It'd been a while since Sam had cured Dean. The Mark of Cain was their biggest concern now. At least…it was for Sam. For Dean everything came second to hiding the truth. After he'd become human again he'd lied. He kept it vague by telling them "Things were a little fuzzy," and that he "Couldn't really remember everything." Unfortunately, the truth was slowly eating away at his insides. Dean hadn't had one good full night of sleep since he'd changed back. Running on empty was starting to become a way of life, but he couldn't tell them the truth. Couldn't tell him. Castiel. With his humanity restored so were all of his previous insecurities and complexes. Not the least of which was his oh so fragile masculinity which, to Dean, before and now almost always seemed to be in question. It was all in his head, of course, which he knew but was far too set in his ways to change. The elder Winchester was truly in love with the angel. However what he'd done to Castiel, back when he was a demon, had not been forgotten. Thus to escape the petrifying shame of having to explain his feelings for Cas to Sam, and especially to escape a confrontation with Cas (which he couldn't even fathom), Dean had kept his truth from them. But the real catch, the bane of Dean's current existence, were those damn memories. The reason for his insomnia. Every time the hunter laid his head to rest he'd close his eyes and the image of Castiel's beautiful naked body, writhing underneath him, would spring to mind. His hands would ache to touch him. He could almost taste his skin. Dean's heart would immediately begin to race, right before he forced his eyes open to shove the remembrance away. He hated himself for even being afforded the luxury of having known the angel's form. Dean did not feel remotely worthy. Something he pined for had been reaped under the vilest circumstance. That Dean, the demon, would never have been able to truly appreciate what he'd so basely enjoyed. The pain this caused him, the soul-crushing ache, almost always brought him to tears. He couldn't imagine a reality now where their love could endure. So he'd hardened his heart against such hopes in an effort to ease the pain. He longed, nearly every second of every day, to break all the rules. To give Sam and the world the middle finger. To take Cas into his arms once more and beg for forgiveness. But this is where dreaming ended. Because, even if Dean could let go of all the fear of being perceived as anything less than manly and tough, it didn't mean that Cas would welcome him with open arms. He'd taken him by force and violated him in any fashion the demon found fit. Their love was now tainted, twisted and ugly, and Dean bore all the blame.
Castiel, for his own part, had also been hiding plenty of truths. Most of which Dean already knew but was either not telling, or simply allowing Cas to keep. The angel was enduring his own heady amount of guilt. Not long, after Demon Dean had captured him, Castiel had started to give in more and more. He'd enjoyed it all. He'd wanted the Winchester just as long and just as fervently. How could he resist a creature with the exact same face and voice? But it was wrong. The angel could still feel the demon all over his body. The memories were forever etched into his brain. Unfortunately, now that Dean was back to normal, so was their relationship. Which, for Castiel, was like a special kind of torture. Poignant heartache and wretched irony. The person he'd fallen for had returned and he was not permitted to touch him in the way he wanted. Whereas, when Dean had been a demon, crossing the line was the LAST thing Cas had wanted yet that's exactly what was demanded of him. The violation he'd endured, and the pleasure he'd taken from it, warred within him. It was a lopsided war. He could easily forgive Dean for what he'd done because he'd been a demon, out of control, acting upon base desires. He'd known all along that the real Dean would never do such a thing, and that's what truly troubled him. Castiel knew but he'd still indulged. He considered himself to be no better than the demon at that point, and it was almost too much to bare. The fact that Dean seemed to have no memory of such events made no difference to Castiel in this regard. However, there were a few things that continued to nag at the back of the angel's brain. Questions he never expected to get the answers to: Had Dean ever really wanted to be with him in that way, or was it all some side effect of the demon? Did such feelings flow both ways? Had Dean enjoyed any of what had occurred? Would he be repulsed if he learned of what they'd done together? What would happen to them if he suddenly remembered one day? Cas felt himself sinking into madness at such contemplations so he tried to ignore them, tune it out, and carry on.
