Of Werewolves And Humans

Chapter 15 ~ From Me To You

THEN:

Sam tore his hand away from Dean and jumped from his seat, shoving it backwards over the wooden floor with a creak.

Everyone's attention snapped towards Sam, who stood there. Heavily panting, his mind racing. He couldn't let this man say that. He couldn't. And if he'd get a beating for it, he'd take it. He'd do it. He'd do it now.

NOW:

Sam didn't know what rid him right at that moment. It was like an undiscovered force deep inside him that longed for its liberation. It was the need to put things right. That he wouldn't dare to hurt Dean. Ever. Even if he had the chance to do so.

Dean had saved him, had taken care of him and there was this still tender bond he felt, growling stronger with every passing day. This force – whatever it was – wouldn't allow this man to talk about him that way. Because he didn't know Sam. He didn't know – even if he seemed broken and vulnerable – that there was still fire inside the human. Although it seemed to be buried somewhere deep down anyway ...

Sam blew out a shuddering breath.

The man on the other side of the table stood now too and he felt Thomas staring holes into his head.

For the first time since he had been at the table, he looked up through long bangs, locking his gaze with the other man's.

„What is it, that you wanna do now, kid?", Thomas taunted, „Wanna fight? Like a man? Or like a wolf?" He wore a mischievous grin. „Non of both I guess. - You wouldn't dare, would you?"

Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat, as the chair beside him got shoved back, and the mullet-fan maned up beside him, straightening himself.

„I won't kill anyone here. I never did and I'll never do. Even if it means that i'm going to die.", Sam said calmly. „I never meant to be saved. I suspected my death when they got me out of the cage the last time. And I was ready to die." … oh so ready. Sam blinked at him, his hands trembling. „Now I'm here. And I'm thankful. I don't deserve it though. YOU don't deserve the troubles I cause – I know that. Dean doesn't deserve it – not for rescuing me." He took a deep inhale. „I'd do everything for him. No matter what he wants me to do, I'd do it ... I would never turn against Dean. I owe him so much. I owe you all so much. I'd give my life if it's necessary to avoid -"

„STOP." Now the man with the gruff voice – what Sam figured had to be Robert Singer - on the other end of the table was on his feet, throwing his fist on the table. „We aren't discussing whose fault this is. We are here to sort out how to deal with the recent situation. We HAVE TO point out what could possibly happen, so we're prepared when it comes to it."

Sam felt a hand in between his shoulder blades, pushing gently – stopping him from loosing his balance. He hadn't realized that he had been swaying until then.

The very next moment, John was beside Thomas, wrapping his fingers in a strong grip around his bicep and dragged him out of the room with nothing more than an annoyed growl.

Dean wrapped his arm around Sam's lower back as the human's knees started to buckle and dared to give out under him.

„C'mon. - Lets get you on the couch.", Dean whispered, taking his arm and guiding it over his shoulder.

A moment later there was another arm slipping around Sam's lower back and his own got lifted around a neck. And Sam just went with them into the living-room, where they sat him down on the worn out couch. A second later a glass of water was in his hands and he saw himself forced to drink the half of it.

„Better?", he heard Dean's voice beside him and someone took the glass away from him again.

Sam nodded.

Just nodded, because he wasn't able to do anything else right now. The blood in his veins was roaring through his ears, his heart was pounding in his chest. Feelings he had never felt before were washing over him and ebbing away again.

He haven't ever felt like this before. Haven't had this kind of feelings. He felt like he had to protect something, defend himself or defend Dean. Or even both of them …

Sam didn't know what he would've done, he just knew he was supposed to stop Thomas somehow. BEFORE Dean would even believe a single word he had said. He probably would've taken the challenge with Thomas if it wouldn't have been for Bobby. Sam would've done EVERYTHING.

He didn't know why, nor how … it had felt like a rush, claiming him slowly … lesser the need to hurt the one opposite of him, more like making him understand.

„Hey, you with me?" Dean kneeled before him now, his lower arms resting on Sam's thighs.

The human jumped a little and started to focus on Dean's ever so green eyes. He sniffed and without wanting it, his eyes start to tear up.

„I'm sorry, Dean." Sam muttered. „I shouldn't have done that. - I don't know what came over me … I'm so sorry. - Please … let me tell Thomas. Let him know how sorry I am." He swallowed a choked sob. „I don't wanna be a burden. - Not to you. Not to anyone … I don't know why I've done that … please ..."

And Dean smiled. Just smiled at him and then he chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

„Oh … I know what came over you." Dean gathered Sam's hands in his and squeezed them gently. „You thought he'd come in between us. - That I could possibly believe him." He watched the human's reaction on his words carefully, reading him like an open book.

And saw nothing he didn't like.

