Touch My Heart - Chapter 19
A/N: Hey guys! Just wanted to check in with you and explain a few things about this chapter. So basically, this is the first part is about Alex and Will. It's starts with the outcome of the last chapter and leaps 2 weeks into the future to them both getting ready for prom. The next chapter will be the same, but it will be Sonny and Joey who will explain their outcome and them getting ready for prom. I hope this isn't confusing anyone! If any questions, feel free to PM me and ask away. I love to know what you all think! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, because writing it was a blast. Thanks to Jen (Rescuemama2007) once again for writing Will's getting ready for prom and her Beta services! Love you all! - Roxy!
(Alex's POV)
My father waited patiently until everyone left the room before he started asking questions. He seemed a bit calmer than he was earlier. But I was pretty sure he was still very angry about the way we all behaved towards each other, and I could see by the look on his face that he was disappointed in us. Or maybe I should say in me, which sounded more fitting at the moment.
It wasn't the first time that Joey and I got into a fight, because that's what brothers do. They fight, and then they make up. However, after the way Joey and I spoke to each other tonight, I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to go back to the way things used to be between us.
I looked up at my father feeling shamefully embarrassed. "Dad, I'm sorry for screaming at you earlier. I had no right to say those things to you and I am very, truly sorry for the way I acted." I admitted and immediately lowered my eyes down onto the table, not able to look my father in the eyes.
"Well, son...as much as I would love to tell you that all is well and forgiven, I'm afraid I won't be able to do that until you explain to me what went down here tonight. Your behavior towards me was very disrespectful, Alex, and I'm going to need more than an apology here." My dad was right. I've never once in my life raised my voice at him even when we didn't agree or see eye to eye on something. I can't even imagine how he must be feeling at the moment, how disappointed in me he must be.
Deep down inside, I knew that there was only one solution to make things right with my father, and that would be by coming clean and telling him everything that's been going on in my life over the last few weeks. But still, I worried. Even if my father knew that something happened between me and Chad tonight (no thanks to Joey's for sticking his nose where it didn't belong), I wasn't one hundred percent sure my father was prepared for what I was about to tell him. I knew that telling him would lead to questions. Questions that I might not be fully prepared to answer.
"I think that's fair considering the way I treated you tonight, dad." I agreed.
"Look, Alex, you've got to understand where I'm coming from here and that I'm not doing this to hurt you-" Dad started saying, but I quickly cut him off.
"I know, dad. And like I said, I truly am sorry for disrespecting you earlier, and I promise you that it won't ever happen again...I swear!"
"I don't doubt that at all, son. But as a father who loves you very much, I have to ask you if your involvement with Chad DiMera has anything to do with your recent unacceptable behavior? I've noticed a change in you over last few weeks, and to tell you the truth, I'm worried about you, Alex. I've never seen you act out and be so disrespectful with anyone, including myself. Which leads me to be believe that he might be the cause of these outbursts."
"Chad has nothing to do with it, dad. Chad's been nothing but a good friend to me through all of this." I quickly came to Chad's defense.
"And by 'all of this' you mean?" My father questioned.
I knew the question was coming and I promised myself that I would do my best to answer it truthfully. If only I knew how to begin.
"Everyone's gone, Alex. It's just you and me kiddo," Dad pointed out with a smile, "and when you're ready to start talking, I'll be here ready to listen to whatever it is you have to say."
With a defeated sigh, I started. "Dad, have you ever been confused about having feelings for someone?" I asked and waited for my dad's reply.
"What do you mean by confused? Is this about Chad? I'll be honest and tell you that I never saw that one coming. Not in a million years."
"Neither did I," I admitted and smiled a little. "But that's not the reason I've been so distant these past couple of weeks."
"Okay, then what is it? You know you can tell me anything, Alex. I'm just trying to understand what's going on here." My dad was trying to be very supportive.
I nodded. "I know, dad. I'm just not sure where to start."
"How about at the beginning?" Dad suggested, and so I did.
"It all started a few weeks ago when Will came out to the entire school about his relationship with Sonny. It happened at a time when I was very confused about my feelings, and seeing the look on Sonny's face when Will kissed him in the hallway in front of everyone...God! It made me so angry."
"Angry?" Dad looked confused. "Why would that make you angry?"
"I was angry because Sonny had something that I thought I would never have."
"And what might that be?"
"Will. Sonny had Will and I had no one." My eyes started tearing up at that point. "And that's when I realized that I might have feelings for Will."
"Oh, Alex. I had no idea." My dad gave me a sympathetic look.
"At first, I tried to brush it off and pretend that everything was fine. I kept making up excuses when Will asked me if I needed a ride or if I wanted to hang out with them. But after a while, it became too much for me to handle. I kinda blew up after keeping this bottled up inside for over two weeks while working on the year book at school, and that's when Chad entered the picture."
"How did Chad find out?"
"Well, it happened when I stumbled upon Will's pictures for the year book. I became so angry and before I knew it, I threw the pictures across the room just as Chad happened to be walking by the student council office."
"I see, so this is when you told Chad about your feelings for Will?"
"No, not exactly. You see, Chad kinda figured it out on his own and called me on it. He tried to persuade me into talking to Will, but I shot him down completely and refused to even consider it. That's when Chad followed me into the square and insisted we talk about it. Chad was worried that I would somehow screw things up for Will and Sonny, but you have to believe me dad, I would never do anything to hurt Sonny."
"Alex, I know that you would never do anything to hurt your brother. So, what happened after your talk with Chad at the square?"
