Alex stopped and stared at Olivia when she entered the kitchen. She was wearing black slacks and a maroon dress shirt that showed how defined her muscles were with every movement she made. Standing there and watching Olivia's muscles expand and contract reminded Alex that Olivia had not only the means and ability but the skill as well to cause someone harm if she needed to.

"Take it off" Alex ordered once she spotted the badge and the gun on Olivia's right side.

Olivia just arched an eyebrow at Alex as she slowly took a sip of her coffee.

"I didn't stutter Olivia Benson" Alex growled as she closed the gap between the two of them "Take it off."

"Not exactly how I pictured our first time" Olivia stated as she pulled Alex to her "But if that's what you want ok."

Alex shook her head as she reached for Olivia's badge and service weapon. Sometimes she truly thought she did spend too much time with the boys.

"NO" Olivia growled as she wrapped her hand around Alex's wrist and pulled it off her service weapon.

Alex could feel the panic building her when Olivia pulled her arm away. She tried to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself but she felt as if she was being smothered as memory after memory flashed before her eyes.

"I'm sorry" Alex cried as she backed away from Olivia "I'm sorry I'm sorry."

"Alex relax" Olivia began coaxing taking slow and carefully timed steps toward the blonde beauty "Just focus on my voice."

"Please don't" Alex sobbed as she fell to the floor and attempted to block the blows that she knew was coming with her arm "I'm sorry I won't do it again I promise. Please don't hit me.'

"Alex" Olivia whispered as she dropped to her knees and slowly crawled toward her "Look at me Alex. Focus on my voice. You're safe I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry" Alex cried as she curled up into a ball.

"Baby you have nothing to be sorry about." Olivia whispered as she started to reach out and touch Alex but stopped when she flinched as if she had been hit "You did nothing wrong."

"Yes I did and I promise not to do it again" Alex choked out. "Just please don't hit me. I'll do whatever you want but please don't hit me Jess."

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew she had to remain calm and not appear upset if she was going to reach Alex. God she was so close to losing it hearing Alex call her Jess.

"Alex please look at me." Olivia whispered as she waited for Alex to look at her. Once Alex did look at her she had to fight back tears as she stared into distant almost dead like eyes. They were the eyes of someone who had given up the fight and was ready to die. "That's it"

"I won't do it again."

"Alex baby" Olivia said a she sat and motioned for Alex to come to her "You didn't do anything. You're having a flashback but you are safe. Elliot's guys are right outside the door and its just me here with you in the apartment. I promise you if she makes it in she won't make it out ok."

Alex sat up straighter and pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in a protective manner. She hated it when Jess was so loving and caring. She knew what followed in these instances and hated it more than the beatings that she endured.

"How do you want me?" Alex asked looking away praying that this time wouldn't be as painful as the times in the past.

"What?" Olivia asked confused

"How do you want me?" Alex asked again as she began to slowly unbutton her shirt "Just tell me how you want me Jess."

Olivia clenched her teeth together hoping to control the anger she felt coursing through her. She had never wanted to kill someone as bad as she wanted to kill Jess.

"Alex please stop undressing and look at me."

Alex did as she asked.

"I'm not Jess. It's me Olivia and I want you to focus on my voice and try to relax. You're safe I swear that to you."

Alex and Olivia sat there and stared at each other as Olivia slowly but surely tried to coach Alex out of her nightmare. She smiled when she began to see a flicker of recognition in Alex's eyes.

"What happened?" Alex cried as she frantically looked around.

"You had a flashback baby." Olivia answered as she held her arms open for Alex "Do you feel safe enough to come and let me hold you."

"If that's what you want." Alex said as she crawled into Olivia's arms.

"Only if it's what you want." Olivia said as she fought the urge to wrap her arms around Alex when she crawled into her lap.

"I'll never do it again I promise." Alex cried as she clung to Olivia like a child who had woken from a nightmare.

"Alex you will have flashbacks and plenty of them." Olivia whispered as she gently ran one hand up and down her spine in a soothing manner "We will work through all of them slowly and carefully like we just did."

"I won't make you mad again." Alex whispered as she began to frantically wipe at the wet spot on Olivia's shoulder "I got your shirt wet. I'm sorry I'm sorry."

"Baby you didn't make me mad and I don't give a damn about my shirt." Olivia whispered while trying to make eye contact with Alex.

"I'm sorry." Alex said again as she looked into Olivia's eyes.

"Who are you with right now?" Olivia asked hoping that Alex would realize who she was with.

"You"

"Who am I?"

"Olivia."

"Alex will I ever hurt you?"

"No"

"Ok" Olivia exhaled realizing that Alex was finally starting to come out of her flashback. "Can I wrap my arms around you?"

Alex nodded as she laid her head against Olivia's chest and listened to her heart beat. After a few minutes she of laying like that she pulled back and stared into a set of chocolate brown eyes that was full of concern.

"Hey you." Alex whispered as she caressed the side of Olivia's face.

"Hey yourself." Olivia answered with a smile thankful that it appeared that the flashback was over.

"Sorry about that."

"Want to tell me what triggered it?"

Alex looked away unable to meet Olivia's eyes.

"Alex please" Olivia almost pleaded "If I did something to trigger a memory I need to know so I won't do it again."

"You grabbed my wrist." Alex whispered so low that Olivia had to strain to hear her "Jess would grab my wrists and wrench them behind my back so hard that at times I was terrified she was going to break it."

"Alex I'm sorry" Olivia answered laying a gentle kiss on her temple. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think and it's a natural reaction to remove someone's hand from our weapon. It's what we're conditioned to do."

"I know it's my fault." Alex said as she started to pull away from Olivia but was stopped when Olivia pulled her back to her.

"It's not your fault. You are not to blame for everything." Olivia whispered as she studied her body and face for any signs of another flashback. "I wasn't thinking when I grabbed your wrist and I promise you I will be more careful next time. Why were you trying to take my weapon?"

"Olivia I will not have you going back to work before the doctor releases you to full duty. I told you the other night to gather all your bills and I will take them to my accountant."

"Alex" Olivia said but then thought twice about arguing with the attorney after what just happened. "Elliot is picking me up and we're going over to TARU to meet with Morales. It is a hell of a lot easier to get through the security with a badge and a gun on my hip then not wearing one. That's why I'm wearing it today.'

"Oh" Alex answered feeling herself turn red from embarrassment.

"Come on' Olivia said laughing as she stood and helped Alex to her feet as well "It's almost time for you to leave and El should be here any minute. We will discuss this further tonight."

"I'm really sorry Liv" Alex said but stopped when Olivia placed her finger on her lips to silence her before she could say anything else.

"Not the flashback Alex." Olivia answered as she kissed Alex's forehead "About you having your accountant paying my bills. If and I do mean IF I agree to it I want some stipulations ok."

Alex nodded in agreement even though she knew she would never accept a dime from Olivia. She figured the best thing she could do is just agree to it for now and work on a valid argument for her side while she was at work. With any luck and by the grace of God for once Olivia wouldn't fight her on this but if the past had proven anything to her is that Olivia was one hell of a fighter.

A/N: Wow guys I didn't realize till I was getting ready to post this chapter that this is Chapter 53. I am truly amazed that everyone has loved this story so far. I was afraid by taking it in a different direction and having Alex as a domestic violence survivor that no one would like it. Especially since it goes against everything we know about the strong dominate Alex. Thank you so much for accepting a different Alex than what we all know and love.