Of Werewolves And Humans

Chapter 21 ~ You're Beautiful

THEN:

„You hear that?", Dean asked with a small smile, as he heard Sam's heart falling into the same rhythm as his own, „It's beating just for you, Sammy. - Just for you ..." He closed his eyes for a brief moment. „So I'll wait for you until you're ready. There are pretty many other things we can do in the meantime. - Things that don't include our downstairs brain."

That might have been a lie … But hey, Dean Winchester was just a man too …

Dean wrapped his arms around the taller man and held him tight, stroking his back gently with his free hand as he held him, until the two of them fell asleep.

NOW:

Sam wasn't able to control it. As much as he WANTED to give it to Dean, as much as he wished his mind would obey his body to do so … he couldn't. He simply couldn't and he didn't even know why.

Dean was so patient with him. He backed off every time he sensed that Sam's mood was flipping upside down … Something in Sam's mind – that little nagging bad voice – was telling him that it hurt, that he'd lough at him, that Dean would finally realize how pathetic he was. And then there was this other voice that told him that this was nonsense, that Dean'd like him just for what he was, for what he WAS ABLE to give.

Every time the younger Winchester was about to come closer to Sam's lower apartment everything zoned back at the cage, the room, the everythings that had hurt so much. Physically and mentally. And then he felt embarrassed and ashamed. Because he wasn't clean. Wasn't sober. Wasn't what the other male was supposed to have.

Because he knew he had been a whore. Everyone's bitch.

And somehow Sam didn't understand why Dean didn't just make him do it. Why Dean didn't just take what he wanted from him. It would've been all so much easier.

But just as life was … it'd never be easy.

Sam didn't understand why everything had to be difficult and why he felt so different. For these people on the TV-shows everything looked simple and easy. Sam wished it'd be the same for him. That he could just forget within two episodes what had happened to him, what he had done to survive … and what he had done so he'd be allowed to leave this world.

When he woke up he was still enveloped in a pair of strong arms, holding him. He was still in the same position as he had fallen asleep.

Sam stirred and a comfortable moan came over his lips, as he nestled closer to Dean. Their legs were tangled in each others.

They were still wearing their clothes from the day before. Neither of them have had the will to get up again – leaving the amazing embrace of the other male – to take a shower.

Dean woke up moments later, tightening his hold on Sam for a moment, feeling him against his own body, making sure he was there – with him.

The younger Winchester smiled at the realization.

Dean yawned and nuzzled with his nose into Sam's messed up mop of hair.

„Hey, sweetheart.", he muttered, taking in a deep breath through his nose, filling his lungs with the amazing scent of cheep shampoo and Sam. He blinked and groaned, flexing the muscles in his back, „No nightmares?"

Sam shook his head. No. And inhaled a deep breath of Dean's typical motor-oil and metal scent.

„Need to take a shower.", Sam muttered without opening his eyes. „We reek."

Dean chuckled, guiding his upper hand on Sam's flank, running his fingers over the edges of his bandage.

„Let me have a look first." The Winchester's voice was still husky and deeper as it'd be later when he was fully awake.

Sam snatched a glance at the other man's face. He sat up slowly and pushed the comforter back.

Dean watched his every move, drank in the sight before him. Sam's ruffled hair, the imprint of the pillow on his right half of the face. The now stronger looking muscles on his neck as he slipped out of the shirt and his tee.

The wolfman blew out a slow breath, as he watched the human's bare body beside him. The muscles that worked under his skin, as he rose his arms and stretched.

„Beautiful.", Dean whispered, staring at him as he wanted to eat him up. „So beautiful." He extended his arm and traced with his fingers down Sam's bare back.

The human looked back over his shoulder at the smiling male and smiled back shyly.

„Come here.", Dean whispered, biting his lower lip.

Sam hesitated, a range of emotions playing over his face before he obeyed Dean's request and settled back down on the bed, rolling to his side so he was facing him.

Dean traced his fingertips over the human's shoulder and chest, following it with his look.

Suddenly the air seemed thick and heavy to breathe for Sam. Load with a mixture of emotions he couldn't quite name.

