Faith the Vampire Slayer:
The Master
3. Teacher's Pet
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The girl screamed as the vampire advanced on her. Faith stepped between them, "Wanna dance?" She clocked him with a solid right to the jaw and a left jab in the gut. He shook it off and lunged at her. Catching the slayer around the waist the vampire threw her onto a pool table. He pinned her hands at her sides and leaned in to bite her neck.
"Mind if I cut in?" Xander asked suavely as he brained the vampire with a pool cue. The irate vampire turned to the boy. Before the undead menace could retort Xander punched him in the mush. He grabbed the monster by the hair, pulled him down and kneed him in the face. The vampire fell to the floor, unconscious. "Are you okay?" Xander offered Faith his hand to help her off the pool table.
"Thanks, Xan," Faith flashed him her zillion-watt smile. As she slid off the table she noticed, "Your hand! Will you…"
"…still be able to finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?" Xander grabbed the broken pool cue and drove it into the vampire's chest. "I'll manage." He strode back to the stage.
As he played Faith gazed adoringly at him. "You're drooling," she whispered.
Xander gave her a confused look.
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Faith hissed his name again, careful not to attract the teacher's attention. At the front of the darkened classroom, Dr. Gregory clicked to the next slide. When Xander finally looked her way Faith pointed to the corner of her mouth. Xander quickly picked up her meaning and wiped his mouth and chin.
"Their ancestors were here long before we were. Their progeny will be here long after we are gone. The simple and ubiquitous ant," Dr. Gregory turned off the projector. The lights came on and he began pacing the aisles. "Now, if you read the homework you should know the two ways that ants communicate." He stopped in front of Faith. "Miss Lehane?"
"Touch," She answered.
He nodded, "Mm-hmm."
"And pheromones," she added confidently.
"Correct," He smiled. "It looks like we finally have some competition for Miss Rosenberg. Alright, chapters six through eight by tomorrow, people," he said as the bell rang.
Faith was glad that Giles had helped with her homework. He'd read yesterday's chapters to her while she did her cardio. Little things like that made it easy for them to find the time to train, but still keep up with her school work.
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"This captivating craftsman restoration has two bedrooms upstairs, a pool, a two-car garage, one and a half baths, and wood flooring throughout," the real estate agent rattled off. "The kitchen is beautiful. It features granite counter tops and all stainless steel appliances. The laundry is in the mud room but the stackable comes with the house."
"No space to exercise," was all Faith had to say. Giles was looking for something with a den or an extra bedroom for his books, so they moved on.
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"This lovely home has three bedrooms, a home office, laundry upstairs and a sun deck," She said with pride.
"It's cute, but where's the garage?"
"There is curbside parking," the lady informed them.
"Not after all the work I put into the Citroen," Faith said flatly.
"It's a very affluent neighborhood," She reassured them.
"Vetoed: nothing without a garage. Two-car preferably," Faith put her foot down. "And while we're at it why show us anything that hasn't got our wish list covered? Garage, preferably two-car and attached; two or three bedrooms, and a den or office. How hard is that? Really?"
Giles thought it was rather large, without actually offering any amenities. And that the neighborhood was less 'affluent' and more 'expensive', so they moved on.
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"Two-car garage, three bedrooms, the master is downstairs, bonus room, screened in porch, no mud room, but there is a utility room, patio, spa, and pool," the agent showed them through the modern craftsman bungalow. "In the kitchen: a built-in breakfast nook, island, and plenty of counter space. This area opens to the vaulted great room on one side and the dining room – which boasts a beautiful decorative ceiling – on the other. The home features an eccentric amount of built-in shelving and walk-in closets in all of the bedrooms."
"This looks good," Faith nodded her approval as she mentally mapped out space for a heavy bag, a wooden man, and some weights.
Giles ran his hand over the shelves in the great room; or as he was now mentally referring to it, the library. It could easily fit all the books he has at his flat and half the ones he was storing at the school. It was perfect.
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The band on stage as Faith finish busing her last table was trying to be alternative rock but was fast slipping into the realm of emo. The beat was too slow to dance to and even the singer sounded bored with the lazy lyrics.
Xander met her at the bar. Two boys, one Faith recognized from biology, were discussing their conquests.
"Seven, including Cheryl," the boy Faith recognized said. "I'll tell you, though, her sister was lookin' to make it eight."
"Ooo," the other boy crowed, "Cheryl's sister? The one in college?"
"Home for the holidays and lookin' for love!" The first one confirmed. "She's not my type, though. Girls really gotta have something to go with me."
Xander smirked, "Something like a lobotomy?"
"Xander," the boy said snidely. "How many times you score?"