„But I don't. - I believe you when you say you won't turn against me." He cupped Sam's face in his hands and brushed the tears away from his cheeks. „I trust you. - You're my mate, the other piece of my soul, Sammy. There's no way I wouldn't. I'd know if you'd lie to me ..."

Sam nodded and tilted his head to the side, looking at the wolfman in wonder. „I don't want to cause any more problems, you know?" He shook his head pensively. Would they let him get away with his outburst like this?

Then his face lit up a little and he looked first at Dean and then at Ash who stood behind his mate. „But I can make it up to you, right? I could do something in the house? I can do that." He looked into his lap before he looked back up. „I can clean it up … could cook something. - I always cooked for my dad.", he babbled away with an eager expression in his eyes – NO all over his face. „I can do whatever you and your pack want me to do. EVERYTHING. - No matter what, I'd do it. Everything you want from me -"

Dean rose a hand to stop him right there, something in his face changed, something Sam couldn't put his finger on. As if he had said something the younger Winchester didn't like to hear from him.

Sam stared at him for a moment and then looked up at Ash, who stared at him as if he was some alien.

The human searched their faces while the silence continued.

Then Dean blew out a deep sigh and shook his head. „Listen, Sam.", he started, clearing his throat. „Listen carefully." He caught the human's gaze. „We don't want you to do anything." He fixed him with his gaze.

Sam's face fell.

„When you're really up to it … and I mean TRULY – we'll talk about that, okay?" Dean frowned at him, a pretty serious expression on his face. He recognized Sam's shift of emotions right then. „But for starters … you could help me with the dishes?"

Yeah, Dean Winchester needed another topic. THEY needed another topic.

Sam nodded eagerly. „I could do the laundry too.", he offered instantly.

Dean shook his head. „No." He then rose to his feet. „You're still recovering. - I don't want you to overdo yourself. So do the others." A warm smile built on his lips. „Trust me on this. - You're not here to work or please us in any way. - I want you to know the others. I want you to feel safe here."

Sam nodded, lines of sadness covering his face. He wanted to help – at least do something he could. He had to make it up to them. For everything they had done so far for him.

„You understand?", he asked frowning. „We want you to feel better, feel comfortable. - And when you're up to it we'll see what you're capable of." He smiled reassuring. „Maybe you wanna go back to school? Maybe you wanna to study something?"

Okay, that was probably too far away into the future right now … but it was a possibility. One of a whole lot of possibilities.

Sam looked up at him insecurely, chewing on his botton lip.

„But for now, we're doing the dishes.", Dean stated and pulled Sam to his feet, before their conversation could take a turn again.

They did the dishes together then. Dean washed them, Sam dried them off and Ash put them back into the cupboards. Bobby, John and Thomas were outside on the yard for a long time. Sam heard them talk – sometimes they were getting louder, sometimes there were just silent mumbles, halted by hissed words. Sometimes Sam heard a low growl or rumble. - But nothing about their conversation sounded like it was a nice one. - Quite the opposite to be honest.

And yeah, Sam blamed himself for it. Because he was the reason why they were fighting.

Sam had gotten tired from just drying off and he cursed himself, because he felt so weak. Too weak. He wanted to be useful and do useful things for these people – for DEAN.

„Hey, if you want you can read something? - You were quite a nerd with a lot of unuseful knowledge.", Dean said joking and cocked an eyebrow, well knowing about Sam's thoughts based on the expressions on his face.

Sam's attention snapped towards him.

„I'm sure it's okay if you take one of Bobby's books. He ain't reading them anyway. " Dean smiled.

Ash sat nearby and skipped through the news paper, always an eye or ear on Sam.

Because what Sam didn't know was, that they had come to terms about how to make sure they wouldn't try to get to Sam again. - Even when they thought that the other pack's attention was on them now. On the killers of their people …

John had said that he feared, that Sam could get into the crossfire. And Dean figured he wasn't all wrong about it. A human in a werewolves' fight didn't stand a chance. At least not when he was unarmed and when there were more than one.

Caleb yawned and stretched his limps as he entered the living-room, slumping down beside Sam without forewarning.

Sam flinched and was in the furthest corner of the couch in no time. His legs drawn to his chest, holding the book snug between his chest and his long legs.

„Caleb.", Dean sighed and rolled his eyes at him.

The man lurked up as if he was completely innocent about Sam's sudden distress. Then he looked at Sam and back up at Dean. Caleb smiled cheeky at his old friend.

„Got something for you, youngster." Caleb cocked an eyebrow and licked his lower lip.

Sam glanced up through his long bangs, watching the man as he rummaged in the inside-pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small book.

„There you go. - Werewolf 101.", he said and held it towards him. „When you live with us you should know some things."

The human hesitated.

„Take it.", Caleb encouraged him eagerly and nodded to where Sam held the old book. „There are a lot of things you won't find in those books."

