Laxus does not sulk. He is, according to Elfman, too much of a 'real man' to even think about sulking; despite what Bickslow might say.
"Seriously man, stop sulking." Bickslow is resting on a log while sipping on a canned beer. Laxus turns to his friend and lowers his eyes.
"It's eleven at night and I'm sat here, in the middle of the woods, with a bunch of annoying brats all because Natsu does everything on a whim." Laxus complains-not sulks-to his friend.
"Hey, the man is trying to impress that girl, so let him." Erza demands as she pushes Bickslow off the log in order for her to sit on it herself. Bickslow frowns but decides better than to pick a fight with the one woman who could easily beat his ass.
"Natsu wouldn't know how to flirt his way out of a paper bag." Laxus dismisses Erza.
"I don't understand that reference." Erza complains.
"I don't understand why I'm spending my Saturday night babysitting a bunch of childish adults." Laxus snips as he blows on the smoke to create a larger fire.
"Well, you could always stop sulking and enjoy yourself." Bickslow offers. "Then again fun doesn't seem to be in your vocabulary anymore." Laxus offers up his middle finger to his friend.
"I know how to how fun." Laxus defends as he eyes the fire pit before him.
"Please, you have the largest stick up your ass that I've ever seen. Even worse than Freed…" Bickslow tightens his lips and looks away. Laxus stiffens at the name and closes his eyes before opening them again. People should be able to say Freed's name without him getting so angry, it has been almost eight years after all.
"Freed grew up sheltered, he couldn't help it." Laxus offers, voice stiff and void of emotion.
"From what I heard he got over that by now…" Erza looks up and trails off. What does that mean? What has she heard? Laxus desperately wants to ask but knows it's best if he remains silent. He wishes to know what happened to Freed but he can't bring himself to go through the pain of knowing if the man has moved on or not; especially when Laxus hasn't been able to.
"How is he?" He chances asking, still not being able to make eye contact out of fear that Erza can see the desperation in his face.
"Truthfully, he went through a rough patch but is fine now. Working at a law firm and everything." A rough patch? Laxus swallows as he hears Erza's words.
"And is he single?" He kicks at the ground as he asks the question. He can practically feel his heart thundering in his chest.
"Yes. From what I've heard from Ever," she says silently. Evergreen is still very close to Freed, he knows. She could never forgive Laxus for putting Freed through so much pain, and it's not like Laxus blames her.
"Good." He says silently. The three of them sit in relative silence after that, just enjoying the cool breeze of the night. Laxus lays down on his log and looks up at the sky. The sky's so dark, yet filled with so much light that's being emitted from the burning balls of light. He remembers how Freed would spend hours on end telling Laxus about all the constellations and how we are seeing stars that are already dead.
Laxus never appreciated all that science talk until he lost Freed; now he's left with dead stars and a lot of regret.
"Laxus, my boy." Laxus peers to his left to see his drunken old man holding up a bottle of beer. "Get up and enjoy the rest of us." Laxus looks over the short man's shoulder to see all the tents officially put up and Natsu standing in front of Gray looking like he's ready to pick a fight.
"I'm fine over here, thanks." Laxus deadpans.
"Nonsense, you need to be around the fellowship of others." Makarov insists.
"Oh, leave him be Makarov." Grandeeney chastises with a fond smile. Laxus nods towards the woman and she gives him a wink in return. "You know how the young are these days, all moody and wanting to be alone."
"Ha, even she knows you're sulking." Bickslow teases.
"Gramps, stop being embarrassing." Wendy, (the daughter of Grandeeney and Laxus and Natsu's half sister by marriage), whines. Makarov huffs as he takes another sip of beer, ignoring his wife and grand daughter completely.
"Fine, I'll leave them be." Makarov dismisses Laxus, Bickslow, and Erza. "I'll start a drink off with Cana." Wendy hides her face, behind her hands, and shakes her head.
"Please don't," Wendy pleads. "Last time that happened you ended up naked whilst singing show tunes with Erza." Laxus blanches in horror.
"So many wrinkles." Erza shakes in disgust.
"When you're my age you won't complain about such nonsense." Makarov shrugs.
"Old man, when I'm your age I'll just be glad to be alive." Bickslow gives a thumbs up. "You two should respect your elders." He wags a finger.
"Remember you said that when he's naked and trying to give you a lap dance." Laxus turns to say. Bickslow falls off the log in revulsion.
"I don't need this verbal abuse." Makarov begins to walk away. "Cana! Cana, I challenge you to a drink off." Laxus shakes his head and places his arm over his face.
"I should monitor them." Erza gets up.
"That's code for Erza wanting to join in before Jellal shows up and begins to monitor her." Bickslow offers and Laxus nods his head. The silence is a bit tense this time so Laxus takes his arm off his face to see Bickslow sitting up and looking nervous.
