This is Week 5: Challege 1 ~ part 4: I'm working with each flower for each Gotei Thirteen division as well as the meaning.

Summary: The results of the Winter War meant that Rangiku was dead. Pardoned from his crimes Gin finds himself in a deep depression while Toshiro finds that the man is avoiding him.
Notes: This story is an AU.

Bellflower
~those who grieve are loved~

Pain shot through his left shoulder and knee, causing the boy to jolt awake. His right hand reached over to his left shoulder and felt that it there despite the fact Aizen had cut it. He then sat up, his bright teal eyes seeing that the sheets covered a pair of legs instead of one full leg and another cut of short. He let out a sigh and collapsed back onto the bed, his small hand reaching up to touch his forehead. "We won." He then sat up. "I have things I need to do."

He moved out of the bed and quickly dawned the uniform that was near by, his left leg sore from the injury. He then found himself falling, only to be caught by Hanataro. "Hitsugaya Taicho. You really should be resting."

"I need to see Matsumoto. I have division duties, reports to fill out, things to do." Toshiro grabbed onto other boy's shoulder. "By the way, what room is Matsumoto in?" There came then silence, causing him to look up. "Wait... where is she?"

Hanataro let out a deep sigh. "She's in the morgue."

"Identifying Ichimaru's body?"

"That..." The other boy looked away. "Let me at least find you a crutch to lean on. You'll move faster that way. Until then wait here."

About half an hour later Hanataro returned, giving him the crutch to use. Toshiro pushed himself up and limped over to the morgue. His right hand gripped the handle and turned it. He stepped in, only to freeze in the doorway at the site in front of him. His head began to shake in disbelief. Gin was standing in front of him, his bony hand having pulled back the sheet to reveal that Rangiku was the one on the slab. "No..."

This sound caused the man to startle as Unohana also looked up. The next thing Toshiro knew the man had set the cloth down and was coming straight at him. As the bony hand reached out to grab the child's face he felt himself stumbling backwards, only to find himself caught by Gin grabbing the front of is uniform. The man then pulled him out of the room. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Why's Matsumoto..." The boy's throat tightened, causing him to be unable to say anymore.

"She died. I couldn't protect her."

"You!" Toshiro's temper flared. "How do you expect to protect someone when you're off being a traitor! Why didn't you put some thought into that before you... you... why are you here and not in jail!"

"It's a long story. I'm really not in the mood right now." The man let go of the front of the boy's shirt and his hand reached up again towards the boy's face, causing the small taicho to turn his head away from him.

"Oi... don't do that. Seriously... I've done nothing to you..." Gin paused for a few seconds, only to grab him the same way as before. Toshiro felt himself swallow due to the jerking motion. The next thing he knew the man was pulling him away from the place. The boy stumbled a few times as they headed back to his room, only to find himself tossed onto the bed. "You should be in bed."

The man turned to leave, only to stop when the boy spoke up again. "I should be in bed? I wanted to see how Matsumoto is doing."

Gin turned to look at him, his pale teal eyes open as he did so. "Rangiku's dead."

"I saw that."

"You shouldn't have seen that."

The boy's cheeks puffed slightly from anger before his fingers grasped the sheets on the bed. "You have no right to tell me something like that as if I have nothing to do with her. I may only be her taicho, but..."

"I meant you shouldn't have to see her like that." The silver haired man then slipped from the room.

"Exactly what is that supposed to mean?"

M

The boy lay on the bed in the fourth division sulking about that. "Why did she have to die instead of him?"

"Perhaps he's asking the same question?"

"Hyorinmaru... how could be be asking such a question when he choose to side with Aizen this whole time? No... seriously. If he cared about her he wouldn't have left. There was no reason to. If I was in his position... if I was in his position I would have run with her and gotten her away from danger."

"Young one... you can't always get the person to run with you. They have to be willing as well as knowing."

"Then he should have stood his ground and protected her. She's gone because of him." Toshiro opened his eyes as he felt someone enter the room. He turned his head to see it was the captain of the fourth division.

"You shouldn't have seen that."