"Well, after Chad and I talked, I decided to not tell Will about my supposed feelings for him, and I told Chad to leave me alone. But Chad made it very clear that he wasn't about to drop it anytime soon and made it his number one priority to make my life a living hell."
Dad laughed. "It's only fitting. He is a DiMera, Alex."
"Yeah, tell me about it! He can be such an asshole sometimes," I shared a quick laugh with my father and continued, "anyway, after that night, Chad and I didn't speak for over a week. I kept avoiding him all at costs. I even found myself hiding at school because I didn't want to see him. Then one day, we bumped into each other and Chad asked me if I wanted to hang out. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, with him being Will's best friend and all. But somehow, Chad managed to find a way and convince me that he wouldn't talk about what happened that night, if I agreed to have coffee with him and hang out. So I took the bait. That's when I started sneaking around behind everyone's backs. I didn't want Will or anyone to find out that Chad and I were hanging out together because I knew that if they did, that it would only lead to suspicion and to questions. So, at the time, lying seemed to be the only option we had."
"I can understand that, Alex. It must have been hard."
"It was hard, and things just kept getting harder from that day on, which is probably when Will and Joey started getting suspicious. Chad kept having to brush Will off because we were hanging out and Joey kept snooping around my room and asking questions. Which leads us to what happened here tonight. When Chad and I were together talking, it just became too much for me to handle when Chad started asking more questions about my sexuality and if I was going to talk to Will about my feelings for him. When I left, I was very angry and I needed some time to cool off. Chad kept on texting me and calling me, leaving messages saying that he was sorry for pushing me and that he he was sorry. I turned my phone off and came home and went straight to my room. Chad on the other hand decided to come here and check up on me because I wouldn't answer his calls or texts. Then one thing lead to another and suddenly we were making out on my bed when Joey walked in."
"Okay, but what about your feelings for Will?"
"Chad helped me realize that I don't have true feelings for Will. My feelings towards Will were nothing more than jealousy. I was jealous of his and Sonny's relationship and nothing more." I answered my dad truthfully.
"So, does that mean that you and Chad are together now?" Dad questioned, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what to tell him. Chad and I decided that the two of us needed to get everything out in the open before discussing our relationship. If you can even call it that.
"I have no idea what we are. This sorta just happened unexpectedly. I wasn't planning on starting a relationship with anyone before leaving for university."
"I can understand that, son. It's not easy leaving someone you love behind." Dad paused for a second before he continued. "How do you feel about Chad? Do you love him?"
"What? Love? No...Are you insane? I barely even know the guy, dad." My reaction to my dad's question might have been a little out there, but asking me if I loved Chad kinda caught me off guard, because I wasn't sure what my feelings were for Chad.
Dad chuckled. "I'm sorry if I was a little straight forward with the question, Alex. I'm just a little overwhelmed and trying to be supportive. It's just..." My dad paused in mid sentence.
"It's just what, dad?" I encouraged him to go on.
"It's a lot to take in at once, Alex." Dad admitted.
"Are you disappointed in me, dad?" I asked.
"Of course not. Why would I be disappointed in you, Alex?"
"Well, for starters because...I like guys."
"Alex, you should know better by now that I would never disrespect you because of your sexual orientation. Why would you ever think that?"
"I don't know, dad. Maybe because you always had such high expectations of me. Being the eldest of the Kiriakis son and wanting nothing more than to follow in your foot steps, I was afraid that me being gay might change that."
Dad smiled. "Alex, being gay doesn't mean that you can't follow your dreams and become and amazing lawyer. It's always been my dream to have one of my sons follow in my foot steps, and I couldn't happier that it's you, Alex."
"Really?" I smiled knowing that my dad was proud of me.
"Of course, son. I should know better than anyone that being the eldest of the Kiriakis boys comes with a lot of expectations. But sometimes, Alex, you need to take a step back and take a deep breath and realize that you can't please everyone."
"I know that know. Chad keeps saying that same thing over and over to me for days. He can be very annoying."
"So, he's been there for you?" My dad inquired, still a little suspicious of Chad's motives.
"Yeah. He has been. I've been an asshole to him more times than he actually deserved, but still, he decided to stick around. I don't know why though."
"Well, son. It's probably because he likes you. I saw the way he was looking at you earlier and it's obvious."
"What's obvious?"
"That boys has it bad!" Dad teased.
"Dad!" I blushed. "Even if Chad had it bad for me, which I'm hoping he doesn't, I don't think that it's a good idea to start a relationship with him at this point in my life."
"Oh come on, Alex. You're seventeen and it's about time you start acting like it. Just because you're leaving for university in a few months, it doesn't mean you can't have a little fun before you go off and become Salem's next hot-shot lawyer."
"Dad, I...it's just...it's a bad idea." I replied almost in anger. I really cared a lot about Chad, and at the rate things were happening between us, I knew that it wouldn't take long for me to fall in love with him. And falling in love with Chad would mean getting my heart-broken in the process when I left Salem, and I for one wasn't about to let that happen.
"I think you should talk to Chad before making any spur of the moment decisions. You never know what might come out of it!" Dad winked.
"Yeah, well...I'm not holding my breath on that one. Chad's about as stubborn as a mule. He's arrogant, he's obnoxious, he's-"
"He's exactly like you. No offense." Dad chuckled. "So, I guess that means you like him too then?"
"Ha ha very funny, dad!" I snickered in amusement at my dad's comment. "Well, maybe a little." I admitted and blushed.
Dad got up from the table and walked over to me and gave me a hug. "I just want you to be happy, Alex. And if Chad makes you happy then I'm all for it."
"Thanks, dad." I said returning the hug.