"Well, uh..." Xander stuttered.
Faith jumped in to save him, "Only a virgin brags about the number of girls he's had one bump and grind with." She flashed Xander an adoring look, "We regularly get all sweaty together and he always leaves me satisfied. Would Cheryl say the same of you if I asked her?"
Xander swallowed.
"Way to go, Harris," the second boy gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder.
"Speaking of," Faith took off her apron and name tag, "walk me home?"
"Duty calls," he took her offered hand and the pair sauntered to the door. "Thanks."
"I can't stand guys like that." Faith smirked, "Besides I find a good workout very satisfying." On the way to Giles' car, they strode past a darkened, trash-strewn alley. Faith stopped and peered into that darkness. The back of her neck tingled lightly. "Get to the car," she pushed Xander towards the Citroen.
"Why?" He asked, not understanding. The slayer pulled a short stake out of her jeans pocket. "Oh. Right." He immediately trotted toward the old British saloon.
A dark form approached her slowly from the far end of the lane. "Hey," a familiar silky voice offered. Faith moved into a fighting stance as the telltale tingle increased with every step he took. "Whoa, I come in peace!" he raised his hands.
Faith saw the dark somewhat creepy man from the Bronze. "You need to get out of here. There's a vampire nearby."
"Yeah," he said, giving her a smarmy smirk, "About that."
She stared at him a moment. That's all it took to realize…"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me!" As he looked somewhat sheepish, she continued to look him over. The leather knee length jacket, the black clothes, the dark eyes, the pale skin and jet black hair…"You know, it really isn't surprising, now that I think about it," she offered calmly.
"I'm not the vampire you think I am," he said, trying to placate her.
"Do you drink blood? Have a wicked hard time getting a tan? Do ya eat people?" she asked him, crossing her arms.
"Yes. Yes and…" he thought a moment, "No."
"Then you're exactly the vampire I think – wait, what?" she asked, confused.
"I fed on a girl about your age…beautiful. Dumb as a post…but a favorite among her clan."
"Her clan? What was she, a Ninja?" Faith asked.
"Romany. Gypsies. The elders conjured the perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul."
Faith didn't really understand much about Gypsies, to be honest. What she'd heard was that they were thieves that stole anything that wasn't nailed down when they came to a town, but that was likely racist tripe.
He noted her confused look and continued, "When you become a vampire the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul. That's gone. No conscience, no remorse… It's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done…and to care. I haven't fed on a living human being since that day."
Faith listened to him and shook her head. "We all have our problems," she said, dismissively. "But seriously, dude. Depeche Mode called and they want their brooding and their wardrobe back."
He frowned, giving her a rather adorable pout, "I kind of like Depeche Mode."
"You would," She said to him. "Okay, Personal Jesus wasn't terrible," She admitted after second. "What the hell is your name, anyway? Gettin' tired of calling you 'Creepy Stalker Guy' to my friends."
He narrowed his eyes, "You call me 'Creepy Stalker Guy'?" As she smiled he wasn't amused. "Do I come off that way? Really?"
"You pimp around in the shadows and just kind of show up like you're followin' me," Faith said. "Kinda fit the bill there, Lestat."
"I will bite you," He returned, deadpan. "My name is Angel."
Faith bit off a snort. "What's the matter, parents lose a bet?"
He gave her a snarl synonymous with his vampiric breed, "No. They're dead. I, the vampire in me killed them. When I was turned I was given the name Angelus. I'm not that monster now. I'm also not the man I was while alive."
"So, Angel." Faith nodded. "You hanging about to give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe? Or was this a social call?"
"A former member of the Order of Aurelius is in town. Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out," Angel pulled his jacket down. Faith grimaced at the sight of the wounds on his shoulder. "He replaced his right hand with a metal claw."
"Thanks for the warning. And for being less cryptic, Angel," Faith watched the ensouled vampire slink back into the night. She headed to the car to find Giles a few feet from the mouth of the alley. "You heard?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I shall see what I can find about this 'Angel,' or any vampire with a soul. He hasn't attacked you, and he could have the first time you met," Giles reasoned. "We shall keep our guard up around him all the same."
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As Giles and Faith approached the school the librarian glanced at the sky, "God, every day here is the same." They stopped next to a bench where Amy and Willow were discussing their English homework.
"Yes, because clouds and fog ninety percent of the time is way more interesting," Faith snickered.
"It really is," Giles turned to head to the library. "Good morning," he greeted Xander as the boy limped up to them.
"Mornin'," the boy greeted him weakly. "Guess what I just heard in the office? No Dr. Gregory today. I can't believe I did the homework for nothing."
"Learning is its own reward," Giles chided mildly as he walked off.
