Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER
Chapter 3: McDonalds
In case you forget where we last left off, Bill was about to fight Specimen 9, Dipper and Pacifica were trapped in a room by Specimen 10 and Specimen 4 was coming after them, and Mabel was speaking with .GIFFany.
Let's start with the least interesting of the three: Dipper abouting to die.
"Okay, we need to plan, fast!" Shouted Dipper to Pacifist.
"Really fast because I'm in the same damn room as you and I want to eat you." Said Specimen 4.
"Through the vents!" Pacifica cried and she went inside a vent that was there and Dipper was like "What? Oh..." and then followed. Spedimen 4 didn't seem to really care or chase after them faster. She put her hands to her hips and went "Well, I'm just gonna take my time and chase after you. A reminder that I can go through walls."
Pacifica and Dipper were metal Gearing through the vent and Pacifica snickered.
"Hey Dipper. Are you bnack there?"
"Yes."
"I wonder if Spooky didn't plan us to go in the vents like this. Did she? If she didn't ,it's kind of like we're breaking the way the house should go."
"These little 'areas' that we find the Specimen are all kind of their own things, so it's like this can only link to other areas in the same factory. I mean, the doors going from one building to another is already pretty weird."
The air vent thingy broke and Pacifica fell, Dipper was like "Hey how did you fall- AHHH!" because he didn't realize it at the time.
So anyway, they were in a new room with the exit right there...
"Hold it right there!"
It was 4 again! Crossing her arms being like "Really did you think it would be that easy?"
Meanwhile Bill actually successfully managed to punch Specimen 9 in the face and sent him flying foreward, breaking a lot of holes in the mansion. 9 Also just so happened to end up being flown right through where Dipper and Pacifica were. Bill floated through the hole he just broke and looked around.
"Okay... so Spooky, if I kill them can I also leave? Is that a thing?" He asked. "Or is it just Mabel? Please don't try to pull legal lawyer crap on me with exact words, I'm an expert on that."
"...Okay sure." Said Spooky. "Kill any of those kids to get out. Normally I would not like you for attacking a specimen like that, but were trying to get rid of 9 for, like, years now. He's really annoying and I hate him."
"baaaaaaa..." Said Specimen 9.
"SHUT UP!"
"No fuck you I'm gonna keep living here without rent no matter how much and how many attempts you make at destroying me. In exchange I otherwise act like a loyal fighter."
Spooky looked annoyed. "Well... making my problems kill each-other, like Bill and those kids, works with a lot of evil fun and weapon training, so why not also Through Spec 9 on the line? Kill him and I'll free you all. I guess."
"Oh cool!" Said Pacifica.
But then she also took Dipper's hand and they ran together off to a new spot, away from where Bill was throwing lasers.
The next area they landed in was like McDonalds. Of course, the title of this chapter should have given away in SOME way that McDonalds would be involved somehow.
"Welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?" Said a worker there.
"Um yeah." Dipper replied. "What's on the menu?"
"Well we just got a new arrival of McBoy and McGirl, which are sub-dishes of our McHuman."
"You sound like a cannibal."
"Dipper," said Pacifica, "Look closely."
It was actually Specimen 11! He just had a McDonalds hat on as a disguise! Pacifica swatted off the hat and then Dipper realized that it was a demon thing!
"Yeah I'm gonna have to butcher you right now."
He grabbed one of those meat cleavers but then went "Wait I don't need one of these I can just zip them to my Meat Dimension..." and just kind of lept over the counter to try chasing after the two.
They both went "AHHH!" but Pacifica was like "Wait a minute! I can use the meat cleaver against him!"
She kind of just slashed at him and it was a little like Star Wars and just actually any sword fighting scene. Then Pacifica went "Dipper get your ass over here and help me fight this meat demon!"
Dipper looked around for a while and saw one of those hooks that you could use to I guess put the giant things of meat up. He simply just grabbed Specimen 11 by the horns and kind of hung him up on that.
"HA!" Dipper shouted. "Got you!"
Specimen 11 got angry! He shouted, "YOU MAY HAVE THE SPIRIT OF MEAT, BUT CAN YOU CONTAIN... THE SPIRIT OF MCDONALDS?"