„You're looking a lot better.", Dean said whispering, „A couple of pounds more ..." …. a lot couple of pounds. He looked up, fixing Sam with his gaze, making sure he had his attention, „... and you're back on the weight you should have."

Sam frowned, as Dean's fingertips traveled further down over his – still bony looking – ribcage and stomach. His breathes came in short puffs, as Dean laid his open palm on the human's stomach.

Dean leaned forward and brought his lips to Sam's ear. „I'd be afraid of breaking you, Sammy." He swallowed. „You're still not eating enough. I want you to be healthy and good fed. - I want you to get stronger."

Sam's eyebrows furrowed. „I'd get fat.", he gave back, feeling the warmth of the other man's hand soaking through his skin and spreading comfortably beneath it, surrounding him, making him feel wanted, feel safe, feel loved.

Dean's hand made its way back up and cupped his cheek, rubbing with his thump over Sam's cheekbone.

„You're not fat.", he said assuring. „I don't know what they said to you, I don't know why you're afraid of having a few pounds too much on your ribs. - IF you get fat, I'm gonna get fat with ya' when we're old." Dean smiled. „And even if you'd get a belly. - Hell, I'd love it." He was on the verge of drowning in his dark hazel-eyes. „I'd have a lot more of you then than I have now. You'd be all soft and cosy." His last words were a soft purr in Sam's ears, streaming through his body, making him shudder from the hidden promises behind them.

Sam tore his gaze away, closing his eyes. He sucked his lower lip in, biting down on it.

„Look at me.", Dean demanded softly.

Sam did.

„I'd stay with you. No matter what. You understand?", he asked, worry in his eyes that Sam wouldn't understand. „No matter how you look like. No matter how we'll change. - I'll be here with you for the rest of our lives."

A smile tugged on the corners of Sam's lips. „The mate-thing makes you say that ..."

Dean chuckled and shook his head slightly. „Maybe. - Maybe not. We'll never know."

Sam smiled now shyly, leaning into the other man's touch and blinked at him. Then his smile faded again as fast as it had appeared. „It's … we didn't. - I was … I was too chubby in the beginning ..."

Dean's smile faded too and morphed into something serious.

„They let me starve for two weeks before … before I was allowed to eat again. - They made me do things for food … and I didn't want to, so they gave me nothing. - And then … I just couldn't anymore. I was so hungry … my body hurt … I'd have died for a piece of bread or something ..." Sam paused.

Dean listened, giving him time, while his own heart broke and shattered to pieces. While he tried to not let his animalistic temper take control. He could've punched the wall, could've cried and destroyed the whole room as he felt the hurt and still gaping wounds of Sam's soul ripping open all over again while he was talking.

„I did everything they wanted me to, when I was hungry enough ..." It was about the words that stayed unspoken. „Before you got me … Dean … I didn't want this life anymore. I didn't. - And than they decided … when I got weaker … that they couldn't use me for the other stuff anymore … because their clients didn't want me like that … they got me into one of the cages. And I knew that was the only way to free myself. So I decided that I wanted to die. Deep inside I KNEW that I had to die to be free. - And the only way for me to do that …." Sam's voice broke on its way a couple of times. „I just needed to get weaker. I was sure that when I wouldn't be able to pull thru another night with these men – when they'd get me out of there dead, or at least half-dead – that they'd end me … that it'd be all good then. - And when they took me from the cell and told me that you and John had ordered the whole nine yard … I was so afraid at first. I thought about the pain and what'd come before you'd finally kill me. - But then … then I knew I had made the right choice. That it'd end and that I'd be free ..."

„You're not with them anymore, baby boy. - You don't have to do things for food. You don't have to feel like you have to ...", his mate whispered gently. „You ARE free now ..."

„But it feels that way, Dean." Sam sniffed and closed his eyes, trying to hide the shame in them. „I can't change how I feel."

Dean wiped the single tear from Sam's cheek, blowing out a long-drawn pensive breath. He had known something was off about the eating-thing ever since he had found the chocolate bars Ash had given to him every now and then, in the middle-drawer of their closet. Well hidden in the furthest back corner. – Now he – at least – KNEW. Now he'd be able to work on it with Sam. At least he'd try.

