It had been a month since the dinner with Arizona and her father after the law suit from Travis Reed had been dropped and in that time things had moved slowly but steadily forward. Callie told Arizona the night after the dinner that she wanted to start again and give her another chance. They still lived apart and shuffled Sofia between them but because they were trying to start fresh they both agreed to do that they had to take their time and get to know one another again.
Arizona happily agreed and so to begin Callie suggested that coffee she talked about and they could go from there. They had coffee at least three days a week and they had lunch at the hospital a couple of times a week too, just talking about their days and catching up. They had dinner together most nights and after their meal and Sofia was asleep they sat and talked about the things in their lives they wanted to change for the better and for each other.
Arizona even told Callie about the crash and the four days she spent with her leg exposed, about how she thought about Callie and Sofia the entire time and that she held on to see them again. Callie looked at her in awe and took her hand telling Arizona how proud she was that she made it home when most people would've given up. Arizona smiled, it was the first time Callie didn't look at her like she was a patient or in sympathy, but simply as her wife who survived and not a victim. They shared a long hug goodnight, neither wanting to let go of the other.
They also made an effort to take Sofia out together as a family, whether to the zoo or the movies or just a walk around the park followed by lunch. They were both frustrated by the slow pace they were taking but too many times in the past they jumped head first back into their relationship without thinking and most importantly, without talking. This time had to be different, for all their sakes.
Arizona was in therapy still, having been going for six weeks now and the clarity was astounding to her. Aside from her cheating, the plane crash and her amputation, they discussed all the things that made her who she was. From her childhood moving from place to place, her close relationship with her brother Tim and his best friend Nick and how much it hurt her now they were both gone, to her coming out and relationships with others before she found Callie, nothing was held back and everything was on the table. Just talking was a relief, and it made Arizona think maybe she wasn't as screwed up as she thought and that everyone had trauma in their lives and how they handled it was the important part. In the past she either hadn't dealt with her hardships at all or she ran from them. This was the change she was making in her life now and so far she was keeping her promise to herself and to her family.
One moment kept repeating in both their minds though. It happened a week ago and it was the one thing they both seemed to avoid talking about when everything else in their lives was up for discussion. It occurred during one of their coffee dates.
Callie rose from her chair and threw her empty coffee cup into the trash can and turned back to ask a question as Arizona threw her own cup out and stood in front of Callie. "So what time are you on 'till tonight? Sofia wants to watch a movie with us."
Arizona smiled, at least they were always on the same page when it came to keeping things as normal as possible for Sofia. "I'm on until six tonight. I can be over at six thirty."
Callie smiled in return. "Sounds perfect. I can cook us something if you like, you know, make a night of it."
Arizona's smile widened but before she could answer a man in a suit roughly pushed past her and knocked her towards Callie. By the time her momentum slowed and Callie was able to steady her they were nose to nose, their lips so close they could feel the breath of the other, both of their breathing ragged and their hearts pounding. Callie's arms had automatically gone around her waist to help Arizona balance while Arizona's hands were gripping Callie's upper arms.
Time stood still and the world faded away until it was just the two of them, neither willing to break the starring contest and move away from the other. Aside from their long hug, it had been some time since they were this close and neither wanted to be the first to make a move even if they both really wanted to. It wasn't until a person cleared their throat that the spell was finally broken and they moved away from each other, Callie clearing her own throat and looking everywhere but at Arizona.
"I should go, I have a surgery soon. I'll see you tonight."
Arizona stood there, helpless, as Callie pulled her purse onto her shoulder and hurried away. She understood that physical intimacy wasn't on the table and they were probably a long way from even sleeping in the same bed, let alone sex, but she craved Callie's touch, even the smallest amount. They still had dinner that night and watched a movie with Sofia but Arizona could feel the hesitation from Callie when she came anywhere near her, the distance she seemed to put between them.
Arizona shook her head to clear the memory as April joined her in the cafeteria. As April put down her tray and took a seat Arizona sighed and put down her folk, her appetite now gone. April sipped her drink and looked at her friend.
"What's wrong?"
Arizona waved her away. "Oh, nothing. Just daydreaming."
April turned her head sideways and gave her a 'are you kidding me' look. "Seriously, what's up."