"Ichimaru said the same thing to me, but I don't understand why he said that." The boy sat up and looked at her. A frown spread across his face.

"Is that really a memory of her that you want."

The child taicho's bright teal eyes widened in surprise. "Is that a memory... I mean. I honestly don't understand."

Unohana came over and sat by the boy. One hand reached out to touch his heart. "How do you feel here about what happened to her."

"It hurts. It emotionally hurts. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Again, do you really want that memory?"

Toshiro's mouth opened, then closed as he thought about it. "Do I want a memory of Matsumoto like that? What she looked like in the morgue..." The boy blinked a couple of times. "Actually... I don't think you have to worry about that. Ichimaru was rather quick about distracting me so I don't recollect what I saw. I mean, I know she was there, but..." A sigh of relief came from Unohana. "You're actually relieved?"

"I have many memories of the dead, including love ones. This is one that I don't want you to have."

Two eyes widened before he child shook his head. "But... I'll see her at... there will be a wake."

"Seeing someone in the morgue is different then seeing them after makeup has been put onto them for a wake."

Toshiro looked away, a frown spreading across his face. "What about Gin?"

"He's going to be pardoned."

The boy turned, his voice choking as he spoke. "Why! It's his fault she's dead! He's a traitor! Why..."

"He purposefully went with Aizen so that he could turn on him at what he felt was the right time."

A heavy feeling suddenly came to the small taicho's chest as well as head. "But... he... why would he... he could be lying."

"He has no reason to lie anymore."

"She's dead because..."

Unohana interrupted him. "He knows. He knows he messed up." Toshiro looked then at his lap, his hands reaching to grip his pants leg tightly. "It's no different from how you messed up with Hinamori Momo. In the long run matters were out of both your hands yet a person you cared about died."

"Do you think I care about that? That..."

"I honestly don't blame you. Things though are complicated."

M

The rain poured down the day of the wake. By that time Toshiro was back at the tenth, the limbs on the left side of his body sore and stiff from the injuries. He woke up and placed a hand on his forehead, a frown creasing his face. He then headed to the office, opening the door thinking he would get some paperwork done. However he found himself pausing when he looked at the empty room. Water dripped off his bangs before he let out a sigh.

He walked over to the shelf he knew Rangiku always kept a towel for days like that and began to towel off before going and leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. His throat felt tight as he looked around the room and waited for the time for the wake to occur. He then headed over to the meeting hall and slipped in, only to feel an unsettling feeling in the room. Looking up he saw that his division members were staring at Gin.

"Ichimaru..."

"I'm leaving."

The man moved to brush by him, only to have the boy grab his sleeve. "So you're going to leave her wake?"

"I'm obviously not welcome. I came long enough to say goodbye." The man then left while Toshiro dripped on the floor.

"Taicho..."

"What is it."

"Ichimaru was here when we came in, but none of us... we didn't want to tell him to leave."

"Why would you tell him to leave?" Toshiro watched his division members before letting out a sigh. "Look. He's been pardoned. He was close to Matsumoto. Treating him like he shouldn't be at her wake doesn't feel right."

He slipped in to the seat, turning his head when Unohana came in. He couldn't help but notice that one of the pillows was empty. Suddenly a sneeze came and he covered his nose. "Hitsugaya Taicho... you weren't using an umbrella to travel between buildings." There came silence. "Have you looked at her and said your goodbyes?"

Letting out a sigh he got up and took one of the white chrysanthemums and placed it into the casket with her. He then stepped back and sat next to the taicho of the fourth. "What kind of funeral would I have if I died."

"Captain's have a majorly public funeral that is much more elaborate then this that the casket is publicly cremated. However..."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"... as I was going to say, I don't think you're going to die any time soon. You're very young."

Two small hands gripped the pant legs while his mouth twisted up in frustration. "So was Matsumoto. At least this time there is a body for the morning process."

"You're referring to your former taicho?" The question went unanswered and they sat in silence while Toshiro thought about his feelings, but this didn't make the feeling that bothered him go away.

