Alex jumped when she heard someone knocking on the door, looking around, panicked.
"Relax, baby," Olivia whispered as she continued to rub soothing circles over her back, "You ordered lunch."
"Oh," Alex whispered, almost so low Olivia had to strain to hear her, "I guess I need to go get it."
"Stay here," Olivia said as she carefully placed her on the bed and kissed her forehead before standing, "I will go and get it. You just rest."
"My wallet is in my purse," Alex said as she nodded in agreement.
Olivia smiled as she discretely grabbed her wallet from the dresser and headed down the stairs. She opened the door and apologized to the delivery man for taking so long as she paid him. She had just shut the door and turned around to head back up stairs when she stopped in her tracks.
"I thought I would come down here," Alex said with a shaky voice, "Is that ok?"
"We can eat anywhere you want to," Olivia answered, once again cussing Jess for conditioning Alex the way she had and wishing she had killed her when she had the chance.
"Thank you," Alex answered as she meekly sat down, almost scared to look at Olivia.
Olivia carefully sat next to Alex, gauging her reactions out of the corner of her eyes as she sat the food out on the coffee table. Without saying a word, Alex quietly picked up her container of Chinese and began to eat, occasionally glancing at Olivia as if she was waiting for her to yell at her or punish her.
"Do you want to go lay down?" Olivia asked when she noticed Alex had finished her lunch and was sitting on the other end of the couch, shaking.
"If that's what you want," Alex answered automatically as she stood and started to slowly walk toward the stairs.
"Stop," Olivia ordered in a voice harsher than she meant to use.
"Yes, ma'am," Alex said as she hung her head, jerking at the tone used.
"Alex, who are you with right now?" Olivia asked in a softer voice.
"You."
"Who am I?"
"Olivia," Alex answered as she turned to face her with tears in her eyes.
"Then, why are you scared? Are you scared of me?"
"No."
"Then I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what you need me to do."
"How can you still look at me?" Alex asked wrapping her arms around herself in a protective gesture.
"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked as she carefully moved closer "Why wouldn't I still want to look at you?"
"You saw the marks. You saw how ugly I am and why she couldn't stand to look at me."
"No, what I see is a very strong and beautiful woman," Olivia answered as she leaned down so she could look into Alex's eyes, "One that I love just as much, if not more so, as I did last night when I made love to her."
"How?"
"How what?"
"How can you see me as a beautiful woman? Not someone who you find disgusting, like she did."
"We will start with the obvious and point out that I'm not her. This may come out sounding wrong, so please here me out before you judge or run away, okay?"
Alex nodded her head in agreement.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some men and women find as beautiful, others do not. To me, you are the most beautiful woman who has ever walked the earth. Even if every inch of your body was scarred, you would still be the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, to me, that I love. That is simply because external beauty is only skin deep, but your internal beauty, what I see every time I look at you, that's what is truly breath taking. Alex that is what I love more than anything."
Olivia took the final step closer to Alex and gently caressed her cheeks, wiping the tears that
were falling from her eyes.
Alex leaned into the touch and closed her eyes.
Smiling, Olivia allowed her hand to trail down Alex's arm taking her hand and gently pulling her against her body, wrapping her arms around her.
Alex sighed as she laid her head on Olivia's chest.
"Come on, Alex," Olivia whispered into the golden blonde hair, "Let's go stretch out on the couch."
Alex nodded and allowed herself to be guided to the couch.
"Why don't you find us something to watch?" Olivia said as she handed Alex the remote once she was situated on the couch and was sure that Alex wouldn't have another flashback.
"What do you want to watch?"
"Anything, you pick," Olivia said as she took the blanket and covered them with it.
"I used to have to ask for permission to do anything," Alex said after almost thirty minutes of silence, having settled on a talk show that neither was interested in, "If I didn't, she would beat me, sometimes with her fists and other times with whatever she could grab. Although, she really loved the sound the belt made as it smacked across my flesh."
Olivia pulled Alex tighter against her, laying a kiss on her shoulder.
"I would try to do nice things like surprise her with breakfast in bed or bring her some coffee and she would get so mad. She would often come down to the kitchen wanting to know what right I thought I had to leave the room without asking. I would cry and try to explain that I only wanted to surprise her. She would laugh at me, with this laugh that could make a murderer's blood run cold, and say why would I want a surprise from a worthless bitch like you? A nice surprise would be for you to be quiet when I fucked you. Do you know how hard it is to fuck a slut like you, when all you will do is scream and cry?"
Olivia could feel the rage rush through her body hearing how Jess would treat Alex.
"I remember, one time, I came down for a glass of water," Alex whispered as she began to stare at a spot on the wall, "She came down the stairs so mad that I didn't ask for permission first. She knocked the glass out of my hand and smacked me so hard I stumbled back. Then, she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to the bedroom, ripping the shirt off me that I was wearing. She forced me on to the bed and onto my hands and knees. Before I could prepare myself, she took the leather belt she kept in the drawer and struck me across my back. I screamed so loud and rolled away, I knew that first hit had broken skin and I was bleeding. That was the wrong thing to do because she jerked me back over and tied me to the bed, so I couldn't get away. Once she was certain I couldn't escape, she started hitting me with the belt over and over again. I remember her stopping and I dropped my head sobbing, I was so happy she was finished."
"She wasn't?" Olivia asked, trying her best to keep her voice as calm as possible.
"Not even close. She had gotten tired of hearing me scream, so she took the gag she would use when she raped me and gagged me. She jerked my head back and said it was hard to concentrate when all she could hear was my screams. She forced it into my mouth and tied it so tight that I thought it would leave marks on my face. She stepped back and smiled, she smiled, then said that's the only way a slut should ever be, on all fours with her mouth full. The only thing that would make it better was if my mouth was full of her cock. Then she got that look in her eye and I knew it was over. For over half the day, she had me tied to the bed, like that, raping me over and over again."
"It's okay, honey," Olivia whispered as she ran her hand up and down Alex's arm in a soothing manner, when she felt her tremble from the fear she felt.
"As if that wasn't bad enough," Alex continued on as if she never heard Olivia, "She would pull out of me and jerk the gag from my mouth. She would hold me by my hair and look at me, with what could only be described as pure happiness at what she was doing, and force herself into my mouth. She would pump in and out of my mouth as she laughed, saying that's right my little slut, take it just like that. I know how much you love to suck on it after it's been in you, how you like to gag when I force you to take every inch."
"Alex, will you look at me please?" Olivia asked as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to calm the anger that was coursing through her body. There was no denying the smile that crossed her face when she opened her eyes and was staring into what could only be described as the darkest sea of blue she had ever seen, "I am so sorry that you went through that. If I could turn back time and stop you from meeting her, to keep you from this pain, I would, believe me, I would."
"I know."
"I hope you know that, with me, you never have to ask permission for anything. I don't care what it is. I want to love you, not control you."
"I know you do," Alex said, smiling a smile that finally reached her eyes, "And that's why I love you."
A/N: I recently reread this story just refreshing my memory and the one thing I have discovered is that after 90 chapters I have a very sick, warped, and demented mind to come up with the abuse that Alex has endured. Then it dawned on me that some of the abuse that is mentioned in this story is a mixture of multiple cases that officers had worked. Then I realized why I don't sleep with out the help of sleep aids. The demons of the night that haunts our sleep are the worse.