As for Sam, he was not blind to the strange rift between his brother and the angel. He was unaware of what had happened between Dean and Cas. He knew that, while Dean had been a demon, he'd held Castiel captive for a certain stretch of time. The younger Winchester assumed that nothing good had come of such an experience, but was confused by why it should matter now…at least on Dean's side. Dean claimed to have no memory of what he'd done. After a few weeks Sam decided to broach the subject with his brother because the forced politeness, Dean and Cas shared, was beginning to grate on his nerves. Their mutual unspoken undercurrent was so strong, at times, Sam was sure things would come to a head. But they never did. As much as it annoyed him this also extremely worried the younger Winchester. He'd seen Dean explode after a long stretch of pent-up rage. It was the farthest thing from healthy. What had Sam even more concerned was that he knew this time would be different. He knew his brother better than any other person on the planet. They'd been through so much together. Their life was a constant living breathing struggle. And, in all their time together, Sam had never seen Dean react this way towards any person or situation. It was similar to rage but also distinctly different. Whenever Sam began to expect his brother to lash out, he found him reacting uncharacteristically warm. Anger, rage, shouts of profanity and general berating were replaced with sighs, silences, clenched fists and a shake of the head.
"Hey Dean?" Sam addressed him as they sat in the kitchen together one morning.
"What?" Dean said in his usual gruff early morning I-haven't-had-my-coffee-yet way. He didn't look at Sam but, instead, kept his eyelids shut as he sipped at the magic bean liquid.
"Did you get any sleep?" Sam asked deciding, at the last second, to start off with an easier question.
"…No." Dean briefly paused before replying, contemplating making some smart remark, but he was too tired to think of one.
"Wow, again? Sorry man. That sucks," Sam mumbled before sipping at his own cup of coffee. He allowed, what he considered to be, an appropriate amount of time to pass between them before breaking the silence once more. "I've been meaning to ask…have any of your memories returned yet…from before?"
"Nope," Dean replied continuing to keep his eyes on his cup.
"Really? Not even scraps?" Sam prodded.
"No Sam. Not even scraps," Dean said through an annoyed sigh.
"Hmn. Ok" Sam said, purposefully, in a manner that clearly stated his disbelief.
"Right," Dean scoffed slowly lifting his gaze towards his brother. "Ok Sam what is it?"
"Nothing. I mean, if you really don't remember anything, I must've been imagining things," Sam answered him in a deceptively chipper tone.
"Yeah? And what did you imagine?" Dean asked unfazed by his brother's antics.
"That there's something going on with you and Cas," Sam stated without any hint of a joke. This caused Dean to freeze just long enough for Sam to notice.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean grumbled as he returned to staring at his cup of coffee.
"Yeah, see, I don't believe you," Sam replied. "There's definitely something. It's fine if you don't want to talk about it. I already know you held him captive. I can't imagine anything good might've happened during that time, and I'm sorry if all you remember is torturing your best friend. But it wasn't really you."
"It doesn't matter!" Dean snapped unable to mask his anger. Lack of sleep, and the fact that Sam had nearly guessed the truth, was making him weak.
"So you do remember" Sam said, his eyes wide with shock.
"It doesn't matter," Dean repeated quietly as he closed his eyes and rubbed them in frustration. "Cas would never forgive me. He can't. He shouldn't. Not after what I did."
"Dean" Sam said furrowing his eyebrows, in disbelief, at what he was hearing. "Cas doesn't hold any grudges towards you. Whatever it was he knows, as well as I, it wasn't the real you. You didn't mean any of those actions or words."
"It. Doesn't. Matter" Dean said, lifting his head to look Sam in the eyes, as he stamped out each word. "I know what I did. Nothing changes that."
"Have you tried talking to him about it? I'm sure that would help both of you!" Sam replied ignoring his brother's negativity.
"Oh would you just shut your mouth! Cas and I aren't going to have some nice little chat about-! Just…forget it Sam. Drop it," Dean seethed slamming his coffee cup down and storming out of the room.