M

A fever hit Toshiro that night as he lay in his quarters, causing his entire body to shake. His head spun and he found himself unable to get up the next morning. He didn't snap out of the deep sleep until one of his division members came in to see him. "Hitsugaya Taicho!" The boy opened up his eyes. He tried sitting up, only to collapse back to the bed. "You didn't have to go and get medicine for yourself."

The boy's eyes had closed as he fell back to the bed. He opened them again to see the medicine on the side of the bed. "I don't remember..."

The division member pulled the sheets back up. "I'll arrange for someone to see to your care."

Things were a blur for the next few days. By the time he was sitting up the sun was shining and a captain's meeting was called. He stepped into the room, receiving a smile from Ukitake. "I'm glad that you're feeling better."

"I should really be the one saying that to you." The corners of the boy's mouth turned up weakly.

Kyoraku laughed. "We're just glad you're better."

Toshiro then listened to the older captains speak, the topic being who should take the place of third, fifth and ninth division taicho's. "Ichimaru... no." The boy frowned, his foot tapping. "What about those people who came and helped us during the Winter War?"

"What about them? They're traitors?" Soifon shook her head at him.

The boy's eyes widened. "Really? What did they do wrong, because I never heard of it. They also don't seem like they're bad people."

"They..."

The head captain interrupted the second division taicho's rant about them before it could get far. "Forty-six ordered them destroyed because they were hollowfying through some unnatural manner.""

"But they're fine now and it wasn't their faults?"

"What of it?"

"They seem to be of the taicho and fukutaicho levels."

"Are you crazy!" Soifon reacted negatively, causing the boy to flinch. "That would be like inviting Ichimaru Gin to take back his position as a captain."

Silence came over the room. The captain of the seventh division spoke then. "I think there is a difference here in the fact they have done nothing wrong and Ichimaru Gin went out of his way to do things he shouldn't have. Mind you, he may have planned all along to turn on Aizen but he was foolish to do it all on his own. That's not captain material, and if there are three captains who are better fit to take the position then him then let them take it."

"But..."

"Isn't Soul Society their home as well?" Toshiro piped up.

"Home?" Ukitake looked up. "Yes. It was their home. But do they feel like they belong anymore?"

The child taicho's head darted down, a frown on his face. Soifon waved her hand. "Come on. Of course they don't belong."

"Why?" Kyoraku piped up. "Why don't they belong? Personally I would love to see Lisa again and I'm sure my Nanao-chan would like to see her. Explaining to her though that Lisa isn't dead... that's another matter entirely. Well, I did tell her simply that Lisa wasn't coming back."

"The whole matter didn't sit well." Ukitake folded his arms. "The forty-six's decision was made based on them being a threat at the current time."

"Not to mention the fact forty-six's decisions aren't always truly just." Toshiro piped up suddenly, only to shrink back as Soifon glared him.

"It honestly isn't a bad idea." Yamamoto added something else. "I will speak with the new forty-six about over turning the decision with the new information we have."

M

Getting used to the members of Shinji's group was honestly another matter. Toshiro was there with Ukitake when the man proposed that they come back and there was hostility from some, particularly the female who enjoyed calling him a pervert. Somehow though after a bit of time Shinji was able to convince them to come back. Thus getting used to the members of this group became an issue.

When Shinji and Hiyori showed up at the fifth division Momo had a complete melt down. By melt down she ended up in an argument with the small blond about some minor thing that ended with Hiyori winning and Momo storming off as she couldn't come up with a counter argument. It also meant unfortunately for Momo that Hiyori had found yet another victim, one that was actually easier to goad then her normal "prey".

Kensei and Mashiro returned to the ninth division to find themselves hero worshiped by Hisagi. This caught the returning captain off guard. Rose also returned to the third division and found that Kira was quite interested in having a good working relationship with him. Love decided to take "retirement" but still hung out at his old division and also joined in the Men's Society's activies. Toshiro wondered how long it would be until he took over the head position of the group, but then again it might never happen.