"Oh, please Xan, Giles read us the chapters while we worked on endurance," she gave him a light push.
"What happened, is he sick?" Willow asked.
"They didn't say anything about sick, something about missing," he informed them.
"He's missing?" Amy repeated.
"Well, let me think. Um, the cheerleaders were modeling their new short skirts, that kinda got... Yeah! Yeah, they said missing," he nodded.
Faith furrowed her brow at the news. People missing was never a good thing.
"Which is bad," Xander added. "On account of what happened with Mr. Whitmore."
An attractive woman with high cheekbones, hazel eyes and dark brown hair cut in an updated flip do was headed toward the school. The sun was still low and haloed her as she approached the group.
"I, uh, huh..." Xander stuttered.
"Could you help me?" Her voice was smoky.
"Uh... Yes!" The teen nodded.
"I'm looking for Science... 109."
"Oh! It's, um..." Xander glanced from side to side in a desperate attempt to get his brain to function. "I go there every day!"
She chuckled in response.
Xander looked at the three girls, "Oh, God, where is it?"
They simply shrugged, each sporting a mischievous grin as they watched their friend flounder.
The braggart from the Bronze capitalized on Xander's weakness, "Hi! Blayne Mall. I'm going there right now. It's not far from the varsity field where I took All-City last year."
"Oh! Thank you, Blayne!" The woman cooed. Xander stared as Blayne lead her away.
"It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to," the teen pouted.
The three girls nodded, still grinning.
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As the group filed into science Faith saw a pair of glasses on the floor. picking them up she noticed that they were Dr. Gregory's. Faith frowned.
"What's wrong?" Willow asked.
"Dr. Gregory's glasses," Faith set them on the lab table. "Why would he leave them?" Faith eyed the woman writing on the board. Without the blazer, her short skirt and sleeveless v-neck top were wholly inappropriate for a teacher to wear. Not that the guys were complaining.
"My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory," She turned to face the class.
"Do you know when he's coming back?" Amy asked.
"No, I don't, um," Ms. French glanced at the roster, "Willow. They just call and tell me where they want me."
"Amy actually," the teen witch corrected at the same time Blayne muttered, "I'll tell you where I want you."
"Excuse me, Blayne?" The substitute raised her eyebrow.
"Uh, I was just wondering if you were gonna pick up where Dr. Gregory left off," he covered.
"Yes," Ms. French smiled. "His notes tell me you were right in the middle of insect life." She picked up a praying mantis mounted in a clear plastic box, "The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live alone. Who can tell me why? Amy?"
"Well, the words 'bug-ugly' kinda spring to mind," Amy offered. The class tried to cover their laughter.
"There is nothing ugly about these unique creatures. The reason they live alone is because they're cannibals," she said.
"Eww!" Everyone in the class was disgusted.
"Oh, well, it's hardly their fault! It's the way nature designed them: noble, solitary and prolific. Over eighteen hundred species worldwide, and in nearly all of them the female is larger and more aggressive than the male," She explained.
Blayne leaned over to Faith, "Nothing wrong with an aggressive female."
Faith gave him a look, "According to last night's homework when unconfined in laboratory terrariums, the majority of praying mantis mating ends with the male flying off, unharmed. Mantises aren't very aggressive. They're ambush predators."
Ms. French picked up her notebook, frowning at the conversing students. She began walking around the room as she lectured, "The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate," she locked eyes with Xander, "to fertilize them. Once he's played his part, she covers the eggs in a protective sack and attaches it to a leaf or twig out of danger. Now, if she's done her job correctly, in a few months she'll have several hundred offspring." Ms. French made her way back to the front of the class. Setting her notebook back down she announced, "We should make some model egg sacks for the science fair. Who would like to help me do that after school?"
Every boy in the class raised his hand.
"Good!"
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"Hot dog surprise," Faith scrunched her nose. "Thank God Giles packs my lunch."
Willow nodded, "Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs."
"You can have hot dogs? I thought…"
"We get all beef kosher dogs," Willow explained. "These I can't eat."
"I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism," Xander murmured. At Amy's raised eyebrows he added, "Miss French. You three are probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man.
"Oh, I understand," Amy shot back.
"Good!"
"The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements!" She continued.
Faith laughed.
"What surgical improvements?" Xander balked.
"Well, he is young," Willow smiled at Amy.
"And so terribly innocent!" Faith added bumping him with her hip as she moved passed him to grab a milk carton.
"Hey, you don't know those are fake!" He pouted.
Blayne slid into the middle of the group, "Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today." He turned to Xander, "When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection."
