Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Except me of course.

Authors Note: I'm warning you now, this chapter is really angsty. You all will get a lovely first hand view of my depressive nature. If it gets too repetitive just tell me and I'll tone it down a bit. But without further ado I present you chapter six! Enjoy :)

Chapter 6- The Girl in the Mirror

After a few months of being Genin and proving themselves capable, Kotetsu and Izumo had started taking on more missions, a fair amount being C rank. They were out of the house almost all the time now. If they weren't on a mission they were training with their team, if they weren't training with their team they were sleeping their training off.

It was interesting to watch their growth, because every time they came home, they were different. They still had the same personalities, and appearance, but they seemed more mature. Rather than complaining about chores like children, they did them quickly and would move on. I felt like I was watching what, for a normal child would take years to go through, happen in a matter of months.

It made me feel like I wasn't even making progress. I would train every morning. I would train in the evenings. I would incorporate harder things into my routine. And I still fell short. It's hard to keep going when you know there is no point. Sometimes when I feel the stitch in my side from running too long, I contemplate stopping. Like a bad dream, no matter how much you run, you don't get anywhere.

In my mind I could tell that I had made progress. I was a lot stronger than I was even a month ago. In fact, if I were to keep this up, I would almost have as much of an advantage at the academy as a clan child would. I would never be equal to one but I would only fall a few rungs short. And still a voice whispers in my ear, it's still not enough. Honestly, I have to agree.

When reading Naruto you are following his life. He never had weak enemies or allies. You get used to everyone being super strong; because from the beginning of the story that's all you see. It's hard to step back and realize that they are all the best of the best. Like the Konoha twelve, the legendary Sanin. When reading Naruto all you hear about are the Akatsuki, the Kage, the Yellow Flash, the White Fang. You never read about the average Genin, usually because they never live long enough to have a story.

It's like walking on a pond. You never notice how deep it is because you never swam your way up. I was painfully aware of how deep in the water I was. From my place down there I can't even see the sun's light penetrating the surface. And with the pressure of everything above me, is it any wonder I want to give up before even starting?

It's thoughts like these that cloud my mind. My only chance of changing anything would be to use my Green Disposition in battle. But then people would know. The Green Disposition is like the bastard child of the Senju Wood Release, but bastard or not, it's still in the same family. Wood is a type of plant, and though I can't do anything with wood, who's to say my descendents won't be either? It would be terrible if Orochimaru were to get his hands on my DNA. I'm not strong enough to use my strengths and survive. I'm a fish that can't swim. Either way I'm useless. But what really set me off, was the mirror.

It was just a regular day as I went through my daily routine, when I noticed my hair getting in my way. It had grown so much in the past half year. My hair always grows quickly. Where a normal person's hair will grow3-7 inches a year, mine will grow 6-10. Sighing in annoyance I decided to add to my routine. Now I had to spend five minutes every day brushing my hair and tying it back. I head upstairs and move toward the bathroom with brush in hand. All it took was one look. One insignificant peek.

I can't believe this. Looking in the mirror shouldn't have filled me with horror but right now it was. Because staring back at me, was me. Though I looked a lot younger right now, I could see exactly what I would look like in eleven years or so. Because that was me. The person in the mirror had the same stringy, frizzy hair as I used to. It was so dark brown most people thought it was black, and though it looked disgusting now, by the time I was fourteen it would calm down and actually start looking nice.

Her eyes, the Girl in the mirrors, were almost the same dark shade of brown as her hair. But I knew that in the proper lighting it wouldn't be hard to spot a rustic red in there. Just like I knew that in the sunlight they would get a yellow tint, making her eyes look like dark honey. The girl in the mirror had the same tan skin and slightly longer than usual nose that I had. Because the girl in the mirror was me.

What do I do now? I had the same body I did in my last life, but even if it was familiar, that was a bad thing. I never had the body type for sports. Maybe while I was a child like I am now, but I knew that once I hit age ten, maybe eve nine, that it was all downhill from there.

Even if I trained and toned my body now it would still grow exactly like it had in my past life. The only difference between the two would be more muscle, perhaps thinner. No matter how much I work out though, I will still have huge breast. It's laughable really. That the main thing that is holding me back is something that most girls would do anything, even mutilate their own bodies, to achieve.

But really, how many huge breasted athletes are there? Sure anime and manga and video games flaunt perfectly capable, big breasted women, but in real life, they were a nuisance. The Amazon women get where I'm coming from. They used to cut off their left breast, sometimes both, just so they could properly use a bow and arrow. I wasn't about to cut off my breasts.

It's silly but this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Before I would have moped but gotten over myself, I would have continued my work. Now it felt like my own body was working against me. Your body is one thing that has always, is always, and will always be yours. It's like the ultimate betrayal. To me this was worse than being a baby and not having full control of my limbs. It was worse than dying in the hospital, your body too broken to respond to your commands. Because it was something I couldn't stop.

I relearned control as a baby. In the hospital I died, perhaps it wasn't the most anticipated outcome, but it fixed my problem. Right now I know that there is so much to do. So much to change. I was already having the 'who am I to play god' problem. And my body wasn't cooperating. I knew how it was going to grow. And I couldn't stop it. My body was no longer mine. It was just a shadow, the remains of who I used to be. And I couldn't shake it off.