Hachigen choose to take on an instructor position at the academy and also would take time to have tea with Ukitake at his division. Lisa returned to her old division and things got crazier as she had a similar personality to her taicho, which in turn led to additional complaints from people about sexual harassment claims.

One thing that seemed to be going nowhere to Toshiro was Ichimaru Gin. He didn't stay with any division and instead stuck to running errands and small jobs as people needed him to do so. He could be found hanging out around the fifth division if someone needed him and he wasn't running one of the errands and jobs, which in turn drove Momo up the wall as much as Hiyori did, but then Gin's presence also bothered her as well.

The small taicho was without a fukutaicho and thus a few times came by the fifth with errands and jobs for the man. "He knows full well that there is a position open at my division."

"That position used to belong to Matsumoto. You're still blame him for her death and haven't forgiven him, not to mention the fact you could easily ask the eighth or ninth division taicho's for one of their fukutaicho. You could even have asked Hachigen."

"It's not that I'm being indecisive. I don't yet know the viazard, which in turn means that I don't yet have a working relationship with them. I think though with the way Ichimaru and I worked together that we could at least have a working relationship. I could use his help."

"Yes... but with a fukutaicho you really need more then just a working relationship."

The small taicho let out a mental sigh as he hid his spiritual pressure. He walked through division looking for the silver haired man, finding him lounging on the bench. "Ichimaru..." The man startled, then looked at the boy with open pale teal eyes. He moved to leave. Toshiro shook his head. "Wait... I have an errand I need..."

The man disappeared on him. The sound of bubblegum popping caused him to turn his head to see Hiyori behind him, bubblegum all over her face. She pulled the gum into her mouth and spoke around it. "He's avoiding you know."

"Excuse me?"

"The other times you came looking for him... he sensed you were coming and took off."

Toshiro looked away. He did the errand and ended up taking more time out of the day compared to if Gin had run it before heading over to visit Ukitake. He found the taicho speaking with Hachigen as they drank tea and ate sweets. The two were speaking outside so Toshiro was able to hear what they said out loud. "It's rather bad that Gin-kun is drinking like he is when he isn't doing those errands. His hearts not into it."

"Yes..." Ukitake paused in what he was saying and looked up at Toshiro. "Hitsugaya Taicho."

"What's this about Ichimaru drinking?"

"Word has it he's been doing quite a bit of drinking. Mind you, he hasn't been causing any problems but people say they can smell it on his breath and he has said some sharp remarks to people that haven't made any sense at all."

"The few times I've been near him I myself have smelled it." Ukitake shook his head. "You haven't noticed anything?"

"Me?" The boy blinked a couple of times. "Apparently Ichimaru's been avoiding me. I couldn't even get close to him today."

"That's strange. Well, he isn't very sociable person in the first place, but from what I've heard you've had the best relationship with him and did speak to him."

"That's only because Matsumoto was part of my division." Toshiro glanced at the ground. "To be honest there were times it feels like he thinks of me as just a replacement for him that Matsumoto found. So... we don't really have a good relationship. We just... dealt with each other." He thought then in his head. "I guess Hyorinmaru was right that we wouldn't work together well now that I think about it."

M

Knowing Ichimaru was purposefully trying to avoid him ate away at him, so he finally decided to confront the man. The man wasn't out at the fifth division, but he was able to find him near a bar heading back. The man paused as he saw Toshiro standing in front of him. An irritated sound could be heard. Since the man had rounded the corner and practically bumped into him Toshiro could also smell the alcohol on his breath.

"I..." Before Toshiro could say the man's name the man spun on his heals and headed back down the ally way. The child was quick and grabbed the sleeve of the man's uniform. "Now hold on."

Anger filled Ichimaru's voice. "Shiro-chan... let go."

"No way. I want to know the truth as to why you're avoiding me." He watched the man flinch. "It's because you feel Matsumoto used me as a replacement for you."

"Shiro-chan..."

"I'm not a replacement you know! What you're doing isn't fair!"

Gin yanked his sleeve away roughly and turned, his eyes narrowed and flashing with anger. His voice slurred slightly as well. "No, it isn't fair. Yes I'm avoiding you. It's not because I ever felt you were a damn replacement for me for her."