Unbeknownst to the brothers Castiel had overheard their conversation. He wasn't sure how to react to the news that Dean knew what'd happened between them. The idea was almost overwhelmingly exciting and terrifying. The angel knew he must approach the hunter regarding the matter. He also knew that such a sensitive subject must be broached delicately. Unfortunately subtlety had never been Castiel's strong suit. Being equal parts nervous and anxious the angel decided to bide his time until he felt the moment was appropriate. This accounted for two more weeks of misery. But then one day, after finishing a case, Cas found his moment. The three of them were at a bar. Sam and Dean were playing pool. Castiel nursed his 1st bottle of beer while quietly observing the game. The Winchesters, on the other hand, had already knocked back several beers and were preparing to order another round. Cas hadn't really been watching the game so much as he had Dean's movements, so he was startled when the hunter suddenly turned to him with a stick.
"You wanna play?" Dean asked.
"Can three play at once?" Cas asked, clearing his throat unnecessarily, hoping Dean hadn't noticed him staring.
"It'll just be me and you. Sammy found himself a date," the elder Winchester replied rolling his eyes.
"…I see" Cas mumbled as he spotted Sam chatting with the bartender, a raven-haired goddess, before turning back to Dean. "Isn't this one of those games that can be played alone?"
"Cas it's just pool. Do wanna play or what?" Dean said with a sigh of annoyance.
"I don't really know how…" the angel answered eyeing the green felt.
Dean observed Castiel for a brief moment before shoving a pool cue into his hands and stating, "Well I guess you're gonna learn."
"Dean-" Cas tried to protest but was cut short when the Winchester raised a firm hand and shook his head.
"Now look," Dean said carrying on. "It's simple. You just use the cue to put the balls in the holes." Castiel became mesmerized by the sight of Dean leaning over the table to line up a shot. He watched the hunters bright green eyes focus, his slender fingers firm, and his shoulder blades shifting under a tight plaid shirt. The angel was so dazed that he slightly jolted at the sound of the balls cracking against one another.
"Alright," Dean said standing upright. "Your turn." Castiel remained silent and obeyed as best he could. He tried to imitate Dean but found the long stick awkward to manage, and missed the cue ball entirely on his 1st try. Dean let out another heavy sigh and walked over to assist the angel.
"You're holding the cue all wrong – here – let me help you," the Winchester placed his hands on top of Castiel's and gently pushed him to lean over the table. The angel felt his heart beginning to pound at the tame, yet all too familiar, motion. Worse yet Dean's face was only centimeters away from Castiel's. He could feel the hunter's warmth and smell his cologne. It was almost too much for the angel to bare. Castiel froze in an effort to keep himself from trembling.
"Before you shoot try to imagine a path between the white ball and the one you want in the pocket," Dean spoke in a silky tone next to Castiel's ear. This immediately brought to mind the time Demon Dean had whipped Cas with a riding crop, and the angel found himself flushing at the remembrance.
"Your head should be lower when you aim. That's why we're leaned over this far," Dean continued before turning and directly whispering into Castiel's ear. "Go ahead. Give it a whack." This time, when Cas took his shot the cue met directly with the ball.
"See," He said softly and Castiel could feel Dean's hot breath graze his cheek. "Perfect." The angel took a chance and slowly turned to look at the Winchester as they stood upright in unison. There was a brief moment of silence between them as the effects of such closeness hung in the air. But eventually Dean took a firm step backwards, shook his head, mumbled something about too much beer and headed to the restroom.
The hunter was losing his resolve. Dean splashed his face with water once he'd made it into the restroom, and tried to think of anything but Cas as he fought off an erection.
"Idiot," he hissed quietly at his own reflection hoping and praying that the angel hadn't felt it pressing against him. It took every bit of willpower the Winchester had not to press harder, not to grind or grab. Dean remained in the bathroom, trying to get a grip, warring with himself on whether or not to jackoff. Finally, after fifteen minutes, he'd decided just to get it over with. He locked himself in a stall and allowed the thoughts to return. He stood, leaning against the stall wall, and closed his eyes. He could feel Castiel's body tucked underneath him, hard and soft, aching to be taken. Dean let out one long breath as he began to unzip his jeans.
"Dean, are you in there?" Castiel's voice suddenly rang out from the other side of the door.
"Holy fuck Cas!" Dean snapped, startled by the interruption, and quickly zipped back up. He angrily unlocked the stall door, shoved it open, and stormed out of the restroom. He continued through the back door of the bar where he stopped, under a street light, to drag night air into his lungs.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok," Cas apologized once he'd caught up to the hunter.