Then creepy clown music began playing.
"What the hell?" Asked Dipper.
"What the hell?" Asked Pacifica.
"What the fuck?" Asked Specimen 12, actually Spec 12 was the house so that guy trhat Specimen 12 was possessing stuck his head in to say that. Also, I guess it makes sense if the house of Specimen 12 itself said that too.
"Mwah ha ha ha ha!" Said 11, "I actually have a powerful force on my side that will surely completely fuck you over! Say hello to... CREEPYPASTA RONALD MC DONALD!"
A backwards version of the McDonalds theme (AN whatever that sounds like... (I'm not asking for the backwards version, I mean I'm even really sure what's the McDonalds theme it's just "I'm loving it" right?)) began playing, and suddenly shadows began to form from around everywhere. The guy Specimen 12 was possessing looked around and was really weirded out and all.
"I'll give you a 'happy meal' all right if you know what I mean..." Said a voice from the shadows.
"...Actually, I'll let you in on a secret." Said Speimen 11. "Creepypasta Ronald McDonald and I aren't exactly friends. He might even try to do something with me."
So then CRMD (I don't like typing out his full name every time I'll just call him that) stepped out and... he looked like Ronald, only black. I mean not in the racist way, like basically to Ronald what Dark Link is to Link. A shadow version. With red eyes.
"Hyuh hyuh hyuh! Hi kids!" CRMD said. "Prepare to d-d-die a delicious McDeath!"
"You'll get cursed if you say the name of that play." Said Dipper.
"No, that's MacBeth. Not McDeath."
Now he was cursed!
"Oh... clever plan Dipper." Said Pacifica. "You're actually cool now."
"What plan? I was just fact-checking."
"Oh then nevermind."
Specimen 9 knocked on the door (with his feet, he doesn't have hands in that form. Hey, it's not as dumb as him hitting his head on the door although since he's this red skull thing that would actually be kind of funny.)
"Hey bro I heard someone was cursed. The reality is that I can escape this building, and I do so to attack people that get cursed by saying MacBeth- aw shit."
He hit his head against the door several times going "Ow" each time. Oh wait, now he's hiting his head.
"Sorry, gotta not be a hypocrite and fulfull the cursing of myself. I also hate hypocrites. anyway, can I come in?"
"PLEASE!" Shouted Dipper.
Specim,en 9 did, but Pacifica got an idea.
"Hey wait a minute! You can leave... can you get us out of here?"
"Technically, but why the hell would I want to do that? Fun fact, I'm pretty much the only specimen that actually worships Spooky, even though she tried to kill me. Yeah... ironic, isn't it? Anyway, hey, dark clown guy. I'm here to fight you."
Then Creepypasta Ronald McDonald shot out BLOOS LASERS! or something. No wait, McBlood Lasesr! This had very little effect on Specimen 9.
"McGo Away." Said CRMD.
Specimen 9 just rushed over to CRMD but then CRMD just punched him in the face. 9 flew like really far back.
"OW! Okay, curse over."
"No!" Shouted Pacifica. "We should actually save him! Because he may be our key to getting out!"
"...What really?" Asked Dipper. "He's a scary red skull mosnter!"
"Would you rather be stuck here forever?" She asked.
"Um, you guys could hang out in my place instead..." Said Specimen 11.
"FUCK YOU!" Pacifica shouted back.
"Also, we're already doing that." Added Dipper.
Specimen 11 was about to correct by going "The red maze is actually my pla-" But Pacifica was already in ass-kicking mode. It was a lot like her normal mode, except with more asswhoop involved. So she grabbed Specimen 11 and kicked him in the ass a few times, and then CRMD kicked him in the face. But Pacifica was ready to take on CRMD.
But then the ceiling broke and Mabel fell down there.
"AND THEN SUDDENLY MABEL!" She shouted. ...I kind of want this to be a running gag sort of like how Bender from Futurama (AN that's a great show, watch it) keeps saying "I'm back baby!"
"Mabel!" Dipper cried. "How did you get here?"
"Well, it's a funny story. You see, I was having a tea party or something with Giffany..." she still doesn't know how to spell her name...