(Will's POV)
Chad followed closely behind as I lead the way to the garden out back of the Kiriakis estate so that we could talk without any interruptions. I didn't see a point in having this conversation, knowing that Chad lied to me about his involvement with Alex. But still Chad felt the need to explain himself to me no matter how hard I protested. I don't think there's anything he could say that would help me understand the reason he felt the need to lie to me and to keep his relationship with Alex a secret. I am - was - his best friend, and best friends don't keep secrets from each other. Guess I was wrong about that one.
"The clock is ticking and I don't have all night. Sonny is waiting for me upstairs so make it fast." I prompted Chad to start talking so that I could get back to my boyfriend.
"Look, man. I never meant for any of this to happen. I know you're pissed off at me for lying to you about my involvement with Alex."
"Pissed off is putting rather mildly." I sarcastically snapped back at Chad. "I'm fucking furious, man!"
"Alright, I guess I deserve that, but you gotta believe me when I tell you there's a logical reason for keeping this from you."
"Oh really? And what might that logical reason be?" I demanded answers. "Tell me!" I shouted and pointed to my watch.
"I'm sorry, Will, but I can't tell you. I promised Alex that I would keep his secret safe." Chad lowered his eyes to the ground. "I wish I could tell you..."
"So if I get this right, you're choosing Alex's side over mine? I thought I was your best friend, Chad. We don't keep secrets from each other. You're the first person I came out to goddamnit!"
Chad continued pleading his case. "Will, please don't be like this. I've known you since we were kids, and I know you better than I know myself. I was honored to be the first person you came out to, but you gotta understand, Will, that this isn't my secret to share."
I let out a sigh of frustration before turning over to Chad. "Clearly this was a waste of time. I'm going back inside to Sonny." I informed Chad before storming off towards the house.
Just as I was about to head out of the garden, Alex stepped in and blocked the pathway. "Will, please. Don't blame Chad for any of this. If you wanna blame somebody, blame me. I was the one who begged Chad to keep my secret."
"Great! Just what I needed. More people ganging up on me. Why don't you both do me a favor and leave me the hell alone!" I tried moving past Alex but couldn't when Alex stood firm. "Alex, move before I punch your face in!"
"Will, just listen to what I have to say first, and I promise once you hear me out and if you still feel the same way, I will leave you alone. Okay?" Alex asked and waited for my answer.
"It's not like I have any other choice now do I?" I hissed, turning away from Alex. "I'm going to wait for you over there." I informed Alex and walked over to the old wooden bench that stood in the middle of the garden and took a seat so that Alex and Chad could have a minute alone. I could hear them whispering to each other.
Chad looked over at Alex. "I'm gonna go and leave you two alone so you can talk." Chad informed Alex and started to leave.
Before Chad could leave, Alex grabbed his hand. "Please stay. I would really like it if we could talk when Will and I are done here." Alex laced his fingers with Chad's and pulled him a little closer.
Chad looked surprised by the gesture and wrapped his arms loosely around Alex waist. "I mean, are you sure?" Chad blushed a little, which I found very odd, because I had never seen him act that way before. I've known Chad for most of my life and never once has he showed any signs of affection towards anyone besides himself.
"This night just keeps getting weirder and weirder." I mumbled and continued to eavesdrop on their conversation.
Alex smiled at Chad. "Of course I'm sure. Now get your ass up to my room before I change my mind!"
Chad grinned and slapped Alex's ass playfully, keeping his hand grounded onto it. "I love it when you get bossy, Kiriakis!"
Alex shoved Chad's hand away. "Shut the fuck up, DiMera! And stop spanking my ass!" Alex pretended to be offended, but clearly, he was enjoying every minute of it.
"Oh, you love it!" Chad grabbed a hold of Alex's cheeks and pinched roughly, causing Alex to jump. "Mmmm! Nice and firm!"
"Argh! Fucking DiMera!" Alex snickered.
"Later, Kiriakis." Chad released his hold on Alex and left to go back inside with a huge smile on his face.
Alex then turned and slowly walked up and took a seat next to me on the bench.
Unsure of what I just witnessed, I decided to come right out and ask Alex if he and Chad were together now. "So, I guess that means you two are together?"
"Well, not exactly. We haven't really talked about it. It sorta just happened, and I'm pretty sure that it won't amount to anything anyways, so..." Alex half smiled.
"Why not? You two have hidden this from us for weeks," I pointed out and continued. "Just because Joey called you out on your little love affair, it doesn't mean you have to stop seeing each other."
"You see, Will? That's just the thing. Chad and I aren't seeing each other. Tonight's the first time anything happened between us."
"What do you mean the first time? I thought you two have been sneaking behind our backs to see each other?" I didn't understand what Alex was trying to say.
"Well, we were sneaking around, but not for the reasons you're assuming."
"Care to explain?"
Alex nodded. "Now before I start, I just want you to know that what I'm about to tell you might come as a shock, but please, all I'm asking is for a chance to explain myself before you jump to any conclusions. Can you do that?"
"I can try." Because that's all I could really do is try.
"Good, so let me start off by saying that this has nothing to do with Chad, and I would really like it if you guys could go back to being best friends."
"Look, Alex. I know you're trying here, but I'm not sure if that's possible."
"Please, Will. Can you at least try to see past this? For me?" I could see that Alex was trying very hard to make things between Chad and I better.
"I don't know, Alex."
"Please, Will." Alex begged. "For me?"
"Alright, I'll try." I gave in. Alex really seemed to cared about my friendship with Chad and it's the least I can do considering everything that Alex has done for both Sonny and me.