"It's fine. I'm fine. Go back inside," Dean said curtly.
"You've imbibed a copious amount of alcohol tonight Dean. Are you sure you're not ill?" the angel prodded as a look of concern clouded his fine features. As angry as the Winchester was he couldn't help but sigh and chuckle at Castiel's persistence.
"I'm not sick. I just need a moment. Promise," Dean answered him gently. Castiel looked at him skeptically as he turned to retreat, until it struck the angel that now would be perfect timing to talk with the hunter about his memory.
"Your pool lesson was very instructive," Cas said turning back towards the Winchester.
"Yeah, don't mention it" Dean said adding, under his breath, "Ever."
"It's just…I do mention it because it reminded me of something…a certain situation," Castiel continued. This statement immediately alarmed Dean and he shot the angel a sharp glare.
"It was when you had first captured me. When you were a demon," Cas said ignoring Dean's expression.
"Cas. Don't. Whatever happened I don't want to know," Dean interjected.
"Because it doesn't matter?" Cas responded, pointedly, using Dean's own words.
"You heard…you heard Sam and I talking" Dean replied quietly, astonished by the revelation.
"I did," Cas confirmed.
"Goddamnit," Dean murmured and rubbed his temples with frustration. "So what. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Because what I did to you…with you…it was so fucked up I don't even how to face you most days. I'm sorry."
"I don't blame you Dean. It wasn't you. Not really," Castiel replied reaching out to gently place a hand on Dean's shoulder.
"Don't," the Winchester snapped pulling away from the touch. "Don't forgive me Cas! How can you? I can't forgive myself!"
"The things we did together…you never wanted any of it…you find it…repulsive," Castiel said trying to get answers to the list of questions he had.
"Yes…no…you don't understand. I don't want to talk about this. Just know that I'm sorry if I hurt you. I know I hurt you, in ways I'll never be able to undo. I'm sorrier than you'll ever know," Dean replied, struggling to hold his emotions in check. He was still clinging tightly to the biggest secret of all: He was in love with Castiel. But he couldn't tell the angel, he couldn't have Sam finding out, and he hated it. Hated the coward within himself. Hated the demon who'd, by force, been able enjoy the one thing he wanted most.
"Dean, you were a demon. Demon's, by definition, do horrible things. If anyone should be sorry it's me! I knew you didn't want any of those things and yet…for a moment…I mean a couple of times…I found myself…" Castiel paused finding it harder, now that he was actually speaking with the hunter, to confess. "I found myself compromised."
"I know Cas. I was there. I don't care. Anyone would've cracked under that kind of pressure. I shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place. It was my fault," Dean said unyielding.
"Well, you put me in a lot of positions, but that's not an excuse for…enjoying it. I didn't want to! I mean…because it wasn't you! Not really. But my body betrayed me," Cas explained somberly.
"Cas. You can't control that kind of thing. Just like, if you eat something, you can't control whether or not you think it tastes good. Same thing goes for sex. Like I said. This is on me. Not you," Dean said shaking his head. "Can we drop the subject? It's late. I'm too wasted and too tired for this shit."
"I'm sorry Dean. Would you like to go back to the bunker?" Cas asked. Dean nodded his reply. The angel stepped forward then and lightly touched two fingers to his forehead, instantly, zapping them back to the bunker.
After Dean had gone to sleep Castiel sat outside and contemplated his next move. Their first conversation had not gone well. The angel glanced up at the stars before closing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh. Suddenly, he remembered something Demon Dean had mentioned, and his eyes fluttered back open. It was back at the start of when Dean had captured him, when he first realized what the demon intended to do.
"Nothing is possessing me. I am me. In fact I'm more me than I've ever been. What you were waiting for was never going to happen. That mask. That pathetic coward you fell for, in every way imaginable, he's not here anymore!" Castiel rolled the words around again and again. Demon Dean was a form of Dean himself. It's just that the demon had been pure impulse, selfishness, base and capricious. It was an amplifier for hidden emotions. Which meant the demon would never have forced Castiel to do any of those things unless, on some level, at some point, Dean himself had those urges. In an instant it all became clear. Castiel realized that, to what extent he did not know, Dean was attracted to him but was afraid. "Of what?" Cas thought.
