Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack

Chapter 11 - The Breaking Point

Greyback was watching him, waiting for an answer. Remus felt absolutely frozen to the spot, a hundred different possibilities seeming to race through his mind in a matter of moments. Then Remus realized how distinctly uncomfortable Greyback's gaze made him, almost like he was reading every single one of those thoughts as they passed through Remus's consciousness.

Remus had no idea how to even begin to respond. Actually, that was a lie; he knew perfectly well what Greyback wanted, but he was trying desperately to come up with some way out of it. Remus's eyes went from Greyback to Althea, and she looked just as worried as Remus himself.

Perhaps she already had figured him out. Her expression certainly made it seem that way. Remus had been spending this time trying to figure her out, to come up with some way to sway her over to Dumbledore's side, but he wondered if she knew perfectly well what he was doing there. She had already made it quite clear that he was completely different than the rest of the pack. Had she maybe figured out even more than that?

Focusing on Althea for a moment longer, Remus silently wished that Greyback would just leave. That he would think of something much more important to attend to, or that he would decide to take matters into his own hands. Anything to get Remus out of this now precarious moment that he found himself in.

But Greyback was still there, his expression seeming to grow more annoyed by the moment. "Remus," Greyback said, his voice now bordering on a growl, "I asked if you were going to let them talk about me like that. Like I've lost it. Like I've gone mental for making you my second-in-command." He tilted his head, and when he spoke again, his tone was distinctly curious. "You don't think I've lost it, do you, Remus?"

The question sent chills down Remus's spine. Greyback didn't ask such questions for an answer, he did so for effect. Almost like he was challenging Remus to answer that truthfully. And when Remus thought about his honest answer to that, it made him want to laugh. Again. What the hell was the matter with him, always getting the urge to laugh? One of these days, he would be unable to contain it, and Merlin help him if he ever laughed in Greyback's face.

Remus took a deep breath and closed his eyes until the urge passed. By then, he knew he was getting awfully close to Greyback losing his temper completely, so Remus forced himself to shake his head. "No, sir."

Greyback grinned. "No. No, I thought not." He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into the tree next to him. He looked oddly elegant for someone so large and hulking. "The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

Remus knew he didn't have a choice. He had already dragged this conversation out for as long as he dared. If he hesitated any longer, Greyback would know without a doubt that Remus wasn't really taking his newfound position seriously.

Perhaps if it was just him, Remus would have considered getting the hell out of there, but there was so much more to think about. Not only was Dumbledore still counting on him to learn any useful information at all, but based on what Remus had heard of Greyback's conversation with Carrow, there was a possibility that Remus might be able to save some children in the process. He couldn't fail now. There was way too much at stake.

Steeling himself, Remus straightened up and pushed away from the tree against which he had been leaning. Remus didn't even look at Greyback again; he thought he could feel Greyback's anger growing, and he wasn't about to press his luck. Instead, Remus simply turned on his heel and headed off in the direction of the other werewolves near the cave.

He had no clue what he was even going to do when he got there. He still wasn't about to take his hands to any of them, at least not yet, no matter what Greyback expected of him. Perhaps he could talk his way out of it. Remus knew that that very idea seemed almost laughable where Greyback was concerned, but he sure as hell wasn't going to lower himself to Greyback's level if he could help it. Not again.

Talon was leaning up against the outside wall of the cave casually, surrounded by the rest of the pack's epsilons. Talon was still muttering about what a fruitcake Greyback had turned into, although much more quietly now, almost like he realized that he might have been overheard.

As Remus approached, he could hear Greyback behind him, following him, curious as to what Remus was going to do. That made Remus wonder if Althea was coming as well. Remus wished she wouldn't. She wasn't involved in this in the least, and he'd rather that she didn't see him do whatever he needed to do. After all, if he was trying to gain her trust, it wouldn't help if he started becoming more like the others.

When Talon looked up and saw Remus and Greyback approaching, he didn't look the least bit scared like Remus expected him to. Rather, he looked quite bored. It was the first time that Remus wondered if Talon was purposely trying to get himself thrown out of the pack. Of course, that also meant death, but was it possible that Talon was so fed up with the way things had turned out for him that he might have preferred such a fate?

"You know," Remus told him coolly, "if you have a problem with the way this pack is run, perhaps you should address your concerns to our alpha wolf directly. As I recall, you had that opportunity just before lunch not more than two hours ago, and you chose to say nothing."