"Thank you, Will. So, I guess you're wondering what I asked Chad to keep my secret from you?"
"Well, yeah? It's kinda obvious isn't it? So what is it? "
"Yeah, well...I asked him to keep this from you because my secret was actually about you," Alex admitted.
Suddenly there was silence as I processed what Alex just said. "What do you mean it was about me? I'm kinda lost here?"
"My secret...It was about you. I thought I was in love with you." Alex lowered his eyes facing the other way.
I snorted loudly. "Alex? What the hell are you talking about? You're not in love with me? I'm with Sonny, and I would never, ever..."
Before I could finish my little freak out moment, Alex cut me off. "I know that you would never do anything to hurt Sonny. I'm simply telling you the reason Chad's been helping. He helped me understand that I wasn't in love with you, that my feelings for you were nothing more than jealousy."
"Jealousy? Why would you be jealous of me?" I asked.
"Because seeing you and Sonny together, looking so happy and so much in love, kinda made me envious of the both of you. I guess in a way I wanted someone to love me as much as you love Sonny."
"Alex, why didn't you come talk to me? I would've helped you figure things out without involving Chad."
"What the hell was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Will? Guess what? I'm gay and I think that I'm in love with you' Not sure that would have worked out so well."
"Well, since you put it that way, I guess you're kinda right." I laughed. "Probably not the best way to start a conversation."
Alex smiled and let out a deep breath. "Exactly!"
"So, I guess this means that you're not in love with me?" I smiled back at Alex.
"No offense, Will, but you're not my type." Alex joked and shoved my shoulder slightly.
"What are you talking about? I'm everyone's type!" I joked back.
"So, does this mean we're cool?" Alex asked with a hint of hope in his eyes.
"We're cool." I answered him truthfully and bumped my shoulder against Alex.
"And like I said before, Chad's helped me realize that. So, please, Will. Don't don't be angry with him for keeping my secret. It wasn't his fault."
"I know, Alex. I'm just gonna need some time to wrap my head around this, but I promise that I'll lay off of Chad for now."
"Thank you. That's all I'm asking."
I nodded. "So, you and Chad? Never saw that one coming!" I chuckled as I got up from the bench and started down the pathway leading towards the house.
Alex followed my lead. "Yeah, you and me both!" Alex admitted as we approached the archway
"Can I ask you one last thing before we head inside?"
"Sure. Ask away!" Alex stopped for a minute and waited.
"When did you figure out you were gay?"
Alex smiled and shook his head. "Truthfully, I knew I was gay since I was thirteen, but I think the rest of this conversation can wait for some other time. Right now, we have more important things to attend to. Sonny's waiting for you in his room, and well...Chad's waiting for me in mine, and I think that we've both kept them waiting long enough. Don't you think?"
"I guess you're right. Come on! I'll race you up there!" With that I took off running towards the house.
(Alex's POV)
"I win!" Will proudly announced, being that he was the first one who arrived inside the house.
"You cheated!" I snarled, following Will slowly up the stairs and up to the respected bedrooms where Chad and Sonny were probably impatiently waiting for us both to arrive.
"For your information, I did not cheat. I won that race fair and square. You're just angry because I beat your ass!" Will chuckled as we arrived in front of Sonny's bedroom door.
"Did so cheat! You had a 3.5 second head start on me. I even have security footage to prove it!" I simply pointed out, gaining a huff from Will.
"Alright, alright. I might have slightly jumped the gun here, but still...I won!"
"Yeah, whatever, man. Keep telling yourself that." I said as reached my bedroom door where Chad awaited me. I never entered and this didn't go unnoticed by Will who now, had a worried look on his face. I took a deep breath and turned over to him.
"Is everything okay? I mean, you look a little flushed."
"Yeah, I just need a minute. That's all." I informed Will before entering my room. "I'm just a little nervous." I admitted, taking a step back.
I walked over to the stairs and took a seat on the top step and waited for Will to come and join me.
Will walked over to me and smiled, placing a hand on my shoulder as he sat down. "You're going to do fine. Chad's a very understanding guy. Whatever you decide about your relationship with him, he will respect that."
I took a deep breath. "What if I screw this up, Will?" I asked, pulling my shoulder away from Will grasp.
"Alex, Chad's a great guy. He's smart, he's funny. Well, most of the time when he's not trying to piss you off," Will chuckled. "but most importantly, he had a big heart. A heart that he's ready to open up to you. Now, all you need to do is open up your heart to him in return."
I sighed heavily. "I know, but still...I'm not sure if I'm ready to start a relationship with anyone. I'm leaving in a few months, Will."
"I know, Alex." Will nodded. "Is that why you're stalling?"
"I guess so. I just do know what to do, Will. I've never been in this position before." Will nodded again.
"I know that it can be scary and terrifying at first, but let me just say that once you open your heart to a someone, someone you truly care about," Will smiled and looked over towards Sonny's room. "let me just say that it's the best feeling in the world."
Will seemed so confident in his answer, no hesitation whatsoever about his decision to wait for my brother. I had to ask him about it to see if it could somehow help me clear up my relationship dilemma with Chad. "Was it hard for you? I mean, deciding to stay behind and wait for Sonny to finish up school?" I asked, hoping to find a little insight based on Will's answer.
"It was probably the easiest decision that I've even made. Sonny's is my life now, and I know people are probably going to say that I'm crazy for refusing a scholarship to Stanford, but when you're in love, like the way that I am with Sonny, nothing else matters. Sonny needs me to be there for him as much as I need him to be there for me. The way I see it, I'm not losing anything from taking a year off because I'm gaining so much more than I could have ever hope for."