„I know I'm a screw up, Dean." He looked up for a moment.

Dean shook his head and forced himself to smile. „No." He brushed another tear away. „You're might screwed up, but I'd know no one else who wouldn't be if he was in your place. No one who'd take it like you do." The wolf traced with his thump along his mate's cheekbone. „Other's would've given up years ago …"

Sam sniffed and turned on his back to get one of the tissues from the box beside the bed, to clean his nose.

„Come on and get a fresh set of clothes. - I'll show you something.", Dean said after a long while as it seemed that Sam had calmed down again.

The human blinked up at his mate questioning, but nodded.

They got fresh clothes from the closet, after the human had covered his upper body with the shirt he had stripped off before, and Dean led Sam down to the bathroom. When they were inside, the wolfman snapped the lock shut.

Sam flinched unconsciously at the sound, that still made him feel uneasy.

Dean laid his clothes beside the sink on a chair, then he took Sam's and placed them there too. He went to the wooden white closet in between the shower stall and the bathtub and opened the door that reached from the bottom to the top, revealing a mirror on its inside. It was high enough to capture the reflection of a tall person like Sam was easily.

Dean then went behind him and laid his hands on Sam's shoulders, guiding him in front of it, so that he was able to see himself from tip to toe. The wolfman traced his hands down his shoulders, over his bicep and forearms.

Sam looked away, not willing to look at himself. Not willing to see all the shame, to see what he had become.

„Look at you.", Dean whispered, rubbing gentle circles in between the human's shoulder blades with his thumps.

Sam obeyed hesitantly, then he looked at Dean's reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out what the other male had in his mind.

Dean smiled at him, his hands brushing down over his back and to the front around Sam's middle, resting there for a while.

„You didn't watch yourself in a mirror for some time, did you?", Dean asked after a while.

Sam shook his head.

„What is it that you're afraid to see?", he asked then, his hands resting on Sam's too flat belly.

Sam blinked at Dean's reflection. …. all of it.

„I think you should see yourself with my eyes, sweetheart.", Dean said after a while, locking his gaze with Sam's in the mirror. He guided his hands up, ghosting over the thin fabric to the upper button of Sam's shirt. „You're one hell of a guy, Sammy.", he unbuttoned the first one, „Every single gay guy and hetero girl would get the hots for you." He smiled as he unbuttoned another two. „You're a handsome man, behind that mop of hair you're wearing." He brushed the dark strands of hair out of Sam's face, that had fallen over his eyes.

Sam swallowed audibly, trying to look aside once more, as Dean brushed the fabric away on both sides. His hands went up again on the seam and pulled the – now open - shirt back, so it slid from Sam's shoulders and met the floor moments later.

„Look at you.", Dean whispered, tracing a finger down Sam's spine before he settled his hands on Sam's hips. „You're handsome."

The human shivered. Not from the coolness of air. - More because of the embarrassment he felt. Because he KNEW he wasn't handsome. Wasn't beautiful. Hell, he didn't want to see himself. Not now. Not ever.

Dean forced Sam's head gently up, to make him look at himself.

Sam did, but pushed back, trying to get away from his own reflection as it stood for everything he never wanted to be.

Dean shushed him. He held him in place gently but firm. The wolfman sensed his mates distress. He did. But he wouldn't let go. Not that easy. He'd show him what he saw when he looked at Sam.

Sam's heart sped up slightly as his look fell back into the mirror, staring at himself. A slender someone he actually didn't recognize. Didn't want to recognize.

Dean traced the fingertip of his index finger down Sam's neck and clearly visible collarbone, down his solar plexus and the ribs that stood out slightly. The curve under his solar plexus that was way too stretched towards the inside, showing the definite lack of muscles and fat there.

Features that were usually hidden under oversized hoodies and lose shirts.

Dean traced one of the healed gashes along to Sam's bellybutton.

„It doesn't matter what you look like.", he said with a sad expression on his face. „Like this … or with twohundred-and-sixty pounds. - You'll always be mine, Sam." He caught his mate's reflecting look. „As long as you're comfortable with it I'll be too."