"What is it?" Laxus questions.
"I got a text from Ever today." He begins and Laxus sits up straight. "She wants me to come to Elfman's birthday party next weekend."
"I see," Laxus states slowly. "You should go." Evergreen and Elfman have been together for a few years now, and if they are doing something together then it's likely Freed will be in attendance as well. It sucks that they're so divided now. Ever and Freed and Bickslow and Laxus.
"Laxus," Bickslow starts before moving to sit beside Laxus. "What really happened between you, Mira, and Freed?" Laxus startles and looks to his friend with wide eyes. "Come on man, you can't honestly think that I believed that bogus story about you getting drunk and making a mistake, did you?" Bickslow snorts.
"Why are you asking me now then?" Bickslow shuffles a bit at the question.
"Seems like you're finally in a place where you're ready to talk without being hostile." Laxus often forgets how easily Bickslow can read him.
"Only Natsu, and Mira of course, knows the truth." Laxus begins in a quiet tone. "The day it all happened I was actually looking for wedding rings for Freed." Bickslow parts his lips in shock. "I ran into my father and he said the usual crap about how I won't amount to anything, that I was weak, and how I didn't deserve a noble man like Freed because all I would do is drag him down."
"I hate your father." Bickslow interrupts.
"He shouldn't have been able to get into my head the way that he did but I was already nervous about the proposal and with Freed's mother being against us…" Laxus shrugs.
"So I went to Mira and told her everything; I just needed some advice." Bickslow sighs, rubbing his hand up and down his face. "Surprisingly she agreed with my father." Bickslow actually gasps, unable to believe what he's hearing.
"She wouldn't…" Bickslow is in disbelief.
"She told me that I wasn't good enough for Freed, that she and I were the same; troubled and angry at the world. She reminded me of how she and I fit together, how things were easy between the two of us and that if I really loved Freed I should let him be with someone who was worthy of his love." Laxus' hands shake with anger.
"And you believed her?" Bickslow questions.
"I wasn't in my right frame of mine." Laxus explains. "I was already hurt from my father, and add liquor and Mira putting doubts into my head I caved. I felt so small, and worthless that I thought she had to be right because this was Mira. My Mira, and she wouldn't lie to me. So I trusted her, and we…"
"I know what you did." Bickslow wags his brows.
"Right as I was releasing myself, in walks Freed; looking shocked as hell. I couldn't even move right away, merely jumped off Mira, threw up, and stumbled after him. But it was too late." Laxus closes his eyes before letting out a small breath.
"Seeing how devastated I was sobered Mira up, and she admitted that she sent a text to Freed, from my phone, asking him to come over so that I could show him a surprise." Laxus stops talking for a minute.
"That's why Freed was convinced you wanted to break up with him by letting him see you cheat." Laxus nods.
"I didn't even want to be with her. I wanted to ask Freed for his hand in marriage, but I was so screwed up in the head that I allowed myself to be manipulated and I lost Freed in response." Bickslow can't even move he's so surprised.
"Then why take all the blame? Why let everyone think you're some sleaze who made a mistake and then just abandoned all responsibility?" Bickslow demands to know.
"Because she's had a rough go of it." Laxus explains weakly. "She had just lost Lisanna, her foster parents thought she was a demon, and she felt like I was abandoning her too because I wanted to marry Freed. Even after she ruined the one thing that I had going for me, I still couldn't let her take the blame."
"But you still hated her?" Comes the next question.
"I did because I lost Freed. But now I acknowledge that I can't hate my child too, because at the end of the day I still had sex with Mira." Laxus reveals.
"But she used your past abuse against you. That's manipulation man, and Freed would have understood. If you just told him the truth, he would have understood." Bickslow pats Laxus on the thigh. The thing is Bickslow knows all about Laxus' father's abuse. He was there for the verbal torment, the physical blows, and even times when Laxus wanted to give up. Bickslow saw the struggle, and fight, Makarov had to gain custody over a broken Laxus. Freed was there also, and he would have understood.
"He wouldn't give me the chance; I tried to speak to him but his mother told me that this was Freed's chance at a fresh start-away from my influences-and that I should let him go. I explained to her what happened and the next thing I know I'm being served with papers stating that Freed placed a restraining order on me." Bickslow is surprised for the umpteenth time tonight.
"You could have told me." Bickslow says desperately. "You could have told Ever, or your father. We would have made him listen. You know that. Why keep punishing yourself?" Laxus shrugs and stands.
"You wanted me to tell you the truth so now you know." Laxus begins to walk away. "I need a beer." He doesn't turn back around no matter how many times Bickslow calls out his name. Laxus just needs time for himself right now.
