Love Sees More 3: Greyback's Pack
Chapter 24 - Freedom

When Remus opened the door to number twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was overcome with the most amazing scents emanating from the kitchen. It was almost like going back in time to when he was little, when his mother used to spend all day baking. It made Sirius's house seem all the more like home, and Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, content in the fact that his time with the werewolves was in fact over. That he was home for good.

A moment later, Remus heard footsteps on the kitchen stairs, and Sirius emerged into foyer. He was wiping his hands on an apron - a gag gift from Remus for Sirius's last birthday - that said, "Alpha Dog" across it with a picture of a dog under it.

"Moony," Sirius said around a grin. "Good. I was about to send out a search party."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Have you been cooking?"

Sirius scoffed. "Don't act so surprised. I am capable of reading a recipe and following simple directions. I just pretend I can't so no one ever makes me." He wrinkled up his nose. "I hate cooking. But for you, I'll do it. I wanted to surprise you. Besides, I told you I needed something to occupy myself while you were gone."

A smile slowly curled around Remus's lips. "It smells amazing. Like something my mum would have made."

A smug expression passed over Sirius's face, but then it quickly morphed into a frown. "Don't think I'm going to start cooking all the time now. This is just a special occasion."

"Until the next time I go off to live with a bunch of demented werewolves."

"Which will be never if I have anything to say about it."

"Never sounds good to me."

Silence fell, which Sirius broke by pointing out, "You know your shirt's open. I hate to think about what you've been doing at Hogwarts for the last six hours."

Normally, Remus would have immediately pulled his shirt closed to hide his scars, but for some inexplicable reason, he didn't feel embarrassed about them anymore. "I was proving a point to Bill. If he doesn't get to cover up his scars, then I didn't either."

"What scars?" Sirius asked, continuing to show Remus that he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, at least not around him.

"Exactly."

Sirius looked proud. "Dinner is almost ready. I thought we'd eat in the lounge tonight, getting crumbs all over the place just to annoy my mum." He thrust his chin in the direction of the wall behind Remus. "She's been yelling all afternoon about how I'm going to burn down the house if I keep trying to cook." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Like I'm some stupid child and that doesn't know what I'm doing."

Remus could hear faint muttering coming from behind the curtain to his left. He picked up a few words like "dirty" and "mutants". Normally, those things wouldn't bother Remus. He had grown accustomed to hearing those words over the years, and he was more than used to simply ignoring them. Moreover, he would usually try and deter Sirius from antagonizing her, because when he acted out, it only served to make her even more outspoken. Then again, Remus had spent way too much time over the last two months following rules, however demented they may have been. He'd spent way too much time controlling his words and actions, being obedient to someone he despised.

If Mrs. Black thought Remus was dirty, if she thought he was sullying her house just by being there, then he didn't owe her anything. Remus knew how he felt about himself, how those he loved felt about him, and those were the only ones that mattered. A tiny part of Remus wished he could bring Greyback home for a while, just to see Mrs. Black's reaction; if she thought Remus was dirty, she'd probably have a coronary at the state of Greyback. But for right now, getting crumbs all over her floors would have to do. "Okay," he said simply.

Sirius's eyebrows went up in surprise, but then he grinned. "Harry's already waiting the lounge. Why don't you join him, and I'll be up with dinner in a minute."

When Sirius returned to the kitchen, Remus made his way down the hall until he reached the doorway of the lounge. Sleeping bags had been spread out on the deep, ocean blue carpet as well as many pillows and extra blankets from the bedrooms. Harry was laying stomach-down on one of the sleeping bags with his arms crossed underneath his head, propping it up. He was staring ahead into the fireplace, which was roaring with warmth and flames.

Remus leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest. "Are we camping out?"

Harry turned to look at him, humming in response. "Sirius thought it'd be fun."

Aside from his transformations and his time with the werewolves, Remus hadn't slept on the floor since he'd been a child. He certainly hadn't done so for fun since he'd grown up; it had all been out of necessity. Perhaps doing so for fun was exactly what Remus needed right now, and besides, Remus still wasn't exactly keen on sleeping alone at the moment either. He hadn't even told Sirius, not since they'd talked about it last night, and Remus was in awe of the fact that Sirius seemed to know the right things to do to make him as comfortable as possible. Sirius somehow always knew.