"Yes, the older female backs down and accepts a lesser male, when the prime beefcake is taken," Faith wrapped her arm around Xander's waist. "He's busy tonight anyway," She licked her lips seductively, removing any doubt as to what he would be doing.
Blayne slunk off into the crowded cafeteria.
Willow stared at Faith wide-eyed.
Amy asked, "And just what are Beefcake's plans this evening?"
"He's going to help Giles and I move boxes."
"He said strength training!" Xander hissed.
"Do you have any idea how much a box of books weighs?" Faith grinned.
Ms. Chase strode into the lunch line, bumping into Faith, "Excuse you!"
"Sorry, Legs, I was distracted by the seventies throwback dress. Very brave of you." The slayer smirked.
"What do you know?" The teen socialite stomped off. "Medically prescribed lunch. My doctor ships it daily... I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath." She waved a slip of paper at the cafeteria staff. Ms. Chase opened one of the refrigerators. She let out an ear piercing scream followed by hysterical babbling, "His head! His head! Oh, my God, where's his head?!"
Faith and Xander dashed over. Faith took a look at the body, while Xander moved Ms. Chase away from the scene.
"Easy, Cordelia, slow deep breathes," he soothed as he led her to her friends.
Willow and Amy peered into the fridge as well. The red head turned an alarming shade of green. The witch turned away from the headless corpse. The lab coat he was wearing said 'Dr. Gregory.'
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Faith's hands were shaking. She paced back and forth across the library. Willow and Amy were sitting on the steps, crying. Xander was at the table with his head in his hands. Giles handed the boy a glass of water.
"Thanks, Giles."
The librarian handed a Faith a glass as well, "Here. Drink this."
"I'm fine," She said taking the glass.
"I know," Giles patted her shoulder comfortingly.
Xander set his now empty glass down, "I've never seen... I mean, I've never seen anything like... That was new."
"Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?" Willow asked, her voice pleading for answers.
"Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of. He was a civilized man. I liked him," Giles leaned against the table to give Faith room to pace.
"We're gonna find out who did this," Amy said in a quiet but hard tone. "We'll find them and we'll stop them."
"Count on it," Faith agreed sharply.
"Very well," Giles retrieved a legal pad and some files from his office. "What do we know?"
"Oh, not a lot, um...," Willow began.
"He was killed here on campus," Faith stated. "I'm guessing the last day we saw him."
"How do you work that out?" Giles encouraged.
"He didn't change his clothing," the slayer explained.
"This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but..." Xander put in, "Where did they put his head?"
Willow nodded, "I didn't wanna hear that."
"It's not Claw-guy, he doesn't do heads," Faith said thinking aloud.
"Not historically. There was an incident two nights ago..." Giles indicated the file folder next to his notes, "...uh, involving a homeless person in Weatherly Park. He was practically shredded, but, uh, nothing like Dr. Gregory."
"And Dr. Gregory's blood wasn't drained," Willow added.
"So there's something else out there? Besides the Claw? Oh, this is fun, we're on Monster Island," Xander sighed.
"We're on a Hellmouth. It's a center of mystical convergence," Amy paused. "Guess it's the same thing."
"So we hit Weatherly Park tonight," Faith looked at Giles. "Deal with the threat we know more about."
"The trouble there is I was only able to find one oblique reference to a, a, a vampire who displeased the Master, our, uh, local vampire king, and cut his hand off in penance," he shook his head. "We really don't know that much."
"Vampire with claw hand," Faith raised her right hand. "Beheading," she repeated the gesture with her left.
"Faith," Giles said sternly, "I know you're upset, but, uh, this is no time to go hunting, not until we know more."
"Willow," the slayer turned to her friend, "Can you dig up all the murders in say a hundred miles that are beheadings or slasher victims that lost a lot of blood?"
"That will include L.A. so it might take awhile," the red head replied.
"The rest of us will go through the books looking for the same things," Faith grabbed a tome off the shelf.
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Giles grumbled as he hunkered down in the driver's seat. Willow had excluded L.A. from her initial search to save time and found a trail of mutilated corpses from Cleveland to Sunnydale; one every three or four days all in parks or other wooded areas with sewer access. The watcher sat waiting for his slayer to finish her patrol of the park.
Faith strolled casually around the perimeter of Weatherly Park before following one of the trails to the middle. On one of the raised paths, she spotted a culvert that was covered by bushes. Faith continued down the path to a group of benches and a homeless man.
"Shouldn't be out here at night, little lady. Dangerous," he wandered away while Faith checked on a second man lying in front of a bench. Luckily he was merely asleep.
As she moved along the maintenance trail that led to the culvert Faith could hear the yap and howl of dogs in the distance. She pulled the shrubbery away.