Dean laid in bed, in the dark, staring at his ceiling. It was warm so he'd striped down to a t-shirt and boxers. The insomnia was settling in. The images, the aching, all flooding back the moment he shut his eyes. His brain and body becoming unavoidably energized by bittersweet memories. He let out one annoyed groan as he laid an arm across his eyes, though this did nothing to ease his pain. And then there came a tapping at his door which jolted him upright. Again Dean released a brief sound of annoyance, as he hoisted himself up out of bed, to answer the knock. He was a little surprised to find Castiel standing in his doorway once more. The hunter had hoped that the angel would simply give up on their previous conversation…at least for the rest of the night.
"Seriously, Cas, I'm not in the mood to talk anymo-" Dean began but was cut short. Castiel, without a single word, swiftly and smoothly stepped forward, clasped the Winchester's face in his hands and pressed their mouths together. The hunter was so shocked by this, at first, that he froze but only for a moment. Soon afterwards Dean found himself responding with every bit of passion he'd been trying so desperately to contain. He gruffly pulled the angel into the room so he could slam the door shut, before shoving Castiel up against it. Dean continued to kiss Cas in the most possessive form. He shoved his tongue between the angel's willing lips, sucked and bit his bottom lip, all while taking the angel forcefully by the wrists to fully ensure he'd be pinned. Their hearts were pounding in unison. Pure heat clouded their vision and their minds. A moment, which had been lurking in the shadows, was now dancing in the light. Whilst continuing to kiss the angel, and firmly hold his wrists in place, Dean slowly worked his right leg between Castiel's so he could grind his erection against his hip. Cas moaned into the hunter's mouth when he felt it and began to do the same. Unfortunately this was too much for Dean. He wanted, needed, to fuck the angel. But his fears. Even as the angel's lush mouth and body moved against his own, the hunter could not combat the worries bubbling in his brain. With every ounce of willpower he could muster Dean shoved himself away from Castiel.
"We can't," the elder Winchester blurted as he gasped for air.
"Why? What are you so afraid of?" Cas demanded.
"You'd hate me…even if you don't already…you'd hate me if I told you. I'm such a coward Cas. And besides that, it's like I said, I can't forgive myself for what I did to you. You deserve better...much better," Dean lamented.
"But I want you and you clearly want me. Why do you think I kissed you?" Cas replied.
"I have no clue how you can you even bare to look at me!" Dean croaked as a lump caught in his throat. He was too tired to fight off the emotions he'd been stockpiling.
"You've broken yourself more than you've broken me, I assure you. I also hold a substantial amount of guilt, for what happened during that time,…so maybe it wasn't all so wrong" Castiel said softly searching the hunter's face for shred of hope.
"Yeah, well, it certainly wasn't right I know that much" Dean sighed heavily. "But, Cas, you're missing the point. It doesn't matter because, either way, I can't do this. I can't be with you…even though…I want to."
"I assume the reason you think you can't be with me is also the reason you consider yourself a coward? …That doesn't make any sense," Cas stated shaking his head. "You've never let fear get in the way of anything for as long as I've known you."
"Cas…" Dean spoke, though he couldn't think of any response. He gazed at the angel with sorrow, for a long time, before closing his eyes and hanging his head in shame.
"Dean…" Castiel spoke softly, as he took the necessary steps forward to place a hand on the Winchester's shoulder. "I knew it was a big risk coming back to you tonight. I warred with myself and my own set of fears. But the chance to be with you, to share those things with you again, in a way that wasn't…tainted…that's why I risked kissing you. Please," the angel continued as his voice began to quiver, "Please don't tell me I was wrong. That, you don't want those things too. That you're willing to let this go for the sake of your pride."
"Please," Dean said without looking at the angel, "Please go." He was desperately trying to hide the tears streaming down his face, but Castiel could feel the Winchester's body trembling beneath his hand.