X
Drinking alone, while surrounded by a bunch of people, is rather pathetic Laxus soon grows to realize. Still, it's better being alone than having Bickslow give him sad puppy eyes all night long; besides, he wouldn't want to bring anyone else's mood down. Natsu was proper excited about cancelling dinner with the old man in order to have everyone have a camp out instead. Of course the group agreed immediately, never ones to pass up a good outdoor party.
"You're so quiet." Laxus peers over to see Lucy sitting beside him. He hadn't even noticed her approaching, must less sitting down.
"Not really in the party mood." He explains as he takes another sip.
"Is it about your daughter? I got the impression the topic is kind of taboo." She looks at him expectantly. Where the hell is Natsu? Shouldn't he be reigning this nosy chick in? Laxus briefly looks around and can't see the pink haired freak anywhere.
"Nah, I just like being alone sometimes." She peers over at him and brings her legs up to her chest.
"When you've spent as much time alone as I have, you welcome company; even if said company is the mere presence of another being." Her voice sounds vulnerable right now, like a bit of her soul is coming out into her words.
"Is that how you feel? Needing to be comforted by the presence of others?" He dares to question. She hums.
"Yes." She replies instantly. "But I can tell you're the opposite, someone who can be the center of attention and yet feel, or want to be, alone." She's not wrong, is the thing. He's always been independent, an introvert even, despite always having a massive family and friend support system. He's truly fine on his own.
"What are you doing over here then?" He looks to her.
"Everyone is telling pastime stories and are enjoying themselves, so I decided to take a step back a little." He shakes his head as she talks. She's being polite but Laxus can tell it means Natsu probably left to do something and abandoned her. Laxus loves his brother, but the guy doesn't really think things through sometimes.
"Is this your polite way of complaining about how Natsu left you alone with strangers?" Laxus snorts as he turns to look at her. She hides his face between her hands and laughs a bit.
"I mean, he organized all this because I didn't want to go home tonight; I can't blame him for not spending every second with me." She says with a laugh. Laxus hums and goes to stand.
"Come on, I'll introduce you to Bickslow." She takes his offered hand and follows in line behind him. Laxus comes up to his friend from behind, slapping the man on the back of the head.
"Oi," Bickslow turns to glare but then starts smiling instantly upon seeing Lucy. "Eh, blondie. What's up?" Laxus slaps his friend one last time.
"Behave." Laxus warns. "This is Lucy, now the two of you have officially met." Laxus takes a seat on the ground so Lucy can sit in the fold up chair beside Bickslow. "You should keep her company until the moron decides to remember that he's been ignoring Lucy."
"How could anyone ignore this busty beauty?" Bickslow reaches out and kisses the back of Lucy's hand. "You want to see pictures of my babies?" Lucy looks fearful of her life.
"Way to come on subtle." Laxus murmurs. "It's okay Lucy, he's referring to stuffed animals." A delightful glee enters her eyes.
"I love stuffed animals," she squeals. Bickslow whips out his phone and starts scrolling through pictures of all the stuffed bears, and various animals, that he's collected over the years. She awe's at each one, especially the large build-a-bear teddy he got last year. "These are too cute," she practically gushes.
"You can always come by mine and see them." Bickslow offers smoothly. Laxus nods his head, if he doesn't stop his friend now then Lucy will fall victim to the charms like every other girl.
"I would love to," she answers innocently.
"You can hold them all too. They're usually on my bed but it's a large bed so you can snuggle." Bickslow's voice drops an octave and Laxus actually laughs under his breath.
"Now I want to cuddle with some teddies." She pouts. Bickslow opens up his arm and nods for her to come sit on his lap.
"You can come cuddle with me right now." He suggests. Laxus puts a stop to this before the poor girl can get in way over her sheltered, and naive, head.
"You're such a lady killer," Laxus pushes his friend on the back of the shoulder. "Lucy, you better be careful of this one. He's good at playing the game." She looks to Laxus, then to Bickslow and blushes.
"Ah," she points and wags her finger. "You almost had me going. I was going to sit on your lap and everything. So naughty." Bickslow turns slowly to stare intensely at Laxus.
"Cockblock." Bickslow snears playfully.
"Who's cockblocking?" Natsu shouts as he wanders over to the three people.
"Laxus is," Bickslow smirks. "I almost had Lucy sitting on my lap and everything. She wanted to see my babies." Natsu's joking demeanor changes briefly before he puts back on another smile. One thing about Natsu is the fact that he's strongly territorial over the things he cares about.
"Hilarious." Natsu deadpans. "Come on Luce, I want you to join me and Gray to see who can do a headstand the longest." Natsu grabs her hand and walks her away before anyone can protest. She turns and gives a brief wave before being whisked away.
"He really likes her." Bickslow notices.
