think about having sex. "Is everything ok?" She asked, sensing a sudden rush of tears building in her eyes as the enormity of the current state of the situation resonated with her.
"Everything is absolutely perfect." Doctor Hana replied, smiling warmly at Jackson as his eyes remained transfixed on the screen. "In fact, I have the foetal Doppler available if you would like me to try and detect the baby's heart beat? I sensed you might be worrying considering your previous experience."
Jackson turned his head a little to catch sight of his wife. She had shifted a little now, her eyes roaming around the room at least. With caution he reached out a hand and edged it across the capture hers from the side of the trolley; with tender ease, he prized her fingers from the metal and let them curl into his. It was the first moment during the whole experience that she felt herself loosen at little. "Do you want to see if we can hear the heartbeat?" He asked her quietly, hoping she would agree as excitement pulsed through him at the thought.
"Isn't it too early?" She questioned moving her gaze to the Doctor at the end of the couch.
"Nine weeks can be too early, yes but that's why we use the foetal Doppler. It has a higher success rate of picking up weaker beats, as they usually are at this gestation." She explained, reaching underneath the ultrasound unit and offering the said equipment for April and Jackson to see.
"But what if there isn't a heartbeat?" She asked no one in particular, her voice small and uncertain.
"If the Doppler doesn't pick one up, that doesn't mean there is any cause for concern. Your blood work is normal, as I would expect at this gestation and we can try again in a week or two with the Doppler."
"Ok." April replied, feeling reassured by the kind words of the OBGYN. Arizona had most certainly been right when she had suggested this particular one, assured that she was the very best that Grey-Sloan Memorial had to offer.
"Ok." Jackson also confirmed, squeezing her hand tightly as they felt themselves mutually comforted by the words. No matter what had happened between them, neither would forget the peril and hurt they had both felt when they had gone through the previous miscarriage. It was the one thing that had overshadowed the idea of a new pregnancy, completely shelving the fight that they were currently immersed in. The idea that they had created a life, who was an innocent bystander in the rougher edges of its parents' marriage, was where they knew their focus had to be now.
"Here goes." Doctor Hana said quietly, retracting the ultrasound before replacing it with the Doppler, shifting a few dials to set the right frequency. "It takes a few moments." She added as they all noted the silence that seemed to surround them as they waited.
"I can't hear anything." April groaned, straining to listen for even the smallest of sounds emitting from the small speaker.
"Just give it a minute." Jackson coaxed, he too straining his hearing to grab any small sound they might be offered.
Then, all of a sudden, the room seemed to fill with the steady sound off a heart rythmn from the small speak at the bottom of the couch. Doctor Hana burst into a smile and looked upward to Jackson and April who were exchanging unsure glances. "You seem to have the Gods smiling down on you after all." She told them as the sound resonated with the parents to be. "You have what sounds like a very healthy little baby growing in there."
*/\*
They had stayed listening to the soft thudding of the baby's heart for a few minutes before the examination came to a natural end. Doctor Hana had left them alone in the exam room to digest the news, and to give April some privacy to get herself re-dressed. Jackson had waited in silence as she had done, clambering from the trolley and dragging her underwear and jeans back up her thighs. He noted that it seemed a strange situation for them to be in. It should have been one of the happiest moments in their young marriage but there was still a certain air that hung between them. Whilst they had decided it was time to seriously consider trying to work out their issues in their marriage, specifically now they faced impending parenthood, there was still something unresolved between them. Not that he could be sure what that was.
"I'm going to cut back my hours in the ER." April said suddenly, breaking the silence and bringing Jackson from his thoughts. "I need to focus on the pregnancy."
"That sounds sensible." Jackson agreed.
"But I'm not giving surgery up. I'm still a trauma surgeon… even if I'm going to be a mom." She added with definite strength to her voice.
"I wouldn't expect you to give up doing something that you love… I know you'll take good care of our baby regardless."
Our baby. The words seemed strange when said out loud. When she had been pregnant before, neither of them had had time to digest the information before she was put through the hell of the miscarriage. Yet now, now they had all the time in the world to enjoy the sensation of getting to grips with the knowledge, all being well, they would be parents in seven months' time. It filled April with a new type of warmth, spilling into every inch of her as a small smile slipped into her lips. "I can't believe we're going to be parents, Jackson." She sighed, turning her body so that she could face him fully since he had first arrived in the room.
"I know." He replied.
"We're going to be good parents too, right? It doesn't matter about all the crap… we'll do this right, together?"
He tipped his head a little at the sudden urge his wife seemed to have, regarding a frank discussion about their abilities of caring for the soon to be child. It was hard to fully read the expression in her features but he felt she partly seemed scared, and partly seemed excited about the journey they were both about to begin. With a smile, he nodded and stood from the chair, closing the gap between them as he looked down over her. "We're going to be the best parents we can be, April. We'll raise him or her to be kind, and loving, and to believe that there is good in the world, and the people in it."
She nodded eagerly, casting her eyes upwards and fixing them against her husband's, relishing in the proximity of their closeness. It had been two months since they had last shared such limited space, since she had felt the warmth of his skin through the scrubs that clothed his body. Swallowing hard, she blinked and poised her lips. "What you said, about the vows we made and about always having to have those types of conversations… this conversation, we'll work through it right, you promise?"
"April, I-"
"No, Jackson, if we're serious about our marriage and raising our son or daughter together, then we need to be serious about sorting through everything that has happened in the last few weeks. It's important to me."
Jackson nodded, reaching a hand around and tentatively placing it on his wife's elbow. "I hear every word, I promise you. Even if I have to come to church with you, or say Grace before we eat dinner… I will do everything I can to help us get through this. I promise you that, even I can't promise you anything else."
"Good… because I love you, Jackson Avery. As much as you drive me crazy, and I still think you're an ass for what you said, I can't help it… that I love you."
Jackson smile widened at the words, taking them in with a lungful of air, as they ignited every inch of his being. It had been a while since he had heard them but they still caused him to react in the same way he always had, filling him with pride and pure passion. Finally, after the first year of marriage that they had endured, there was light beginning to peak through at the end of the very long tunnel they had been travelling the length of. In that very tender moment, between husband and wife, they finally had begun to feel that everything that they had been expecting from their marriage was finally within their grasp. They had gotten through the toughest months of their lives, and despite everything, were still standing twelve months later, ready to take on the most exciting chapter so far.
For the first time in twelve long months, April and Jackson Avery finally felt like they could do this.
I'll have a final epilogue to this story for you all, which I will be posting as soon as possible.
Thanks again!