Talon rolled his eyes, but when they shifted to Greyback a moment later, fear flickered there for the briefest moment. "Oh, please," Talon muttered. "It's not any surprise that I don't like you. I'll never trust you, I'll never respect you, and I don't care who knows."

"Be that as it may, you will abide by our alpha wolf's rules for as long as you are a member of this pack," Remus snapped. "I don't care if you don't like me, because believe me, the feeling is mutual. But Greyback has made it quite clear that unless you spoke up at the meeting, you were all to keep your feelings on the matter to yourselves. What part of that did you not understand?" When Talon didn't show any sign of responding, Remus added, "Not to mention, disrespecting me is one thing, but under no circumstances are you permitted to speak ill of our alpha wolf."

Remus was partially disturbed by how easily his words came. He wasn't even sure where they had come from. Up until a moment ago, he had been completely unsure of what he wanted to say, but now it all seemed to spill out. Perhaps Greyback had seen something in him after all, something that did suit him to this position. Remus shivered at that thought.

The rest of the epsilons that were gathered around all seemed to bow their heads and shrink back from the scene. They had all been keen to agree with Talon before, but now that Remus and Greyback were there, none of them wanted to be involved.

Remus didn't look, but he could tell that Greyback was hovering not far behind him, the smell that followed him everywhere being only one of the tells. "Indeed," Greyback hummed. "I thought you were all clear on that. Did I fail to explain myself properly?"

"No, sir," several of the epsilons muttered. Then one of them that Remus recognized as Rufus Phinx stepped forward and said, "We're sorry, sir. We were out of line. It won't happen again."

Rufus was more or less the self-appointed leader of the epsilons. He certainly stood out, being one of the few gingers in the pack, his hair brighter red than anyone else's. When he transformed, his fur almost looked like it was on fire, and some of his "friends" (Remus wasn't sure if any of the werewolves were truly friends) had taken to calling him Red.

At least, he had been the leader of the epsilons until Talon had been demoted. Talon was never happy unless he was in charge of something. Since there were no longer any werewolves beneath him, he was trying desperately to assert his dominance over the rest of his rank. None of them seemed to be having it, however, certainly not if Talon was going to be getting them into trouble.

"No," Greyback said, "I don't think it will happen again." His eyes darted quickly to Talon before he added, "Unless any of you have something else to say, then you may go. Except for Remus and Talon, of course."

As much as Remus hated having an audience, especially if Greyback expected him to actually become physical, he didn't exactly fancy being alone with Greyback and Talon either. Greyback normally liked the others to watch when he disciplined someone so they could be an example. If he was sending everyone else away, it terrified Remus to think about what he had in mind.

Some of the epsilons lowered their heads and shuffled away, but a few others remained behind, throwing uncertain glances at Talon. It almost seemed like they were hesitant to leave him alone, afraid of what might happen to him.

When they didn't make any move to leave, Greyback said in an uncharacteristically calm voice, "I said you may go."

Even though they seemed concerned for Talon, no one wanted to risk angering Greyback, so the rest of the epsilons followed the others into the woods. Talon himself, however, still seemed very bored by the entire situation. He was leaning against the wall of the cave, alternately yawning and rolling his eyes.

For the first time, Remus looked back the way he and Greyback had come. Althea was standing quite a distance away, hiding behind a tree, watching the scene. Remus wished that she would leave too, because he did not want her to see whatever it was Greyback had in mind, but she showed no signs of moving.

Greyback leaned heavily into the wall of the cave, crossing his arms over his chest. He considered Talon for a very long time before he asked, "So what do you think we should do with him, Remus? Physical punishment hasn't worked. Losing ranks hasn't worked. Threatening him hasn't worked. I'm about out of ideas here. Not to mention patience."

Remus suppressed a shiver. He knew exactly what Greyback had in mind, because Talon was out of chances. Greyback was certainly on what he considered to be his final option - killing Talon. Only he didn't say so, because Remus knew Greyback wanted him to say it first. Almost like that would make it Remus's idea.

As big of a bastard as Talon was, Remus didn't want him to killed. Certainly not because of him. After all, Talon was absolutely correct in his suspicions of Remus. Talon wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, making his thoughts known as often as he did, but he didn't deserve to killed by Greyback, either. Remus didn't think there was anyone in the world who did deserve that kind of fate.

