"Alex, Abby is going to be here in a few minutes." Olivia said looking up from her book when she heard the door open and Alex walked in.
"I know I know." Alex said a she quickly kicked her heels off and flexed her aching ankles "Give me five minutes to change and I will be down here ready for her."
"Alex I need to talk to you first though." Olivia said standing and walking over to Alex.
"Liv is there any way this can wait till I change clothes or after Abbey leaves?" Alex asked as she headed for the stairs.
"It can't I'm sorry" Olivia said as she took Alex by the hands and lead her over to the dining room table and gently pushed her into a chair before pulling one out for herself.
"What is it?" Alex asked suddenly worried "What happened at your session today?"
"It has nothing to do with my sessions or anything like that." Olivia whispered as she took Alex's hands in hers and looked into her blue eyes.
"Then what Olivia you have me worried." Alex said searching her eyes for a hint of what was happening.
"Before you were assigned to SVU we just received random ADA's to try the cases." Olivia said hoping to ease the blow of what she was about to tell her.
"I know and they wanted someone permanent to stop the rotating door they had. That is why they created my position."
"And to keep a close eye on the rogue detectives of the 16." Olivia pointed out the obvious that Alex didn't want to say.
"Yeah that too." Alex said sighing remembering all the stories she had heard about the detectives and how she was dreading to work with them. That was until she got to know them and the cases they worked. Then she understood why they acted the way they did.
"One of those rotating ADA's was Abby Carmichael."
"Olivia I know all this and I also know she is one of the best federal prosecutors, which is why she is handling my case."
"What you don't know though." Olivia said taking a deep breath before telling Alex "Me and Abby dated briefly. Well if you want to call it dating. It was actually more along the lines of friends with benefits. None the less we were involved."
"Ok" Alex said smiling "Is there a reason you felt the urge to tell me now?"
"Because she's going to be here any minute and even though she's a professional I'm not sure if she'd say anything or not and I don't want you to think I was trying to hide anything from you."
"Olivia I'm not your first girlfriend and you're not mine. I know you have dated other women before me. Hello remember Stacia?."
"Which is why I'm telling you Alex. I tried telling you sooner but there never seemed to be a right time to tell you. I don't want what happened with Stacia happen with Abby."
"Olivia" Alex said as she leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek "I am so sorry about that incident and if I could turn back time and change it I would ok."
"Alex you don't have…" Olivia started to say but stopped when Alex placed her finger on her lips to silence her.
"Let me finish."
Olivia nodded in agreement.
"Thank you. Now as I was saying if I could change it I would. I don't want you to feel as if you have to tell me everyone you've ever been with or dated. Besides I already knew you were with her."
"Damn it Elliot." Olivia growled.
"How can you be so sure its Elliot?" Alex asked laughing.
"He was the only one who knew about us and that was by accident. She was trying a case for us at the time so we kept it under the rug."
"Until you showed up at the crime scene wearing Abby's shirt?" Alex asked standing.
"That proves it was him." Olivia said running her fingers through her hair.
"It was an accidental slip." Alex said raising Olivia's face so she could look into her eyes "He honestly didn't mean to tell me. Once the cat was out of the bag there was no capturing it."
"Are you ok with her being here?" Olivia asked
"I have no choice but to be she is prosecuting my case."
"I meant with me here, because of our history together."
"Olivia are you going to cheat on me with her?" Alex asked.
"Alex I'm NOT Jess." Olivia answered as she stood "I'm not going to cheat on you or hurt you in any way shape or form. I've told you before and I mean it I am a one woman woman. I swear to you Abby is strictly a friend and nothing more."
"I know you're not Jess" Alex whispered as she stepped into Olivia's arms and sighed "I would never feel as safe with Jess as I do with you. I want you to have your friends even those that are past lovers but I have to know that you understand my trust issue. I'm trying to work on it but it's really hard at times. I can't just forget everything I've gone through."
"I know baby and I don't expect you to forget overnight either. We will continue with what we have been doing taking it day by day ok. If you're uncomfortable with me talking with someone or having someone over let me know ok? It doesn't mean you are controlling me or anything like that but we can't talk it through if I don't know."
Alex nodded as she tried to snuggle even closer into Olivia's embrace and smiled when she felt Olivia tighten her arms around her. As much as she wanted to get the trial started and over with so she could move on with her life she wouldn't mind Abby not starting tonight simply so she could stay in Olivia's arms like she was at the moment.
"Alex" Olivia whispered as she kissed her on the head "Abby should be here any second and you wanted to change before she arrived."
"Can you call her and tell her to come over tomorrow instead." Alex mumbled into Olivia's shoulder.
"Alex you know as well as I do." Olivia said pulling away from Alex to look at her "That the sooner you face your attacker and put them behind bars the sooner you start to heal. We tell victims that all the time. You yourself tell them that when they are hesitant to testify."
"I know. I just never realized how hard it is to relive something over and over again."
"Until now?"
"Yeah until I had to do it. I always gave them the speech that I understood how hard it was and how they could seem embarrassed about what happened but I never really understood it till now. And now I feel like such a hypocrite."
"Alex you're not a hypocrite. We all say what we need to say to the victim to get them to testify. It's not only for that conviction but to get the scum of the earth off the streets and prevent it from happening to someone else."
"You want to know what I think is really hurting me the most?"
"Everyone will know."
"Yeah how did you know?"
"Alex most of the time that victims don't come forward its because they don't want anyone to know. They are terrified that people will start treating them different or giving them looks. Their biggest fear, which I'm sure is yours, is that people will think they asked for it."
"How do you stop them? How do you get them to change their mind?"
"You don't. You tell them the facts and hope that they will see the truth. That's all you can do."
"It doesn't get any easier does it?'
"Alex I will not lie to you. The easiest you are going to have it is telling Abby. The hardest you're going to have it is telling a courtroom full of strangers what happened to you. But I promise you I will be with you every step of the way. You will no longer go through this alone."
"I see why you are so good at your job." Alex said with a smile.
"I'm good because I know what the victims feel and think. I know it because I lived with it every day of my life. If I can stop one person from having to go through the hell that my mother went through on a daily basis then I've done something with my life."
"Olivia Benson believe me when I say you make a difference even when you don't think you do." Alex whispered as she leaned up and placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth "I'm going to run upstairs and change quickly before Abby gets here. Please tell her to make herself at home if she gets here before I make it back down. Whatever you do play nice."
"Yes dear." Olivia said in a mocking tone as she watched Alex walk up the stairs.
A/N: Three updates in three days. I'm on a roll. I want to thank everyone for the reviews of the last few chapters and the patience you show me when it takes me a while to update. You guys are the best.