It had been a week since Callie had talked with Arizona and she had seen her exactly three times. Once when they'd been tricked into a board meeting in the nearly destroyed out-patient wing of the hospital and the second when she'd run into her in the day care. They'd managed to use the day care as a dropping off and picking up point and avoid seeing each other but on this one occasion she couldn't and she and Arizona were forced to exchange awkward pleasantries while waiting for Sofia to wake from her nap. Callie had even started using the peep-hole to make sure she didn't bump into Arizona leaving the apartment so she could avoid encounters like the one in the day care centre.
The third time was at the fundraiser. Callie had felt good about herself for the first time in a long time in an off shoulder black dress and her favourite heels. She had been cornered by her number one fan and couldn't help it when she caught sight of Arizona across the room. Callie couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath, the faster beating of her heart when their eyes locked.
Arizona was wearing a strapless black dress with swirls of colour throughout, her hair sitting on her shoulders, the subtle layers framing her face. Callie took a deep breath and tried to calm herself as Arizona's eyes zeroed in on hers. They stared for what seemed a lifetime before Callie finally broke away from their moment and turned her attention back to the gentleman in front of her. Arizona walked away heartbroken when Callie had turned away from her. Callie couldn't help it when the man asked if her wife was dead and when she noticed Arizona gone she stupidly went with the flow and said yes, she did indeed lose her wife. In her mind it was kind of the truth.
Arizona stood in the supply closet, the same one she'd tried to talk to Callie in the morning after she'd cheated on her wife and after Callie had announced it to their friends. Arizona was about to let the tears loose when April walked in. She quickly made an excuse about needing more I.V. Kits up in Peads and not being able to find them. When April took the cooling blankets and left Arizona let the tears flow. She collapsed onto the floor, the sobs racking her body until April returned with two bottles of champagne and a sympathetic ear. They sat in two commandeered chairs from the nurses station and set up a table with plastic cups from the water cooler.
Arizona sipped her drink as April sat across from her. "This is really very sweet of you but you don't have to sit here with me."
April sipped her own drink. "I don't mind."
Arizona sighed as she put down her cup. "I just, I can't stand the way she looks at me. The way that everyone looks at me."
April shook her head and looked back at Arizona. "I don't, no one's looking at you."
"Please. I grew up gay. I know what it feels like when people are staring." April chugged her wine while Arizona continued. "You're missing a leg and they stare. And everyone knows you're a cheater and they stare." Arizona's voice betrayed her emotion as she sighed and shook her head. "And they talk, and they judge and they stare."
Arizona took a drink and looked at April who was giving her the same look she'd seen from a lot of people since the plane crash and everything that followed - pity. Pity and judgement, like she was the worst person to walk the Earth.
"Like that."
April put down her cup. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to judge you."
"But you do, everyone does. I can see it in your face. I regret what I did to Callie and I always will for the rest of my life. You wanna know something though?"
April took another sip of her champagne. "What's that?"
"The way Callie looked at me, the way she stared at me, if felt really good. You know?"
April shook her head in empathy, thinking of her one regret and the looks they used to share. "Yeah, I do."
April poured another cup full of the pilfered champagne for each of them and toasted. "To regret."
Arizona tapped her cup to April's and took a sip. "To regret."
April swirled her finger around the rim of her cup. "So have you and Callie even talked yet?"
"A week ago. I asked her to consider couples therapy and she finally agreed to sit down and talk with me. Then she dropped a bomb on me. Told me she couldn't be with me the way I am. That I should get help for myself and work out who I am now, if we even fit in each other's lives anymore."
"Don't be mad when I say this, but maybe Callie's right." Arizona rolled her eyes as April continued. "You went through something, something none of us who weren't there could ever understand. You never seemed to me like the type of person to cheat, so something like this is completely out of character for you. Maybe Callie has a point about you needing someone to talk to. If anything, talking can only help."
Arizona took a large gulp of her champagne and sighed. "I know. My brother always used to tell me I was too damn stubborn for my own good. I just wish I had Callie by my side when I did it. Sometimes it's hard to even get through the day knowing she won't be there when I get home. Telling me about everything she did that day, standing beside each other in the kitchen while we cook diner. Giving Sofia her bath and reading her a bedtime story before she falls asleep. But mostly, mostly, I miss when we held each other in our bed. Not even sex, just holding each other. I miss being surrounded by her smell, the way her arms made me feel so safe and secure. She's right across the hall but it may as well be an ocean away."