The Claw leaped out at her. Faith rapidly backpedaled half a dozen steps. He slashed at her the whole way. Faith forced herself to swallow her rising panic. He was a vicious attacker and was looking to put her away early. Thankfully, for her, she could quickly discern a pattern to his aggression.
As his claw came at her again, she acted. Reflexes enhanced by the essence of the slayer, she moved in and brought her right arm up. His thick meaty forearm connected solidly with hers. His assault was halted, but Faith didn't stop. With her left hand, she clutched his bicep. She then wrapped her right about his arm at the wrist, and with a mighty jerk, twisted his arm back toward her, dislocating his elbow with a wet snap. The Claw snarled and growled in pain. She turned to the right and kept her hold, dragging his significant bulk over to slam unceremoniously on the ground, back first.
Faith celebrated under her breath as he toppled. She then fell to her back, his arm still clutched in her strong hands. She planted one foot on the side of his head, the other against his ribs and pulled with all her strength. The hard, loud thock of his shoulder being torn from its socket rent the dry warm air. The Claw went from growling to screaming.
She released his bent and broken limb and snatched a stake from her belt and quickly leaned forward, plunging the long wooden weapon into his heart. He crumbled to dust with the howl of pain still upon his lips.
For a few seconds, she sat there breathing heavily. Slowly a smile crept across her lips. "That so needed a 'next time Gadget' joke," she said, to no one in particular.
"Hold it! Police!" a stern male voice shouted. A group of men with flashlights were making their way down the hill from the raised path. "Did you see that?"
"I've got nothing here," one of them answered.
Faith put her stake away and headed through the bushes.
"I heard it," another voice called.
"Spread out," the stern man ordered.
"Let's go over here," one of them started in her direction.
"This way, this way," someone else insisted.
"Alright…" the first one caved.
Faith jogged to the nearest edge of the park. A high fence separated it from the street beyond. The slayer spotted a woman walking alone and carrying a bag of groceries. Faith ducked behind a bush to keep from being seen. As the woman passed by Faith realized she was Ms. French. The slayer waited until the substitute turned up a driveway before leaping the fence. Still, the older woman must have heard the chain link rattle as she looked in Faith's direction. Ms. French's intense gaze raised the hair on the back of the slayer's neck. The stood there, eyes locked in the darkness until Faith heard the mob of officers approaching. She could have sworn that Ms. French smiled when she broke eye contact.
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"You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?" Principal Flutie stopped Faith as she left English.
"Yeah, so?" Faith narrowed her eyes at him.
"You witnessed the event, so this way, please," Flutie guided her down the hall.
"I got biology," Faith pointed back at room 109.
"You have to see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counselor," Flutie explained. "We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise, we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug," He took a step back, "but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching."
"Can't it wait?"
"No, you have to talk to a counselor and start the healing. You have to heal."
"But, Bob…"
"Heal!" He intoned firmly. He directed Faith to a chair outside of the counselor's office and left. Faith frowned but stayed put.
"I don't know what to say," she overheard Cordelia. "It was really… I mean, one minute you're in your normal life, and then who's in the fridge? It really gets to you, a thing like that. It was… Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes; we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats!"
Faith was both amused and disturbed by the cheerleader's ramblings. At least it was an excuse to leave.
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Meanwhile, in biology, Xander felt he was doing well on the pop quiz. He was barely even distracted by the way Ms. French's cleavage was on full display; or how her skirt hugged her hips. He actually knew most of the material. Studying with Faith and Giles was paying off.
"Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test," she called out as she paces the aisles. She walked up behind Xander. Leaning over do she just brushed against him she whispered, "I think you meant 'pollination' for number fourteen." Ms. French put her hand on his shoulder as she turned to move on and added, "I'll see you here after school."
Faith strolled up to the classroom door and peered inside. Seeing that they were taking a pop quiz she decided to wait. As Faith was moving away from the window she caught sight of Ms. French straightening up and turning her head around 180 degrees to see the door. Faith went to the library at a dead run.
"Don't you have class?"
"Bob, crisis counseling, Cordelia," Faith shuddered. "Bio, pop quiz, Ms. French turned her head around, full-on Exorcist twist action."
"What?"
"Ms. French rotated her head like a praying mantis," Faith calmed down enough to explain.
"Well, that's, that's," Giles stuttered. "Nothing human can do that."
"Figured that," Faith rolled her eyes. "Let's find out what can."
The double doors opened, Flutie walked in with an irritated expression.
Faith held her hands up defensively. "Cordelia was... I felt super uncomfortable eavesdropping, so I left. She shouldn't be judged for how she's dealing with this."
"Of course not," Principal Flutie agree. "So, it's your turn to talk to the counselor, come along."