But Remus knew his back was up against the wall. He doubted very much there was anything he could say that would change Greyback's mind, at least not without turning Greyback against him in the process. Besides, Remus was fairly certain that Greyback was now determined to kill Talon regardless; Greyback had made it very clear that Talon would not get another chance. If Remus didn't go along with it, he didn't think that would bode very well for him.

"Kill him, sir," Remus bit out, and in that moment, he didn't think he could have ever hated himself more.

Perhaps that was the first time Talon ever truly looked surprised. His eyes were large and round, just a few shades lighter than Sirius's, in fact. It was almost eerie how much their appearance reminded Remus of his best friend, but the similarities ended there. Where Sirius's eyes were warm and friendly, Talon's were cold and calculating.

Greyback, on the other hand, seemed rather pleased with this, for that large toothy grin spread across his face once again. He inhaled deeply, almost like he was sniffing Talon, seeing how good he would taste. "He thinks we should kill you, Talon."

Remus had no idea where Greyback had gotten "we". Remus only hoped to Merlin that Greyback wouldn't see fit to include him in this. It was one thing to tell Greyback to do such a thing and to see it happening, but there was no way in hell Remus would participate in it. Remus had a pretty good idea what killing involved, seeing as Greyback like to eat live things. He knew very well that Remus didn't share his tastes, but perhaps that was what Greyback was counting on. Maybe Greyback would use it to see whether or not Remus was truly loyal to him.

Talon didn't look like he thought Greyback was serious. Surely he didn't think that Greyback was bluffing? Because if Remus knew anything for sure, it was that Greyback didn't play around with such threats. If Greyback said he was going to kill someone, then Remus was absolutely sure that he would. Or maybe Talon had been in so tightly with Greyback at one point, he didn't even believe it possible that it had come to this. Remus almost couldn't, either. Couldn't believe that the once proud werewolf who had had the entire pack - save for Greyback - under him had fallen so far. All because Remus had gotten the foolish idea that he would ever truly be able to fit in with such animals.

But what did it say about Remus that he would tell Greyback to do such a thing, that he would be willing to watch as it happened just to keep up with some charade? Just six short weeks ago, Remus would have thought the very idea was absurd that he would stand for something like this, no matter what kind of information he was trying to get out of it. Perhaps Remus really wasn't much better than the rest of the werewolves after all.

"Kill me then!" Talon yelled. His tone was somewhere in between frustration and disbelief, like he really didn't think that Greyback was capable of doing so, at least not to him. Then he did something Remus hadn't been expecting at all. Talon squared his shoulders and stepped forward until his nose was mere inches from Greyback's.

The alpha wolf was, of course, very territorial and hated to have his personal space invaded in such a defiant manner. Greyback bared his teeth and straightened up to his full height, looking down his nose at Talon. It was then that Remus knew this was not going to end well.

Talon, however, didn't seem the least bit frightened. Instead, he said, "When the truth comes out about Lupin - and it will - then you'll realize what a mistake you've made. Not only for trusting him-" he thrust a finger carelessly in Remus's direction "-but for losing me in the process." He stopped for a moment and sneered. "You'll never find anyone who is more loyal to you than I was."

Greyback scoffed, stalking even closer to Talon, who immediately shrunk back. "Talon, Talon," Greyback said sadly, shaking his head, "if you were loyal to me, I wouldn't have to keep reminding you of your place!" His clawed hand shot out so fast, Talon barely had time to react. He tried to step away from it, but Greyback was much too fast. Greyback's hand closed around Talon's throat, forcing him back into the wall of the cave.

Talon's mouth opened in an expression of pain, but no sound came out. His hands went furiously to Greyback's, trying desperately to pry them away from his neck, but Greyback was the stronger one by far. Talon's nails scraped against the skin on the back of Greyback's hand, but he didn't even seem to notice.

Greyback licked his lips. "It's been a while since I've had a human meal."

Remus couldn't stand to stay there any longer. He didn't care if Greyback was expecting him to participate or even to watch. Remus feared that if he stayed, he would be sick anyway, and that wouldn't do for Greyback's second-in-command. Remus took a few steps backward, almost feeling too shocked and disgusted to move properly. It was when Talon's first scream pierced the autumn air that Remus finally turned and disappeared into the shelter of the woods.

Talon's screams chased him as he ran, a staunch reminder of what he was allowing to happen back at the cave. Brambles and twigs caught at his clothes as he went, tearing even more holes in his already threadbare attire. In the back of his mind, Remus imagined that those branches were Talon's hands, grabbing at him for help, reminding him that he could have stopped this if he'd wanted. That he should have stopped it.