"I came across something of yours at Hogwarts," Remus said, crossing the room and pulling Harry's wand from inside his robes. Remus sat down on the sleeping bag next to Harry, holding his wand out to him.

Harry's eyes immediately lit up as he reached for it. "You found it!" He rolled over onto his back, swishing his wand back and forth and alternately loosening and tightening his grip on. It was like he was he was making sure it was his, and also getting used to the feel of it again. "Thanks. I've been feeling naked without it."

A moment later, Harry stilled and rested his wand across his chest. He looked up at Remus and said, "Can I ask you something?"

Remus nodded. "Of course."

"I wanted to ask you this afternoon, but Sirius interrupted when he came back with lunch." Harry bit his lip then and diverted his gaze to one of the walls.

"What?"

"It's…a bit personal, I guess. But it's been bothering me since last night."

"Harry," Remus said, scooting a little bit closer to him. "You don't need to be afraid. I think we're well past the point of such formalities like censoring ourselves around each other. Whatever it is, you can ask, and I'll try my best to answer."

Harry furrowed his brow. "But…I think it might upset you."

Remus shook his head. "If it's bothering you, I want you to ask. No sense in you fretting over it if it's something I can help you with."

Harry took a deep breath and swallowed audibly. "It's about something Greyback said last night."

When he didn't go on, Remus prompted, "You're going to have to narrow it down a bit. Deranged werewolf says a lot of things. He likes to talk out of his arse a lot."

Harry snickered. He paused for a while, occupying himself with his wand before he looked up at Remus again. His eyes were wide and almost apologetic. "He said you bit a boy on his orders."

Remus was proud that he could give Harry a negative answer to this question. "Just like I said, he likes to talk out his arse a lot."

Pausing for a moment, Harry asked cautiously, "So you didn't?"

"Harry," Remus said as if this was the most ridiculous conversation on the planet. "On Greyback's orders? Really?"

Harry's face immediately turned bright red, and he covered it with his hands. "Ugh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

Remus reached out, pulling Harry's hands away from his face. Remus smiled at him and said, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I would have been concerned, too, if I was you. But you can rest assured that I'd never bite anyone. Not if I can help it, and certainly not because someone like Greyback ordered me to."

"Then why does he think you did?"

Sighing, Remus leaned back a bit, propping himself up on his hands. He still abhorred having to repeat certain aspects of his experience to anyone, but if it would help to ease Harry's fears, then Remus would tell him everything and more. "It's how you gain access into his pack. He doesn't let just anyone in. You have to prove yourself to him by doing whatever he asks of you. The first thing he asks is that you turn someone. He's ensuring that his pack members most likely won't try and return to the human world, because if a werewolf is looked down upon, imagine how a werewolf that's bitten someone is viewed."

Harry immediately pushed himself up into a sitting position so that he was closer to eye level with Remus. "How did you get out of that?"

Remus hesitated, not certain if he should disclose the full details of what had happened. He finally settled on, "Through some very creative magic, and a lot of help from your godfather."

"And you were able to convince Greyback otherwise? He seemed so certain that you did what he asked of you."

Or maybe Harry wouldn't be so easily satisfied. Remus felt a blush rising up in his cheeks, but then he tried to remind himself that he didn't need to be afraid. This was Harry, and Remus knew that nothing he could ever say would frighten him. "Sirius pretended to be the boy. He took Polyjuice Potion." Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Remus talked over him before he had the chance. "Just before that, he transformed into Padfoot. As long as his last true form was that of his Animagus, the bite didn't affect him."

Harry was quiet then, appearing in deep thought. Just then, Sirius entered the room, using his wand to direct three trays of food through the air in front of him.

Harry looked up at him and asked, "You did that? Pretended to be bitten by Moony?" He sounded slightly in awe.

Before he replied, Sirius took a moment to set the three trays down in front of the sleeping bags on the floor. They each had a large bowl of steaming beef stew, and small plate with a couple slices of cornbread, a glass of water, and a cup of tea.

"I don't know why everyone is acting so surprised," Sirius said, plopping down on the other side of Remus. "After what I went through with Moony when we younger, it was nothing. He had the Wolfsbane, he was completely in control."

"And Greyback bought it?" Harry sounded on the verge of bursting into laughter.