Faith sighed.
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"Stupid counselor," Faith growled as she grabbed a milk carton. "Speaking of stupid, was Blayne in class?"
"No," Willow scrunched her nose at the greasy pepperoni 'pizza' and strange mix of yesterday's mac 'n' cheese and lasagna. "Salad bar for me."
"I like the pasta surprise," Xander shrugged.
"The fajitas are really good," Amy added.
"You put nacho cheese on them," Willow protested.
"I'm adding that to the pasta," Xander grinned. "Ooh! Garlic bread."
"Get fries, too," Faith nudged him. "So I can steal them."
The foursome paid for their lunches and found a table outside.
"I think Ms. French is our killer," Faith said as she grabbed a fry off Xander's tray and dipped it in his nacho sauce.
"Really?" Willow asked.
Faith nodded, "I don't think she's human."
"Uh-huh. So what is she then?" Xander asked.
"I don't know," Faith paused. "Giant bug demon?"
Xander chuckled, "You're jealous."
"What?" Faith furrowed her brow.
"I've met someone, and you're jealous," he clarified.
"Xander," Faith said in a warning tone.
"Look, there's nothing I can do about it. Uh, there's just this certain chemical thing between Ms. French and me," He smiled.
"Pheromones," Faith started to explain.
"She's not a bug! She's a woman, okay? And hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I realize it's no mystery guy in a leather jacket, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway?" The boy ended in a ramble.
Faith grabbed Xander by the collar of his sweater. "Idiot!" She pulled him off the bench. She shoved him to the ground and straddled him in one smooth motion. "In order, not by how asinine they were, One; I saw her rotate her neck 180 degrees. Two; I'm attracted to you, why else would I keep groping you when Blayne's being a dick? Three; I am in no way shape of form turned on by Angel. He's a vampire, but he might, might have a soul – Giles is looking into it on the side – and four; yes Angel is a girl's name, and I've made fun of him for it." She punched the ground next to his head.
Xander flinched.
"If you want to bang her that's fine, I just want you to be safe. Get a stake or something from Giles, and let us know if she changes venue, okay?"
The teen nodded.
"Willow, if you've got time I need to know if Blayne is missing or just out sick," Faith stood up. Sighing she grabbed her lunch and headed inside.
Willow finished her salad in silence while Amy picked at her cheese fajitas. Xander dusted himself off and went back to his pasta.
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
Later, armed with a sizable pocket knife, Xander was having mixed feelings about his meeting with Ms. French. "Hi," he greeted her calmly as he entered the classroom. He still didn't buy the whole demon-bug thing.
"Oh, Hi! I was just grabbing a snack. Can I fix you something?" She smiled brightly at him.
"No thanks, I had a... filling lunch," Xander glanced around for a way to change the subject. "Wow, if this were real the bugs would be..."
"...as big as you!" Ms. French finished for him.
"Yeah. So! Where do we start?" He tried to regain his enthusiasm.
"Oh, Xander!" Ms. French got up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me."
"Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's Lavelle," the teen babbled. "And I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life." He chuckled.
Ms. French laughed as well. "I have a teacher's conference in half an hour, and I left the paint and papier-mâché at home," she explained. "I don't suppose you'd like to come to my place tonight to work on it there?"
"Come to, uh..." Xander swallowed, "your place?" For a moment he saw his guitar solo fantasy with Ms. French staring up at him.
"7:30?" She said bringing him back to reality. "Here's my address. I'll see you tonight?"
"Yeah!" Xander's fingers brushed hers as he took the note. He left the classroom elated. "Ooh, yes!"
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
"If you're right," Giles was cleaning his glasses as the girls went through books, or in Willow's case the PC, "then she'd have to be a shapeshifter or a perception distorter. On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford, Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology and mythology."
"Bugs and fairy tales?" Faith looked up at him. "That is a bizarre combination."
"If I recall correctly, poor old Carlyle, just before he went mad, claimed there was some beast..." Giles was interrupted.
"911! Blayne's mom called the school. He never came home last night!"
"The boy who worked with Miss French yesterday?" Giles asked.
"Yeah! If Miss French is responsible for... Xander's supposed to be helping her right now!" Willow started to panic.
"Easy, Wills," Amy soothed. "Xander'll be fine. Faith can go check on him if you like."
Willow nodded and Faith headed for the door.
"Now, you need to get the coroner's report on Dr. Gregory," Amy distracted her friend.
"Right," Willow turned back to the PC.
Giles started towards his office but stopped to ask, "Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal?"
"Entirely!" Willow replied without looking up, her face flushed.
"Of course!" Amy said at the same time, her gaze locked with his.
"Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you," Giles continued to his office.
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
"Hey," Xander called out as he approached the library.
"Hey, back," Faith returned. "So, how'd it go with Ms. French?"
"She wants me to go to her place tonight," he handed Faith the address.
"Blayne's missing," Faith grabbed his arm and dragged him back to the library. "We need to pick up some things for Xander's date," she announced.
"Frankly, madam, I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor do I care. Now, unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the telephone immediately. This is a matter of life and death!" Giles shouted in his office.
"Got it! Coroner's report, complete with... Yuk! ...color pictures," Willow looked up from the computer. "Xander!" She rushed over and threw her arms around him.
"There are teeth marks," Amy remarked as Faith joined her in studying the report.
"Which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head," Faith added.
"Okay, I-I don't like this," Willow dragged the boy over to the group.
"Hey, hey, take it easy, Willow," Xander tried to pry off her death grip hug.
Giles came out of his office pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it."
"It?" Faith asked.
"Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis," Giles went on, "This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or, or virgin-thief, appears in, in many cultures. The Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who, who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um…"
"Giles, while we're young," Amy prompted dryly.
"Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
"Battle plan?" Faith began pacing.
"Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade," the watcher's voice was hard now, with a slight edge of command.
"Slice and Dice is good, axes all around?" The slayer offered.
Giles nodded, "Whatever we do it, it had better be certain and swift. This beast is extremely dangerous."
"Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around," Xander quipped, finally freeing himself from Willow.
"Yes, in a straitjacket, howling his innards out day and night," Giles snapped.
"Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops," Amy hefted an ax and shook her head. She put it back and grabbed a machete instead. Willow did the same.
"Sorry, I just need you lot to take this seriously," he explained.
"We do, Giles, really," Xander placated the older man. "I didn't mean to make light of the situation."
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
At seven-thirty on the dot, Xander rang the doorbell of the blue, single story bungalow. His palms were sweaty and his heart raced but he forced himself to breathe evenly. Ms. French answered promptly, wearing a slinky black cocktail dress that really brought out her cleavage.
"Hi! Come on in!" She ran her hand down the teen's arm. Xander couldn't help but stare at the bounty before him. "Should I change? Is-is this too..."
"No, no, it's, the most beautiful chest, dress I've ever seen," he stuttered.
Ms. French smiled as she closed the door behind him. The living room was dim and there was soft music playing. "Thank you. That's sweet. Martini?"
Xander stared at the glass in disbelief.
"Oh, I'm sorry, would you like something else?" She asked teasingly.
He took the glass firmly but hesitated to drink.
"I just need to relax a little, I'm kinda nervous around you," she led him to the sofa. "You're probably cool as a cucumber!"
Xander sat down next to her, "I like cucumbers. Like in that Greek salad thing with the yogurt. Do you like Greek food? I'm exempting Schwarma, of course, I mean, what's that all about? It's a big meat hive." He laughed nervously.
She laughed playfully and stroked his arm.
Xander took a drink of his martini, "Hhhhhhho! Hello!" The alcohol burned his throat, not like the sip of whiskey his dad gave him when he was twelve, but it startled him how strong the drink was.
"Cheers!" Ms. French tapped her glass against his. "Can I ask you a personal question?" She set her glass down and scooted closer to him. "Have you ever been with a woman before?"
"You mean, like, in, uh, the same room?" He stalled trying to clear his suddenly foggy head.
"You know what I mean," she all but purred.
"Oh, that, uh... Well, let me think. Um..." He stuttered as she ran her fingers through his hair and around his ear. "Yeah, there was, uh... Several!" He tried lying. She stroked down the side of his face to his chin. "I mean, and, uh, quite a few times... And then there was, uh... Oh, she was incredibly..." He finally gave up, "No. Uh-uh."
"I know. I can tell," she rested her hand on his knee.
"You can?" He asked a little dismayed.
"Oh, I like it. You might say, I... Need it," Ms. French leaned towards Xander.
"Oh! Well, needs should, uh, ya know..." He slid his hand into his pocket. When he pulled his hand back out the corner of a condom wrapper was sticking out of his pocket. "Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day, or..." He paused when he thought he heard yelling. "Did you hear…"
"No..." She interrupted him, only to be interrupted in turn.
"Sounds like someone crying..."
"I don't hear anything," she said firmly. Ms. French took his hand in hers, "Your hands are so hot!"
Xander flashed to his dream, "Oh, you hurt your hand!" His head swam. He leaned back on the couch. "Faith! I love Faith. Wow! So that's a martini, huh?"
"Mm-hmm," she leaned in next to him.
Xander sat up abruptly, "Do you hear..."
