This is Week 5: Challege 1 ~ part 2: I'm working with each flower for each Gotei Thirteen division as well as the meaning.
Summary: Toshiro finds himself not seeking the truth to his past, but instead finds it hitting him full force and causing him to rethink some things.
Notes:I need to catch up again. This one took a lot of pre-planning to write. Gin+Ran=Toshiro...
Pasque
~Seek Nothing~
Two small feet hit the soft ground of the dirt road outside of the buildings around the main area of Soul Society. Two bright teal eyes took in the fact people were preparing for the festival but in the long run ignored the fact that today was the day of the festival. The small taicho walked under a string of lanterns to head into his division area before heading then to the office. He sat down and worked on the paperwork without much thought.
A busty female came into the division unnoticed by him until she spoke up. "Taicho... are you going to the festival tonight?"
Toshiro paused, a frown spreading across his face. He looked up at her and stared. Finally the answer came out of his mouth. "No."
"But taicho..." Rangiku had a cardboard box in her arms, likely containing some festival items. Not that he really cared. "Why not?"
"I've got work to do." The boy continued to work at the paperwork.
"I see..." The woman's voice tightened. "I see that you don't have that much paperwork, so are you going to use the same excuse you always do? The festivals are fun? What's your real reason?"
The small taicho looked up again, a surprised look on his face. "My real reason? I guess I've never really enjoyed the festivals Momo and I used to go to."
"Never?" Two arms folded across her ample chest after setting an item from the box down. "Something bad always happened?"
"No, I just never have enjoyed a festival so I don't see the point."
"Liar... you enjoyed the festivals taicho drag you too." Rangiku shook her head instead of saying said thought out loud. "There hasn't been one festival you've enjoyed?"
The boy paused. "No... even when I went with taicho I was forced to have fun. I mean, there isn't a time..." There came a pause then as if something had hit him. He shook his head then and his head darted down to his paperwork. "There was one time..."
"One time?"
"It was... it was before I died. I don't want to talk about it." The boy continued his work, not noticing the rather hurt look the woman gave him. The hurt wasn't there because she was hurt he wasn't wanting to have fun with her or at all, but because she realized something else.
Looking away she spoke very carefully before leaving the room. "It wouldn't hurt to try and have fun for once."
Toshiro didn't respond or even notice that she had left. When he looked up once he finished the paperwork and his curiosity got the better of him. Standing up he walked over to the small coffee table and looked down. Seeing the object on the table caused him to blink a couple of times in surprise.
M
"Festival! Festival!"
A brown haired female turned to glare at the small white haired child, her pig tails flipping as she jerked her head around in irritation. "Shiro-chan!"
"Now, now Momo-chan. He's just excited about the festival. Be sure not to lose him this time around." The small granny held out some money for the two.
Momo in turn turned to her grandmother. "It's not my fault he's always getting lost and coming home without me."
"It's not my fault!" The small child suddenly frowned.
"Yes it is!"
"Now, now you too."
"It isn't my fault." A sniffle came out of the child's nose after muttering the statement under his breath. "Adults are scary big."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Momo shook her head.
Toshiro suddenly held up his arms. "I wanna be bigger!"
"You're still little."
"I won't ever get bigger?"
"No... no. She just means it will take you a lot of time to grow bigger. Be patient little one."
"I... how is what I said even..." Momo shook her head. "Come on Shiro-chan. Be sure to not let go of my hand this time. If you let go you're a bad child, understand me."
The small boy simply followed along, a smile on his face. When they arrived at the festival one small finger pointed up at the glowing lanterns. "Look! Pretty!"
"Yes... now come on." Momo tugged him after her, delving into the crowd. While the adults could easily see her, they couldn't see the small child with her. Toshiro also struggled to keep up.
"Nee-nee?" Suddenly his small hand couldn't hold on much longer and his fingers lost their grip on the nice secure hand and the white haired babe found himself in the midst of many adults, all of them complete strangers. His foster sister was no longer in site. He then did the one thing he knew to do in this particular situation and burst into tears.
A voice that was familiar despite being muffled suddenly came to him, causing him to open his eyes and see a fox faced mask. The man wearing the mask wore a white yukata and had short silver hair. Nothing else could be seen. "Why are you crying little one?"