By this point I was hyperventilating. I had to distance myself from my thoughts. I ended up spending nearly a week just sitting in, meditating in, and feeding chakra to, the garden. I could tell my parents were worried about me. I knew I was sulking, but right now it all just felt so hopeless. After spending a week clearing my mind and calming my heart I knew I had to get over it, but it would be so hard. I was scared.

It really felt like everything was going against me. I felt like even if I continued I would feel like a robot on auto pilot, and eventually I would malfunction and collapse from the inside out. My thoughts weren't pleasant ones. Now I felt like I was working on a time limit. Maybe I should ask Tsunade how she fights with big boobs, my delirious mind supplied. I'd most likely get the crap beaten out of me for trying. I needed a plan. Something to focus on, to center my mind, and help me reach my goal.

The only thing I could think of was to just continue. I had already decided to be a ninja and maybe it wouldn't be as hard as I thought it would be with boobs. Sheena always managed alright... My thoughts snapped back to attention as I felt someone in the grass next to our fence door. I could tell it was Yamanaka-san.

"Good morning Suikazura. Would you like to help me with the plants today?" shoving aside my sudden sense of déjà vu, I nod my head and answer.

"Okay, I'm not doing anything important right now anyway," maybe I could get some advice from him. It was worth a try. We begin to make our way over to the greenhouses and he picks up the conversation where I left it open.

"Nothing important? I thought you trained in the mornings,"

"But it's not enough," is my quiet answer. He was silent for a while before speaking again.

"You've come to a standstill then, have you? I'll tell you now that's no reason to give up,"

"I know," I say louder, my frustration leaking into my voice. I wanted to ask for his opinion, for his wisdom, but I couldn't very well say I was frustrated because I was scared to fight evil villains that haven't even made an appearance yet. I couldn't tell him I was scared because I knew I would only ever be average at most, that I was scared of my own ability because I knew it would get me killed one day. So instead I settled for,

"I saw the monster that attacked two years ago. It was huge. How am I supposed to get strong enough to protect this village? How is someone with as little talent and aptitude as I supposed to grow enough to pose some sort of threat to my enemies and the enemies of my village? I don't know what to do," by the end I was practically pleading with him, hoping he would give me all the answers; but I know it doesn't work like that.

"The attack two years ago was a great tragedy and I am sorry you had to witness it. You should know though, that the chances of that happening again are too low to worry about," if only he knew.

"If the chances were high enough for it to happen once, then they are high enough for something like that to happen again. I saw those bodies; next time will it be me? Will it be because I wasn't strong enough? Or will I just make a stupid mistake. Then again what would it matter when I end up the same either way: dead," I think he was a little disturbed at hearing all of this from someone my age, but I couldn't have stopped myself even if I wanted to. Even the tiniest of cracks can break the dam.

It was then that he did something I wasn't expecting; when he earned my complete respect. He lowered himself to his knees. He lowered himself to the height of a despairing child and looked me right in the eye. With the utmost sincerity he spoke.

"When the time comes that you fight with the rest of us as a shinobi, you will fight. You will be strong, and if you aren't strong enough you will fall back in line and try again, this time with your teammates. Where you fall short they will pick up the slack. If you make a mistake they will help you fix it. You fight for this village but do not forget this village fights with you," and so I told him my secret.

"I don't want to be a ninja," my voice is quiet. It is the voice of a scared child; a child confessing their deepest fear. And by the look on his face it must have thrown him off something good. But now he was curious.

"If you do not wish to be a ninja, why do you train so hard? Why do you work so much? Your family has not pressured you into it; you have no obligation to repay. Why are you trying?" why was I trying? I don't know any of the characters personally. My attachment to them comes from a fond childhood memory. If I didn't want to get involved I didn't have to. In fact if I was lucky I would die when Orochimaru attacks the village. I could so easily die and move on. I don't need to be around for Pein's attack or Madara's plan. But if I was planning on dying anyway, why not go out with a bang? Or at least do something useful. And that was why I was trying. I knew I would die anyway, I knew there was no way for me to screw things up more than they already were, so why not.

I don't even know if I will pass the Genin exam, and after that is the Jounin test. Okay. I'll go to the academy. I'll push myself to my bodies' limits. And if I can't be a ninja there are other ways to help the village. Maybe I'll get a job in the Hokage tower as an assistant or something. Maybe I could work with the Yamanaka's. Their family is one of the main medicinal herb cultivators. And what else is in such dire need during a war than medicine.

Without even know the real problem, he had calmed me down and washed away all my fears. Even if I stay at the bottom of the pond, I can still do my part. I don't need to swim to the top; I just have to keep the others afloat. It was so alleviating. I don't remember the last time I smiled like that. My whole face felt like it would crack from the force with which it came, but I didn't care. He looked startled by my sudden change of mood causing me to laugh. It felt good to surprise a ninja of his caliber.

"Well then if you're feeling better let's get to work," and I can't stop my grin at his last mumbled words.

"Not even a teenager yet and she already has such crazy mood swings. I swear if Ino ever…" my heart felt light as I practically floated behind him helping where I could.

I know it's a bit shorter than the last two but it seemed like a good spot to cut it. Anyways I hope you liked it. Leave a review and come again.

ToeGirth,

Signing Out