Leela's memory of the past few hours was a bit of a blur. She remembered flashes of laser light across the hangar, some additional punches to Zapp, laser rifles knocked into the air, Flexo's head being shoved into a large brass drum, and a piccolo being shoved up some alien's orifice—hopefully its nose.
And then there was the chase through the corridors of the Nimbus, the skulking through the maintenance corridors, a lot of encrypted radio communication with Amy, a lot of asking Kif to shut down security sensors, but now, finally, she found herself crammed up a venting shaft, listening to Amy's voice, courtesy of her thingmijig.
"OK, Lola, I think you're safe for now. According to Kiffie, the search has been called off for the time being."
"Where's Flexo and the others? Can we talk with them further about what happened?"
"Hang on."
Amy herself was hiding in a room adjacent to the hangar, but Kif had given her a wireless access to the internal Nimbus network. After a few moments, Leela heard her voice again.
"They're in the brig. Looks like there's a pretty heavy guard there."
OK, thought Leela, scratch that. "What about the ship?"
"Hmmm… looks like they've been working on it. Almost decontaminated…and looks like the computer is back online! In fact, yep, I'm logged in. Want me to route it to you?"
"Yes, great Amy!"
"Faye," Amy said smugly.
Any retort Leela had ready was interrupted by a tinny yet instantly recognizable voice that caused her heart to flutter slightly.
"Captain Turanga Leela?"
She had forgotten that she had programmed Gary's voice into the computer, and was momentarily flustered. The computer did a very good job capturing the patient, confident voice of her new boyfriend (was he her boyfriend now? I guess sleeping together counts, right?)
"Captain?"
"Sorry, G- I'm mean, computer. Please report status."
"Engines inactive, currently under repair. Life support repair 75% complete, hull seals expected to be complete in 16 minutes."
"Fuel status?"
"Empty."
"Amy, I mean Faye, can we somehow get the ship refueled?"
"Chutzla, would you like me to order you a buggalo sandwich as well?"
"Yes, please, after we get the ship refueled." The fact that Amy was getting snarky was actually a good sign. She wasn't panicking about getting Kif in trouble anymore.
"OK, let's see, yep, I've placed a work order into the maintenance router. Hey, that was pretty easy…"
"Great. So, computer?"
"Yes, Leela?"
How did the computer capture, how else could she put it, flirting, so well? She felt herself blushing slightly, involuntarily remembering last night. At least the good parts.
"What records do you have of bridge activity over the past twelve hours?"
"Records indicate ship has usable video from three hundred and twenty five cameras, providing 95% coverage of ship's interior and exterior."
The young captain was stunned.
"Three hundred cameras! Recording everything on the ship! Faye, is that true?"
"Yeah, of course," came back Amy's voice, puzzled. "That's why I never take a shower on board. Didn't you know that?"
Leela wasn't going to admit her surprise, and mentally added another item to her growing to-do list in her head. Delete all video of her cabin…
"Computer, can you relay video from the bridge, starting, say, two hours ago?"
"Certainly…"
Playing: Camera 35, PE Ship bridge, one hour, 55 minutes before present…
"Fifty-nine seconds-" the computer began, before the newscast burst over the PE Ship's monitor.
"This is Linda, with breaking news. Our own Morbo has an exclusive update on the exciting hunt for the two bank criminals currently taking place on Sqrt 66. The Bounty Hunter's Guild has just announced that a new agency has offered a new reward for this desperate duo- three million Woolongs!"
"I knew it," chuckled Bender. "I just knew if we blew enough stuff up we'd end up being worth more. Still ain't enough to match our bribe though."
-and this new reward is only valid if they are proven dead, bonus if killed on sight or first direct sensory acquisition."
Silence settled over the bridge for a few moments, and everyone looked confused. A light scrapping sound became audible, through the ship's hull.
"Um, Bender?"
"Yeah, Fry," said the robot, as he positioned himself so that Fry sat between the bridge portal and himself.
"Um, did the TV just say that now they're supposed to kill us?"
"Yep, didn't see that coming."
Fry's voice hit a higher octave.
"Now what're we gonna do?"
As if to add emphasis to that question, a shudder ran through the hull.
"Airlock penetrated," Gary's voice stated calmly, as if he were simply describing the weather.
"Who are they?" asked Bender.
A video screen flickered to life on the console, and Fry and Bender huddled around it. The holo-feed captured three robots entering the ship's corridor from the airlock. Fry recognized Joey Mousepad and the mean Clamps robot from the Robot Mafia. The third robot also looked really familiar.
"Hey Bender! That robot looks just like you! That's, um—"
"Yeah, it's Flexo, my good twin," growled the robot, compressing three episodes' worth of conflict, heartbreak, and betrayal into that growl. "Guess he's going after our reward too. So he's just another money-grubbing robot-for-hire after all. Huh, somehow I dislike him less now."