M
Rangiku moved through the festival wishing that she could have taken her small taicho with her. The child was such a pain though when it came to the festivals. "Come on Rangiku. If the memory is from before he died he doesn't want to remember having happy memories. Isn't it better to think nobody cared for you then not being able to remember someone that cared for you?"
Bending over she looked at the beautiful combs someone was selling, wishing that Gin was there to buy her one. Of course, even if he had been there... meaning that he was still part of the daily function of Soul Society... he would have likely wandered off as he never could focus on things. Wishful thinking was honestly useless. She backed up suddenly into a small figure. She turned around to apologize.
What she saw under the lamp light caused her to pause, he breath coming short. In all likeliness her face was twisted up in surprise at the site, but she couldn't tell as she couldn't see her own face. There stood a silver haired child... perhaps youth. They were dressed in white and wore a fox mask with red marks on it. Finally words came out, and she found herself speaking without realizing she was saying anything. "Gin?"
"What?" Nanao's head suddenly perked up, confusion in her voice as to why Rangiku would say it.
The person Rangiku saw though took off before her friend could see the figure. The busty female though saw the direction they took off in and thus the fukutaicho of the tenth quickly followed. She turned the corner though only to find that the figure was gone completely. Nanao came up beside her. "What's going on?"
"I was just seeing things." The woman startled then. She looked down at the ground and saw something glint. Picking it up she twisted it in her fingers, realizing it was one of the combs from the vendor. Going back she held it out. "Do you recognize this?"
"I sold that to a child awhile ago." This statement caused Rangiku to frown.
M
The little old lady sat in the room, watching as Momo came into the room. "Where is Toshiro?"
The small female looked up. "Didn't he come back already? He always does when he gets lost."
"Momo... you can't leave him alone."
"It's not my fault he lets go of my hand!"
"Momo, he's not as strong with you. A simple bump will cause him to let go."
"But the other times he's come back."
"Go to bed. If he doesn't come back by the morning you will go and look for him. Right now it is too dark."
The brown haired female let out a deep sigh before climbing into her futon. She soon dozed off, only to hear the sound of a lullaby which caused her eye's to open half lidded. The first thing she noted was that Toshiro was in bed with his futon, meaning he had come home during the night. In the soft glow of the dying fire she made out another figure.
The person was dressed in a white yukata, there feet wearing a short set of socks while on of their hands grasped onto the sandals they had removed from their feet. The person's hair was silver and cut short to his head. Upon the man's face was a mask. Suddenly the man turned to look at her and she saw the white fox mask with red marks. She clamped her eyes shut as well as her lips tightly.
M
Things felt better despite the fact her mind was still reeling from the idea that her taicho betrayed her. She walked through the festival with her two former classmates, a smile on her face. Both Renji and Izuru were dressed in kimonos specifically tailored for festival purposes while she wore a fancy kimono and her hair was up.
"I haven't had this much fun at a festival in a long time."
Her zampaktuo normally didn't argue with her but spoke up then. "Remember when Shiro-chan kept getting lost when you were younger?"
"Sheesh. Why did he always have to let go of my hand? And then I always got a lecture from granny. That one time..." Momo's thoughts slowed down. "... was really bad."
In front of her was a small figure with white hair. Said figure wore a white yukata and that exact same fox max. That nightmare from so long ago didn't seem so much like a nightmare. Her mouth opened to say something, her eyes widening in fright. The person though was the wrong size, not much smaller so she tried to shake it off as being just a coincidence.
However, the figure turned to look at her as if it realized she had been looking at her. The fox masked person simply stared at her and she felt a sudden creepy feeling in regards to the figure and the fear that would crop up from the dreams she had ever so rarely suddenly surged forward. Izuru noticed that she was upset. "Momo? Is something the matter?"
By the time her two companions looked in the direction that she stared in the figure was gone.
M
A young man wearing a fox mask moved through the crowded festival. On his back was a white haired child who nestled his face into the back of his neck and in the silver hair. A few tears rolled down the child's cheeks still, but the young man honestly couldn't blame the child as he had been left to wander in the crowd on his own. They continued to walk, only for something to suddenly catch the child's eye and a small hand to reach out to point. "Pretty!"
