Well we're coming close to the end of John and Vera's storyline. But John's story is far from over. As in previous chapters there are bits and pieces of dialogue from the Downton Abbey series being utilized in this fic. Curious if you've been able to spot them.

Once again, many thanks to the reviewers. I know this isn't your typical Banna fluff,( of which I am a big proponent of). And appreciate how difficult it may be to slog through this angsty tale of woe. So thanks for hanging in there. Reviews and comments are truly, deeply appreciated and help fuel this first time writer to continue on.

As before.. Downton Abbey belongs to Fellowes, ITV and Carnival, etc. etc. etc.

John was on his hands and knees… sweat pouring down his face as he continued to scrub at the stain on the floor. It had faded a bit… but it was still there. He'd been working on it for nearly an hour.

"Blast… why can't I get this spot out," he said out loud with a rueful smile as the famous line from Shakespeare's Macbeth came to mind. "Out, damned spot." he uttered, but it really wasn't a laughing matter. The bloody stain remained. It wouldn't go away. He feared it would never go away. For John it would always serve as the omnipresent reminder of his guilt. And for this reason he continued to scrub, desperate to have it erased from the floor and his memory. He came to an abrupt stop when he heard a knock on the door.

John stood up and walked to the cottage entrance. Opening it, he found himself staring into the dark brown eyes of a woman, who he assumed was the nurse sent by Dr. Whelan. Dressed in black and carrying both a valise and what appeared to be a medical bag, the woman was quite thin and tall with a large hooked nose that made Bates think of a dark flamingo.

"John Bates? My name is Nancy Farrow." She put her hand forward to shake his. "Dr. Whelan asked me to be the in-home care nurse for your wife…Vera is it?"

"Yes, of course… You were expected." John shook her hand vigorously, relieved that she had finally arrived. Now he could soon leave his wife in her care and track down his father.

"I understand your wife suffered a miscarriage following a fall? Was this her first pregnancy?"

"Yes, her first," John answered. He couldn't help thinking 'and probably her last.'

"May I see her?"

"But of course…Please follow me. I just checked and she was still sleeping." He led the nurse to the bedroom and quietly pushed open the door. "I've been monitoring her temperature and she doesn't seem the least bit feverish." John added.

Nurse Farrow went straight to task checking Vera's pulse and temperature again. The IV appeared to be functioning fine. She inspected the bedding quickly to make sure that the bleeding had stopped. And then began setting up her monitoring devices and assorted bits of medical paraphernalia on the nightstand within hands reach.

John watched her for a moment, mesmerized at the speed and precision that the visiting nurse moved. Clearly she was an experienced and efficient medical assistant, the knowledge of which made John relax a little more. He was relieved that Vera appeared to be in very capable hands.

"Has she regained consciousness yet?" Nurse Farrow's voice sounded somewhat loud and clipped to John's ears.

"She has not," he replied anxiously.

"She should soon. I'll stay with her until she does. In the meantime is there somewhere I can quickly freshen up from the train ride. And after she's awakened, perhaps there would be someplace that I could take a quick nap for a bit? The doctor wired me very early this morning regarding your case, and in my haste to catch the next train I needed to forgo some additional hours of sleep." As if for emphasis, Miss Farrow yawned loudly.

"Certainly, let me show you where the bathroom is and the spare bedroom is right across from it. Feel free to use it to take your rest when needed." John then escorted the nurse to the back bedroom and bath. Afterwards, he returned to the kitchen.

He looked at the stained floor once again wondering if it was worth having another go at it. Perhaps he could find a throw rug in their storage space or purchase one in the village later. Just then he heard a voice quietly calling his name. It was Vera. She was awake. John's heart leapt, though he wasn't sure if it was in joy or trepidation.

"Johnny…John?" Vera's cried out weakly. "Where are you?"

John raced to Vera's side, standing by her bedside. "I'm here love." He answered.

Vera stared at his face blankly. It took her a few seconds to recognize him and her exact surroundings.

"John…what happened? Her voice sounded thick, her words slightly slurred. She reached out to touch his face and then realized that she had a needle in her arm and was receiving a transfusion. Panic quickly overcame her features as she instinctively reached for a belly with her free hand.

"The baby... my baby…John is it all right? Tell me its fine." John stared back at her, unable to speak. One look at her husband's sad demeanor told her exactly what she feared most. "It's gone, isn't it? My baby is gone." Vera spoke softly as she struggled to sit up as if she couldn't bear to receive the news lying down.

John nodded his assent, unable to look Vera in the eyes as he did so.

Seeing her husband's silent confirmation, there was a moment of silence and then a soft keening sound emerged from Vera's throat, building in strength and volume as it turned into a loud, heart wrenching wail.

"Noooooo…not my baby…my child…How? Why?" She began to weep loudly, clutching at herself as her sobs grew stronger. She began to rock back and forth as the tears poured down her cheeks, mourning the loss of her babe.

John felt helpless, not knowing what to do. He wanted to comfort her, but was unsure how or even if his attempt to console her would be accepted. He decided to reach out for Vera, and tentatively sat on the edge of the bed in order to take her in his arms.