"He's not very bright, that one," Remus commented, but then his expression turned serious. "But Harry? You can't ever let anyone think otherwise. Greyback wanted that boy turned because he had a disagreement with his father, and Greyback wanted to punish them. After our little…show, Dumbledore made sure the boy and his family were in a safe place. As far as Greyback knows, that boy is a werewolf. If he ever finds out he's not, Greyback would go to the ends of the earth to hunt him down and do what I couldn't. It can never get back to him that that boy is still very much human."

"No," Harry said firmly, "I promise I won't tell anyone. I'm just…relieved that you didn't have to do that. I know what your principles are, and I was afraid you'd be beating yourself up forever for something like that."

"Yeah. I would be."

"Especially just to save me."

Harry was teasing, but Remus still felt compelled to correct him. "Harry," he said, "I said it before, and I'll say it again. Whatever it took, you are worth it."

They ate silently, each lost in their own thoughts, and something else occurred to Remus. He had done a lot of things in his time with Greyback that he now felt ashamed of. However, it seemed that as far as everyone else was concerned, Remus hadn't yet lowered himself to Greyback's standards. There were still some things that Remus would never do, and those things were what still separated himself from Greyback.

This day was turning out to be full of realizations, it seemed.

After dinner, the three men climbed the stairs to change into their pajamas. Since his favorite pair was now in the laundry basket, Remus settled on his second favorite - blue flannel with yellow stars and crescent moons on them. They didn't seem to make the real moon so big and scary, and with the transformation only two nights away, Remus needed all the extra comfort he could get.

Just as Remus finished buttoning his pajama shirt, Sirius appeared in the doorway of his bedroom. Sirius was dressed in his own pair of pajamas, which were bright red with brooms, Bludgers, and Beaters' bats on them.

They were silent for a few seconds, but then Sirius quietly asked, "How are you?" He sounded like he was treading carefully, like he was afraid that Remus might be growing tired of his continual coddling. Truthfully, Remus didn't mind it. Not now, not with the state he had been in recently.

Remus nodded and took a slightly shaky breath. "I'm okay. I did a lot of things today that I think I needed. I heard a lot of things that I needed to hear. Said a lot of things that turned out to be rather good lessons for me as well. I'm still not sure how I might feel tomorrow though. This all might come crumbling down again for all I know."

"One step at a time, Moony," Sirius reminded him. "Don't worry about what tomorrow might bring. Just focus on right now."

"Yeah, I'm trying, and right now, I am okay."

"Good. I think I am, too."

Remus stared at Sirius like he had a flock of owls flying circles around his head.

"Moony," Sirius said slowly, "you have no idea what a wreck I've been while you were away. I don't pretend that what I was going through was anything close to what you were enduring, but I was making myself sick with worry, not knowing what you were doing or if you were even okay." When Remus didn't reply, Sirius quickly added, "And I shouldn't be dumping this on you, not when you've been in such a state."

"I'm sorry," was all Remus could say.

"And I don't want you to apologize. It's not your fault that I'm a spaz."

Remus hung his head, wringing his hands together for a bit of a distraction. "It just didn't occur to me that this might be affecting you so much."

"I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, either," Sirius immediately added. "Merlin knows you've had enough of that lately. I just want you know how I feel. That you're so damn important to me, I can barely function unless I know you're okay."

"Oh, Padfoot…" Remus paused, his throat suddenly feeling tight. He tried to swallow the sensation away before going on. "I can't really hold that against you. You couldn't exactly call me 'functioning' the twelve years you were in Azkaban. And that was when I thought you were a criminal."

Sirius laughed quietly. "At least we are both suitably invested in each other's happiness. Doesn't make me feel so bad."

"Never," Remus said. Then he clarified, "You're never alone."

After a moment of silence, Sirius said, "And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a wreck while you were at Hogwarts today."

"Why, you were afraid that I'd pass out again?" Remus teased.

"No," Sirius said, and now it was his turn to blush. "I mean, yeah, I was slightly worried about that, but that wasn't all of it." He broke off, his eyes drifting across the room to the window, unable to meet Remus's gaze. "You're going to think this is obnoxious."

"Try me." When he didn't receive a reply, Remus continued, "I've been honest with a lot of people today, and they've been honest with me in return, and I think we're all better for it as a result. Complete honesty isn't necessarily a bad thing."

"I know it's not." Sirius took a heavy breath before crossing the room to sit down on the edge of Remus's bed. He clasped his hands in his lap and stared down at them. "I was worried, because I knew you'd be going to talk to Bill."

Remus blinked in confusion. "And that's a bad thing?"

