I would like to thank DS2010 for all of the reviews. You are (and constantly have been) so appreciated! Thank you Thank you Thank you, TivaRulesInGreece! Your constructive feedback is always so helpful. c:

Short story today. I felt a tad bit spiritual with a touch of gloominess. More action coming. Next chapter: Ziva stumbles across a crime scene, will she enlist Tony's help and investigate, even without a badge?

She remembered what she hoped to forget. This day is the anniversary of Eli's death. Typically, when she remembered him, it was only of decent reminiscences.

Over the years, she had become tougher, willing to accept difficulties but find the courage to walk through them. A sign of aging is maturity; like Tony, she had become tempered; rabbi once referred to her as once hot steel forged by fire.

I guess some sick random luck of the draw, this year was different. This time, she laid awake thinking of that fatal Shabbat dinner with Vance and his beloved.

The memory of their deaths brought up memories of Tony. Her father was a catalyst of a lot of mishaps and mistakes in her life, but when it came to Tony...it stung too deep. The memory, in particular had to be the most painful. She wondered what he must've been thinking:

"Don't do this to me, Ziva!" His fist is throbbing from the hit to a wall.

How dare she do this to me, again! Again, again, and again my head can't take her, but my damn heart. Hope is dredging away from me; for the first time in my life I can't fix this. I can't fix her and her blasted issues of self-hate.

"You will be okay, Tony." For the first time, she walks towards him in that old farmhouse, only with understanding.

Don't go near me, Ziva.

"Ziva. Don't patronize me. I'm not sorry for saying it!".

She's not having it. "Don't tell me that. That... you love me! Me? Really."

"If I didn't say it, then I would be lying."

"I did not ask you to say anything. I did not ask you to find me. Yet here you are. Really, Tony, what did you expect?"

An honest question deserves an honest response. Don't you think, DiNozzo? "I expected you."

She sighs, goes over to the dusty window, and glances back to him. "I...I cannot...maybe-"

Go to her. He walks over to her, pain like a stab wound dwells in his lungs. "I get on that plane tonight...I'm gone!" He gulps, "And you're okay with that!"

"That's not the reason! You know that."

Out spat the question, "Do I?!"

This is beyond your fixing. Let her go. I can't. Let her go, walk away. No.

She speaks again, "I want you to know that," her hands touch his chest, "I do love you."

If you truly love someone, let them go. I have to let her go.

If it's meant to be, they'll come back to you.

During the night, while he was fast asleep, she turned over to look at him and hoped she could turn back the clock. For only a wrinkle in time, she could retrieve the faults and make her life smooth so he wouldn't have had to suffer. How he seemed so peaceful, so calm. He had always been a pillar of strength for her empty heart; a brain when she couldn't even form rationale.

Rubbing her eyes, to make sure those salty water droplets don't dare hit the pillowcase. She slowly sat up and forced her legs to start the walking. She passed by Tali's room and poked her head in; Zara was fast asleep at the edge of her bed; the sight of the two made Ziva feel like she just took a Prozac. Sadly, the feeling faltered when she entered the kitchen. She made sure the only light that was on was the overhead light above the stove, next to the vent fan. She heated up some water with an electric kettle and got out a mini french press, put in her imported tea leaves and tap water.

While she waited, she wandered into another room and noticed her old Tanakh on a shelf. She picked it up and her fingers landed on Devarim 31:6. It had been so long since she had really sat down to read the book. She went through all the customs and upheld them, if not for her, then for her father. It was not a special occasion, a high holiday, or any day in particular. She decided to forgo with the candles and just pray for peace.

"Be strong, be bold, don't be afraid or frightened of them, for Adonai your God is going with you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

She opened her eyes, went around the kitchen breakfast table to pour her a cup of tea. She felt like she was being observed. Her breath capered when a familiar figure came from the shadows.

"What are you doing up?" She whispered.

"I could ask you the same question." Tony returned at the same volume.

He had a point. Ziva took a sip and walked over to the table to pick up her book. "I just woke up with some old memories, is all."

"They had to be pretty significant, considering you're reading Torah at 3 in the morning." She nodded. "You were thinking about your father weren't you?"

"Yes... and you…"

He wrapped his arms around Ziva and unintentionally yawned. "Hey, you feel better after reading and drinking fancy tea? Do you need anything else? I have a warm bed if you don't already have one."

She chuckled. "I feel better, yes. And I'll take you up on that offer." She put her cup in the sink and her book back on the shelf. Tony waited for her.

Before they moved out of the kitchen, Tony stopped her to say one thing: "Hashgacha Pratis"

Ziva honestly was surprised. He understood Divine Providence. "Why do you say that?"

He smiled, grabbed her hands and pulled her to their bedroom. He got under the sheets and so did she. She was expecting an answer, so he gave her one. "You can believe this or you don't have to believe it…." He pulled Ziva closer to him, she laid her right arm across his chest. "There were so many instances in my life where I thought I was being screwed over. I know you have felt the same way. I know you think you caused all of that. Knowing you, you probably would hop on a time space machine thingy and jet off in a heartbeat…"

"What exactly are you saying?"

He paused for a moment and began to speak softly. "I don't believe that God has ever wanted you to go through the pain, the death, the penance. I believe, if anything, He would want to be the first one to bring you out of it." He yawned (again), "Would you be running to Him if everything in your life seemed perfect?" He tousled her bedhead, "I don't know, just a thought".

"Huh..you do have a pointer."

"Point. It's 'you have a point'"

She yawned; both closed their eyes. "Potato, tomato."

"I know you did that one on purpose."

"Did I?"

A/N: Now that I got that out of my system..