"Pretty?" The man turned to look in the direction the child was pointing and noticed the booth for catching small fish with paper nets. He walked over and watched as the fish swim. "Do you want one?"
The child shook his head as he snuggled close. "Pretty."
"Yes... they are pretty." The child on his back was delighted by the fish swimming about, memorized. It was like the times the young man had watched the child watch a butterfly. Carefully he set the boy down and knelt over while the child crouched on his knees and watched the fish swim about, each being quite the unique creature.
The tears finally stopped and the boy began to hum a soft tune. One small hand reached up to touch the young man's hand. At first the man flinched at the touch, but then gently held the small fingers between two fingers. The want to never let go of that hand was there, but he knew eventually he would have to let go again.
M
Rangiku walked through the festival, her mouth twisted up as she thought about the situation. Nanao was concerned about her behavior but didn't push the issue beyond the quick question of whether or not they would work on finding the child who had bought the item and returning it. For all the woman knew that was what had her so worked up.
As they walked along they heard the voice of another fukutaicho come at them in a boisterous manner waving at them as he did so. "Rangiku!"
"Renji..." The woman looked up at the three friends and noticed that Momo was upset about something. "Hinamori, is something the matter."
"I saw something."
The red haired shinigami's eyes narrowed. "Yeah... you're seeing things."
"I won't deny that I'm seeing things! That doesn't change the fact what I saw was creepy."
"What did you see?" Nanao frowned.
"She saw a young man with silver hair wearing a white yukata as well this fox mask," Izuru said.
Rangiku blinked a couple of times. "I saw this child."
Nanao turned her head towards her friend. "What do you mean you saw this child?"
"It wasn't a child. It was..." Momo frowned as she looked quickly to the ground. "Did you really see it Rangiku-san?"
"Yes. I did see him."
"I think I'll head back to the barracks there is something I need to talk to granny about tomorrow."
The small female left with her friends. The fukutaicho of the eighth turned to Rangiku, scowling as she did so. "What was that about?"
"I wonder..."
M
Gin's fingers entwined with Rangiku's as she tugged on his hand. "Come on! You should have some fun with me at the festival." He remained silent, not saying anything to his young companion. Letting out a deep breath she took a deep sigh. "Just meet me at the festival, will you?"
The young shinigami blinked a couple of times as she slipped away. Going to the closet he slipped on the white yukata as well as the fox max he had come to like. He walked past the office where Aizen was only to hear the man chuckle as he spoke with some of the other men of the fifth division. "Creepy as always I see Gin. Just don't go scaring little children this time."
The young man slipped away and planned on finding Rangiku quickly which caused him too. He caught site though of two familiar figures and watched as they moved through the stalls. The white haired child at first had a look of excitement on his face but then the child felt the older one pick up her pace as her own excitement grew. Despite the fact he begged her not to let go the two became separated.
The child began to cry as more adults bumped into him. Gin swallowed, knowing that interfering was not something he could do. His bony fingers reached up and touched the mask and he found himself pausing, then moving forward. "He can't recognize me with the mask on." Stepping forward he spoke then, his voice muffled. "Why are you crying little one?"
The crying stopped and two bright teal eyes looked up at the man. "Tou-chan."
The man's breath pulled sharply. "No... not Tou-chan."
"Tou-chan."
Gin let out a sigh. "Why were you crying?"
"I let go of nee-nee's hand. Am I a bad child?"
"What do you mean?"
"She said if I let go I was a bad child."
"Did you try really, really hard to hold on?"
"I did. She wouldn't listen to me when I told her it was becoming hard Tou-chan!"
Another sigh came then. "If you didn't mean to let go then you're not a bad child. She's a bad child for not listening to you."
"I like nee-nee." The child began to pout.
"That doesn't change the fact she was a bad child."
"So... a child can be bad and people can still like them?"
"Yes." Gin looked at the boy, frowning behind the mask. "Except me."
The child then held his hands in the air, reaching for the man. "Up!"
The man stared for a bit, before scooping the child onto his shoulders. It would be another time that he ended up disappointed Rangiku but with tears still streaming down the child's face he very well couldn't leave the babe alone. Carefully he lifted the boy onto his shoulders and felt the child snuggle close.