Remus kept on going until Talon's screams died, either because he was too far away or because Talon couldn't scream anymore. As much as Remus hoped it was the former, he very well knew that it wasn't. Remus's breaths were coming harsh and fast when he caught himself on a tree, clinging to it with his hands so tightly like it was a lifeline, like it might save him from the hell his life had become. He pressed his forehead into the rough bark and closed his eyes, trying not to think about the state that Talon's body might be in now.

He didn't know how long he stood there, holding on to the tree. He almost hoped that if he waited long enough with his eyes closed, that he'd be back at Grimmauld Place the next time he opened them. Remus knew that was a silly thing to wish for, but he would have given anything in that moment to return to his home. To put this entire nightmare behind him, to hell with Dumbledore's plans.

Remus remembered the last conversation he'd had with Sirius before he had come to this god forsaken place. Sirius had accused him of not putting enough serious thought into this, of not knowing what he was getting himself into. Remus had insisted that he knew very well what he was doing, but now, he didn't think he'd had any clue at all. Neither did Dumbledore for that matter. Remus didn't think Dumbledore would have even suggested it at all if he knew everything this entailed. And Remus didn't think he ever would have agreed to it had he known everything he'd be risking.

But that all seemed like a lifetime ago now.

Sighing heavily, Remus turned and pressed his back into the tree. His legs suddenly felt weak, so he sunk towards the ground, sitting on the grass underneath him. It was then that he realized that he heard the sound of rushing water. Just through the trees ahead of him, there was the stream where the werewolves came to drink. Normally, the sound would have calmed and soothed him, but now, he didn't think that those were things he could ever again.

Quite a while later, Remus jumped when he heard a twig snapping somewhere behind him. His heart sped up. He was almost certain that it was Greyback, coming to demand why Remus had run away. Remus swallowed hard and looked around, but when he saw the dirty blond hair, he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Althea was making her way through the trees towards him, picking her way in between the bushes much more carefully than Remus had on his way. When their eyes met, she paused for a long time, almost like she was afraid to move or to say anything.

"Remus?" she asked quietly, uncertainly. She hesitated again. "Are…are you okay?"

He stared at her for a long time, not quite sure what to say. Of course he wasn't okay, but he still had to be a little bit wary of what he said to her, after all. Finally, he shook his head, looking back in the direction of the stream. He thought of saying something else, of lying and pretending that he was fine, but he thought that he just might have reached his breaking point. If he wasn't honest with someone, he was afraid that it would come out at the most inopportune time. Perhaps in front of Greyback.

"This isn't me, Althea."

More silence followed, and then Remus heard more branches breaking behind him. A moment later, Althea was sitting next to him, but not too close. She seemed a little bit more cautious of him than she had been. "That's what I was going to tell you," she whispered. "Before Talon…" When Remus flinched and closed his eyes at the name, Althea stopped. "He had it coming," she continued after a while. "I told you he wasn't going to make it to the next moon."

"Can we talk about something else?" Remus muttered. He still wasn't quite ready to face the reality that Talon was dead.

"Sorry," Althea said quickly. She sounded a little bit afraid, and Remus hated that. Hated that she would fear him in any way. Did she actually think that he might yell or get physical with her if she said the wrong thing? That was what her tone suggested to him. Of course, the other werewolves wouldn't hesitate to do those things, but Remus never would. At least not to a woman. Remus's father always told him that it took a very a very vile person to hurt a woman.

"What were you going to tell me before?" Remus asked gently, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.

Althea gave him a nervous smile before she said, "Just…exactly that. That this isn't you." She looked away at some spot in the trees, unable to hold his eyes. "I told you that you're nothing at all like Talon or the others. You don't seem suited to this place at all." When she looked back at him, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

Remus blinked, then hurriedly said, "I don't…I told you. I'm here for the same reason you are. Because I don't have anywhere else to go."

Althea shook her head, her expression making it quite apparent that she didn't believe him. "But you're not like me." He raised an eyebrow at her, but she insisted, "You're not. I could tell before you bit that boy. And afterwards, too. I could tell just now when you couldn't watch Talon…" She cut herself off, but then added, "I could tell from the fact that you don't want to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus snapped, "because it's my fault!" He hadn't been intending to tell her that at all, but it had escaped him somehow.

