Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack
Chapter 20 - Almost Human

Remus stayed in the bathtub long after the water had gone cold. He had washed his hair three times and scrubbed every single inch of himself over and over, so much so that his skin was becoming red and raw. He finally put down the washcloth when it was becoming painful to keep using it. Still he remained in the water, staring down at it, almost unable to comprehend how black it had become. How much dirt he had washed off of himself. So why did he still feel dirty?

When he started shivering, he forced himself to get out, lest he give himself hypothermia in addition to dehydration. He pulled the plug out of the bathtub drain and stood up, gasping in a breath when the injury that Greyback had inflicted on him screamed in pain once again. He pressed one hand against his stomach and grabbed the wall of the tub with the other, letting out a very slow breath and waiting for the throbbing to lessen. It finally did, and Remus made a mental note to be careful in the future after he had been sitting for long periods of time.

It had been many years since he'd had a similar wound, but he certainly remembered them well. Back before the Wolfsbane had been invented, he had made many comparable injuries on himself. He always thought of them as 'sneaky wounds' when he was little. He always forgot they were there until he made a sudden movement, when they would make themselves known again out of the blue. It would stop hurting altogether eventually, but until then, he'd have to be extra cautious about his movements.

He gently stepped out of the bathtub and reached under the sink for a clean towel. He grabbed the thickest, fuzziest one he could find and dried himself off, finally wrapping the towel around his waist. Using a hand towel to wipe the mist that had formed on the mirror over the sink, he stood and looked at himself again. At least he was clean, something he wondered if Greyback had ever been, but he was still a little too shaggy for his liking. He spent some time shaving, brushing his teeth, and combing his hair. It was longer than he ever liked it to be, and he'd have to ask Sirius to trim it for him, but not right now. He was much too tired. And cold.

Pulling the towel from around his waist, he hung it on the towel rack and quickly pulled on his pajamas. He was still cold, and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with a hot drink, but he'd feel bad asking Sirius for one. After all, Sirius had offered to bring him something, and Remus had nearly chewed his head off. Remus was much too exhausted to trek downstairs to get himself one, so it looked like he'd have to go without tonight.

However, it seemed as if Sirius had read his mind.

When Remus emerged from the bathroom, Sirius was just leaving Remus's bedroom. They both paused in the doorways, watching each other from opposite sides of the hall, not saying anything for a long time. It almost felt like they hardly even knew each other, and Remus hated that.

"I was coming to check on you," Sirius said, clearing his throat. "You've been in there for a while."

Remus ducked his head. He thought the redness and puffiness had gone down in his face from when he had been crying, but he didn't want Sirius to notice in case it hadn't. He stared down at his bare feet. Those were cold, too, now that he thought about it, and he wished he had grabbed some socks in addition to his pajamas. "Took a while to get everything clean."

"You look better," Sirius said, desperately trying to keep the conversation going. "I picked up your clothes and took them down to the laundry room."

"You should burn them," Remus replied. He had meant it to be funny, but it didn't come out that way. "They're disgusting, and I'd wager to guess that smell's never going to come out of them. It's like Greyback."

"I'll leave that for you then," Sirius said. "It's what I did to my Azkaban clothes - burn them - and I think it's rather healing."

Remus let out a little laugh. "I have a project for tomorrow." For the briefest moment, things had felt comfortable and normal between them, but just as quickly as it had come, that feeling was gone again.

"I, er…brought you a tray of food," Sirius said carefully, gesturing back into Remus's room. "Nothing special, just some soup and tea. I know you didn't want anything, and you don't have to eat it if you don't want to, but it's there just in case."

Remus found himself smiling. He hadn't been hungry before, but the thought of hot soup and tea made his stomach rumble hungrily. "Thanks, Padfoot. That actually sounds really good right now."

Sirius smiled in return, nodding awkwardly. "I'll let you eat and get some sleep them." He turned to go, but Remus called for him, so he stopped and turned back.

"Padfoot," Remus said softly. He felt horrible for asking anything of Sirius after the way he had been snapping at him, but if he was alone again, he thought he'd start crying. Remus knew it was probably just the beginning of many tears to come, and there was nothing wrong with that, but he just wanted some peace for a while. "Don't go," he pleaded. Those pesky tears were prickling at his eyes again, and his voice cracked. "I don't want to be alone."