Arizona sighed and proceeded to tell April about her and Callie's encounter last week. When she was finished April gave her a sympathetic smile and put her hand over Arizona's and gave it a squeeze.
"So why don't you just ask Callie about it. The two of you have talked about everything else lately so why not this."
"I know we're taking it slow and she's giving me another chance but I know my cheating is this barrier she can't get past. I know my wife and I know how much I hurt her and I hate the fact that she pulls away from me, but I don't blame her, this is my fault. I mean, I don't want sex, we're not there yet, but I want to be able to touch her without her pulling away and being weird around me. Maybe I'm asking for too much too soon. We hugged the other day and it felt so good but being that close to kissing each other, I guess it was too much for her."
"Just talk to Callie Arizona. Keep doing what you've been doing and it'll work out, you'll see."
"You're right. Thanks April. So are you ready for your bridal shower?"
April picked up her folk and stabbed at her salad. "Nice change of subject Dr Robbins and I don't want to talk about it. I just want to eat my lunch in peace before my sisters get here tomorrow and make my life a living hell."
Arizona smirked at her friend as April gave her a glare. "Oh don't you look at me like that. Just wait until you meet them, you'll see what I'm talking about."
Arizona laughed as she picked up her folk and started to eat her lunch again. April was turning out to be a really good friend and confidant and Arizona was grateful for her at times like these. Some people in the hospital still gave her looks and whispered when she walked past so it was nice to have someone who didn't judge her. Arizona finished her lunch and with a farewell to April went looking for her wife. She found Callie at the lab with Derek testing the logistics of their robotic arm. Callie finally noticed Arizona and walked over to her.
"Hey."
"Hey Cal. Are the two of you busy?"
"Actually, we're just about done for the day. Why? Is something wrong?"
Arizona put her hands in her pockets, fidgeted and finally looked at her wife. "No, it's just, can I talk to you about something tonight?"
Callie shrugged. "Sure. I'll be done in an about an hour. If you want you can take Sofia with you and I'll be over as soon as I'm finished. I fancy a pizza tonight if you want to join me."
Arizona hesitantly smiled and shook her head yes. "Sounds like a plan. Okay, well, I will see you then."
Before she could leave the room Callie put her hands on Arizona's upper arms and looked her in the eye. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll talk to you later."
Callie nodded as Arizona left the room. As soon as her wife was gone Callie slumped into a chair and ran her hands through her hair. Derek sat beside her and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"What was that about?"
Callie shrugged. " I'm not sure. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"When Addison cheated on you and you gave her another chance how long did it take you to be, um, intimate?"
Derek cleared his throat. "Well, I admit it took a while. But you have to remember I wasn't in love with Addison, I wanted Meredith, so my heart wasn't in it. We tried but we gave up not long after. Look Cal, I know the two of you are trying again and I'm happy for you but you can't rush these things."
"I know. It's just sometimes I want to hold her and I want to kiss her but every time I get near Arizona I see that other woman. I'm guess I'm having a hard time getting past it. I mean, we're talking about everything else and she's trying so hard and I want to meet her halfway, and I'm really trying, but I can't help the part of me that is so hurt by what she did that I can't bring myself to touch her. Am I crazy?"
Derek shook his head and touched her arm. "No, you're not. At least when your wife cheated it wasn't with your best friend. I had to look at Mark nearly everyday and knowing what he's done, sometime I wanted to kill him and I sometimes I wished I never had to look at Addison again. But that was us, not you and Arizona. The two of you are working on it but you can't push yourself to do something you're not ready for. You need to tell Arizona what you told me, keep talking to each other and be patient."
Callie smiled at her friend and pulled herself out of the chair. "I guess we should finish this so I can go and talk to Arizona. Thanks Derek."
"No problem. You know what? This will keep until tomorrow. Let's both go home and see our kids."
Callie and Derek put the finishing touches on their work for the day and headed to the elevators, separating when Derek went to the day care and Callie to the lobby and exit, walking the five minutes to her temporary home. She ordered a large pizza and took a shower to relax her body and after dressing and accepting the pizza from the delivery boy, walked the short distance to see her wife and child. She used the key Arizona insisted on giving back to her and entered with a knock.
"Hello." She saw Sofia sitting on the floor colouring away. Callie put the pizza on the table and leaned down to kiss her daughter. "Hey sweetie. Where's your Mama?"