"Then what other reason would you be avoiding me for? There isn't any reason we can't get along?"

"Get along? Shiro-chan, I've done a lot of bad things. How can you say that we can get along?"

"You can't know until we try. You're getting along with anyone else."

"Yes, well unlike everyone else I have one more sin against you then anyone else don't I?"

"You referring to Hinamori?"

"I'm referring to the damn fact it's my fault your mother is dead!" Gin snapped the words out before shoving by the boy to quickly disappear.

"It's his fault that..." Toshiro shook his head. "This is what they mean by him spouting off nonsense. I mean, it's his fault that Matsumoto is dead, not..." There was a sudden pause. The boy took a deep breath and realization hit him hard. "No... that..." Another pause came then before he headed back to his division. He tried working on the paperwork, but fond himself burring his head in his hands.

M

A few days later Gin showed up at the tenth division. Toshiro flinched, not happy about the situation. The man glanced around, his behavior off. "Shiro-chan..."

The boy's throat tightened. "Why are you here?"

"I..." The man paused, looking around again.

"She's not here."

"That..." There came another pause, anger written on Ichimaru's face.

"He's drunk." The boy felt the corner of his mouth twitch. "He's drunk worse then Matsumoto."

The man looked away. "I..."

"Ichimaru, about the other night."

"What do you mean the other night?" A confused look on the man's face at the child's statement.

"What do you mean about the other night?"

"Excuse me?" Toshiro stood up. "Why are you here if not to talk about the other night?"

"Shiro-chan, I haven't seen you since you came by the fifth division."

"Damn it Ichimaru! Get yourself sobered up! Why the hell are you drinking anyways!"

"That..." The man paused, looking away from the boy again. "There is a lot I'm dealing with. It's my fault she's dead you know. I..."

"I'm not your damn councilor!" The child's hands gripped the desk. "I hate you being like this!"

It was then that Ukitake turned the corner. "Hitsugaya Taicho..."

A frown was on the man's face. Gin turned and shoved a package into the man's arms. He muttered something that was audible. "You're third seats said you were heading here."

The man slipped through the door. The taicho of the thirteenth division stood in the doorway. "Hitsugaya Taicho, wasn't that a bit harsh."

"I can't..." Toshiro felt his voice shake. "I can't deal with him like this."

The boy noticed a bag of candy set on the desk. "Shiro-chan... can you look me in the face?" The boy looked up, his eye's slightly wet. The tears though wouldn't come as the boy was trying to prevent himself from crying. "You don't like seeing him like this?"

The small taicho reached a sleeve up to wipe away the tears. "No. I don't."

"I'll talk to him. I'll get him to detox."

"You don't have too."

"Someone has to speak with him about his drinking. He's not hurting anyone. Well, he is hurting himself. Point is though we can't let this behavior of his go on much longer. So don't worry about it."

M

A couple of weeks a knock came on the doorway. Toshiro's head darted up to see Gin looking at him. He glanced down, not sure how the person would react. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Are you drunk?"

"Despite the fact I'm still miffed with Ukitake about being pushy I haven't touched a drop for quite a few days. He said... he said you didn't like the fact I was drinking like I was." The man took a deep breath. "I still don't understand why you told me that I wasn't my councilor. You're..."

The man paused. The boy looked at the ground, fingering the edge of the paperwork in his hands causing it to vibrate a bit. "Just spit it out."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're one of the last people I'd wish to bother with my emotional baggage."

"I'm not sure whether that is a compliment or an insult."

"Exactly what is that supposed to mean?"

"On one side you don't want to bother me about it, but on the other you don't trust me enough to tell me how you're feeling about things. Then again you really don't trust anyone enough to tell them how you feel, including Matsumoto if you really think about it. Was that really fair in the long run."

Gin opened his mouth then clamped it shut. After a few minutes he spoke again. "Well, you at least understand how hard it is for me to talk to me about my feelings. However, with Rangiku it goes a bit farther in the fact I don't want the two of you to worry. In reality my comment was neither a compliment or an insult."