Ms. French interrupted him again, "Would you like to touch me with those hands?"
Xander's vision blurred as he looked at Ms. French's hands, "Your hands are sss... Really..." His vision cleared as her hands morphed into mantis claws, "serrated!" He dug into his other pocket and pulled out an aerosol spray can. He managed to aim and spray Ms. French.
She shrieked and struck him with both claws.
Xander fell to the floor unconscious.
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
Giles and the girls sat in the Citroen down the block. They had watched Xander ring the bell and practically be dragged inside. They stared at the walkie-talkie resting on the dashboard.
Willow broke the silence, "I hope she doesn't eat his head. I like his head. It's where you find his eyes, and his hair, and his adorable smile."
"Are you crushing on Xan, Red?"
"No! We're, we're just friends. I'm concerned for my friend," the nerdy girl blushed.
"It's okay," Faith smiled at her. "I get it."
"I could never compete with you anyway," Willow muttered.
"I wouldn't make you," Faith reassured her. "If you want to take a whack at him, go ahead."
"I, I couldn't…" Willow was cut off by the walkie.
"Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day, or..." Xander's voice came through.
Faith cocked her head and at the same time as Xander asked, "Did you hear that?"
"Sounds like someone crying," Xander said
"I don't hear anything," Ms. French's voice responded.
"I'm going in," Faith said over the top of what the substitute said next.
"Wait for the signal," Giles insisted.
"Faith!" Xander shouted. "I love Faith. Wow! So that's a martini, huh?"
The slayer exited the car and dashed down the block. The others quickly followed suit. Faith kicked the door open in time to hear the horrifying shriek of the She-Mantis and the hard thump of Xander hitting the floor.
The slayer rushed in, distracting the She-Mantis while the others went straight to Xander. Giles covered the girls as they dragged the unconscious teen out of the fray.
The she-mantis lashed out in a lightning fast sweep tripping Giles. Faith jumped over the blow. She swung her ax at the demon fiercely, scoring a few glancing blows. Giles stood bringing the bug spray to bear. The she-mantis shrieked again.
From behind them Faith and Giles heard chanting, "Non dissoluatur meum praedam." Amy and Willow reentered the house holding hands. Amy directed four points of white light at the she-mantis. When its movements slowed the Watcher and Slayer went in for the kill, hacking at its limbs and neck.
When the pair stopped, they were both breathing heavily. "Well, I... I'd say it's deceased," Giles gasped out.
"And dissected," Willow added, scrunching her nose.
"You okay?" Amy looked over a few scrapes and bruises on Faith.
"Yeah," she nodded.
Moaning lead the group to the door. Xander blinked up at them, "Just for the record, you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you! And thank you guys, too."
"A pleasure," Giles held out a hand to haul the boy to his feet. "We must find any eggs she may have laid."
Faith and Xander descended into the basement while Amy, Willow, and Giles searched the rest of the house.
"Ah! Blayne! In a cage," Xander spotted half way down the stairs.
"Oh, God! Oh, God!" He wailed.
"You all right?" Faith asked as she approached the cage.
"Oh, God!" Blayne took a deep breath. "You gotta get me outta here! You gotta!"
"You know," Faith purred as she pretended to fiddle with the lock, "It's so unfair how she only went after virgins. I mean, here you are, doing the right thing, the smart thing, when a lot of other boys your age…"
"Flag down on that play, babe. I am not..." Blayne interrupted.
Faith ignored him, "that's the She-Mantis' M. O. She only preys on the 'pure'."
"My dad's a lawyer," Blayne shouted. "Anyone repeats this to anybody, they're gonna find themselves facing a lawsuit."
"I can't seem to get this lock open," Faith shrugged. "Oh well. Good luck explaining this to daddy. Hey, there they are. Have at," Faith handed her ax to Xander and pointed him towards the egg sac.
Xander was both meticulous and messy in his destruction of the eggs. When his arms tired out Faith wiped greenish yoke off his face, "Red really likes you. You two should go on a few dates. See if it takes."
"I thought you liked me," Xander said puzzled.
"You're a likable guy."
{FtVS}{FtVS}{FtVS}
A few days later Faith sat in biology listening to the new permanent instructor, "All midterm papers will be exactly six pages long. No more, no less. One-third of your grade will be dependent on those papers. No more, no less."
The bell sounded and the students were off. On her way out Faith spotted Dr. Gregory's glasses, still sitting on the lab bench where she'd left them. She saw Dr. Gregory's jacket still hanging on the hook on the closet door. With a sad smile, she slid the glasses into a pocket.
Unseen by the slayer a cluster of She-Mantis eggs was attached underneath a lower shelf. One of the eggs began hatching.