Sam frowned and reached for the other man's book hesitantly, holding Caleb's gaze.

„I started writing it when I was about sixteen." Caleb grinned, mischief sparkling in his eyes. „But you gotta promise me that you won't show it to Dean. - It's pretty personal and we both wanna keep our dignity as long as possible, do we?" He licked his lower lip and glanced up at Dean with a sly grin.

A smile ghosted over Sam's lips as he took it and let his legs slide down from the couch again. From then on, he was hovering over the small book in the leather-cover for the rest of the day. At some point he was giggling and snorting amused and Dean was wondering what Caleb had written in there.

Even at night, when they had dinner and were done with the dishes, Sam buried his nose in it. Like it was his lifeline. When they went to bed, Sam was dressed in his pyjamas and sat in the bed, covers up to his hips by a blanket and was reading – in the book.

Dean glanced at him curiously when he came back from the bathroom and slipped under the comforter on his side of the bed. Sam didn't do as much as giggle, completely lost in the written word.

„What's so funny?", Dean asked curiously and frowned. Somehow he didn't like that someone else was able to make Sam giggle and nearly lough when he couldn't.

Sam's expression went serious. „Nothin'." He put the book on the nightstand and laid back, staring at the ceiling.

„I like it when you lough.", Dean said then after a while, feeling stupid about his reaction. Actually it wasn't Sam's fault. It was Caleb's.

Sam glanced at Dean, who lay on his side, propped up on an elbow, facing him.

„I like it when you smile." Now he smiled too, his eyes glistening warmly. „You look like back then."

And Sam smiled, just for Dean. - Just like that.

His lips curled up a bit more and his eyes shone with affection. Dean extended his arm slowly and reached for him, as Sam turned on his side to face the other male. He then laid his fingertips on Sam's temple and ghosted over the world's cutest dimples he had ever seen.

Sam closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

„It's nothing bad, Dean.", Sam whispered, „Just some stories ..."

The younger Winchester laid his flat palm on Sam's cheek and ghosted with his thump over the human's closed eye, feeling the softness of his skin.

Dean gathered the human in his arms and tugged him closer, so that they shared Sam's comforter.

„I know that. - But I can't help it ..." Dean closed his eyes, stroking over the human's back in soothing-like motions. „... it's the beast in me.", he added with a short, soft lough.

Sam chuckled and pushed him playfully. „You're not a beast." He sniffed, his voice clouded in sincerity. „Neither are your friends and family."

Dean smiled, resting his hand between the human's shoulder blades, feeling the slow movements of his deep breaths evening out.

„You gotta sleep. - Get some rest.", the wolf mumbled silently, as Sam's eyes slid closed.

Dean awoke to an agonized cry – once again.

The younger Winchester's eyes snapped open and he felt no body in his arms, no warmth beside him. He sat up sleepily and eyed the space beside him. He then looked around, well knowing that the threat was in Sam's mind and not actually int he same room like them.

Nonetheless it hurt Dean more than he could tell. Night after night. Sam wouldn't find any peace. Probably he'd have to deal with this for a lifetime. - Though Dean had played with the thought of getting Sam professional help. It was exhausting and draining the both of them.

Not that Dean thought he wasn't able to handle it, or live with it on longer terms. But this wasn't something to play with. Sam could slip into depressions or even worse, if he thought he couldn't deal with it anymore.

Dean could tell, that Sam thought that he was a burden to him – to the pack. Thanks to Thomas, by the way. Ever so often depressions started off with low self-confidence and guilt and the feeling of not being useful at all.

„Sammy?", he asked huskily and blinked, his gaze darting through the room.

He got up silently and moved towards the corner Sam was sitting, curled up into a small ball, rocking back and forth, his hands thrown protectively over his head. Dean slid down beside him, his back against the wall and wrapped an arm around him. „Hey, Sam.", he whispered. „Why don't you come back to bed, huh? - It's cold out here."

The human's body was shaking between the wrecking sobs and the tears that were streaming down his face.

Sam just whimpered.

„Sammy. - You with me?", he asked gently and pulled him closer, unable to hide the hint of concern in his voice.

Sam nodded.

His own yell had woken him from one of his worst nightmares ever. - It had started off like always. Someone pulled him out of his cage and brought him into a room. But then his dream took a turn and he had to watch like Dean and his pack got slaughtered – because of him. Because he wasn't dead. Because he had survived. Because he hadn't followed their orders. All of them have had their orders. Including Sam.

If they would get caught and would still be alive at that point, they had to kill themselves. They had trained them to do so. They had taken care of it that they'd do it.

But Sam didn't. In the end he hadn't done it. Because something deep inside him didn't want him to. Something had told him that he had to survive, that he had to live.

He had screwed up – AGAIN.

„It's all my fault.", Sam sobbed and shook his head. „All my fault."