"Moony…" Sirius let out a breath and quickly crossed the hall, wrapping his arms tightly around Remus. "You're not. I'm here as much as you need me. And you don't need to be afraid to ask. If there's anything you want or need, just say the word, and I'll do it or get it for you if I can. Hell, if you want Swiss chocolate, I'll go to Switzerland right now and get you some."

That made Remus's eyes tear up even more, and he squeezed his eyelids shut, trying his best to keep them in. He buried his head in Sirius's shoulder, reaching his own arms around Sirius's waist and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Sirius asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"You're trying to help," Remus explained, his voice shaking, "and I'm not being very grateful."

Sirius hugged him tighter, and then he started running his hands over Remus's shuddering back, trying to calm him. "Don't you dare apologize. After what you've just been through, you have every right in the world to be angry, and I don't care even if you do yell at me. I know you don't mean it, and I'm not made of glass, you know. Never have been, never will be."

Remus snorted with laughter. If there was anything Sirius could have said to make him feel better, that was it. Sirius had been telling him the same thing for years, ever since they had been teenagers and had spent their very first full moon together. Even when Moony had inflicted bruises upon bruises on Padfoot, Sirius always insisted that it didn't matter, because he wasn't made of glass. It served to remind Remus that there was never anything he could do to hurt Sirius or their friendship beyond repair. That Sirius would always be there for him as much as he needed.

Neither of them said anything more. Sirius just held him for a very long time until Remus grew still in his arms.

"Are you all right?" Sirius finally asked.

Remus pulled away from Sirius. He almost didn't want to, because being in Sirius's arms made him feel so safe, and protected, and…human. Remus supposed it was because no matter what the textbooks said, Sirius always said that there was never any part of Remus that wasn't human. Remus knew it wasn't true, but whenever he was around Sirius, he always felt human, because that was the way Sirius saw him.

Rubbing away the wetness that had accumulated around his eyes, Remus shook his head. "No. Not really."

Sirius sighed heavily, but then he wrapped one arm around Remus's shoulders, starting to guide him towards his bedroom. "Well, you know what James's dad always used to say?"

"What's that?"

"That things always look better in the morning," Sirius said confidently. "Maybe you'll feel at least a little better after you get some food in your stomach and some sleep."

Remus pressed his face into Sirius's chest as they went. "Will you stay with me?" He felt almost like a child not wanting to be alone, but Sirius had told him he didn't have to be afraid to ask for anything.

"For as long as you need."

"All night?"

"It's almost morning."

Remus blinked. He hadn't even noticed it, but Sirius was right. When they reached his bedroom, the very first rays of morning sunshine were just beginning to light up the darkened sky outside. "All morning then?"

"All day if you want."

Sirius had already pulled down the covers on Remus's bed and fluffed up his pillows. It looked so inviting, and Remus thought that was the only thing that could have made him want to leave Sirius's arms in that moment. Remus pulled away from him and settled down in the middle of the bed, leaning back against the pillows and pulling the covers tightly around him. Merlin, he'd missed his bed.

Remus was going to reach for the tray of food on his bedside table, but Sirius did so instead. He picked it up, placing it across Remus's lap. It was still warm, because Remus could feel it on his legs through the tray and blankets. He suspected Sirius had performed a Permanent Heating Charm on it, so there was no chance of it getting cold. There was a large bowl of cream of mushroom soup, Remus's favorite. To one side of it, Sirius had set a small plate of crackers - the buttery-flavored ones that Remus loved. On the other side of the bowl was a large bar of Honeydukes' Best Chocolate, and in the corner was a steaming cup of tea.

Remus's stomach began to rumble anew when he smelled everything, and he began eating hungrily. He tried to pace himself, because he was afraid that eating so much for the first time in two months might upset his stomach, but he couldn't help himself. Sirius wasn't the best cook in the world, but the soup was the about the best Remus had ever had in his life.

Meanwhile, Sirius had pulled the armchair out of the corner and had settled it right next to the bed. He sat down in it, stretching his legs out in front of him and relaxing back in it. He was quiet while he waited for Remus to finish.

