"Does that happen often?" Abby asked once she was able to calm her racing heart and knew she could talk normally.
"It hasn't been that bad since the first injury." Alex said never taking her eyes from the direction that Olivia went in "She's lost her temper twice since she was reinjured but nothing like this."
"Alex I have to know has she ever laid a hand on you?"
"Abigail Carmichael how dare you ask that question, you know Olivia."
"Yeah I do and the Olivia I know would have never done that. So I will ask you again has she ever laid a hand on you?"
"No she hasn't." Alex said walking toward the stairs stopping long enough to look at Abby "Even at her worse I have never feared her and believe me when I say it has been worse than this. My walls have been on the receiving end of her anger more times than either of us care to admit and I have lost a whole set of glasses. But not once have I ever been on the receiving end or worried about being on the receiving end. Even though her outbursts caused me to have flashbacks somewhere somehow I knew I was safe with her. I think that terrifies me more than her actual outbursts because the last person I trusted like that, hurt me. She degraded me and humiliated me in ways I don't ever want to repeat but know I will have to in court. But that is for another day right now I'm going to go up there and talk to and calm Olivia. You Abby will show yourself out."
"Alex we need to finish though."
"Not tonight we don't" Alex said as she continued on her way to Olivia "You can come back tomorrow and we will continue it but as of right now we are finished."
"Alex the sooner we finish this the better."
"I'm guessing you're not understanding me" Alex said in her courtroom voice that left no room for argument "I'm about to go upstairs and have a discussion with Olivia I never wanted to have. I pray that she will still want to give me a chance after she hears everything although to be honest I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. You can come back tomorrow and finish this discussion because there is no way in hell I'm going to tell you before I tell her. So show yourself out and I will see you tomorrow."
Abby sighed knowing that when Alex got like this there was no stopping her. She also knew that the two women needed to have this discussion but was actually scared for Alex. She quickly gathered her belongings and began dialing Stabler's number on her way out the door.
"Liv it's me" Alex called out to the closed door after knocking several times and receiving no answer "Can I come in please?"
"It's your house Alex" Olivia said when she finally opened the door and started walking back toward the bed "You can enter any room you want."
"But this is your room and I won't do that to you." Alex said as she exhaled a breath she didn't realize she had been holding when she didn't see Olivia's suitcase on the bed being packed. A quick glance around the room told her everything was still in its proper place.
"Where's Abby? Shouldn't you be down there finishing with her?"
"I sent Abby packing and told her she could come back tomorrow. Meanwhile we need to have a talk." Alex said sitting on the edge of Olivia's bed.
"No you don't Alex. You can have this talk when you're ready and if that happens to be never that's fine ok."
"That means a lot to me believe me." Alex said reaching out for Olivia, smiling when Olivia readily took her hand "But you have a right to know and you need to know before anyone else. I will not have you discovering this at court."
"Only if you're sure."
"You know about the first time she raped me. All the detectives do." Alex said closing her eyes to fight the tears that were threatening to fall "You know it became common after that as well."
Olivia simply nodded in agreement.
"What you don't know was the different ways she degraded me."
"Alex you don't…"
"Yes I do and please Olivia let me say this. If you want to walk away when I am finished I will not blame you."
Olivia clenched her jaw hearing Alex say that. For Alex to think she would walk away after she told her something let her know exactly how bad it was.
"She seemed to really get off on raping me, especially if I was tied to the bed. Majority of the times when she was finished she would crawl up me and umm" Alex looked away ashamed of what she was about to say "She would force me to umm perform Oral sex on the toy lets say. Sometimes to the point where she would gag me and one time I vomited. That night she was so pissed she forced it in my throat and tied it in place. Told me I had to hold it there till I could learn to take it all in my mouth. Every time I would start gagging she would smack me and push it deeper in my throat. You know when she would finally pull it out she would lean down and whisper in my ear "You see how bad you taste. That's why I can't stand to go down on you." Once I seemed to learn how to control my gag reflex it seemed to piss her off. So she would start by raping me then removing the toy and tying it into place in my mouth and then pull out a larger dildo and rape me all over again. This time as I screamed I would gag on the toy. The smile she got on her face when she did that made my blood run cold."