M
Toshiro saw the mask on the table along with the white yukata. His eyes widened before his small hands reached down to touch the mask, his throat catching at the site of the familiar design. He held it close to his face, pressing his nose to the same part before turning it around and placing it to his face. The feelings that came didn't feel good, and yet in some ways they did.
Pulling the mask away he looked down at the other item. Carefully he picked it up and fingered the soft cloth. "Rangiku did say I should try to enjoy myself. I want that feeling again, even if he's not here."
Glancing at the doorway to see if anyone was coming to see him thinking of such a childish idea, he then clutched the items to his chest then went to the doorway to make sure no one was watching. He then snuck off to his quarters and closed the door behind him, setting the items onto the bed. The sun was setting, meaning the festival would start soon.
Quickly he removed his uniform and slipped the white yukata on. As he began to fold the cloth he found himself suddenly catching a whim of a scent that still lingered on the clothing. "It can't be."
Shaking his head he finished pulling it on and then slipped the mask on. He fished through his uniform and pulled out his purse and slipped it into his sleeve before heading out. The lantern glow caused that familiar feeling to well up again, though he wasn't sure if it was a good or bad memory. What he did know was that it was intense feeling wise and for once he wanted to feel it.
The smell of food cooking reminded him that he hadn't eaten dinner. He slipped over to one of the stalls and bought some hot food. He moved to find a place to eat when he realized someone was watching him. He turned to see his foster sister dressed in a pretty kimono. He stared, remembering that whenever a festival came up that she would let go of his hand and he would become lost. Not to mention she was always in charge of the money when he was very young.
Letting out a deep sigh he slipped away before her two companions could see him. It was evident that something about his appearance had bothered her. He found a nice place that would allow him to easily climb up onto the roof and he began to eat the food, enjoying the taste as well as how it felt in his stomach.
The next thing he did was explore the booths. For some strange reason he was drawn to the pond with the little fish and when the man asked him if he wanted to try he did so. It took a few times with the paper scoop, but he managed to get himself a fish. He continued to wander, trying different things as well as feeling safe under his mask and not having anyone who knew him judge him.
He then spied the combs and bought one, thinking of Rangiku as he did so. "Honestly... I wouldn't have come out here and enjoyed myself if it weren't for her."
He walked away and looked at his money. There was still plenty, the things he did not even making a dent in what he normally carried. It was then that someone bumped into him. He turned to look at the person, only to see his fukutaicho looking right at him. "Gin?"
The next thing he knew he was moving away from her and hurrying off, having tucked his prizes in a small bag he had also bought except for the small fish. He didn't notice that he had dropped the comb. He lost her and continued a bit, picking out a few treats to take back with him to the division as well as a small bowl for his fish.
M
Gin's hand held the small child as the moved through the festival. The child honestly didn't want anything and was content at looking at things, almost as if it was his first time experiencing such things. They worked their way around at the child's pace while Gin kept an eye out to make sure that a certain female didn't cross their path.
Finally he bought some fried octopus balls and the two went and sat down. He watched as the child ate the item and smiled at him. Toshiro first shoved an entire one into his mouth causing steam to come out and him to wave his small hands in the air. He swallowed and looked like he was in great pain.
"You eat them like this Shiro-chan." Gin tipped his mask up slightly believing that the child wouldn't have been able to see his face. He made a puffing sound as the child watched with wide eyes before biting the food in half. "Like that so you won't burn your mouth."
The child repeated what he did before smiling at Gin again. "Yummy!"
The silver haired youth watched as the child ate away at the treat, a wide smile on his face. Eventually though he saw two bright teal eyes close and the boy collapse against his side, a soft snoring sound coming from the little one. Then came one of the rare smiles Gin ever gave.
M
Rangiku headed back to the division after a few drinks. The first thing she did was go to the division offices to confirm what she was thinking. The two objects she had taken out of the box of Gin's things was indeed gone. Letting out a deep sigh she headed to her taicho's room just as the fireworks began to go off. She found him sitting on the porch area watching the sky. "Taicho?"
"Matsumoto?" The boy blinked a couple of times before reaching for the bag. She noticed the small bowl with the fish next to him. "I have something for you."