"And what might that be?" I asked Will curiously.
"My life partner, Alex. I never thought that I could love a person as much as I love your brother. He's means everything to me, and I hope that one day, I'll be able to make it official and make him mine forever. But until then, I will make it my personal duty to keep him happy and to make him feel safe. But most importantly, I want to make him feel loved and to feel cherished because that's what Sonny deserves." Will beamed.
I started tearing up after hearing Will admitting his feelings for Sonny. He was so sure, so confident about his feelings that it made me wonder if I'll ever feel that way about a person. "Wow...That's...That's deep, man. Sonny's a very lucky young man to have someone as wonderful as you in his life." I admitted and couldn't help but feel a little jealous of the love that Will and Sonny shared together.
"I'm the lucky one, Alex. I'm lucky to have found him. He came into my life at a time where I was lost and confused. He helped me understand how important it is to trust and let people inside your heart, no matter how hard and scary it may be at first. He showed me how to love and love back in return."
"I envy you, Will. I hope that someday, I will find someone who loves me as much as you love Sonny."
"You will, Alex. I know you will. Look at it this way, he might be closer than you think." Will said while pointing towards my bedroom. "You can do this, Alex. I know you can."
"I don't know, Will." I shook my head from side to side.
"You'll never know unless you try. Go on. Go talk to Chad." Will encouraged me to follow through with my talk with Chad.
"I don't even know what to say to him."
"Tell him what's inside your heart. Just be honest with him and everything else will fall into place."
I agreed. "Thanks, Will. Guess I should probably go in there?"
Will smiled. "I think that's a wonderful idea." Will lifted himself off the steps and shot me a grin before turning towards Sonny's bedroom. "Good luck!" He mouthed the words to me before disappearing behind the closed-door to join my brother.
I turned around and smiled at myself before entering my bedroom. I knew that talking to Chad wouldn't be easy for me, knowing that I've never had to tell anyone before how I really felt about them, yet alone care about them. As terrified as I was to talk to Chad about us, I also found myself excited. Excited to finally have someone who cares about me that for once is not a part of my family.
I placed my hand over the shiny door know and slowly turned it. "Sorry to keep you waiting so long." I whispered softly as I walked in and closed the door shut. Chad was sitting on the edge of my bed, patiently waiting for me to arrive. He looked a little nervous and giddy, which was rather adorable I should say.
He smiled and immediately got up to greet me. "That's fine. It gave me a chance to snoop around your room." Chad teased, letting his hands slowly rest themselves on my hips.
I blushed at the gesture. "Find anything interesting?" I asked, slightly shying away from Chad.
"Maybe?" Chad cringed his face. "I may or may not have looked inside your panty drawer."
"Oh, really? Well...That's interesting, given that I don't have a panty drawer." I laughed.
Chad giggled. "Alright, you caught me! But seriously, you should really consider getting a few pairs. They're rather comfortable I should say." Chad giggled and buried his face in the crook of my neck and pulled me in closer to him, placing a few gentle kisses upon my skin in the process.
My heart started racing at the gesture. I loved how warm and amazing it felt being wrapped up in Chad's arms, and the kisses...I won't even go there and try to explain what those kisses were doing to me. We held on the each others embrace for a short while until Chad pulled away far enough to look into my eyes. Taking his hands away from my hips, he brought them up to my face, where he cradled both my cheeks and started to lean in towards me.
And suddenly, we were kissing each other again.
It was all very overwhelming for me, given that I've never let myself feel this way about anyone before, yet alone kissing anyone like the way Chad and I were kissing each other. And to be completely honest, I was scared. I almost panicked and pulled away from Chad when I started over thinking the situation, but I didn't when something Will said to me earlier came to mind. He told me to tell Chad what's inside my heart. So tried to keep an opened mind. However, that was kinda hard when all I could think about was how nervous and terrified I was to open myself up to Chad and to share my worries, my concerns, and my feelings with him.
I pulled away far enough so that I could look at Chad's face. "Can we talk?" I asked and waited for him to answer.
"Yeah, is everything okay? Did everything go alright with Will?" Chad asked in genuinely concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Will's fine."
"Good! I'm glad you two were able to work things out. Hope that I get the chance to clear the air with him soon." Chad admitted, and for the first time tonight, I saw a glimpse of hope in his eyes. Chad had beautiful eyes.
"I'm sure you two will sort out your differences, but that's not the reason I asked you to stick around. I kinda wanted to talk to you about, you know...us."
"Okay..." Chad pulled his hands away from my hips and reached for my hands, lacing his fingers with mine. He pulled me over towards the bed where he nervously took a seat next to me. "Look, Alex. I know what you're going to say, so I'll go first so that way you won't have to worry about hurting my feelings."
Chad had no idea what I was about to tell him, but he assumed that it wasn't all that good, by the way he was reacting to my request to talk to him. God, he probably thought that I was going to tell him that I never wanted to see him again.
"Chad..." I tried explaining, but he cut me off before I had a chance to put in a word of my own.
"Alex, I'm sorry for pushing you into something that you're not ready for. I never wanted to make you feel pressured or anything. It's just...I knew what you were going through, cause I've been there myself and I just wanted to be there for you. When we started hanging out, I never imagined, not in a million years, that I would have started feeling something for you. Because I do, Alex. Kissing you today confirmed it."
"Chad, can I-" I tried speaking again unsuccessfully.