"Now what're we gonna do?" Fry repeated.
"Let's talk to the big boss," Bender said, turning to the main monitor. "Computer, patch us to the Donbot."
A moment later a grainy holo of the Donbot appeared. Fry could see bits of window glass and feathers floating weightlessly around the Mob don, byproducts of the recent collision with the hyperchicken truck.
"Greetings, Donbot," said Bender, filtering as much sycophancy into his voice as possible.
"Greetings and Salutations to you too, Bender," murmured the Don. "I am pleased to see that you are indeed in residency in this here vehicle of transport. What have we to converse about?"
"Well, Donbot, you might have heard something about a reward for our capture."
"Yes, indeed we have been informed about that situation, and that in present circumstances you are of considerably more value in the dysfunctional state. So we are working to dysfunction you. Nothing personal, you see. Just business."
"Yeah-about that. What if we said we could give you a lot more money than the bounty was worth, and in return you let us go?"
A voice cut into their conversation.
"Well, I guess we'd just have to let you and Fry go!"
"Flexo?"
"Yeah, hey Bender. I'd ask how you're doing, but I'm pretty sure I know the answer."
"Yeah, we're doing great."
Fry cut in.
"So you're really ready to make a deal?"
There was a short pause, then Flexo started laughing.
"Heh, heh, heh. You're all right, Fry. Nah, I'm just pulling your leg. I figure that after we take care of you guys, the money will be somewhere on this ship, so we'll just take that too".
"I've got the money here on the bridge," Bender said. "And if you guys try to take us, I'll burn it all."
"What's you think, Flexo?" said the Donbot. "Is his truth table self-consistent?"
"Nah, he's bluffing," Flexo said. "There's no way he's stuffed 2.7 billion on the bridge. I'm sure he's spread it throughout the ship. Also, no way that he'd be able to make himself destroy cold, hard, cash. He'd be more likely to try to kill Fry first, and then try to offer his body as a bribe."
Bender cut off the comm for a moment, and turned to Fry with horror in his eyetubes. "Oh no! It's as if he can see into my soul!"
"You'd kill me for money?"
Bender didn't answer, and flicked on the comms again. "This is your last chance. You really ready to risk billions over Flexo's guesswork about me?"
"Yeah," the Donbot said, "I think we are."
Something very strong slammed into the bridge door.
Fry looked around, heart pounding, and ready to start screaming at any moment. Through the cockpit window he could still see traffic streaking past on all sides, with faint glimpses of other spacecraft hovering just outside the starway.
"Engine one out. Revised fuel estimate two minutes," Gary added helpfully.
This couldn't be it, Fry thought. We've come so far from that dumpster three days ago. His eyes locked onto his holophoner, lying on the console next to him. Over the last hour it had simply sat there, giving no sign that somehow it was the key to this entire situation. He started to reach for it. Should he play it again? But what good would it do?
"Any way we can get out of here besides the door?", he said to no-one in particular. His eyes flicked up toward the ventilation system.
"No good. The lion's still up there," growled Bender.
"Roll down the window."
That statement, expressed in a slightly bored voice, froze Fry and Bender in their place. Another slam hit the bridge door, and a slight indent appeared in it. Fry, griping the holophoner, looked around wildly at Zoidberg, who was whimpering silently in the corner.
"Wha-?"
"Jes' roll down the window, get out that way," Scruffy repeated, idly, licking his index finger, and turning the page of his magazine. Over the past few hours he'd managed to work his way through quite a few centerfolds. Miss Titan was worth the time, even if she was a bit frigid.
"You can roll down the windows of this spaceship? All these years it could do that?"
Gary's voice rumbled gently, "Of course."
"Um, why would you wanna roll down the windows of a spaceship?"
Bender raised his hands appealingly to the heavens.
"Stupid! Age! Meatbag! How else are you going to keep the bridge cool when you park on an asphalt launch pad? Jeez, do I have to spell everything out for ya?"
He turned back to the main monitor.
"Let's do it."
A huge dent appeared in the bridge entry door, with the edges of the door beginning to buckle.
"Will do," said Gary's voice cheerfully. "Preparing to roll down cabin windows in ten, nine,…"
"Um, Bender?"
"Yes, Fry?"
".. eight, seven…"
"Um, whadarewe gonna do once we get outside?"
Bender shrugged, as he grabbed as much cash as he could from the couch.
"Drift for a while, a few months maybe, until we can hitch a ride on something else. I've been there, done that before." He shook his head sadly. All that money stashed away in the ship, lost… At least he still had the remote accounts to access…
"five, four…"
Something bothered Fry, as he clutched the holophoner to his chest. Was he forgetting something? Jacket? Check. Holophoner? Check. Unnoticed by him, his wallet sat on the floor. That was about it, the sum of his worldly possessions right now. Easy to travel light, at least…
The bridge door parted a fraction. Fry could hear snatches of conversation… "lemme give em the clamps!"-and then he noticed Scruffy grabbing something off a hook on a wall. His eyes widened as he saw Scruffy slowly but surely place one foot at a time into a spacesuit. Fry spun around.
