"Did you really mean what you said?" Alex asked as she walked into the kitchen and watched Olivia finish preparing dinner.
"Yes I did" Olivia said turning around and handing Alex a glass of wine "I can wait as long as you need and we can take it as slow as you want."
"Thank you but I meant the part about wanting me since I walked into the precinct." Alex said as she took the glass and took a sip.
"I believe the term I used was arrogant, pompous, know it all ass that strutted into the bull pen." Olivia said with a smirk on her face.
"Yes it was" Alex responded swatting at Olivia who easily dodged it. "Did you mean it?"
"I did Alex" Olivia said stepping closer to her "There was something about you that drew me to you. I had never been instantly attracted to anyone the way I was and still am to you."
"Thank you" Alex mumbled as she blushed and looked away.
"Alex what is going on?" Olivia asked sensing there was more than she was letting on.
"Its nothing." Alex whispered backing away.
"Alex I need you to look at me." Olivia said staying where she was and waiting till Alex finally looked at her. She swallowed hard when she saw the fear and trepidation in Alex's eyes "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I won't judge or anything."
"I just don't feel like I'm being fair to you." Alex finally said as she fought to keep control of her emotions.
"Fair how?"
"HOW? HOW? Jesus Olivia you can't even kiss me without me having a flash back. Now when you come home you can't just leave work behind. You have to look at me and see another victim."
"OK"
"OK, OK. That's all you have to say?"
"Yes it is."
"WHY" Alex asked with tears streaming down her face.
"Because it won't always be like this Alex. One day the flashbacks will be gone. I don't come home and look at you and see another victim. I come home and look at you and see what I see in every person who survives what you have survived. A survivor, not a victim but a survivor."
"I need help." Alex mumbled.
"What do you need help with?" Olivia asked taking a small step toward Alex still watching her body language.
"I need to talk to someone."
"Well" Olivia said taking a deep breath. She of all people knew how hard it was to ask for help when you were as independent as they were "There is always Huang. I know he's FBI but he is also a psychiatrist. If you don't want him then we will find someone. I can ask my behavioral therapist when she comes tomorrow who would be good for you to talk to."
"If I talk to Huang then it will be on file. He will disclose it."
"No he won't." Olivia whispered taking the last step to close the gap between them "Huang is a doctor first and an agent last. If you tell him it needs to stay between you two then it will."
"How can you be so sure of that Liv?"
Olivia smiled as she held her arms open for Alex to walk into. She wrapped her in a loose hug when she finally did.
"You've talked to him before haven't you?" Alex finally asked inhaling the scent that always seemed to calm her.
"I have on several occasions and if you ask him anything about it he will deny it till his death. There are no records that I have talked to him outside our professional capacity. If you're afraid that it will get out I promise you it won't."
"I'll call him tomorrow." Alex whispered as she placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's chin. She was so thankful to have someone like Olivia at this time in her life.
"I'm ready to eat" Olivia informed Alex raising an eyebrow as she spoke.
"You are incorrigible do you know that." Alex said pushing Olivia away from her.
"What?" Olivia said feigning hurt "I'm starving. Me and El missed lunch trying to track down a few leads. Then when I got home I saw the time and wanted to wait on you to have dinner. If we don't eat soon I do believe I will die."
"It takes three days for starvation to hit and up to seven days to die from it." Alex called out over her shoulder "And I happen to know that you personally have gone without a real meal for days so don't try that with me."
"Most women I know would be worried about their loved one if they hadn't eaten." Olivia said setting a plate of food in front of Alex.
"Sure if their loved one was normal but let's face it Liv you are a lot of things but normal certainly isn't one of them."
"Now I really am hurt." Olivia said acting as if she was pouting.
"Please you and I both know that you take that as a complement." Alex said winking at Olivia "Can we get serious again for a few minutes?"
"What else do you need Alex?" Olivia asked.
"Your bills so I can give them to Charlie in the morning."
"Alex" Olivia warned
"Olivia we discussed this." Alex informed her
"No you ordered me we haven't discussed nothing." Olivia pointed out.
"Olivia I don't want you going back to work." Alex said deciding that being direct would be the best approach.
"I WILL NOT BE A KEPT WOMAN EITHER" Olivia screamed as she jumped up kicking her chair back.
"I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BE" Alex shouted back as she jumped up as well. It amazed her how at times like this it didn't scare her one bit to go toe to toe with the detective. "I'm asking you to take more time for yourself and that's all. Olivia the last thing I want to do is change you. If I try to make you a kept woman you would die slowly inside, you and I both know it. What I do want to do is give you the ability to take however long you need to heal, fully heal. I want to give you the same thing that you are giving me."
"Alex all I'm doing is taking" Olivia said as she dropped back down in her seat her head hanging low in defeat "Taking your money, taking up space in your house, taking over your spare bedroom, taking your time. I'm not giving you anything"
"Please keep on taking if you need to" Alex said as she walked over to Olivia and lifted her head to make her look at her "You are giving me so much. So much that you don't even realize it. You make me feel safe just by being here. You have never looked at me with pity or contempt. You help me through each and every flashback no matter how bad they are or how violent I may become. Most importantly you have never asked for more than I can give at the moment or gotten mad over what I couldn't give at the moment. Just a little while ago is a prime example. So please Olivia, keep taking if that's what you think you're doing."
"I've always done it on my own."
"Every now and then even the strongest person needs help."
"Alex I have to repay you every dime. I know what my monthly out go is so don't think you can trick me into paying less."
"I will have Charles work out a repayment plan that will not go into effect until sixty days after you start back to work and not a moment sooner. I don't want you trying to short change yourself or taking side jobs either to pay me back." Alex quickly pointed out knowing how quick Olivia would jump at off duty jobs to pay her back "If you can only make a ten dollar payment then ten dollars is all I will take that month and nothing more.
"Alex" Olivia started to say but stopped when Alex placed her finger on her lips.
"Please Olivia allow me this." Alex whispered "Let me care for you a little longer. Let me take care of you until you can go back to work and give everything to the victims again and take nothing for yourself."
Olivia sat there and stared into Alex's blue eyes. She had done everything on her on since that night she had kicked her mother across the room and called Symone Brice. The most help she had ever received was when she was in college and received a discount on her tuition because her mother was a professor there. Even then the difference was paid by scholarships and student loans. For the first time ever she was going to accept the help that was offered to her.