"I know what you're going to say, Alex. That this is too much and that you're not ready for a relationship, and I get that. But, Alex, I need you to understand that I can't hide my feelings for you anymore. I really, really like you, and I was hoping that maybe with time, that you might start liking me in return. And maybe, just maybe, if I was lucky enough that you would one day return those feelings right back at me. But I guess it was just wishful thinking on my behalf, but that's fine. I'm not going to sit here and push you into feeling something that's just not there for you." Chad's eyes started to water and I would be lying if I said mine weren't as well. I care about Chad, even if it was hard for me to admit it at first, but I do really care about him very much, and hearing his heartfelt confession just made me feel confident and happy with what I was about to tell him. That's if he ever shuts the hell up.
"Are you done?" I smiled and took both of Chad's hands and placed them into mine.
"Yes." Chad nervously answered back, looking down at our hands.
"Good. I was wondering when you were going to shut up and let me speak for myself." I joked, gaining a half-smile from Chad. "Now listen to me and listen to me good, okay?" Chad nodded and waited for me to start speaking. "I'm gonna start by saying thank you."
"Thank you? For what?" Chad narrowed his brows in confusion.
"I wanna thank you for being there for me when I was lost and had no one else to turn to. You stuck by me even when I treated you like a total piece of shit. No one has ever done anything like that for me before, ever. So thank you for being my friend and for helping me realize what a huge mistake I was making by hiding who I really was."
"Alex..." Chad cocked his head sideways as if couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant having you as a friend in return. You're an amazing person, Alex, and I'm very proud of you for talking to your dad and to Will. It took a lot of courage to come out to them the way you did tonight." Chad squeezed my hands a little tighter.
I nodded. "You're right. It did take a lot of courage, but I couldn't have done it without you by my side, Chad." I smiled brightly. "I'm just sorry that it took me so long to figure things out and for the way I treated you before. I was a real jackass and no one deserves to be treated that way. So, For what it's worth, I'm truly am sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, Alex."
"I know." I smiled and looked straight into Chad's eyes. "I wanted to."
We shared a silent moment before I continued. "As for pushing me into something that I'm not ready for, you're right. I'm not ready for a relationship, Chad. It's not part of my plan."
"Your plan?" Chad questioned.
I lifted myself off the bed and walked over to my corner desk and pulled out a piece of paper from my drawer. I took in a breath and smiled at the paper. I walked back over and took a seat back onto my bed and handed the paper over to Chad.
"What's this?" Chad asked.
"Just read it, and keep the questions for later, okay?"
Chad nodded as he took the paper out of my hands and started reading it out loud.
Alexander Kiriakis' Life Plan
1- Get through middle school with an A+ average = Done
2- Graduate high school as class valedictorian = Almost Done
3- Get through high school without killing Joey = Still Questionable
4- Get accepted by Harvard = Done
5- Become a lawyer like my father = Looks Promising
6- Find a wife =...
7- Become a father =...
8- Stop lying to everyone including myself = ...
"Alex..." Chad's eyes turned over to mine sympathetically.
"I knew for a fact that I was gay on the day of my thirteenth birthday. My dad had invited all my friends over for a birthday barbecue in my honor. All my friends were playing around in the pool, eating way too much junk food and cake, while I sat back and watch my best friend Josh goofing around and teasing the other boys. Josh was a very handsome boy and I smiled whenever he looked at me or talked to me. He was my first crush. I remember looking at him that day and feeling things that a thirteen year old shouldn't be feeling towards his male best friend, and that scared me. Because I was scared of what others might think if they knew how I felt about my him. So instead of joining in with the gang to celebrate my birthday, I went up to my room and locked myself in the closet. I sat in there for about an hour and just cried my eyes out."
Chad swallowed hard. "Alex, I'm so sorry. I had no idea..."
I simply nodded. "To be honest, no one did, Chad. So that's how the list, I mean...the plan came to life. I thought that if I made a plan of how I pictured my life, and if I tried hard enough to hide what I was feeling, that it might actually happen. As I got older, things didn't get any easier for me. First Josh moved away, which totally crushed me. Then my friends started dating girls and they kept trying to hook me up with random girls, saying that I needed to get laid in order to become a real man. And when I refuse to stoop to their level, I suddenly became the odd man out, and one by one, my friend started pushing me away. Over the summer, I realized that no matter how hard I tried to stick to the plan, that I wouldn't be able to follow true because it was a lie. The whole fucking plan was a lie and the biggest lie of all, was me."
"You are not a lie, Alex. You were just confused and scared."
"I was, Chad. I was pretending to be someone that I'm not. I lied to everyone. My dad, my brothers, my friends...everyone." My eyes started tearing up again.
Chad shifted his legs onto the bed and pulled me up against his chest. I laid my head on his shoulder and started to cry. "Shush...It's okay, Alex. Everything's gonna be okay from now on. You hear me?" Chad comforted me by brushing his fingers through my hair and slightly swaying me from side to side. "I'm never going to leave you, Alex."
"Chad..." I protested, pulling away to look at his face. "You can't keep saying things like that to me."
"Why? Because of the plan? Is that why? Or is it because you're afraid to let yourself feel something real for once in your life, something true?" Chad became angry.
"I'm not afraid, of anything, Chad." I snorted back, wiping my tears away with my sleeve.
"Then prove it! Be with me! Stop being an arrogant ass and let me show you what it's like to be loved for who you really are." Chad reached out and cupped both sides of my face before he continued. "Let me love you, Alex."
"Chad, I...I can't" I pulled away from Chad. "I'm leaving in less than two months."