Remus ate everything. He almost hadn't even realized just how hungry he was until his first spoonful of soup, but the amount of food that Sirius had placed on the tray was just enough. He suddenly felt very sated, and now that his stomach was full, he began to grow sleepier by the second.

He was getting so tired, he hadn't even realized that Sirius had gotten up from his chair. He retrieved the tray from Remus's lap, replacing it on the bedside table. "And you said you weren't hungry," Sirius teased.

"I wasn't before," Remus said around a yawn. "I think the bath did it - calmed me down a bit so my stomach wasn't in so many knots." He pushed himself down towards the foot of the bed a bit, laying back against his pillows. As soon as he did, his eyelids began to droop.

Sirius tucked the covers in around him, and then he said something else, but Remus was already drifting off the words lost to him. Before Sirius even got back to his chair, Remus was sound asleep.

Remus's mind swam to the surface of consciousness. For a very brief and terrifying moment, he almost thought he was back living among Greyback's pack. After all, he had been waking up there for nearly two months; it was a little bit hard to believe that he was back home. But that was exactly where he was. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of his very familiar and comforting bedroom, Sirius still seated in the chair next to him. Remus let out a contented breath, stretching out under the covers.

"Morning," Sirius said, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"How long was I out?" Remus asked, turning over onto his left side so he could see Sirius better.

"Dunno. I was out, too," Sirius said. "Just woke up a few minutes before you did." He sat up straighter, checking the clock on the bedside table. "And it's not morning, it's afternoon. It's almost one." Sirius grimaced, lifting his arms over his head and stretching as his back cracked in several places.

"I'm sorry," Remus immediately apologized, "for making you sleep-"

"Don't be," Sirius cut him off. "I told you that I'd do anything in the world you wanted. I don't care if it does give me a backache." He paused and added, "Besides, I'm sure this chair is more comfortable than the sleeping conditions you've had recently."

Remus hummed in agreement. "If you didn't want to sleep on a cot that felt like a concrete slab, your only other choice was the forest floor." It startled Remus a little bit just how easily he was able to talk about it; he thought the entire experience would haunt him forever, but he was beginning to wonder if that was true. Laying here in his bed at home, the entire pack seemed so far away, and he thought he was already beginning to forget some of the details.

Sirius seemed to sense this. "Feel any better?"

Remus nodded without even thinking about it. He took a deep breath, letting out a sigh that was slightly muffled by his pillow. "I do. I didn't think I would for a long time, but I feel…almost human. Almost."

"Give it some time," Sirius said reassuringly. "You already look so much better than you did last night."

"I needed this," Remus sighed happily. "A bath, clean clothes, a full stomach, and my own bed. And you, too."

"Me saying all the wrong things last night, hm?"

"Oh, Sirius," Remus whispered, shaking his head against his pillow, "you didn't." He snorted, glancing up at the ceiling as he spoke. "I was a bit of a mess last night in case you hadn't noticed. I was tired, I was hungry, I was dirty, I was still in pain…I'll admit I was being oversensitive, and I apologize. If you said the same thing right now, I don't think I'd be half as angry as I was last night. I know you say things sometimes without thinking them through. I've accepted that, but I know you never, ever mean anything horrible by them. I wouldn't still be your best friend after all these years if I didn't. You're worried about me, and you just didn't want me to have to be there for any longer than was absolutely necessary. I know that."

"I didn't want you to go there at all," Sirius scoffed. "I tried to talk you out of it if you care to remember."

"I can't help it if I'm a stubborn werewolf."

"Well, I'm rather glad you are," Sirius said sheepishly. When Remus looked at him questioningly, Sirius sighed, leaning forward in his chair. "I wish you didn't have to go there at all. I wish you didn't have to go through all of this shite now as a result, but…I already told you this last night. It's because of you going there that Harry's here now. I can't thank you enough for that."

"And I told you," Remus agreed, "I would do it all over again in a second for him. I just wish a few things could have been different."

"Moony?" Sirius asked hesitantly, playing with his hands in his lap. "If you don't want to answer, you don't have to, but what you said last night about letting someone die-" Sirius cut himself off, not sure if his question would upset Remus or not.