"Alex" Olivia whispered as she tried to pull her into her arms but stopped when Alex shook her head no.
"Most weekends when I was off she would tie me to the bed and leave me there for hours on in. She did that so she could have her way when she pleased. I couldn't tell you how many times I woke up with her on top of me. She would laugh and tell me it was better when I was asleep. One night I woke up to her raping me. What I didn't realize at the time though she had someone in the room watching it. I didn't know until she pulled out and got off me. Then they stepped forward and umm well" Alex blew out a breath as the tears fell freely on her face "Jess told her to take what she wanted and she did. I begged her not to but she just laughed as she pushed into me. I will say she was easier than Jess. When she finished and pulled out of me she thanked me as she left. Thanked me, like I was a hooker or something."
Alex wiped the tears from her face before continuing "After that I could hear them downstairs having sex. It was like they were intentionally being loud. Then they came back up and forced me to clean them both off. The other girl told me that was some of the best sex her and Jess ever had. It was the wettest she had ever seen her when she fucked her. Maybe the next time we could do a threesome."
"They made you" Olivia stated hating where this conversation was heading
"I didn't have a choice although Jess was so proud of my performance that she gave me a break for a couple of weeks. I found out later it was because she wanted it nice and rested for our threesome. I was once again tied to the bed as before except this time. While one used a strap-on on me the other forced me to, they would , ummm…"
"Forced you to pleasure them with your mouth." Olivia said understanding what Alex was saying
"Yes."
"OK"
"Unlike the last time though I was untied halfway through because the other female decided she wanted me to ride her. I had to ride her as I umm…"
"Alex listen if you don't want to tell me you don't have to. It is ok."
"You deserve to know Olivia." Alex said finally meeting Olivia's eyes since starting "I had to pleasure her by giving her a blow job as I rode her friend. When we were finished I was locked in the bedroom while they went to the next room. I could hear them for hours. After that Jess pretty much took what she wanted when she wanted. It was worse than before. She began choking me till I passed out while raping me. She also bought a harness that would keep the vibrator in me. She loved to push it all the way in turn it on high then force me to put the harness on to hold it in place. She would laugh as she forced me to do things with it on. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep from having orgasms at times."
"Having an orgasm does not excuse it as rape or mean that you wanted it."
"I know, but the more times I had an orgasm the more I started to think I deserved it. If I didn't I wouldn't have orgasms right. She would always point that out to me as well. Said it was one more reminder of how I was a slut. You know I can still hear her laugh in my sleep at times. It was so cold."
"So" Alex said standing slowly making her way to the door too scared to look at Olivia. She stopped and hung her head before continuing "There you go. You now know everything. She has forced me to watch her with another woman, allowed another woman to help herself, forced me to have a threesome and was able to make me to orgasm even though I fought it. She choked me, gagged me, tied me up, and beat me on a regular basis. Every bit of it I deserved because I was stupid enough to believe that she would never hurt me again after that first time."
"Stop" Olivia said as she carefully placed her hand on Alex's shoulder to keep her from leaving "You are far from stupid and never once did you deserve what she did to you."
"Olivia who are we kidding I asked for it. Had I never taken her back I would have never been raped and beaten on a regular basis. Your life would have never been in jeopardy. You would have never been shot not once but twice and never would have suffered the head injury that you did. So yeah I asked for every bit of it but I never meant for you to be hurt I swear to you. Now that you know everything believe me when I say I won't blame you if you walked away now. Actually I know its best cause god knows I'll never be a normal girlfriend. I will call Elliot and have him come and get you. You don't have to worry about your medical expenses or your bills. I will continue to pay them and I do not want or expect you to repay me."
"Excuse me I get a say in this." Olivia argued.
"Not this time." Alex cried "You deserve the best and I'm not it. I know you will stay if for no other reason than to avoid hurting me. You don't deserve that. So please pack your bags and I'll have Elliot over here in no time."
Olivia opened her mouth to argue more but was too shocked to say anything as she watched Alex walk down the hall and shut her door.
A/N: Just when you didn't think you could possibly hate Jess anymore than what you do already you discover a whole neew level of hate for her.