(Flashback)
So anyway, Mabel was just sort of trying to hang out and I think in the last chapter .GIFfany was offering some sort of truce? I don't know, I didn't look there.
"Maybe if we work together or something... let's just do a deal-"
"So let's try to get out!" Said Mabel. "It's settled!"
Anyway, .GIFfany snapped her fingers and her index one sparked, then it kind of gave off this pink flame and looked like a blow torch. Even she looked a bit surprised at that.
"...I was just playing around. I had no idea I could do that.
"By the way," continued .GIFfany, "I want something in return."
"I think I already know what it is."
"I wanna have a four way with Soos, Rumble, and Soos's cute chubby girlfriend. I only hated her because Soos left me because of her, but if all three of them like me then there's no problem with that!"
"I was only one-third right. I thought you wanted to be back with Soos."
"...Wow. I thought you would have thought I would like to be with Rumble. I guess you had lower standards than I thought, but you thought I was thinking of higher standers."
"Okay. Well, I promise I could get that delivered SOMEHOW." Said Mabel, putting a hand to her chin as she thought of how. "I AM factually a great matchmaker so that can help!"
.GIFfany laughed. "That was half of a joke suggestion, but if you really think you can do that then that is okay!"
"You of al people don't mind an open relationship?"
"Motherfucker, only if I'm in the center. I want a lot of people paying attention to me! and not have to compete with other people for their attention! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"
"...Well you look cute, and the thought of you and Soos as a couple might look cute. And looking cute is all that matters to a relationship. At least, that's my logic and fan fiction logic. If you show me enough cute fanart then I'm immdiately swayed. You'll be my OT4."
And yes, can you think of any Gravity Falls OT4s? I don't think so! Well, maybe if Stancest and McGucket and possiblt Soos were to all - OKAY THAT WAS A TERRIBLE MENTAL IMAGE I NEED BRAINBLEACH! My mind drifts towards pairings/threeairings/fourairings bathing together and that's... no.
Anyway, as to how Mabel ended up above McDonalds.
We see Mabel and .GIFfany crawling through the vents.
"Okay now I'll just try to cut this here." Said .GIFFany.
"Say," said Mabel, "Remind me why you can't just cut through the walls and get us out of there?"
"There's actually a sort of invisible wall around the place."
"Oh, right, got it."
So .GIFfany used some spark blowtorch thingy and carved a hole in the bottom of the vent. Around Mabel.
So that's how she fell in.
"Wait." Said Dipper. "Does that mean that .GIffany is-"
Then she fell down too. And her skirt flipped over and showed her white panties, which also because the skirt completely inverted and she landed on Dipper, were on Dipper right now (her ass was on Dipper) as she looked dizzy.
"FUDGE!" Dipper shouted.
"Well, now they can help us with Creepypasta Ronald McDonald."
"Wait wait wiat what?" Asked Mabel. "I thought Ronald was a good guy!"
"He is. I'm some edgy clone or evil brother something of him." CRMD shrugged. "I duno, my creator wasn't really clear on that and said that it was 'up to speculation' or something like that."
.GIFfany just zapped him with lightning.
"OW!"
"See?" She asked. "I can be a good ally! Now let me ju-"
Bill marched in to the room and CRMD was like "Oh god now what?"
"SPECIMEN 9!" He shouted with a pointing finging. "WE STILL HAVE SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS TO HANDLE WITH!"
"Hey I was just here for a curse there's too many peopl here and I like working alone." "By that I mean I don't even like working when other people who oppose me are around, which is kind of lazy-sounding if I put it that way... either way, I want to go back to Spooky now evne though she's trying to kill me. It's a complicated relationship, again. Let's do this solo, one against one."
"OH YOU FUCKING BET! ONE ON ONE FUCKER! LET'S DO THIS!"
So they both just walked out of the room. CRMD looked at Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, and .GIFfany.
"So uh... I don't even know any more. I guess I'm gonna fight now? I don't really know who that red guy and that triangle guy were, but now they're gone so... uh... also, pink hair and sweater girl, should I fight you too two?"
"If you're gonna challenge my brother, then you'll have to challenge me!" Mabel offered.
.FIGfany shrugged. "It is not like I have anything else to do... sure! I want to join in."