"Computer! Bender! Hang on! I'm gonna need a spacesui-"
"One…"
And the cockpit windows rolled down.
Fry managed to grab the back of the pilot seat as a hurricane wind swirled around the bridge. He saw Zoidberg tumble through the window, but was distracted by the fact that his left shoe had just been torn off. The right shoe quickly followed. He felt his pants slide off his hips, and instinctively tried to cross his legs, but too late—his favorite (actually, only) pair of jeans flew out the cockpit window. Thankful at least that he was a briefs and not a boxers man, he tried to see Bender, but couldn't through his watering eyes. He could only grip the back of the seat with one hand, as the other was clenched to the holophoner. And then his grip failed, he could make out the green streaks of the bridge-
-and suddenly the roar of the wind went silent, and he was outside, sliding away along the exterior of the PE ship hull.
SWITCHING TO EXTERIOR CAMERA 15…
Years of watching sci-fi films had led him to expect his brains to explode through his nose. To his surprise and slight disappointment, he only felt some strong pressure in his forehead. It was painful, but not distractingly so. He wasn't freezing either, strange…
Lights flickered by as traffic frantically continued to wend around the PE Ship and the DonBot's limo. He could see that he was hurtling toward the latter as he somersaulted backwards along the length of the PE ship's hull, toward a pink Romeo visible behind the gangway.
He collided with the thin gangway that connected the two ships. He felt a vibration next to him, and he glimpsed Zoidberg grasp the gangway with his claw, several feet away. However, even a brain as inactive as Fry's needed oxygen at some point, and his vision started to blur-.
Zoidberg, floating nearby, was enjoying himself immensely. There were so many reasons to be happy now, too many to count on one claw! First, to be in the center of this exciting chase! And then, this relaxing exposure to vacuum! Having evolved from a line of creatures designed to survive under the high pressures of the ocean, a one-Earth atmosphere difference in pressure was not even a hindrance, it was pleasurable. He was now able to vent his caudal sac so easily now! He relaxed back into the netting of the gangway, admiring the pretty flashes of lights streaming by.
He looked to his left. And here was his good friend Fry, lounging in the gangway netting with him! Turning a very healthy shade of blue, apparently. His eyes were bugging out in what was no doubt some human sign of greeting. Zoidberg bulged his eyes back in return.
He looked to his right. And here was his good friend Bender! It looked like the robut had hit the Donbot's windshield square on. The bulletproof glass hadn't broken apart, but an intricate spiderweb of cracks laced across the entire front. The collision had checked Bender's momentum, allowing him to grab a hold of the edge of the limo. With his free hand he was motioning to Zoidberg.
With a final vent of his sac, Zoidberg started to pull his way toward the car. Something caught his eye, and looking over his shoulder, he saw his good friend Fry waving enthusiastically at him. He waved back, just as Fry's body went slack. Hmm, he recognized sleep in humans easily. His poor friend must be tired. Well, he might be more comfortable sleeping in the car…
With a free claw he grasped Fry's jacket, being careful to tuck in the redhead's pretty holophoner into his jacket (there would be time to sneak and play it later). Together the two figures slid into the passenger seat of the Donbot's car after Bender. The door closed. Moments later bursts of laser fire flickered out from the limo's tommy guns, ripping the gangway apart, wrenching the PE ship away, knocking shrapnel towards the camera…
END OF RECORDING, EXTERIOR CAMERA 15…
Leela was silent, letting what she had just watched sink in. She flicked a glance at the tip of her laser pistol. It had reverted back to the default red (kill), so apparently the bounty hadn't been claimed yet. It would only be a matter of time before others realized that too.
"Computer, that was two hours ago?"
"Yes, Leela."
She felt both lightheaded and lighthearted. She felt a pulse of energy surge through her veins. Did they still have a chance? Was she going to get to see her two former co-workers alive again, before she beat the hell out of them?
"Computer, when can you be ready for departure?"
"Refueling scheduled for fifteen minutes from now. Repairs complete in thirty minutes."
"Faye, can you work your way to the hangar in that time?"
"Yeah, sure, but then what?"
Leela grinned wolfishly.
"It helps to know who you're tracking. I doubt the Donbot's limo has left the starway—it would be too conspicuous. And if that's the case, I happen to know Fry has the smallest bladder of anyone I've ever met."
"Attention."
Leela frantically pressed the mute button on her bounty hunter tagger. She watched the message scroll across her wrist console as her tagger turned from red to green.