"Hi Mommy." Sofia accepted a kiss on the cheek and pointed to the bedroom. Callie stood up straight and ruffled her daughter's hair as she walked to the entrance of the main bedroom. She knocked on the door and when she didn't hear a reply Callie slowly opened the door. She tried to turn away but it was too late. There, at the entrance of the en suite bathroom stood her wife, naked as the day she was born and only covered by a very small towel and looking so very hot.
"Shit, I'm sorry." Callie finally turned away as Arizona quickly pulled on a shirt and pants to cover herself. She was glad she'd reattached her leg before she exited the bathroom, it's hard to walk on crutches and keep your towel on at the same time.
"It's okay, you can turn around now. Besides, it's nothing you haven't seen before." Arizona chuckled to herself at Callie blushing, it didn't happen very often.
Callie turned back around. "I really am sorry Arizona."
Arizona sighed and ran a brush through her hair. "Don't worry about it Callie. It's fine."
Callie, still feeling embarrassed as well as turned on, gestured to the living room. "So, I have pizza. We should eat before little miss has to go to bed."
Arizona pursed her lips and nodded her head. "After you."
Callie left the room in a hurry and started to plate their food while Arizona helped Sofia into her booster chair. They sat and ate in relative silence and afterwards helped each other give Sofia a bath and tucked her in together. Callie followed Arizona back to the living room and accepted the offered glass of wine. They each took a seat on opposite sides of the couch, both unsure of how to begin. Arizona put down her glass and moved closer to Callie who seemed to move away slightly in response. Arizona sighed and dropped her head.
"Cal, are you sure you really want to try again with me?"
Callie locked eyes with her wife, put down her glass and took Arizona's hands in her own. "Of course I do. Why would you ask that?"
"It's just...you pull away most of the time when I get anywhere near you. Do I disgust you that much that you can't bare to let me touch you?"
Callie sighed but didn't drop Arizona's hands. "I'm trying, I really am, but when we get close I see you and her. I can't help it Arizona. I want us, but I still need time to come to terms with what you did to me, to our family. I know we're talking about everything and I know how hard you're trying with therapy but I still need time."
Arizona nodded and felt the tear trickle down her cheek. "I understand. We're taking it slow but at the same time we need to move forward or we'll be stuck in place. I'm not asking for sex, I just want to touch my wife. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pushing you, I don't mean to. I did this to us and I'll give you all the time you need."
Callie squeezed her hands and smiled slightly. "It's okay and thank you for understanding. I really am trying Arizona. I love you and I do want you, just give me time."
Arizona returned the small smile and wiped the tear off her cheek as Callie released her hands and stood. "I should go. Derek has an implant surgery tomorrow and I want to observe and he likes to do things way to early in the morning."
Arizona stood up with her and walked her wife to the door. "Well good luck with that."
Callie opened the door as Arizona spoke up. "Cal, is it alright if I hug you?"
Callie turned, smiled and opened her arms. "Of course. Got to start somewhere right?"
"Right." Arizona walked into Callie's open arms and let herself be enveloped in the warmth of her wife. She sighed into the touch as they held on tight, holding each other like they used to after a long day and one or both needed the comfort of the other. They pulled back from each other at the same time, Arizona taking a chance and leaning her head forward until their foreheads touched, their arms still around each other. Callie's breath hitched but she let it happen.
She said it herself, you've got to start somewhere. Callie made the move and placed her lips to Arizona's, the kiss slow and gentle, as they took the time to explore each other in the most innocent of ways. Callie pulled back, her eyes opening slowly to find Arizona doing the same. Arizona felt her heart beat faster as they untangled themselves.
"I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."
Callie turned and walked out the door and back to Mark's, her fingers ghosting over her lips as she replayed in her mind what just happened over and over again, Arizona doing the same as she shut the door.
Hello. Massive apologies for the delay. I loved the kiss on greys but doesn't it feel like they've fallen into the same trap as always? Rushing back to the physical without talking about their problems? Anyway, I skipped ahead a month so I wouldn't bore you with therapy chapters, we all know what Arizona's been though anyway and I wanted to move the story along. Hope you like it and thank you for taking the time to read this. Tigersforever. P.S. OMG! When April says she's had sex and that sister of hers says "Does Daddy know?" I nearly fell out of my chair. Hilarious!