So then let's put this chapter near its end, CRMD summoned the following because I want each of these people to sort-of taken them on one-on-one: The Hamburglar, Birdie the Bird, and that purple guy who showed up in an old Donald Trump commerical. But they were all black and red (I guess the purple guy was now also not purple anymore; ACTUALLY WAIT! Why the fuck aren't creepypasta using purple? That's also an evil color. I mean, look at the Corruption in Terraria and evil biomes in Dwarf Fortress. So you know what? These guys are RED AND PURPLE. Throw some variety in there!) There's no fourth because CRMD himself is going to fight. In a way he's the forth. Or maybe he's the first and the others are the second, third... you get the idea.
"Okay that just looks silly." Said Specimen 11.
"SCREW YOU THEY HAVE BLOOD! AND THEY JUMP SCARE! AND IT'S A KIDS THING TURNED IN TO AN ADULT THING!" Shouted CRMND. "IT'S SCARY!"
"...'Adult thing' that's kind of what 12 year olds who play too much Call of Duty find scary. I think don't most adults would be scared at that. They're scared of things like losing their jobs."
"Oh yeah?" CRMD put his hands on his hips. "How many people work at McDonalds?"
"Well theiir signs say 99 billion so I'd assume that." Answered 11.
"And maybe this could be said to be inspired by nightmares of them being trapped in their jobs? Yeah, I'll trap these three kids and one adult and bake them in to burgers anfd stuff. Maybe I'll be powerful enough to break out of here just like that red asshole and sell them unknowingly as burgers and 'chicken.'"
"Hey!" Said Dipper. "I'm not a kid, I'm a man! Almost a teenager, at that!"
"...No you're not, kid. You really, really aren't. You're a boy, not a man."
"...Okay maybe I was pushing that a bit. I mjean, I am still 12 after all. We had an entire epsiode about that. And another one about me not growing up too fast, although then again that one comes MUCH later after right now so it didn't happen in this fic's world."
ANYWAY! So CRMD and his gang (crew? band? what are they called? just characters?) charged forth and started fighting! Dipper was in a slap fight with Birdie, while Mabel grabbed Purple Guy by the head and bashed on it. .GIFfany actually looked bored, she zapped Hamburgular and he was knocked out. Pacifica... just stabbed CRMD himself with the axe from Specimen 8 and that was over.
"Oh shit out leader is dead." Said Grimace. (THAT'S his name! Thank yuou, Wikipedia!)
"I'm not DEAD, I'm dyING!" said CRMD. "There's a difference! Anyway, would it make me sound more scary if I told you that these things were actually the tortured hell-souls when I murdered the original McDonalds crew, that's why they stopped showing up in adds and stuff and also why they're corrupted-looking but I'm corrupted-looking because I'm an evil hell beast?"
"...No." Said Dipper.
"WEll good because that's not the truth. But bad because I couldn't spook you with my awesome story. Now I'm dead now. Ack!" He said as his eyes became Xs.
"...Now what?" Asked Birdie, but Dipper just punched her in the face.
"Now we leave." Dipper said. "We're so close!"
So they bolted off, but Birdie and Grimace both bolted off, with the forming shouting "After them!" but then both of them were grabbed on the shoulder by Specimen 11.
"Heh heh heh..." he said, "Remember those bad terms I was on with CRMD? Well, I'm assuming that his minions are weaker..."
Then they were both teleported to that red dimension thingy! And Specimen 11 was heard laughing...
So the McDonalds part was over, but now there's that thing you might find annoying in pretty much ass SBIG stories after (or even during? I can't remember) Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals where I link up this one fic to another. Here's the spooky linking thing: Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, and .GIFfany eventually came across a giant monitor reading "REINCARNATION CURSE?" (yes, the question mark was part of the name) actually it was six monitors divided in to colors and it had a lot of buttons, mostly symbols - a lot of them zodiacs in different colors. However, there was also things like some green slimer and a blue atom, and this snowflake-arrangement of a green trio of swirls, a red flame, a blue snowflake (yeah snowflake within a snowflake), an orange yin-yang, and the purple and yellow Shadow and Light signs from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. In the middle was a light azure thing that looked like a simplified bullet. And arround all of that was a rainbow of buttons, like over three hundred in total in a circle.