Remus sighed, staring up at the ceiling again, like it might have all the answers. He'd known that question was coming, and he thought that talking about it might help him to feel better, but he still hated forcing himself to remember anything that had happened with the werewolves. "It was one of the other werewolves. I told you about him - Talon."

"Oh, the one that didn't like you, that kept trying to tell Greyback you were a spy?"

"That's him," Remus replied, but then he realized what he had said. "Or it was," he corrected himself. "I also told you that Greyback doesn't like that. Greyback chose to trust me, and he doesn't let anyone tell him he's wrong. He punished Talon time and time again for it, but Talon wouldn't let it go. He insisted he was right, and he started telling anyone who would listen to him about how I wasn't to be trusted. Greyback's patience finally ran out. He asked me what he should do about it, and in the interest of proving how loyal I was, I told him that he should kill Talon." Remus laughed, a slightly hysterical sound. This was the first time he was explaining the entire situation, and it was only now that he realized just absurd it sounded, how unlike him it was to let such a thing happen. "I know Greyback would have done it anyway, and I know Talon was just about the biggest bastard that I've ever met in my life, but…he was absolutely right! I was a spy, and I told Greyback to kill him for it. I did nothing to stop it, and I could have!" Remus realized he was rambling and then he laughed some more, but before he knew it, those laughs began to turn into sobs.

"Moony," Sirius said, getting up from his chair and dropping down on to the edge of Remus's bed. He placed his hands on Remus's shoulders, gripping them firmly, like he was trying to stop the tremors that ran through Remus's body. "You should know by now that it's not your fault what people like Greyback do. No matter what you did or didn't do, unless you physically killed Talon, you're not responsible for what happened. Just like I'm not responsible for what happened to James and Lily."

Remus put his hand over his eyes, rubbing at them harshly. "I know. You're absolutely right, and I'd be a hypocrite if I said otherwise. It isn't my fault that Greyback likes to eat people." When he lowered his hand, his eyes met Sirius's. "I don't know why I even care. One less werewolf like Greyback in the world…"

"You care," Sirius said firmly, "because you're a good person. I know you doubt that sometimes, but it's things like this that prove you are. That's the difference between you and werewolves like Greyback - the fact that he can kill Talon with his bare hands and not give a second thought to it…and you're left wondering - wishing that you could have done something different. Don't you see how utterly different that makes you?"

Silence fell, and something occurred to Remus. He was pretty sure Sirius was thinking the same thing, and Remus knew he probably didn't need to say it at all, but he did anyway. "You were right last night, too. I was angry about Bill. If I had killed Greyback out of revenge…I'd be laying here beating myself up over that as well. Wondering if I was more like Greyback than I already think I am."

"You're nothing like Greyback!" Sirius exclaimed. "Nothing!" He shook his head. "If you saw yourself the way I do, you'd realize just how absurd that sounds."

Remus already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. Right now, he needed more than ever to have that reassurance from someone. "How do you see me?"

Sirius released Remus's shoulders and leaned back, propping himself up with his arms on the bed. "I'm sure you know the answer to that by now. I've never seen you as anything but a human, Moony. A human who just happens to change into a wolf once a month, but a human nonetheless." He paused, glancing across the room and squinting his eyes against the bright afternoon sunshine streaming through the window. "I suppose it was because we were already so close before I even found out you were a werewolf. When the friendship comes first, it takes a lot more than an earth-shattering secret to change things."

"It depends who you ask."

"Well," Sirius replied, "you asked how I felt, not anyone else, and that's how I feel. Mine is the most important opinion anyway, so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks."

Remus snorted even though Sirius was absolutely correct. Sirius was his best friend, after all; of course his opinion was more important to him than anyone else's. Not for the first time, Remus was grateful for whatever fates had seen fit to give him such an amazing best friend.

"Besides," Sirius added, "can you imagine me being best friends with anyone like Greyback? Honestly?" This earned a laugh from Remus, and Sirius continued. "It's absurd, I know, and so is the thought that I would be best friends with anyone even remotely like him." He gave Remus a pointed look.

Remus felt his cheeks grow warm, but he smiled up at Sirius. Remus moved to sit up then, feeling like this was too important of a conversation to not have it on the same eye level. He twisted around a bit, trying to fluff his pillows so he could lean back against them, but he sucked in a breath at the pain that flared up in his abdomen.

