Sorry its been awhile. Let me know what you think.
Part 5
Pain, endless pain. Suffering. Agony. A feeling of having been chewed up and spat out. A feeling of a heavy weight bearing down on oneself. Tiredness but no real rest. The terror remains, it's a constant. How can one find comfort in all of this? Who can free one from the shackles that bind them?
Sinking down into the bottomless ocean of despair, an ocean of pain, an ocean of guilt. Guilt for many things, to many things. Shame, so much shame. What honor is there in sin? None. Nothing but shame. Foolish, so foolish, so arrogant.
Empty, shattered, alone. Now alone with demons. Demons, dancing demons. The dragon. The demons mock, sneer, ridicule. The demons lie through their devilish smiles. Are they really lies? Yes, darkness deceives.
Anakin opens his eyes to find that he is the only one in the room. He turns onto his stomach and touches his forehead to his arms, one hard and one soft. "Why? Why couldn't she be saved?"
Come.
Anakin blinks, but remains where he is. "Why couldn't you save her?"
Come.
A breeze without a source rushes past him, toward the door. Defeated, Anakin follows the breeze out of the room and he is gently guided by a cushion of air around him.
What was the point? He had nothing. What was there for him but the things destroyed by his hand? What could fill the emptiness?
His footsteps were deafening as he walked the white washed corridor; each step like the beat of a drum. His throat tightened, tears blurred his vision as faces filled his vision of those he had slaughtered. Faces full of fear, determination, sorrow, betrayal, shock, horror. Young and old, strong and weak, human and non human; all those who had died.
He dropped to his knees, the burden to great. Pointless. Pointless. Pointless. One decision in the throes of fear and anger, one decision born of rash thoughts, one decision based on selfishness, and it was gone, all of it, gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.
A door slides open to his left where he had fallen to his knees and a baby's whimper wafts out of the room. Wet blue eyes turn to the open doorway and slowly Anakin rises to his feet. He tentatively steps into the room where a nanny droid is attempting to soothe an infant.
The next few seconds are a blur and Anakin finds himself holding the child. The child lay quietly in his arms, light, soft, warm, and at peace in his arms. Arms that could be gentle, loving, and caring. Arms that boasted of strength and power. Arms that allowed a lightsaber to be swung. Arms that could crush, maim, and destroy.
How could someone so innocent be created by a monster like him? He held the infant close to him, finding a small amount of comfort in the child's presence but at the same time the demons whispered in his ears, reminding of how dirty his hands were, how his hands were bloody from all the lives he had ended, and how he wasn't fit to hold and innocent in his arms.
A sob broke from his throat and he handed the child back to the nanny droid. He quickly vacated the premises and backtracked back to his room. His room. A cell. A cage to trap his vicious self. He locked himself into the room and threw himself onto the bed.
How can the fallen be saved, those who have done evil? How can those lost in the darkness be saved? Who would save those who have done evil and are no longer innocent?
Was he ever innocent? Is anyone ever truly innocent?
"I never should have been given these powers." Anakin moaned.
The tongue has the power to build up or destroy. The Force as the Jedi call it is an extension of the body, an enhancement. Power or none, what matters is your heart.
Anger simmered within Anakin, frustration threatened to consume him. "Then take away my speech too, my sight, and my ability to touch! Why should I even continue on?"
Anakin felt a light, feathery touch on his forehead and he felt the Force leave him, could no longer feel the power flowing through his veins, could no longer hear loose subconscious thoughts float through the corridors. Next his sense of touch left him, he could feel no pain as he pinched at his skin. Next his sight began to blur till he could see nothing.
He heard pounding on the door and then heard a loud thud and the door hit the wall. Footsteps stampeded into the room.
"He's alive!" One person said.
"Anakin! I can't sense you in the Force, what's wrong?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin opened his mouth to speak but not a sound came out.