He slowly moved his hands towards Sam's waistband, hooking his thumps in.

Sam just stared at his own reflection, the wheels in his mind rattling away.

Dean leaned closer against Sam's back, staring at Sam's reflection in the mirror. He then placed a gentle kiss on Sam's bare shoulder.

„You've a strong will. - They tried to break you – I know that. But deep down you know they couldn't. They haven't been able to. Deep down there's still YOU. - We just have to find it and lure it back out towards the surface."

Dean started to unbuckle Sam's belt – ever so slowly – waiting for the human to protest and back away. But he didn't. He just watched Dean in the mirror as he did so.

Then the jeans were gone and he stood there in just his black boxer briefs. Feeling beyond embarrassed.

„You don't have to be.", Dean whispered, wrapping his arms around Sam's middle. „One day you'll at least accept that you're one hell of a handsome guy, even if you won't admit it. - One day you'll realize what I see in you." His voice was filled with pure sex and huskiness at this point.

He placed another kiss on Sam's shoulder. „And now get your shower before you're freezing to death ..."

He needed to get out of there before the wolf – wich grew stronger with every passing day – would dare to take over control. Seeing his mate like this, feeling him so close like this … It was close to unbearable as he wasn't allowed to touch.

Dean was about to turn around and leave, when he felt a strong grip around his right wrist. „Don't ..." Sam stood there, a pleading look on his face. „Would you ..." He looked back in the mirror for a moment and then over his shoulder at Dean, whose bright eyes beamed at him. „Would you stay with me? … Like … like in the shower? - Would you?"

And Dean nearly lost it – right there. His eyes grew dark, as his emerald-green circles morphed into the color of the stormy sea. „If you want me to?"

He actually didn't know if it'd be a good idea to join Sam. - On the other hand … Sam had invited him to stay. So all he had to do was to hold his temper and the inner beast under control.

A small smile tugged on Sam's lips and he nodded shyly.

While Sam turned on the water, Dean stripped down, tossing the reeking clothes to the side and went under the spray of hot water. Sam hesitated for a moment before he stripped his boxers down, as if he wanted to reconsider his offer.

Dean just smiled at him, trying to hide his own distress behind it. Looking anywhere but Sam's eyes as he extended his hand. „It's warmer in here.", he said then.

And Sam took his hand and let himself be led under the spray of water. They stood there for a while, looking into each other's faces, before they actually had their shower.

Dean lathered Sam's hair richly and scrubbed his back gently. Thinking of corpses and horror-movies and the Cardashians …

The Winchester traced with his fingers along the scars, down to Sam's lower back and up again. Watching the muscles beneath Sam's skin move as he tilted his head back to let the hot spray of water wash over his face.

Dean took exquisite care not to touch Sam anywhere except his back and head and face while he did so. He then turned Sam around, so he'd face him, and began to soap up his chest, drinking in the sight of the wet body before him.

Dean pulled Sam into a gentle kiss, slow and sweet, as their slippery bodies met. The human responded to his kiss, guiding his big hands up and down on Dean's flanks and all over his back. The Winchester held Sam close with an open palm on his lower back and the other one on the back of his head.

Sam did the same for him then. Lathered and rinsed Dean's short hair, rubbed his back until the water came down clear.

Both of them took their time.

Each one dried himself off and got dressed in fresh clothes. They then brushed their teeth together in silence, just communicating with their looks. Dean got a hair dryer from the lowest drawer of the closet beyond the sink and let Sam sit down on the now empty chair.

He switched it on and started to dry the human's hair, running his fingers through the silken softness over and over again. Combing it in the end as it was all dry and soft. Dean laid the dryer aside and placed a gentle kiss on Sam's scalp.

There it was. Dean Winchester's heaven right before him. All squeaky clean and breathing with the most hauntingly scent in the entire world.

If he didn't want to mess that up he had to stay back a little, until his need would subside. He had to keep control over this, otherwise he'd hurt Sam. In more ways than just one …

…... to be continued

okay, not much of a cliffy

but hey, stay tuned, i'm not done yet :P

the big BABOOOOM's comin soon ^^

besides: WHERE THE HELL IS MY BACON? :P