Just before his arms started to wrap themselves around Vera's shoulders, she stiffened as if she were suddenly jolted out of her misery for a moment. "DON'T!" she hissed at John. "Don't you dare touch me! You… it is your entire fault. You are the cause of my loss. You and your temper. I remember you pushed me…you're the reason I fell. You murdered my baby. You, John Bates are a murderer! " Vera's face was red, tear streaked and swollen as she hurled that last accusation towards her husband.

John drew back in horror at Vera's words. 'Murderer'… No, that wasn't him. Or was it? His wife's cries still ringing through his head, John quickly got off the bed and headed towards the door literally running into Nurse Farrow as she responded to her patient's cries.

"Mrs. Bates, Mr. Bates, what's wrong? What happened?" Farrow partially blocked the doorway and put on her sternest professional demeanor. Turning to John she said, "What did you do to upset Mrs. Bates so?"

Too overwhelmed to reply, Vera's words still echoing in his head, John managed to push past the nurse. He couldn't bear hearing any more of Vera's aspersions cast his way. He didn't even look back as he heard the nurse rush over to calm his now hysterical wife.

His worse fears had been confirmed. She blamed him for her loss of the baby. He knew she would but had hoped against hope that she would have been able to see past her pain, see the truth and forgive him for the accident. But it wasn't to be. His marriage was broken. His wife no longer loved him. Seeing him, would become torture for her and would ever after remind her of her loss

John sat in the front room…eyes closed…gathering his thoughts…trying to figure out his next move. He didn't even notice Nurse Farrow come into the room until she cleared her throat to speak.

"Mr. Bates?" John startled when he heard her voice. "Mr. Bates, I must speak with you. I need to know what happened to Vera that caused her to lose the child. Whatever it is, I know she blames you, but would not tell me what happened. If I am to help with her recovery, I need to know the entire story. Can you talk with me now? I gave Vera a sedative and she's resting peacefully."

John sighed and nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, we can talk now, Nurse Farrow. I'll tell you what happened on condition this goes no further that the two of us." John was taking extra precaution, in case something slipped out while he was talking to Farrow. He had already made his mind up that he would give her an edited version of the truth…There was no need to name names precisely.

Nancy agreed and Bates proceeded to tell her the tale of Vera's multiple assaults, pregnancy and John's coming face to face with the assailant. John explained how this led to a fight and how he had accidentally pushed Vera aside and she had fallen. Throughout the story, Nurse Farrow shook her head and tsked and tutted her disdain towards the whole sordid affair.

"I understand now, why she said what she said to me," Farrow sighed deeply.

"What did she say?" John wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear it, but at this point there wasn't much that Vera could have said that would hurt him any further.

"She said that she hated you. And would never forgive you for what you've done. She blames you totally for the miscarriage. And I'm afraid I made it worse by confirming her question regarding having babies in the future."

John dropped his head to his hands and let out a soft moan. "Dear God… I had hoped to let her know myself at a later date. Hoped to get things better between us before telling her the rest."

Nurse Farrow placed her hand on John's shoulder. "I'm sorry Mr. Bates. Truly, I am. I had assumed that Dr. Whelan had told her. I forgot she had not regained consciousness until after I had arrived."

John graciously accepted her apology. In a way he was thankful that he hadn't been the one to have to tell Vera that final part of the tragedy.

Now his way was clear to finally track down the ultimate cause of all of his and Vera's misery… his Da.

He had a very good idea where he would find him. There was no hurry to go after him right this second. So before he left, before he hunted down his father and exacted his revenge, John decided he would make one last gesture towards reconciliation and forgiveness from his wife.

First, he opted to complete his initial intent of cleaning up the cottage this morning. Nurse Farrow watched in curiosity as John finished picking up the broken glass in the kitchen, sweeping away any remnants into the dust bin. He then went into the front room. He scooped up the cleaning utensils and scrub brush, along with the discarded clothing that he'd left on the floor last night, tossing the clothes in the laundry basket and the cleaning items in the lower cabinets in the kitchen.

Clean-up done, John returned to the kitchen to make some vegetable broth and tea for his wife, mindful of the fact that she hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday. John placed the bowl and glass on a tray, hoping this last gesture could rekindle a small spark of caring that might still exist within Vera towards him. He looked at the tray and decided it needed a bit of color. Spying a sprig of lavender in a small vase on the windowsill, John took it and placed it on the tray.

Nurse Farrow continued to watch John and wondered if she should stop him. He hadn't been there when Vera expressed her hatred towards him. He hadn't seen the hurt and the disdain behind her cold grey eyes as she vilified her husband as the source of all evil in her life. The nurse felt like she may be watching a lamb being led to the slaughter as John made his way towards his wife's bedroom.

She decided to step up and try and stop John just as he stood before Vera's door. "Mr. Bates, I don't think you should go in there right now. Vera is still despondent over her loss and holds you solely responsible. I mean, what do you hope to accomplish? It would be wiser to wait or even better to accept things as they lay for now. She's going to need time. Can't this wait?"

"Ah… well there's the rub, Nurse Farrow," John turned to face the woman. "I don't have time. You see, I'm going to find Vera's assailant today. And when I do, it will be the end of him, or the end of me. So, No… it cannot wait. This will be the last memory Vera will ever have of me. I hope someday, she'll be able to remember it and me with some fondness."

And with that being said, John turned and entered Vera's room.