"A lot can happen in two months, Alex." Chad replied. "Just because you're leaving, it wouldn't mean that we have to stop seeing each other. I could come up and visit you at Harvard or you could come visit me at North Western. We can make this work, Alex."
"It's not that simple." I informed Chad.
"Right! I get it. It's because I don't fit into your little plan, right? Selfish bonofabitch!" Chad sarcastically snapped at me.
"Oh, so now we're back to name calling?" I retorted.
"Only if it helps you realize that you're making a huge mistake by not giving us a chance to be together."
"And what make you think that being together wouldn't be a mistake?"
"Because it feels right. You feel right."
"All we do is fight, Chad."
"Exactly! We fight. And when we're done fighting, we can make up, and there's no one I would rather fight with than you."
"It would never work out in the end." I shook my head in disbelief.
"How can you possibly know that without even give us a try? One chance, Alex. It's all I'm asking."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"So that's it? Just like that and we're done?" Chad got off the bed angrily, and before I could say anything further, he continued. "You know what, Kiriakis, you really are a jerk. I'm sorry that I wasted my time with you, thinking that we might actually have a chance to be together. I honestly thought that I meant something to you." Chad placed his hand on the door knob and was just about to walk out of my room, possibly forever when I realized that I was indeed making a huge mistake by letting him leave without knowing how I truly feel about him.
"Chad-..."
"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear a single would come out of your mouth."
"I'm scared, Chad." I whispered from under my breath, hoping that it would be enough to stop Chad from leaving.
"What did you just say?"
I repeated. "I said that I'm scared Chad. I'm scared that once you leave this room that I'll never see you again. I'm scared that when we get to know each other a little better that I'm going to like what I see and want to get to know you even more." I pause for a few seconds to give Chad time to process everything that I was saying to him.
He let go of the door knob and turned over towards me. "Is that all?"
"No, it's not."
"Then go on. I'm listening."
I nodded and continued. "I'm scared of the way you make me feel, Chad. When I'm around you, I feel like I'm on top of the world, like there's nothing I can't do and the sky is the limit. I'm also scared because you make me feel things that I've never felt before."
"Things like?" Chad pried for more information.
I complied. "Like happiness. I'm happy when I'm around you. You make me feel good about myself, like I'm a good person."
"That's because you are a good person, Alex." Chad replied with a grin. "
I smiled sheepishly. "Thanks."
"So, is that all you feel when you're around me?" Chad winked.
"Don't get ahead of yourself, DiMera." I laughed.
"Alright, I'll stop while I'm ahead, but one last question and I promise, this is the last one."
"Okay, go for it?"
"Out of all the things that you're scared of, what the one thing that terrifies you the most.?"
I sighed deeply because I knew that once I answered this question, there was no turning back. "I'm terrified that I won't be able to leave Salem in August."
Chad gave me a confused look. "And why's that?"
"Because I might end up falling in love with you and never let you go."
Chad was silent for a moment. He just stood there looking at me which was rather awkward after confessing my true feeling for him. "Chad? You okay?"
Chad started mumbling something, but I couldn't actually make out what he was saying. "Chad? Can you please say something and not leave me hanging over here?"
"I'm falling in love with you, Alex." The words were clear and direct.
"Chad-..." His words made my heart swell, and for a moment, I couldn't breathe.
"It's true. I, Chad DiMera, am falling in love with you, so deal with it!"
"Okay." I smiled.
"Okay?"
"Yes, okay. I'll deal with it."
"Are you fucking with me right now? Because if you are, I swear to god, Alex, that I'm going to find you and beat the crap out of you."
"I'm not fucking with you, Chad. Fucking would consist of two people, preferably naked, in a consensual agreement of having intercourse together." I joked.
"Shut up!" Chad laughed.
I laughed along with him. "So...yeah..."
"Yeah...So..."
"This is really awkward."
"Tell me about it!" Chad agreed. "Guess I should probably go now. It's getting pretty late."
"Yeah, you could do that...Or you could stay." I hinted and smiled.
"You want me to stay?" Chad smiled at me and took a step closer to me.
"Only if you wanted to. I mean, you don't have to if-..." I started saying but stopped when I realized Chad's lips were now only a few inches away from mine.
"I wanna stay." Chad smiled and started leaning in.
"I want you to stay." I admitted and leaned in all the way, bringing our lips together in a warm, passionate embrace.
I pulled away after a minute. "I like you, Chad, and I really wanna get to know you better before I leave for Harvard."
"I really want that too, Alex." I took Chad's hand and led him over to my bed where I pulled down the blankets and got underneath. Chad crawled in beside me and wrapped his arms around my middle and buried his face in the crook of my neck. "Would you like to go to prom with me?" He whispered softly and kissed the back of neck.
I smiled at the offer. "If we go to prom together, people are going to think that we're together. Are you sure that's what you want, Chad?"
"There's nothing I want more in this entire world, Alex." Chad pulled me in closer to his body. "I want everyone to know that you're mine."
I blushed and turned over, facing Chad. "I'll go to prom with you if you promise me one thing, and this is a deal breaker."
"I can do that. What is it?"
"Don't break my heart, Chad."
"I'll never break your heart, baby. I promise." Chad leaned in and kissed me.
That was the first night that Chad and I spent together. We cuddled in my bed and kissed each other until sleep finally found us. We didn't label our relationship yet because neither of us knew what the future held for us, but we did come to an agreement that we both were comfortable with. We decided to take things slow and see where things might lead. And if that was towards a relationship, then we agreed to deal with it when the time came.
So I stand here today, two weeks later, looking at myself in the mirror, and for the first time, I find myself worried about the way that I look.
It's prom night and I have a date with Chad DiMera!