"You be careful," Sirius demanded, reaching behind Remus to stack up his pillows instead. "How's the pain? Madam Pomfrey left some Painkilling Potion if it's bad."

"It's just because I've been laying here all night. I'm a bit stiff." Remus settled back against the pillows, letting out a relaxing breath. "It's not so bad, I just keep forgetting it still hurts. Nothing worse than after a transformation."

"Then trying to get you to take more potion would be a lost cause, wouldn't it?"

"Mhm. And don't you even think about sneaking some into my food."

"Well, there goes my plan."

When the ache in Remus's stomach faded to a dull throb, he asked, "Did I ever tell you what my parents used to tell me? They had a bit of a catchphrase, I suppose you could call it, for my lycanthropy."

"I don't think so."

"When I was little, not long after I was bitten…I had a hard time accepting it. I didn't remember a whole lot of what happened when I transformed, but I kept getting these flashes of my hands." Remus opened his hands palm-up in his lap, looking down at them. "Only they weren't my hands. They were paws with fur and claws. I kept asking my parents if that meant I was a monster, because those were things that monsters had - fur and claws. And I asked them how they could love me when that's very clearly what I was."

Sirius reached out for one of Remus's hands, gripping it tightly and pulling it towards him. "You're not a monster, Moony. Nothing about you is a monster."

For a brief moment, Remus was reminded of the very first time Sirius had ever told him that - right after he and the rest of the Marauders had put two and two together and figured out Remus's secret. Remus had been very insecure at the time, wondering why anyone would want to continue to be friends with a werewolf. It had taken Remus a very long time before he ever started to believe it, and here was Sirius, twenty-four years later, still proving it to him every single day.

"I was five years old," Remus said a little defensively. "I was still so confused about what was happening to me, or even what it meant. I didn't really understand it, other than the fact that I had…these things that a little boy wasn't supposed to have. I constantly asked my parents how they could love anything that looked like that, and they told me it was because love sees more. Love sees more than just a werewolf, than the claws and fur, and later on, the scars. Any time I got upset or insecure-"

"And you're still insecure," Sirius interjected.

"They told me," Remus went on, feigning annoyance, "love sees more."

"And it does."

"I know," Remus admitted. "I don't always act like it, and my self-esteem issues get in the way of it a lot, but I do know it."

"I love you like a brother," Sirius said intently, "and you know I've never seen you as just a werewolf, and that I don't care about those things. In fact, I'd go so far to say that I don't see it at all. And you want to know the real reason for that?" Remus didn't reply, but he waited for Sirius to go on. "It's because of who you are. Because you don't let it define you." Remus opened his mouth to object, but Sirius talked over him. "You don't. Not like Greyback does, and you can't argue with that. If you were anything like him, you'd be out there eating people, too, not caring who you hurt or killed in the process. You wouldn't be here, living like a human, and that's exactly what you are." Sirius raised his right hand, the one that was free, and pressed it against Remus's chest right over his heart. "In here."

Remus's throat felt too tight to speak, so he simply leaned forward, burying his head into Sirius's shoulder. When he felt Sirius's arms wrapping around him, Remus took a deep and contented breath, letting it out slowly to try and calm himself. They sat like that for a very long time until the constricted feeling started to work its way out his chest. When he pulled away from Sirius, Remus gave him a brief smile.

"All right?" Sirius asked hopefully.

Remus nodded, running a hand through his hair. Then he laughed gently. "I think that's the first time since this started that I've been able to give you a positive response to that question. I think I am. Or I will be. I'm getting there at least. And I'd really like to go and see Althea today to see how she's doing," he added sheepishly. "After the way I've been, I'm really worried about her."

"I'm not the one you have to be concerned about," Sirius said. "Madam Pomfrey might very well have a coronary if she sees you walking around Hogwarts for Merlin's sake."

"I think I'll take my chances." Remus frowned deeply then, thinking about Althea's reaction. "I feel really guilty actually. I'm the one that convinced her to come with me, and then she's left on her own with a bunch of people she doesn't know."

"She'll understand," Sirius said reassuringly. "She knows you weren't in the best shape last night and that it might have been a few days before you were well enough to see her."