"Damnit Dean," Castiel cursed beneath his breath. He did not move except to gently lift Dean's chin with his free hand, as his other remained firmly planted on the man's shoulder. Dean allowed the angel to do these things, because he didn't possess the willpower to push Cas away a 2nd time. He only hoped that the celestial being might oblige and obey his weak command.
"You could banish me with a word and I would obey this time but please…don't" Castiel pleaded, in a half-whisper half-prayer, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Dean's. The Winchester gruffly grabbed the angel's coat by the shoulders balling the fabric in his fists, until his knuckles turned white, but he remained silent. Dean squeezed his eyes shut tighter trying, and failing, to stop the tears. He clenched his jaw trying to quell the rage boiling his blood. Rage at the past that had tainted their future. Rage at Castiel for even making him feel this way. Rage at himself for being completely unable to stop it. Rage at Sam who, Dean was positive, would not accept them. Rage at the world for saying it was wrong. And lastly rage, again, at himself for caring so much about other people's opinions. Yet somehow, in that singular moment of rage upon rage, Dean found a way to expel it all with one angry cry. Meanwhile his angel held onto him equally tight. In the end they were huddled together, on the floor, on their knees. Eventually Dean released his grip on Castiel's trench coat to snake his arms around the angel's neck, and pull him closer. Even then they said nothing. The moment was allowed to pass quietly contented and comforted by the embrace, until it naturally became more. As he pulled away Dean's lips seemed to naturally gravitate towards Castiel's. Only, this time, there would be no stopping. No exit signs. Nothing withheld.
Dean wrapped Castiel's tie around his hand, as they continued to kiss, and gently pulled the angel on top of him as they fell to the floor. Cas released a small moan once his body was fully pressed against Dean's. The angel grabbed the hunter's wrists and held them down as his mouth traveled to Dean's neck, where he let his lips linger. The Winchester writhed beneath Castiel and his breathing became erratic as he longed to ravish and be ravished. But the angel was taking his time. Savoring the moment. He moved his lips gently across Dean's neck to really allow himself the feeling of the man's skin and stubble, to breathe him in, and relish the movements of his body. However, not long afterwards, Cas could feel himself becoming hard and the sense of urgency returning. The angel could also plainly feel the Winchester's erection through his thin pair of briefs, which only further aroused him. Castiel released Dean's wrists to begin removing his clothing. Dean assisted in this endeavor. Cas undid his tie and threw it aside. Dean pulled him into a kiss as he undid the buttons of his white dress shirt. Meanwhile Cas shuffled out of his trench coat. Once both Dean and Castiel were half naked the hunter, feeling impatient, pulled the angel back down on top of him. It was ecstasy to finally feel skin against skin. Dean trailed his fingertips up and down Castiel's back and shoulders as he licked and sucked at the crook of his neck. Then Dean's hands found their way to the angel's ass, where they squeezed and pressed Castiel's pelvis into his own. Castiel could not suppress the loud moan that escaped his lips then. He gladly obliged the unspoken request and grinded their erections together. At this Dean abruptly changed gears. He rolled them over so he could be on top, grabbed Castiel's face with both hands, and kissed him possessively. Dean forcefully separated his lips with his tongue and ran it along the roof of Cas' mouth, then along his lower lip, before taking it between his teeth. Castiel could feel the impression of Dean's bite even after he'd been released, and something about this caused him to shiver with need.
"Stay still," Dean whispered and his lips brushed against the angel's as he spoke. He then proceeded to trail kisses down the angel's neck, and chest, until he came to the spot just below Castiel's navel. Dean pressed his mouth firmly into the spot and relished the sound of the angel gasping for air, as his hips jolted upward. Dean continued down, overtop Cas' pants, until his mouth met with the angel's erection. Here Dean took hold of the angel's hips. He widened his mouth to gently bite down on the bulge of flesh and fabric. Castiel arched his back and let out a wanton cry as his hands flew to Dean's head. He dug his fingers into the hunter's hair and tenderly tugged. Panting Dean released Cas and sat up onto his knees. He slid his fingers into the front of the angel's slacks, gripped his belt and pants in a fist, and gruffly pulled at the material.