Sirius was quiet for a long time, still paying way too much attention to his hands. Finally, he said, "It's just that Bill can understand a part of you now that I can't. That I never could. I try as hard as I can. I try to put myself into your shoes, to sympathize with what you're going through, but I know I'll never completely get it."

The truth slowly dawned on Remus. "You're jealous of a Weasley?"

"Shut up!" Sirius cried, hunching over and burying his head in his hands.

Remus watched his best friend in amusement for a moment. Not that he liked to see Sirius in distress, but because it made Remus feel terribly important to know that Sirius felt these things for him. "There's nothing to be jealous of."

"You say that now," Sirius mumbled into his hands.

"Padfoot," Remus said, approaching the bed and sitting down next to Sirius. He reached out and pulled Sirius's hands away from his face. He hunched down a bit so that he could get into Sirius's field of vision. "Yes, Bill and I might be talking a lot more now that he has this to deal with. In fact, I told him that he can come and find me anytime he needs to, and I'll always try my hardest to give him answers. It's going to be difficult for him, and I want to do what I can to help him through it…"

"And I want you to be there for him," Sirius interrupted gently. "I do. I don't want you think I don't. You told me once that having someone to turn to through all of this has been one of the most important things in your life. I'm glad he has you to turn to right now, because I'm sure it's helping him tremendously. I think it might even be good for you as well to have someone who can understand you so well."

"I think it is," Remus agreed. "While I was talking to him today, I realized a lot of things. Things that I guess I always knew, but never really admitted to myself. I think he's going to help me come to terms with some things that I've been avoiding for a long time now. But Padfoot? He's hardly a replacement for you." Sirius still didn't look convinced, so Remus asked, "How long have we been best friends?"

"Twenty-five years."

"Just because Bill's part werewolf now," Remus replied, "it's hardly going to erase all that. It's not going to erase all those years you've spent by my side, looking out for me and protecting me. It's not going to erase the fact that you became an Animagus for me. It's not going to erase the fact that you've been one of the few constants in my life since I met you. I could never be more grateful to you for everything you've brought into my life. Yeah, Bill might be able to understand some things now that you can't, but…I can say with absolute certainty that there are still going to be things about me that only you would ever be able to understand. Sirius, you get me like no one else ever has. Other than my parents, there's never been anyone in my life that I feel absolutely myself with. Except you. And there's Harry now, too, but no one can ever be a replacement for you. I could never feel about anyone else the way I feel about you. Ever."

Sirius finally met his eyes. "Neither could I. But you know, I seem to remember you being jealous of a certain Weasley not too long ago - that day Arthur and I were bonding over my bike."

Remus scowled. "Yeah, let's not talk about that. Not one of my prouder moments."

"These Weasleys are just a thorn in our sides, aren't they?" Sirius asked. "There's Ron who I sometimes feel jealous of where Harry's concerned. You're jealous of Arthur, and now I'm jealous of Bill."

"And what did you tell me when I was jealous of Arthur?"

Sirius sighed overdramatically; he hated it when people threw his own words back at him. "That there's nothing to be jealous of, because no one could ever replace you."

"Indeed." Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him into a tight hug. "You're my brother, Sirius. The only brother I'll ever have. I promise. I don't care if everyone else in my life was a werewolf except you, because no one can ever come as close to meaning as much to me as you do, and I love you for it."

"I love you, too," Sirius said, hugging him back just as tightly. "Not Arthur or anyone else who takes an interest in my bike and other things you don't get. They're just friends. Not family. There's a difference."

"I was wondering what was taking you two so long," Harry suddenly said from the doorway. He was dressed in his own pair of pajamas - emerald green which were covered in bright white owls. "Now I know. You're in here being cheesy."

Sirius pulled away from Remus and yelled, "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, young man. There is NO CHEESE."

"You and I were being cheesy not too long ago if you care to remember," Remus pointed out.

"I know," Harry said, "and I wasn't complaining. I was just making a comment. I like cheese."

"Speaking of cheese, do we have any popcorn?" Sirius asked suddenly, getting up from the bed. "I could go for some popcorn."

Harry looked confused, like he didn't understand how Sirius could get to popcorn from cheese. Harry shook it off and said, "How should I know? This is your house."

"And candy," Sirius said absently, heading for the door. "All this bonding makes me hungry."