I have something very important that I want to share with Chad, and I'm so nervous. Because I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell Chad. I'm still not sure how and when I'm going to tell him, but one thing for sure is that I'm going to tell him tonight.
I reached over and grabbed the piece of paper that's been haunting me since I was thirteen years old.
My life plan.
I looked it over one last time before I tore it to pieces and disposed of it in the waste basket. I smiled at myself in the mirror, knowing that I didn't need a plan anymore. Chad helped me understand that you can't plan out your life perfectly on a piece of paper, because sometimes, unexpected things happen. Like take for instance falling in love at the age of seventeen with a boy named Chad.
That wasn't part of my life plan. Chad wasn't part of my plan.
But it happened.
And I couldn't be happier about how things turned out.
I readjusted my bow tie one last time and took one last look at myself in the mirror before heading down stairs to meet up with my brothers and wait for our dates to arrive. "Looking pretty good, Kiriakis." I said to myself as I grabbed my keys off my desk and left my room feeling confident for the first time in my life, and I owe it all to a dark haired, brown eyes boy named Chad DiMera.
(Will's POV)
I slipped inside the room quietly, being extremely careful not to frighten Sonny. "Hey there handsome." I whispered as I walked over to him. Sonny was sitting at the desk drawing, barely acknowledging my presence. Cause that's what Sonny does when he's feeling overwhelmed and scared, and after everything that has happened tonight, I can't say that I blame him for being a little distant. "What are you drawing my sunshine?"
Sonny lifted his sketch book up to show me. "It's a picture of you and me sitting in the garden."
"It's so beautiful, Baby." I said as I kissed his cheek. "Why the garden?" I asked in curiosity.
Sonny smiled and turned his eyes over to mine. "Because the flowers are so beautiful in the spring time."
"What's your favorite flower?"
"I really like orchids." Sonny admitted with a toothy grin. "They're very pretty."
"They are," I agreed. "but nothing could even be as beautiful as you are."
Sonny blushed furiously and hid behind his sketch book. "I'm not..."
"It's true." I smiled at him, pulling his sketch book out of his hands and placed it on the desk. "Come on. Time for bed."
Sonny nodded and followed my lead. He walked over towards his dresser and pulled out his regular attire that he usually wears to bed and headed towards the bathroom. While I waited for him to return, I got out of my cloths and grabbed a pair of Sonny's sweat pants to wear to bed because I didn't have any to wear with me because it was never my intention to be spending the night over, being a school night and all.
Just as I was about to rearrange the blankets on the bed, I heard the sound of a door being locked. I smiled, remembering the little incident earlier with Joey walking in on Sonny and I in a very compromising position. "You afraid someone is going to-..." I started saying when I looked up and saw Sonny, standing there in the flesh, obviously shy by his nakedness. "...Holy shit!"
Sonny blushed. "I'm sorry. I wanted to surprise you. I...I should...I'm going to get dressed."
"Don't you dare get dressed!" I exclaimed as I walked over to him and pulled him into my arms. "This is a very wonderful surprise, Sonny."
Sonny buried his face into my chest. "I hope it's okay. I just wanted to feel close to you. I mean, really close."
"It's more than okay, Sonny. I want to feel close to you too."
"Is it alright if we slept together like this? If you don't want to, it's fine." Sonny asked cautiously.
"Of course I want to silly, but only if you're comfortable with it." I pointed out that very important detail.
"I do. I mean, I am."
"Alright then, let get you to bed." I walked Sonny over to his bed and pulled down the blanket far enough so that he could crawl under it and proceeded to remove the sweat pants that I borrowed and my boxers. Sonny stared as I got undressed, which made me smile. When I was done, I walked over to the other side and crawled in behind him, pulling him as close to me as I possibly could without smothering him. "I love you, Son." I whispered before kissing the nape of Sonny's neck.
"I love you so much, Will." Sonny closed his eyes, and before I knew it, he was already sound asleep. As I watched him sleep, I imagined our lives together and what's going to happen when Sonny graduates from high school next year. I closed my eyes and within seconds, I feel asleep.
That night, I dreamed about Sonny, orchids, and our future together...
(Will's POV)
2 weeks later...
My tux looked good. I'm not one to toot my own horn, at least not anymore, but I was looking pretty handsome tonight. My stomach jumped with anticipation, and I couldn't wait to see Sonny. We had stayed away for the day, wanting to be surprised when seeing each other that night. Now I was dying to hold his hand, touch his face, run my fingers through his hair. But I was also extremely nervous.
I wasn't nervous about Sonny. I've seen him in those moments when he's overwhelmed, when he's overstimulated, confused, hyperventilating, needing to escape everything. I expected moments like this during the course of the evening, and I felt prepared.
What I was nervous about was that neither of us would have a good time. That Sonny would realize that I asked him to do something that made him miserable just for me...so I could go to my own prom. I was afraid I had been too selfish in asking him; too anxious to show everyone we were a couple; too oblivious to what was best for Sonny.
I straightened my tie one more time and took a hard long look at myself in the mirror. I had chosen a black tux with a straight, skinny tie. My shoes were patent leather, and I had my contacts in. I was ready. Was I?
I walked to my bedside table and reached into my middle drawer way in the back. Finding what I was looking for, I tucked it into my pocket protectively. Grabbing my keys, I went to the kitchen, pulled the flower for Sonny from the fridge (It was an orchid) and headed to my car. Ready or not, I was on my way to pick up Sonny for prom. Hopefully this would be a night to remember for us both and not one we were anxious to forget.
To Be Continued...OXO