"I guess it wasn't."

"There is something I need to tell you about Rangiku."

"I already know."

Silence came to the room as the silver haired man stared at the boy. Gin finally spoke up. "How? I never told you."

"The reason I didn't like the way you were drinking is because you can't even remember a conversation the two of us had you were so drunk. I bumped into you the other night and you told me."

"That's not possible."

"What do you mean it isn't possible?"

"I've been holding back telling you because..."

There came again silence. Toshiro held back rolling his eyes. "... because why?"

"Exactly how would anyone feel about someone coming out of the blue telling someone that?"

"You're telling me now."

"Because no matter how much I think of a way of telling you about that I couldn't think of a good way to do it so I settled on just telling you."

"You're an idiot."

"I know I am. I still wouldn't just tell you without thinking about it before hand."

"Says the person whose always been known for saying things to people that are cruel without ever thinking of their feelings." Toshiro found himself leaning into his hands.

"Oh, I did think about their feelings. Wanting to hurt a persons feelings is different then not wanting to hurt them." Gin narrowed his eyes. "Do you really know what I want to tell you about Rangiku or are you trying to test me?"

"Ichimaru... one night not that long ago I went looking for you when you were out drinking. I wanted to ask why you were avoiding me. I asked you if it had to do with you thinking I was a replacement for you for Matsumoto. You said no. You said the reason you were avoiding me... and these are your exact words... 'I'm refering to the damn fact it's my fault your mother is dead'. You said that very clearly to me."

Toshiro watched as the man's face paled drastically before a string of curses came out of his mouth. The man then turned to leave. "Ichimaru!"

M

The boy worked on the paperwork well into the night, frustrated that it kept piling up. Hyorinmaru didn't help though. "You're honestly worried about him."

"Why should I be?"

"Because you know that you're your father's child. You know exactly how you would act in the same situation."

The child taicho felt his throat tighten. He then hurried to put up the paperwork before hurrying out of the room, forgetting to turn off the light as well as close the door. "Where the hell can he be?"

He first went to the fifth division and came across Hiyori and Momo who were bickering. "Have you two seen Ichimaru?"

"Ichimaru hasn't come back from drinking." The blonde looked up at him.

"I thought he stopped."

"I think he started up again." Momo piped up.

Toshiro found himself cursing under his breath and hurried to the bar district, feeling for the man's spiritual pressure. "Please! I already lost her you moron!"He then paused, instinct kicking in. He turned his head looking at a particular ally way and hurried forward. "Ichimaru?" No response came from the man. The boy knelt down and nudged the man. "Ichimaru!"

His voice caused others to stop and look and begin to speak. "What the hell am I supposed to do!" He turned to one of the shinigami. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Call the fourth division."

The man jumped before hurrying off to take care of the order given from a taicho, at least Toshiro hoped so. Soon though a few members from the fourth division showed up. One checked for a pulse and the boy thought for a minute that they wouldn't be able to find one. The comment though came that they could feel a pulse all though faint. The next thing he knew they were taking the man to the fourth while he stared watching them take him away,

M

Somehow he found his way to the fourth division. He wasn't sure which room Ichimaru was placed in, let alone where exactly he was heading. Ukitake however found him. "Hitsugaya?"

The boy looked up. "Ukitake?"

The man gave him a worried look. "You are worried about Gin?' There came a faint smile. "Funny how the other day you were talking about how the two of you didn't get along and you were saying you weren't his councilor."

Toshiro swallowed, feeling he could be upfront with the man about what was going on. "How do you tell one parent that you don't want to lose them like you lost the other parent?"

The frown returned to the older man's face, this time deeper. Ukitake reached out and touched his shoulder, guiding the boy into an empty room so they could speak quietly, closing the door behind them. "How long have you known?"

"I actually knew a few days before you heard me tell Ichimaru that I wasn't his councilor." The boy leaned up against the wall, hugging himself tightly. "He... he was drunk when he told me. I'd gone and confronted him about him avoiding me because I honestly didn't like the fact he was avoiding me and I wanted the truth. I think he meant to say he was avoiding me because it was his fault Matsumoto's dead, but instead the words came out wrong."