"Let's get these off," Dean said breathlessly. The sounds the angel had been making were so arousing that Dean's hard-on had twitched with anticipation, which effectively cleared his minds of all other thoughts but one: being inside Castiel. He didn't wait for Cas to reply before taking action. He quickly undid the angel's belt and, in one smooth motion, removed Castiel's slacks and briefs altogether. Cas helped by kicking off his shoes. Then Dean removed his own underwear. His last item of clothing. The Winchester did not climb back on top of the angel though, instead he took Castiel's hands in his own and pulled him up from the floor as he stood. Each man briefly examined the other. Glancing over familiar forms in the dark quietude. Dean softly ran his hands up and down Castiel's arms as the angel took hold of his waist.
"I never thought…" Cas whispered pressing a tender kiss against Dean's lips.
"What?" Dean asked quietly with his eyes closed.
"Is this real?" Cas said and the hunter could hear the pain in his voice. Dean's eyes fluttered open and was surprised to see a look of trepidation clouding the angel's face. The Winchester took one of the celestial being's hands and pressed it against his bare chest.
"I'm real," Dean stated before pulling Castiel into an embrace. "This is real…I'm real," he repeated as he began to kiss the angel's neck. Castiel clung to the hunter as they made their way to the bed. And, as Dean pressed him onto the mattress, the fear quickly dissipated.
"I'm yours," Dean breathed as he grinded against Cas. "And you're mine."
"Dean," Castiel croaked between panting. "Fuck me."
"Yes," the Winchester growled causing Cas to shiver with need. He could feel Dean's cock pressing hard against his own and, moaning, he involuntarily rubbed against it. The hunter released one low breath, bit down on the angel's shoulder, and buried one of his hands in Castiel's hair.
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard. Possibly too hard," Dean spoke in a strained tone. "Because of how much I want you." He then briefly lifted himself off of Cas to open the drawer in his nightstand to grab a packet of lube, which he liberally applied to the angel and himself. Castiel let out a small cry as Dean first shoved one finger into him and then two. The hunter scooted further down on the bed so he could take hold of Castiel's member. The angel sharply inhaled at the sensation of the hunter's tongue on his tip. It was a tortuous pleasure, the feeling of Dean's fingers moving in and out of him while his tongue teased the bundle of nerves at the edge of his cock. But the Winchester purposely refused to actually blow him. Instead, when Cas was good and ready, Dean withdrew his fingers and roughly shoved himself into the angel. They cried out together with mutual satisfaction. Once again Dean pressed his mouth against the angel's as he began to undulate in and out of him. Castiel wrapped his arms and legs around Dean as their bodies quickly became covered in sweat. Being inside of Cas, listening to him pant and moan, was quickly pushing Dean towards his peak. For the angel it was a combination of Dean's cock rocking in and out of him, the sounds of their flesh slapping together, and watching the hunter's firm chest and arms flexing as sweat dripped off of him. Suddenly Dean took hold of Castiel's cock again and began sliding his hand up and down the shaft as rapidly as he could.
"Come for me," Dean gasped pounding into Cas harder and harder. The angel's breathing became louder until a small stream of mangled moans escaped his mouth, as he arched his back and stilled. The climax ricocheted throughout Castiel's body. Cum poured from his cock across his and Dean's chest. Seconds later the hunter came harder than he'd ever come before. He convulsed as wave after wave of cum spilled out of him into the angel's ass. Dean couldn't withhold a loud groan of pleasure at the supreme spike of ecstasy.
"You're shivering," Castiel panted, still trying to catch his breath, once the hunter had withdrawn.
"It's ok," Dean replied equally winded as he turned over and flopped next to the angel. They quickly drifted asleep after this. Completely contented.
When tomorrow arrived they awoke a little stiff but happy. Happier, on Dean's side, than ever before. He and Cas laid on their sides together that morning with big dumb smiles plastered on their faces.
"I think I hear Sam moving around out there," Dean said absentmindedly as he tenderly ran his thumb across Castiel's lower lip. The angel leaned in and kissed his hunter. He closed his eyes and could feel Dean's smile against his mouth as he pulled him closer.
"Should we go tell him the good news?" Cas asked making no move to retreat.
"Hell yeah" Dean replied grinning but, half-lidded, added "As soon as we're finished."