April's mind wandered to when she shared some of those things with Jackson and couldn't help but hope she could have the same with Matthew. "I know what you mean. It's always the little things you miss when they're gone."
Arizona sculled half her drink, the champagne starting to go to her head. "Yep, the little things."
Arizona put down her cup and immediately refilled it. "You know what the stupidest part of the whole thing was?"
Arizona took another drink as April let Arizona answer her own question. "It wasn't even worth it, not even in the slightest. She has nothing on Callie in the bedroom, nothing at all. I mean, when I have good sex, mind-blowing sex, I want to lay there for ages and bask in the glow. With Boswell I was dressed and out the door two minutes after."
April sipped her champagne. "Are you sure it wasn't the guilt that made you leave the room so fast?"
Arizona pursed her lips and looked away from her new friend, not wanted to face that question and its answer. "Do you think she's ever gonna forgive me?"
April leaned on her palm, the champagne starting to take its toll on her too. "Probably not. She's telling everyone at the fundraiser you died in the plane crash."
Arizona felt the unshed tears burning behind her eyes. "Well, that kinda sucks. In that case, consider this my wake. We're gonna need more booze."
Arizona paged Murphy to get them another bottle of champagne and some snacks. The two of them proceeded to get so fall down drunk they had to be put in a cab but Arizona considered the night a success because after their somewhat heavy conversation she and April had actually had fun. Arizona fumbled in her purse to find her keys, her head spinning, so she sat down for a minute to let the room stop moving.
BACK AT THE HOSPITAL
Callie was scrubbing out after a successful surgery. She knew that performer was in for a whole world of pain and a lot a physical therapy to come but she'd done what she could. She collected a sleeping Sofia from the day care centre and brought her the five minute journey home. The elevator ride was quick and quiet, the ding the only sound in the silent building as it arrived on her floor. When the doors opened she was met with something she really didn't want to deal with. There was her estranged wife, passed out in front of the door to apartment 502, snoring and drooling more than Sofia. No matter how much her heart ached and how angry she was Callie knew she couldn't leave Arizona where she was.
Callie opened Mark's apartment and put her still sleeping daughter into her bed, turned on the baby monitor and walked back out to the hallway. She picked up Arizona's purse, rifled through until she found the keys and opened the door. Callie turned on the lights and went back out to Arizona and gently shook her awake.
"Arizona, wake up."
Arizona snorted and slowly came back into consciousness. She looked around and finally noticed Callie leaning over her. She wiped the drool from her mouth and sat up straighter.
"What...why am I out here?"
Callie didn't miss the slight slurring of her words and the subtle smell of alcohol lingering on Arizona. Callie pulled Arizona to her feet and guided her into the apartment.
"Come on, let's get you into bed before you pass out again."
Arizona leaned on Callie and let her wife guide her to the bathroom to use the toilet, wash her face and brush her teeth. She let Callie remove her dress and lay her on the bed. Callie unhitched her prosthetic and leaned it against her bedside table. Callie put a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol beside the bed and went to walk out the bedroom, having said very little to Arizona the entire time and abruptly stopping her every time she tried to start a conversation. Before she could leave Arizona called her name.
"Cal, thank you. I know you didn't have to help me, so thank you."
"I would help anyone passed out in front of their doorway. Do you think I want Sofia to walk out and find her Mama passed out? And I know we're in a secure building five floors up, but you never know who might stumble upon you. I did this because I have a conscious and I consider myself a good person."
"You are Callie, you are a good person."
"Then why did you do it? If I'm so good and you say you love me, why did you do it?"
Arizona felt the headache coming to fruition. "I don't know."
"Well if you don't know why you would cheat on me, how would I know if I could ever be with you again. Get help Arizona, sort yourself out. At least then something good could come out of this."
Callie turned on her heel and left before Arizona could respond. The dam burst and the tears flowed like a river until Arizona finally fell asleep. She woke the next morning, her eyes puffy and her head pounding. She opened Google and found what she was looking for. She swallowed the Tylenol and waited for the person to answer.
"Hi, yes, I'd like to make an appointment."
Hello. As you can see in this chapter the first part comes straight from the show but this is where this fiction and the show must part ways. I don't like the story line of using Leah as a way of making Callie pissed off and making Arizona look like a serial cheater. I want to focus on the therapy and healing and Shonda needs to drag it out for the rest of the season to keep us all hanging around to see if they will make it or not. Don't get me wrong, I love the show and it's writing but I don't want to wait all year. Thank you for reading, Tigersforever. P.S. GO THE RED SOX!