Don't Let her know
Frozen Fanfiction
By W.A. Astor
Warning: F/F, Incest
Chapter 4
"Oh fuck… I told her I love her. What I'm gotta do now, Joan?"
Here she was… standing in front of her favorite company during early teenage years… Of all the people she could confide in, Joan was definitely the most logical choice. No chance of royal scandal spread like wildfire throughout the town. She disregarded the fact that Joan the Painting is not a person though. Irrelevant.
"I guess this was it then, Joan? I showed her all my cards…"
"It's complicated" would be an understatement if she tried to define her obsession with Elsa.
Well, they all said that what happen to you in your childhood stayed with you forever, shaping your future, the person you become. What other major life-changing event could surpass the one that Elsa, her one and only best friend shutting her out yet indirectly preventing her to find…any other substitute at the same time?
Behind the close gate, little Anna was told that she could go out once she reached an appropriate age. However, as long as her height only reached her mother's waist, she needed to behave in a certain way expected of a princess, one of them being staying in the castle.
Other than less than thrilling hours of lessons and not quite agreeable company of various paintings, what's better than to put her heart and minds into than coming up with all kind of pleas to get into Elsa's room?
It's a wonder how your perceptive of another person changed dramatically once the two of you went from best buddies playing a day away together to merely blood-related acquaintances meeting under formal settings thrice a year. There are various ways it could turn out but for her case with Elsa, it was that she has become an enigma. The beautiful enigma that fascinated Anna to no end.
If not trying to strategize a new plan to get into the room with Joan the Painting, Anna often spent days and nights fantasizing about what her sister did with her time all alone in the room. How could she stand that, she never fathomed. Elsa even took all required lessons in that dreadful room!
Years passed, her physical body grew into that of a young woman but her mind remained fix with Elsa. She might stop thinking about new ways to force her way into that room but her weekly ritual of talking to the door was always dutifully followed. The same went also for her fantasy regarding her older sister.
Elsa underwent quite a sprout of growth during her early teenage years. She suddenly became as tall as their late mother, lost baby fat around her face leaving only high cheekbones and white, creamy skin as fine as the highest grade Chinese porcelains. Long platinum blonde luscious hair… and those curves….
Not a single handmaid in the whole castle could rival Elsa's majestic beauty. To be just, actually there were not that many people in the castle in the first place though….Still…Despite a sheer number of people she actually associate or see in her quite lonely life, after a long heated argument with her painting friends, Anna was still determined that Elsa was the fairest of them all.
It was certainly a fascination that rooted deep enough to never fade away no matter how many springs and winter had gone by.
Anna knew better than to ever tell anyone of her fascination with her own sister. She might not be that bright academically but she was no fool. Elsa would not reciprocate anyway, shunning everyone out for years; it was totally possible that Elsa dreaded all kind of human contacts.
Reminiscing the kiss earlier, Anna faintly smiled to herself. Oh how wrong her thought was!
Elsa, her obsession, life-long fascination… her love
She had just proclaimed that sacred word and was sure now, nevertheless she did remember questioning herself years ago.
Was it really love though? She once asked herself as she tried to justify with herself that it was totally fine to feel this way with a person of your own flesh and blood.
To be honest, she was not so sure back then. The only kind of romance, she had ever known was one of happily ever after fairy tales of princes and damsels in distress. Tales of gallant knights that rode out into sunset with princesses. They tell you of love at first sight but never what "love" was really like. If one does want to find what sprang "love" in those tales, it was probably "beauty".
She definitely loved Elsa, if it was that simple.
After all, if someone asked her what was her type the answer would be quite clear. Beautiful, tall, and fair.
People might frown at the word beautiful but hey, she did find a liking to pretty boys. Hans was, as painful it was to admit, beautiful, on the outside, of course. He was tall too. In spite of his hair being dark, he made up for this lack in qualification with vivid tales of life in the Southern Isles… She honestly did not feel anything except from relative ease and joys she got when she finally found a companion with a common ground she could relate to. The magic of the ball night was one of reasons that made her said "yes" to his spontaneous proposal.
Thinking back… like Elsa had said, you can't marry a guy you just met.
True love was more than that.
Still, she was no love expert back then. Well, not now either… but she guessed she was becoming wiser in the field after all that had been said and done. She did not understand much about how she should feel were she to experience true love.
All she could really observe through her prized magic binocular was what she could see with her eyes. Well, she did sometimes imagine how nice would it be to be able to hold Elsa's slender body in an intimate way like how that stable boy hold a girl from the kitchen. Well then, if longing for touch and contacts are love. She probably loved Elsa. Oh and kisses too, how great would it be if she can taste those lips….
But was that love?
Before the Big Freeze incident, she was so conflicted inside she made a fool of herself with her awkward gestures every time she was in her sister's presence.
Despite all damages both in term of domestic and international relations it had caused, it was the incident that finally cleared her mind of all doubt.
No matter what, Elsa was the most important person in her life. During the incident, she acted purely on instincts; and when she looked back, she found out that it was the one and only presence in her mind was Elsa. Not Hans nor Kristoff.
Her love thawed ice after all.
Finally, Anna was satisfied and then concluded that it was really love. Her feeling was fueled by her new discovery also…
It was quite funny that she eventually got all her puzzles of Elsa's actions solved and all doubts wiped away with a help from a snowman of all people, well …not people, hmm intellectual being?
"Putting someone's need before your own"
"Love you enough to leave you"
She was sure Olaf was talking about Kristoff at the time, yet her mind was filled with Elsa…, and all her past actions, shunning her out, keeping distance…
Despite deeming these as terrible logics as only she knew best what her needs were, not Elsa, she started to look at them in a new light.
When Elsa finally decided to emerge from her sanctuary was a month before the coronation ceremony to personally see to the last stage of the preparation. She was doing her best to avoid running into Anna. Elsa usually sat at various meetings, making sure all was in order for the ceremony to only last a day yet all their invited honorable guests could sail home without feeling rushed.
She did not understand then… one of the most celebrated occasions is clearly the ascension to the throne of the new monarch, and in most nations…well at least in their neighboring countries, this occasion definitely fit for a whole week of non-stop balls and festivities. Nobles and peasants celebrated, dancing through the night. Yet, Arendelle's soon-to-be-crowned monarch issued her first royal decree as to have the royal ball last only one night. The festivities in the town were allowed to continue as long as they like but only one night for the royal ball.
Rumors had it that Elsa was stingy then.
She chuckled at the though and how far off from the truth it wa-
Anna snapped out from her thought as she heard the door cranked open, she was about to turn back to kindly ask the newcomer to leave her to her thought. Yet, as she felt the chilling sensation swept through the room, she remained still.
Taking a deep breath without turning back, she decided that a word of greeting is in order.
"So, you have decided, Elsa?"
To be continued.
Ley, , Bason, AFDN, Emma Reade, brittana4life24, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, thank you so much for leaving comments :) I really appreciated them!
All feedbacks are more than welcome!