Several hours later, the three men were curled up in their sleeping bags in the lounge, suitably full of popcorn and candy. Sirius had just gotten through telling them a bunch of stories about some of the more insane things he'd done in his youth, and Remus's sides were aching slightly from laughing so much.

Remus turned over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and letting out a deep and contented breath. He was nestled comfortably in between Sirius and Harry, the two most important people in his entire life, and he was feeling completely sated and comfortable for the first time in a long time.

"All right, Moony?" Sirius asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"Mhm," Remus hummed. "I needed this, a night like this. Like you wouldn't believe."

"I think we all did after the madness we've been through," Sirius said. "You living with werewolves, me driving myself nuts with worry, and Harry almost being eaten by Greyback and kidnapped by Death Eaters."

All of a sudden, Harry burst out laughing again for no discernable reason. When Sirius and Remus looked at him like he was a lunatic, Harry said, "Did you ever realize what weird names those are? Fenrir Greyback. And Death Eaters." He snickered again.

"Yeah, that does it." Sirius sat up and reached across the floor, pushing the bowls of candy and popcorn away from his godson. "No more food for you. You're completely high on sugar."

Remus yawned suddenly. He hadn't realized just how tired he was until he'd laid down. It had been a long day, after all, and he hadn't been sleeping that well when he had been with the werewolves.

"Moony needs his rest anyway," Sirius said.

"I don't mind," Remus said as he curled up, pulling his sleeping bag tightly around himself. "It's been a long time since I've heard laughing. It's nice. And those are weird names, you have admit."

Sirius snorted. "Like ours aren't."

"Don't make fun of my name, Padfoot."

"Fine, but mine's weird. I'll admit it. So was my brother's. Only a couple of lunatics would name their kids Regulus and Sirius."

"Regulus's name is irrelevant. I'm your brother now."

"This is true."

Remus smiled as he closed his eyes. He could feel both Harry and Sirius tucking his sleeping bag in even more tightly around him. Remus took a deep and relaxing breath, completely content in the feeling of being taken care of. No sooner had the feeling swept over him than sleep claimed him.

Remus awoke some time later, and he was immediately overcome with fear. The first thing his sleep-clogged mind registered was that he wasn't laying in his bed, but on a hard surface. Next, he realized that there were people sleeping on either side of him. Remus's heart began to beat hard and fast, feeling absolutely certain that he was back among the werewolves, sleeping in the cave along with the rest of them. His entire night, the wonderful time that he'd spent with Harry and Sirius had been nothing but a dream, dangling in front of him like a sick joke.

"Moony?" came Sirius's voice in the darkness.

Remus sucked in sharp breath and began gasping for air. Up until Sirius had spoken to him, Remus had been more than certain that he was still with Greyback's pack. He pressed a hand over his face, trying to force the image of sleeping among the werewolves out of his head.

"Hey," Sirius said, concern clouding his voice. Remus could hear him unzipping his sleeping bag and shuffling out of it a bit. A moment later, a strong and comforting hand fell upon his shoulder. "Moony, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing," Remus said in between heavy breaths. "I just…had this moment again, thinking I was still living with Greyback. Same thing happened to me when I woke up this afternoon."

"You're not there anymore," Sirius reiterated, squeezing Remus's shoulder. "You're home. You're free from that place."

Remus took a few more deep breaths, trying to calm himself. "I know. I think it's just going to take me a while to get used to being back."

"I'm not going anywhere," Sirius said. "I'll be here to remind you of that as much as you need."

"Me, too," Harry added into the darkness.

"And I couldn't be more grateful," Remus said. "I don't know what I'd do without you. Either one of you." He looked back and forth between them, even though he couldn't quite see much of them with the lack of light.

"Nor do I," Harry mumbled around a yawn. He wiggled across the floor a bit, cuddling up closer to Remus's sleeping bag. "Someone saw fit to give me parents when I had none, and I couldn't have wished for better ones if I had tried."

"That makes three of us," Sirius agreed. "After the ruddy family I had, at least I was able to find a proper one. You two more than make up for it." He threw an arm over Remus's chest, and his fingers ended up finding Harry's in the black of night.

Remus wasn't necessarily the most physical person, but in that moment, he wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else but snuggled in between the two people he loved most in the world. In the days, weeks, and even months to come, he knew they would be his rock. They would be there to carry him until he found his way back to humanity. With them, he know he could do it.

He would be okay. He would.

To be concluded…