Dean frowned, unsure if he was ready for a conversation like this in the middle of the night. Deciding that he had to be ready, he asked: „What's your fault?"

He had to wait a few moments for an answer. He had to wait until Sam had himself halfway under control again.

„I didn't do it … i didn't do it. - I'm a coward and that's why … why ya'll have to pay. - It's all my fault." Sam babbled, shaking his head over and over again.

Dean sighed and laid his hand on Sam's head, stopping him. „Stop it. - You're gonna get yourself a concussion if you're shaking your head like this for any longer." He gently ran his fingers through Sam's soft hair, feeling silky strains gliding in between them. „We won't pay for anything. - You didn't do anything wrong, Sam. - And you're far away from being a coward. You're doing great for what you've been through."

„I should be dead, Dean. DEAD. - They wouldn't come for you if I was.", he spat out. „I had my orders and I disobeyed."

Then Dean thought. Thought for a long while before he responded. Trying to shove the shock and anger aside, about how a bunch of psychopaths were able to ruin a being like that. How to – at least try – and break a soul, making it pliable to everything and everyone.

„So … they gave you an order and you disobeyed?", he felt stupid to ask that way, but that was how he felt he'd do the least of damage. Besides his mind still needed some more time to wake up fully.

„I was supposed to end myself, Dean. - If we get caught … And I didn't. - I couldn't." Another ray of sobs and hiccups tore through the human's body.

„Well ..." Dean tried to keep his voice as calm as even possible. - He tried to hold the anger at bay that dared to overcome him right then. „I'm glad you didn't."

Sam fell silent for a moment.

„Why?", Sam asked. „Why wouldn you be? - I'm of no use. - Not like that." He sniffed. „I'm the reason why you are in this situation."

„No. - The reason why we're in this situation is, because these guys are psychotic douchebags.", Dean countered calmly. „Non of this is your fault." He paused again, thinking about his next words carefully. „You know what it means to be a werewolves mate?"

Sam looked up, wiping over his face and shook his head.

Dean smiled gently. „You know … under normal circumstances you'd be a werewolf too. - So you'd instantly feel similar or even the same for me as I do for you. You'd just KNOW how I feel about you. It'd be easier for you to deal with the fallout of what had happened to you." He paused with a sigh. „But sometimes it doesn't work out as it should. Sometimes mates aren't from the same kind." He watches Sam's face closely, trying to find out if he understood.

And Sam nodded. „Like you and me ..." He bit his lower lip and sniffed again.

„So … when this mate is from another kind … it's likely that he won't feel the same way. - It's a lot about senses and feelings supernatural beings like me and my pack are able to pick up on.", Dean tried to explain. „Humans aren't that sensitive mostly. - Except some rare ones."

Sam blinked up at him. „What does it feel like?", he asked hesitantly, disconnecting their looks for a moment. „What is it that you feel for me?"

Dean grinned, his eyes sparkled. „A lot.", he answered. „And the more time we'll spend together the more I'll feel for you. The more I'll be able to sense what you're feeling."

Sam's blushed and he looked aside shyly.

A cool shiver ran down Dean's spine, wich remembered him that they still sat on the floor. He rose slowly, taking Sam's hand in the process and guided him back to the bed. The Winchester let his mate crawl back under the pillows and waited for him to settle before he rounded the bed and got in on the other side.

„It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Sam. - It's natural." The wolfman settled his head down on the pillow. „I just wish you'd be able to understand what it's like …" He trailed off …

„And what if you'd turn me? Would it be better if i'd be a werewolf too?" Somehow Sam felt guilty. Guilty that he wasn't what Dean should have. A real mate. Someone who'd understand him, someone who'd be able to share these feelings with him.

„No." Dean's voice grew sharp, so did his features. „No way. - It'd change you. You wouldn't be the same again. You'd turn into something bloodthirsty."

Then there was a moment of awkward silence.

„But I'd be what you want me to be, wouldn't I?" Sam looked up at him, big shiny hazel-eyes gleaming with hope.

Dean blew out a breath. Sure it'd be easier if Sam would be able to sense him like Dean was able to sense Sam. There'd be this unbreakable trust without even knowing each other. There'd be this eternal flame of love that would never go out. Sam would know who he belonged to without having any doubts.

„But you wouldn't want to be what you'd become.", Dean countered silently. „And I don't want you to become a monster. - Because that's what you'd be. You'd be a killing-machine. You'd feed from humans because that's what the turned ones do."

„And you don't?", Sam asked then.

Dean chuckled. „I could. But I've no need to feed from your kind. - I'm satisfied with a chop-steak or a plate full of bacon."

The corners of Sam's lip curled up a little and he nestled closer, closing his eyes.

…... to be continued

i didn't know how and where to end this chapter. So that's it.

Catch up with ya'll next time with CHAPTER 16 ~ The First Time