"Well, I'll feel much better once I do see her. My mind is kind of running wild at the moment, imagining what kind of shape she might be in." At those words, Remus thought he vaguely remembered a nightmare from the night before. Althea had been crouched in a darkened corner of Hogwarts, growling and trying to claw at people, even though she was still very much in human form. He shivered.

Sirius appeared thoughtful for a moment before he said, "I'll let you go as long as you let me feed you lunch first. I'll make or get you anything you want."

"Anything at all?"

"Mhm. I told you last night that I'd go and get you Swiss chocolate if that's what you wanted, and that offer still stands."

Remus wasn't sure why, but he suddenly had a huge craving for one thing and one thing only. "A roast beef sandwich. With cheese. And chips. And cheese on those, too."

"Roast beef it is," Sirius immediately said, getting up off the bed. He sounded a bit smug over the fact that he was getting Remus to eat, and he was grinning. "I'll run out to that Muggle place around the corner, they have good sandwiches." When he turned for the door, he realized that Harry was standing in the doorway, watching them.

"I was wondering when you two were going to get up," Harry teased. "I looked in a bit ago, and you two were still out of it, but I thought I heard you two talking just now."

"We were up late last night," Sirius argued.

"I thought you were going to come and wake me up last night after Remus woke up," Harry said.

"We decided to let you sleep," Remus explained. "We thought you needed the rest after last night."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "I did, but I was just worried about you and wanted to make sure you were okay." He hesitated for a moment and bit at his lower lip. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course."

"I'm on my way to get lunch," Sirius said, heading for the door again, "so I'll leave you two alone. I hope you like roast beef sandwiches, Harry, because it's what Moony wants, and he's the boss today."

"Love 'em."

"I'll be back in a few minutes then," Sirius said, stopping in the doorway next to Harry. He leaned in close to his godson and whispered, "Keep an eye on Moony while I'm gone, would you?"

"I will."

Just as Sirius started to disappear around the corner, Remus called for him once more. "Padfoot?"

Sirius stopped, grabbing on to the wall for balance and leaning back into the room. "Hm?

"Thank you."

Sirius grinned. "'Tis what best friends are for." He winked, and then he was gone, leaving Remus and Harry alone together.

"Come here, pup," Remus said, patting the mattress next to him, the same exact spot where Sirius had been sitting a moment before.

Harry started to come into the room, but then he stopped when he realized what Remus had said. He approached more slowly, giving Remus a confused look. "That's what Greyback called you," Harry said. "Are you sure that's the word you want to use?"

"Oh, yes," Remus replied, "quite sure. If I don't do something to try and give that word a positive connotation, it's going to haunt me forever." He looked up at Harry cautiously. "As long as you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind," Harry said, dropping down on the edge of the mattress. "That makes sense and…I kind of like that. That you would give me that nickname to try and make it a good word for you." He grinned and shrugged. "It makes me feel special."

"That you are, Harry. What did you want to talk about?"

"I never thanked you for saving my life."

Remus shook his head. "You don't need to thank me."

"I know, but…" Harry paused for a moment, seemingly unsure if he should continue.

"Go on," Remus spurred. "You can say it, whatever it is."

"Well…Sirius and I were talking last night when you were out of it," Harry finally continued. "He was telling me everything that you've been through these last few months, and if you hadn't done all that, you wouldn't have been at Hogwarts to save me last night."

Remus suspected he knew why Harry had been hesitant to say anything at first. Harry probably thought Remus would be angry that Sirius had been telling Harry what had happened with Greyback. After all, Remus was more or less embarrassed by the entire situation, and the fewer people that knew the details, the better. But the truth was, he didn't care if Harry knew. Harry was one of the few people Remus thought he could bare his soul to and not have to feel ashamed by any of it.

"It's fine. I mean, that you talked about this with him," Remus clarified. "I wouldn't want many more people to know what happened, but…I trust you, Harry. I know that nothing you hear is going to change anything between us."

"Never."

"Sirius and I have already talked about this multiple times since I've been back, in fact." Remus sighed, glancing up at the ceiling. He did trust Harry implicitly, but it still took some courage for him to open up to people about certain things. He knew that his entire experience with Greyback would be one of those taboo topics for him for a very long time. "It was horrible," Remus finally admitted. "Much more so than I ever imagined, and it's not something I would ever want to do again. But, Harry? If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant saving you. You are worth it. Very much so."