"He said it was his fault that your mother was dead." Ukitake let out a deep sigh. "Why did you tell him that you couldn't be his councilor then? Did you do that because you were angry with him?"

"No!" A small hand went up to cover Toshiro's face, his voice choking. "It's just... I was mad at him for getting drunk again as he couldn't even remember telling me what he did the other night. He then started in about how it was his fault Matsumoto was dead and I couldn't hear that. He needs to talk to someone like Unohana or even you about it, not me."

"That is true." Ukitake went and leaned against the door. "Something else is bothering you."

Toshiro uncovered his face. "He came to tell me today." The boy's hand clenched into a fist. "He found out how he had told me and completely freaked out. He went out drinking again. That's why..."

"He's in the condition he's in." The man took out a deep sigh. "Shiro-chan. It's not your fault you know."

"I know that!" Toshiro moved away from the wall to look right at the man, the frustration on his face.

"Then what is it that is bothering you?"

"He feels guilty because he knows it is his fault that Matsumoto is gone."

"I think everyone has figured that out."

"But that isn't what he's most guilty about!" The boy saw the confused look on his face. "What he feels most guilty about is that he couldn't save my mother. I think... I think for some reason she didn't remember she was my mother. She would have told me had she remembered. I think, I think he did all of what he did because he was trying to make it so Matsumoto and I could be a family again and he didn't feel until Aizen was taken care of that we could be a family. He failed."

"That's not though what I'm upset with. Ever since I heard him speak those words that night I couldn't be mad at him nor could I blame him. What's been upsetting me is he's been doing everything he can for me... I know that he has... and now when he needs me the most I can't do anything for him. That's what upsets me the most and what hurts. And now I'm losing him just like I lost her. That isn't fair. What can I do for him?"

"Tell him the truth." The boy startled at the man's words. "You asked me how you tell him that you don't want to lose him like you lost your mother. Just tell him. I think hearing that is what he needs the most right now."

"But what can it do? All it's going to do is make him go into an even bigger depressed funk."

Ukitake took a deep sigh. "It will give him a reason to live."

"How? How does letting him know that he's upsetting me give him a reason to live."

"Because the last thing he wants to do is upset you and what you're going to tell him is that the thought of losing him upsets you." The man held out his hand as Toshiro looked at the ground, touching the boy's shoulder. "Let's go see him."

M

Toshiro sat next to Gin, frowning as he did so. The man didn't move for a long time and he kept trying to nod off. Finally though Gin opened his eyes. "Ichimaru?"

"Shiro-chan..." The man closed his eyes. "You do realize that I'm not wanting to see you of all people right now."

The boy bit his lip. "Yeah, well you know very well that I can't be your councilor."

"Well, if you're hear to insult me and tell me what for then go ahead. I do deserve it."

"That's not..." The child captain took a deep breath and then spoke very fast. "In some of the books I've read there is something called family counseling. I can't counsel you because we're both dealing with the same problems, but... I think..."

Gin let out a sigh when the boy couldn't finish. "If that's what you want I'll do it."

"What I want is for you not to die you moron!" Toshiro blurted out the words, only to have the silver haired man turn to look at him. The look caused him to startle and look away. "I mean..."

"Shiro-chan..."

"It's not fair!" Toshiro suddenly gripped the chair. "I've already lost Matsumoto!"

"I got it. I got it. Please understand that I'm honestly the worst father ever."

"Baka! You're the only father ever!" The boy's cheeks puffed out in frustration, only for the child to calm when the man waved him over.

"Come here." The boy got up and then sat next to the man. The man reached out and grabbed the boy's arm. "I'm really sorry for everything. I can't take any of it back and I can't make up for what I've done in a million years. Ironically while I have more time then most people who seek to make things up to people I've also had more time to mess things up as well."

"Ichimaru, I don't care about you making things up to me, so get that out of your thick skull."