"More than he'll ever admit." Laxus responds as he takes in the scene before him. The old man is now shirtless and swinging his hips with a beer in hand. Cana is snuggled up to Bacchus as the two down a couple of shots. Grandeeney is manning the grill with Wendy, while Erza tries to make 'snow angels' out of dirt. Then there's Natsu, who's turning purple because he's trying to out last Gray in a head stand competition. Lucy looks concerned, and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.
Seeing everyone so carefree sparks a pain in Laxus' chest. Old memories of him, Freed, Ever, and Bickslow camping out, comes to mind. He thinks back to when they were all teenagers and three year younger Mira would follow them around. Laxus didn't really pay her much mind until she turned fourteen, around the same time Natsu started dating Lisanna.
That's when Laxus thought the two of them could be something great; they were both angry at the world, and felt undeserving of anything nice. She was able to understand Laxus in a way he felt no one else could possibly ever. They didn't even have sex until she was seventeen years old, and it was shortly after that did things change.
Laxus was in college, and she was graduating high school. Laxus and Freed were living together at this point and he couldn't help but notice changes in his life long friend. Instead of seeing Freed as this gangly little kid who talked too proper, he started seeing Freed as something a lot more; something sexual.
The green haired guy had grew into his body well, but still managed to have soft skin and delicate features. He was poised, but could out drink all of them at the same time. He got shy when mentioning porn, and would blush at the sight of nudity but he was cute all the same.
That's when Laxus broke things off with Mira. He couldn't keep thinking about Freed touching him when he was in a relationship with someone else. Mira took it well, and they agreed to be friends. Freed agreed to a date, and after a year of dating things seemed to get back into routine.
Laxus only dated Freed for a little over a year when he knew he wanted to marry the guy; couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Freed was there for him, always, and helped picked Laxus up when the man felt crumbled by the weight of his father.
Thinking on it now, Laxus can't believe he gave up so easily on Freed. He should have fought harder to explain what happened. He should have told his friends the truth behind him and Mira. He never should have allowed his father, and Mira, to warp his mind in a way that would make him do anything to hurt Freed. His Freed. Laxus made a mistake, and it's taken him just now to realize how much it actually hurts.
He's been angry, sure, but he hasn't actually felt any pain until now. Losing Freed was like losing a part of him; an important part. Freed completed him in a way that Laxus could never, and probably never will, understand.
Laxus didn't fall in love with Freed immediately. He met Freed when he was six years old, and this proper posh family moved to the States, from England, and he met the boy at school. They clicked instantly. Freed saw Laxus when he was up, down, left, and right. They were able to talk about anything, do anything, and always had fun while together. Being beside Freed was natural-it was instinct.
Mira was his first relationship. He could tell things between he and Freed were slipping but he thought he was happy. It wasn't until he started noticing the little things about Freed, did he realize he was truly in love with the man-not Mira.
It was the way Freed would brush his hair. The way the man would frown before trying something new. It was how Freed would roll his eyes when he got frustrated, or would wrinkle his nose when he was trying not to get mad. It was the way Freed would chew his food so delicately, and pop his hip to the side when he was close to Laxus. It was the way Freed's touches would linger on Laxus' skin.
So yeah, falling in love with Freed was easy. He didn't even realize he was using Mira as a crunch, all because he was afraid to allow himself to love Freed. He knew Freed's parents never approved of him; said Laxus was too stupid, brash, and improper-that he'd never amount to anything. Laxus believed them, just like he believed his own father, and instead of giving in to his desires, he pushed them down and turned to the safer option of Mira.
Fuck. He can't help but think. He's really mucked this all up. He owes Mira such a massive apology. He never gave her his full heart, while she put everything into Laxus. She really was just a teen at the time, just about nineteen, and to her Laxus was a god. Laxus was her way out of her shitty life, and he gave her hope; hope that she turned into undying love. Laxus could never love Mira the way he loved Freed, loves Freed.
Instead of being there and owning up to his own mistakes, he pushed her away and disowned his own child. How could he have been so selfish? Mira had just lost her sister, and was trying to cope with the fact that her own parents didn't want her and that her foster parents couldn't wait to wipe their hands with her as well-always claiming she was a demon in disguise. Laxus cursed them all but was he really any better? The answer is no.
"You're really staring at that beer." Bickslow interrupts his thoughts.
"I don't want to be angry anymore." Laxus says quietly. Bickslow gives him a calculating look before nodding.
"Then let's start with joining the others and having fun." Bickslow grins. "Hell, maybe if we get Erza going we can start a game of truth or dare." Bickslow wags his brows and Laxus can't do anything but smile.
"Lead the way." He gestures to his friend.
Starting now, Laxus is going to take back ownership of all his mistakes; and life. He's going to be there for his daughter, and he's going to fight for Freed because Laxus now knows that he deserves to be happy.