Harry's eyes widened, but then Remus thought he saw the faintest hint of tears in them. Perhaps before Remus would notice, Harry wrapped his arms around Remus's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered in Remus's ear.

"Harry…" Remus pulled away, not feeling comfortable having this conversation unless he could see Harry's face. He placed his arms on Harry's shoulders, holding them firmly. "What on earth for?"

Harry ducked his head, staring down at the bedspread and playing with his fingers uncomfortably. "I was just feeling really guilty about what I said to you last night - when you were trying to convince me that you were with the Death Eaters." A blush rose up in his cheeks. "I said some horrible things to you."

Remus shook his head. He released Harry's shoulders and put his hands on Harry's cheeks instead, trying to get Harry to meet his eyes. "You were hurt, and angry, and scared, and confused. I was saying things to you that I thought I'd never say in a million years. I told you last night that I was trying my best to make you think I was a traitor so I would look good for the Death Eaters." Remus grimaced, glancing across the room. "Merlin, that sounds so insane, doesn't it?"

"Which is why I never should have believed it!"

Remus tilted his head back knowingly. "You said you didn't."

"I didn't," Harry replied. "Not really. Actually, I was starting to think that you must have been under the Imperius Curse or something to be saying those things. I kept thinking there had to be some sort of logical explanation for it."

"And so there was."

"Which is why I'm sorry-"

Remus quieted him with a finger to Harry's lips. "You have nothing to apologize for. I know you didn't mean any of them, and I know you'd never say things like that under normal circumstances."

"No, I wouldn't," Harry said firmly. "I love you, Remus."

That tight feeling settled into Remus's chest again, but he didn't necessarily mind it; it was beginning to become a bit of a welcome feeling. "I love you, too, Harry. And I know you know this by now, especially after last night, but I'd never betray you. Not in a million years. I don't care what kind of laws they make against werewolves, or what Voldemort and the Death Eaters promise they'd do for us. I've chosen my side, and this is it."

Harry smiled, reaching out for one of Remus's hands. "I know that now. I always did, really. You just caught me off guard, that's all," he added around a laugh.

"Well," Remus said thoughtfully, "I think you've more than made up for it." When Harry frowned, Remus said, "I told you to leave me and save yourself last night, and you wouldn't. You attacked Greyback for me. Do you know how many people would have done that? Because let me tell you, Greyback is, without a doubt, the scariest werewolf I've ever met in my life."

Harry threw his head back, looking rather a smug, an expression that Remus was sure he had learned from Sirius. "I can't help it if I'm foolishly brave and stubborn."

"Well, thank you," Remus said, tightening his hand around Harry's. "It's because of you and Althea that I'm still alive. God only knows what Greyback would have done to me if you two hadn't been there."

"You don't need to thank me, either, but I guess that makes us about even, doesn't it?" Harry asked.

"I suppose it does."

A moment later, Sirius screamed from somewhere downstairs, "LUNCH IS HERE!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "It's nice he could be bothered to walk up the stairs and tell us in an indoor voice." He threw the covers aside, but then paused, not sure if his stomach might start throbbing again if he attempted to move.

Harry snickered, but then his expression grew serious. "Do you need help?" he asked, getting up off the bed.

Remus gingerly slid over till he was on the edge of the mattress, letting his legs drop over the side. "Just getting up, I think. It hurts when I've been in the same position for too long."

Harry leaned over, grabbing Remus's hand again and pulling his arm over his shoulders. Harry straightened up, gently tugging Remus up with him. Remus sucked in a breath as the pain came to life in his abdomen once again. He froze, still leaning against Harry until the pain began to subside. When it had settled down to a dull throb, he exhaled, but still kept his arm around Harry as they made their way down to lunch.

Remus was still terribly worried about Althea, wondering how she was doing at that moment. Remus knew he was only doing as well as he was because of the amazing friends he had to keep him sane. Althea didn't have any of that. At the moment, she only had Remus, who had been too injured to see her. She had been in a strange place with a bunch of people she didn't know since last night, since she had left behind the only life she had known for two years. What would that mean for her?

To be continued…