This was also a pretty fucking huge room if you couldn't tell. One thing was of note: a copy of some video game. Dipper picked it up.
"Ed, Edd n Eddy: The Mis-Edventures?" He asked.
.GIFfany gasped at that name and swatted the game out of his hands.
"Ow!" He shouted. "What was that for? Be careful, that almost felt so strong it could tkae that hand OFF!"
"That game is really something very bad! Worse than me!" Said .GIFfany. She noticed something on the box and flipped it over. "Oh wow. Even these guys think it might be what they are looking for for a 'Specimen 14.' They say possible."
"So we know there's only thirteen of these cloiwns total!" Cheered Mabel. "Cool! And that McDonalds guy was just 11! We're close!"
Dipper looked around. "Hey though, this is interesting. Let's see what these machines are."
"Just don't touch that gmae..." Remarked .GIFfany, pointing to EENE: TME (Ed, Edd n Eddy: The Mis-Edventures. You should probably remember that acrynym, I'll use it a lot).
Mabel was actually just pressing buttons around randomly, going all "Boop boop!" and stuff.
"Hey, Mabel, wait you could fuck something up!" Shouted Dipper.
He then looked at the monitor and showed that it showed some olive green leo symbol, then what looks like Homer Simpson's head in ASCII, then "Confirmation: Life Span Tied." written in green.
"What did you just do?" Dipper asked.
"I dunno. I think I gave a green sperm the life of some Homer Simpson?"
"We still don't understand that. Uh... .GIFfany, can you jump in that machine?"
She made a face kind of like a two year-old given food they didn't want to eat. Like VegetaBles.
"...I really don't want to."
"But-"
"What if it gives me... uh... video game diarreah?"
"Do you even shit?" Dipper suddenly realized what a really bizarre question that was.
"I could if I was infected by that thing. Again, it sounds like really creepy magic."
"OR it could also give you the power to leave canon and meta-retcon the entire timeline as you wish, so you could go back in time and save us all in case it seems like we're all going to die!" Cheered Mabel.
"...That would be really stupid." Siad .GIFfany.
"...Yeah you're right. Forget I got that idea."
Anyway, Dipper was flipping around with the giant monitors. He first flipped on the orange screen and it just showed some giant spider monster in the cave about to eat someone screaming. Dipper looked bored.
"Must be another specimen." He said.
But then he flipped to the yellow screen (cutting the orange one off, he does this for the other monitors too) and if he was drinking something he would have spat it out like a machine gun: It showed Soos! (And I promise he won't take up the plot a bit like he occasionally does in Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage). The green showed Stan... the blue showed some guy in a completely covering black suit in a weird vortexy dimension with a ray gun fighting demons, the purple showed Melody, and the red... showed the room itself, which Dipper really thought was interesting.
"Oh hey... I'm part of this?" He asked.
But because the camera was recording the room itself it made an infinite mirror thingy and that just caused the whole machine to explode.
"Well then, shit." Said Dipper. "I guess we're leaving that and going on-"
The next door was blocked by some spooky vine stuff. Like in Luigi's Mansion when the doors were locked. And also, there was the sound of water dripping.
Suddenly Specimens 4 AND 13 appeared!
"Shoot." Said Mabel.
"Shit." Said Dipper.
"Fuck said Pacifica."
"Boobies!" .GIFfany cheered.
Closing AN:
I have some very mixed feelings about this chapter. On one hand, it has some things I enjoyed. On the other hand... I kind of boxed myself in with this "make this exactly five chapters..." then again the more I think of it, the more that I feel that - in regards to SBIG, certainly not my "main" fics (which makes a lot of sense seeing the "intentionally badly written" element and everything) - that making myself kind of have to fill-in a sort of vague, indefinite length guideline actually kind of helps the creativity going. And not making it like... I would say, Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals, where things were planned out a bit more, but only by chapter number so there was just a lot of weird filler. I guess maybe the solution in general is just a vague concept that I kind of work on while I write, and not worrying too much about planning things ahead unless I feel like it would actually fill in those last few chapters. Or... something, I don't know.
Like I said. My feelings about this chapter are mixed.