"You mean this?" Rangiku held out the comb watching as her small taicho looked at her with wide eyes.
"Yes..."
"You dropped it when you ran away from me."
Toshiro glanced away. "I didn't want you to know."
"What? That you took the mask from the table?"
"Tou-chan's mask? No." The boy missed her drawing a deep breath. "It felt like I could have fun if people didn't see my face and wonder why I a captain was goofing off.'
"Tou-chan's mask."
The boy glanced over at the item in question which was at his side. "I don't know how you came across this mask, but it's just like the one I remember Tou-chan wearing."
"Wait..." Rangiku paused, frowning as she did so. "You mean to tell me you remember something from when you were younger.'
"Yeah, I'm surprised that I remembered something from before I died." The boy's fingers gripped the edge of the porch. "I had remembered a bit when you asked that question, but I remembered a bit more when I saw the mask. I found myself wanting to feel the same way I did when I was with him."
"You've never had that feeling when you've gone to a festival before?"
"Truth be told I lied about not having fun with taicho. This feeling though was different." Toshiro looked her right in the eye. "Momo had a habit of letting go of my hand when I was younger and she always had the money, so I ended up going home most of the time. It wasn't as if we couldn't afford much and she always managed to bring me home a treat, but having something brought to you isn't the same as getting it for yourself."
"That explains the containers for foods I see." Rangiku knelt next to the fish. "I see you got yourself a friend. Does he have a name?"
"It doesn't have a name. Since I don't know whether it is male or female it doesn't feel right giving it a name and I don't want the twelfth division taicho telling me whether it is male or female. He'll kill it."
"How about a name that works for both male and females?"
"How about just Fish? It is straight to the point and he can't argue about it."
The busty female held back a chuckle. "You just told me that you couldn't tell if it was male or female. Never mind. When the fireworks are done you should get to bed, but in the mean time..." Rangiku sat down next to him. "... I'll enjoy them with you."
Her hand then reached out to touch his and was glad when he didn't pull away.
M
Rangiku was not happy. No matter where she looked she couldn't find Gin anywhere. She stopped to look at a bunch of combs only to have the person selling them ask if her boyfriend was going to be buying one for her. This in truth stung and she scurried away, miffed that Gin hadn't shown up. She didn't feel up to getting snacks.
She had dressed up in a very nice kimono. She had recently bought it in order to surprise him, but as she thought about this it also crossed her mind that nothing really surprised Gin. He was always staying away from her and not noticing her. It felt as if they would never be more then friends. Finally she settled on going and sitting on the roof of the tenth division.
She felt a hand touch hers and she turned hoping that it was Gin, only to frown. "Taicho?"
"Hey... what's with the sad face little Ran-chan?" Isshin held her hand tightly.
She yanked her hand away and pouted then. "Gin was supposed to meet me for the festival, but he never showed up."
A hand then reached out and ruffled her hair causing the work she had done to make herself look pretty go to waste. "I could go and find him for you. You put a lot of work into that, and it would be a waste."
It was then that they both felt someone flash step up onto the roof. "Ran-chan?"
The female turned and pouted. Isshin though could see that she was holding back tears. Letting out a sigh he stood up. He walked over to Gin and pulled him aside and whispered into the boy's ear. "Hey... you do realize that Ran-chan has feelings for you?" To the man's surprise the boy opened his eyes up for once, a frown replacing the smile. The smile wiped off the man's face. "You do know then."
The young shinigami looked away. "Things are complicated."
"It isn't as if you're married." Isshin was surprised to see the look on Gin's face. A smirk spread on his face and he suddenly lifted the young shinigami into the air. "My, aren't you cute."
The silver haired youth just stared at the man while Rangiku continued to sulk.
M
The fukutaicho of the tenth division shuffled through some photo albums when she came across a picture of Gin when he was younger and actually smiling. Frowning, she carefully removed the picture along with a few others of similar content. She then headed to the office to speak with her small taicho. "Taicho... I have something for you."
"More paperwork?" The boy looked up with a rather irritated look.
Sliding the door closed she shook her head. "No."