"It's not," Althea disagreed. "I told you, Talon had it coming…"

"I was the one that started it all!" Remus interrupted. "It was me coming here in the first place that caused Talon to start acting like he did. If not for me, Talon would still be Greyback's second-in-command." He couldn't believe that he was sharing this with her, but now that he started, he was finding it difficult to stop. "I know he was a bastard. I know I shouldn't care. But I do."

"Which was my entire point," Althea whispered. "I don't think anyone here is going to miss Talon…except you." Remus frowned deeply, and she added, "I mean that in a totally nice way, of course. I think it's nice that you seem to care about everyone, even those who aren't worthy of it."

Remus looked away again in the direction of the stream, feeling a little uncomfortable by her words.

They were both quiet for a long time, and then Althea asked, "Remus, we're friends, right?"

Remus glanced at her quickly. "Yeah. Of course."

"Then trust that I'm not going to go running to Greyback if you tell me something he wouldn't like," Althea said. "I mean, we just spied on Greyback for heaven's sake! If I was really all that loyal to him, do you think I'd have even considered doing that?"

"If you were loyal to Greyback," Remus retorted, "I might expect you to say and do the same things in order to get me to trust you."

Althea shrugged. "Fair enough. But I'm not." She scooted a little closer to him. "I like you, Remus, all right?" Remus smiled the tiniest bit at that, and Althea's cheeks turned a bright red. "As a friend, of course." She picked at a strand of her hair and played with it for a moment until her embarrassment passed. "I like you more than anyone else in my life at the moment. And I know that my life consists of a bunch of bloodthirsty werewolves, so that really isn't saying much, but…" She seemed to realize she was rambling, so she ran a hand through her hair in frustration and took a deep breath before beginning again. "You're the first real friend I've had since I was bitten. I'm not about to rat you out to Greyback. It's been a while since I've had a friend, but I remember enough to know that friends don't do that sort of thing to each other."

Althea's words immediately reminded Remus of Sirius. Merlin, he missed the mangy mutt, but he shook his head in an attempt to try and keep his mind on the present conversation. "No, they don't."

"It's obvious you're miserable here," Althea said softly. "More so than I ever was. Not that I'm trying to get rid of you, because I'd miss you, but…you belong here even less than I do."

Remus wasn't entirely sure he agreed with that. After all, Althea wasn't the one strutting around here, suggesting that Greyback eat people. On the other hand, Althea did seem comfortable with turning children, something Remus would never be. If those two things balanced out, Remus really wasn't that different.

"I'm going to ask you again," Althea said. "What on earth are you doing here?"

He stared at her for a long time. "You want the honest answer to that? Because I have absolutely no clue. I am no leader. I can't go around ordering people to do things and punishing them if they don't." A wistful expression passed over his features suddenly, and he chuckled. "Except maybe my students."

"What?"

"I'm a teacher. Or I was before I came here."

"At Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"What did you teach?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts. Ironic, isn't it?" Remus asked good naturedly. "That I taught students how to defend themselves against the likes of creatures like us. And then I ended up here, following a werewolf who takes orders from the darkest wizard in the world." His tone had turned much more bitter at the end, and Althea picked upon it.

"So why don't you leave?"

"You mean aside from pissing off Greyback forever?"

Althea giggled. "Yes. That's not something you'd really concern yourself with, is it?"

Remus shook his head. "No. But I can't leave. For a lot of reasons." He looked at her apologetically. "A lot of which I can't explain to you right now."

"Will you someday?"

"I think so, yes." Remus paused before asking, "What about Greyback? Did he seem particularly angry that I didn't stick around?"

Althea leaned back a bit, propping herself up with her hands and looking up at the sky. "I don't think he noticed at all, to be honest. He was a bit…er, distracted."

Remus grimaced. "Yeah, I'm sorry I asked."

Truthfully, Remus was sorry that he had come here at all. The last thing he'd wanted to do was cost anyone their life, even if that someone was Talon. At the same time, that made Remus's resolve to remain there even stronger. He sure as hell wasn't going to let his time here be in vain, and certainly not the events of the last hour. Not to mention, with the prospect of possibly saving some children, Remus was even more determined to stay. He didn't care if he was miserable. He didn't care if he hated it more with each passing second. He was going to try his hardest to save as many children as possible, even if it killed him in the process.

He still wasn't entirely sure that this was worth the price of his soul or his humanity - in fact, he was positive that it wasn't - but if there was even the smallest chance that he could save another child from Greyback, he would risk it.

If he knew that that child was Harry, he would have made that same choice a million times over.

To be continued...