Marissa wandered from the consulate lounge, her heart torn to shreds. Kendall was refusing to believe that her mother and sister were dead. Marissa didn't know what to believe. She just wanted Bianca back in her arms right now… but she was lost… or worst, she'd been found at the bottom of the ocean. What could she tell the kids? Kendall had begged her not to tell them anything; but if it was true and she kept it from them… She couldn't bear that either.

Marissa meandered blindly through the corridor to the small suite she was sharing with Gabby and the B-Twins. She'd been trying to keep their spirits up by making a game of Bianca being missing, getting them to come up with ideas for what they would do and say when she finally came home to them. They had planned to take a million trips to the zoo, sail every ocean, build the biggest snowman, eat the most extravagant pizza with every topping in the world on it (accept anchovies)… They had made so many plans. AJ played the game for the girl's sake and Miranda played because it was better than crying until her eyes were sore… but the more days that passed, Marissa suspected Gabby was the only one now who really believe it could happen still.

…

When Marissa got to the room she found AJ had engaged Gabby in an art project, another welcome home gift for Bianca by the look of it. Marissa ruffled his hair as she passed, grateful for his help in keeping the girls distracted. Miranda was sat at her usual post at the window. Their suite overlooked the entrance to the consulate and the little girl was watching every car in a hope that her mommy was inside it. Marissa sat on the arm of the chair beside her and put an arm around Miranda's shoulder. Miranda leaned into the hug.

"Have they found her?" she asked quietly.

Marissa sighed. What could she say?

"I…" she stammered. "I… I…" She couldn't find the words to continue.

Miranda started to cry.

"Is she dead?" she sobbed. "Is that why you can't say it?"

Marissa felt tears in her own eyes and she kissed the sobbing girl on the brow.

"I'm so sorry." Marissa whispered. "I don't know what to believe."

Marissa tried hard to pull herself together but then she saw AJ was standing up and Gabby was watching her too; their drawing forgotten. They had noticed her tears.

"I think we need to have a talk about this." she said, addressing all of them.

…

They all sat together on Marissa's double bed. Gabby and Miranda were hugging either side of her and AJ was sat opposite, cross-legged and alert, making an effort not to seem as broken hearted as he was.

"Now you have all been through so much." said Marissa. "We all have. We have been brave because all know that is how Bianca would want it. But I have some bad news. And I want to be honest with you because you deserve to know everything. They found the boat that we think took your mommy and Erica away. But the boat got into a fight with another boat and it… it sank. The navy looked hard for survivors… but there weren't any survivors. Everyone on board the boat died."

Miranda buried her head in Marissa's chest and bawled. Gabby was watching Marissa, her eyes wide with realisation.

"Is mommy in heaven?" Gabby asked.

Marissa sniffed and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes that threatened to blind her.

"If your mommy died on that boat then I am sure that she is in heaven. But there is a chance that the men who took her are trying to trick us." Marissa swallowed as the next words stuck in her throat. "They found a body, and it was wearing your mommy's bracelet; the one we got her with all our smiles inside. But they need to do more tests to know for definite if it really her."

Miranda lifted her head.

"It might not be mommy?"

"I don't know. I just know that I not going to grieve until I know for sure."

"And if it is mommy?"

Marissa hugged Miranda and Gabby tighter to her side and gave AJ a sad smile.

"Then I am certain that she is an angel in heaven and that she will always look down on us. And I know that we will always have her love and we will always have each other."

Even AJ couldn't keep up his stoic expression. He bundled into the hug, trying to console and find consolation in his family.

…

Sometime later they were all lying on the bed in a heap. Miranda was curled against Marissa's chest, AJ was lying against her legs and Gabby was lying in the crook of Marissa's arms staring up at the ceiling. They were just talking. Marissa was letting the kids ask questions and process; at the same time Marissa was trying to do the same for herself. Miranda was worrying her though; she was curled into a tight, sad ball and was saying very little. Gabby was full of questions of what her mommy might be doing in heaven. AJ was humouring her and between the two of them Bianca was raised to the rank of guardian angel, protector of all the vulnerable and unloved of the world. Marissa didn't know if it was healthy for them to be talking like this, especially as she wasn't certain that Bianca was really gone, but it seemed to help them cope with the news so she let them talk.

"If Mommy is in heaven, can I sing her a song?" Gabby asked.

Marissa stoked her fingers through the little girl's hair.

"What song do you want to sing to your mommy?"

"Our smiling, song because crying makes her sad." said Gabby, and began to sing,

"Gotta crawl, gotta crawl,

To the ugly bug ball…"

Marissa found herself joining in with the silly song. It brought back so many happy memories of hospital reunions and car journeys and boat trips and bedtime stories with the kids...and Bianca...

And then Marissa remembered what she had lost… maybe.

It suddenly got harder to sing, but she continued for Gabby's sake. AJ's voice joined them on the next chorus too. She couldn't stop and she couldn't curl up like Miranda and shut it all out, even though she wanted to. She had to stay strong for the children.

The song seemed to have an opposite effect on Miranda. She slowly raised her head as they sang, but she didn't join in. Marissa rubbed the girls back and felt her finally emerge from her ball of grief and relax a little at the lightness of the moment.

When the Ugly Bug Ball was finished, Miranda spoke up.

"Can I sing a song now?" she asked.

"Of course." said Marissa.

Miranda's wavering voice began to sing, 'All through the night…' but her voice broke and she couldn't do it.

With a heavy heart, Marissa took over the song and sang it alone to its end.

"All through the night,

Near and far,

We would be together,

So hush don't you cry,

You will be,

In my arms forever more."

"That's Bink's song." said AJ. "If she is an angel she will be singing it to us every day from heaven, I know it. And I bet she'd teach it to all the other angels too."

Marissa smiled at her son.

"That is the song she will be singing to us and we will sing to her, wherever she is," Marissa assured him, "Until we meet again."

…