She walked over his desk and set the photos down, biting her lip as she wasn't sure how he would react. The boy carefully picked up the pictures. He stared at the first one for a few minutes, his mouth opening. He then did something that surprised her. He came around the side of the desk and hugged her around the neck. Her own eyes widened in surprise. "You're amazing."
The boy then pulled away. "I don't know how you did it, finding actual pictures of Tou-chan. Are you sure I can keep them."
The first thing that crossed her mind was, "I did say that I had something for him." The second thing she thought was, "He didn't recognize it was Gin." Taking a deep breath she smiled at him. "It's fine for you to keep them."
"I'll go and put them in my room."
Rangiku took a deep breath then. "Hey, taicho... take the day off." The look on his face was of complete surprise. "Let me finish the paper work."
"You went to all that trouble to get these for me and I haven't the faintest idea how you found them. For all I know you had to do some things you weren't supposed to. I mean... there is no telling where my Tou-chan is now and he's likely way, way older then me now and..."
The woman shook her head. "Please... just go and enjoy the pictures."
"Yes... with who knows what trouble you went to get them I can't exactly let others see that I have them."
When the boy disappeared Rangiku took a deep breath. "He honestly doesn't recognize that is Gin."
"He also thinks that you got the pictures from the world of the living. He's living in denial, isn't he?"
"About himself dying or about having good memories about his father?"
M
Rangiku found herself thinking carefully about what had occurred when Momo came in. "Not now Hinamori."
"I need to talk to you about something. About that... that person was Shiro-chan wasn't it. The person with the fox mask?"
The fukutaicho of the tenth shook her head. "Yes... but what does this have to do with anything?"
"How did he come to have that mask. I haven't seen it since he was little and... granny says... she says the man with the fox mask I saw when I was younger was Shiro-chan's father. But... that means his father is Ichimaru?"
Rangiku took a deep breath. "So I was right."
"But..." The small female frowned. "Then he cheated on you?"
The woman's eye's widened. "No. I mean, I don't know."
"But you would remember that he's your kid! You don't remember that."
"Hinamori, there are things from early on in my life that I don't remember." The woman stacked the unfinished papers together. "I know you want to be helpful, but..."
"I honestly... if he didn't cheat on you he..."
The corners of her mouth twisted up weakly. "I know. It's upsetting you. I ask that you let me handle this. Don't go spreading this around either."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." Rangiku watched as the boy let out a deep sigh. She then stood up and went back to her photo albums looking for the right picture. She then found a few of Gin with a real smile on his face with his eyes open. Letting out a deep breath she went to find her small taicho. He was carrying something. "Taicho... can we talk privately?"
The boy paused, looking at her in surprise. "Sure. Let me finish this and I'll meet you at the office."
"How about your room? There is..." The woman took a deep breath. "Well, there is a reason that place would be best."
"All right."
The woman went and sat outside of the captains quarters. When her taicho arrived she stood up. She held out the photo. "This is for you."
Toshiro took the photo while she rubbed her lip between her teeth. There was a silence as she waited for his response. His eyes widened in horror and then he moved to open the door. He hurried over to his drawer and pulled out the photos that she had already given him. He looked at her then with a confused look, holding out the newest picture. His voice was strained. "This is a picture of Tou-chan when he was older?"
"Taicho... you do know who those pictures are of."
The boy glanced at the ground. "Ichimaru. They're of Ichimaru." She watched as he sat on the bed looking at the picture. "How come he never smiled like this around me?"
Rangiku frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I always thought he was cold hearted... but he isn't that way is he?"
"No. He isn't. Well, he tends to be distant towards the people he doesn't know.."
"That explains where I get it from." The boy set it on the dresser. "Are you sure I can keep these pictures? They have to be something that is important to you."
"Taicho, it's fine. I have many, many happy memories of him You don't have any. This is the least I can do."
"He's my father, whose my mother?" The boy looked up. "If you were my mother, you would have told me?"
"You know what amnesia is?" Rangiku took a deep breath. "I'm sure there is a way we can find out."
"Don't!" Toshiro looked up. "I don't want to find out that you're not my mother!"
"Taicho... it doesn't matter if I gave birth to you or not, I am your mother." She went over and sat next to him.
"Please... tell me more about him."
"Sure. I can do that."