Confusion

I am going to kill him! He is so dead when he gets back from…wherever he disappeared off to! I can't believe he left me alone with Thing 1 and Thing 2 (have to stop calling them that) at work! I can barely keep a small goldfish alive for over a day…how the hell does Smallville think I can handle two children? Even if they could be mine.

I guess I should rewind a little because I'm sure I'm confusing the shit out of you all. So…bacl to Smallville and I talking about the kids. Of course after I told Smallville the obvious, that Jonny was named after Clark's father Jonathan, he just stared at me in shock.

"No" Clark had whispered, "He can't be…"

"Clark…you know I'm right"

"We don't know anything for sure Lois! What makes you so positive that his name is…that he's my…"Clark, too scared to finish the question I already knew he was asking

"Because I know you! I know you Clark; so I know, for a fact, that if you were ever going to have a son there is only one name you would use for him and that name is Jonathan!"

Clark stares at the ground, unable to say anything. I could tell by the way his fingers tightened around the kitchen table and how his sholders were hunching that he had a million questions going on in his head…and not one of them he would dare speak aloud.

"He looks just like you Smallville…you cannot deny that! And it's not just that. He was in that barn almost all night looking through your telescope. Before that he was playing fetch with Shelby. He told me yesturday that he'd rather spend his whole day on the farm than anywhere else in the world…" suddenly, a loud clank was heard coming from upstairs, in Clark's old bedroom, where we had Jonny sleep "I can hear him right now rolling out of bed…at 6:45 in the morning! If those things alone don't scream Clark Kent I don't know what does."

As Clark lifted his face I could see in his eyes, Sara's eyes, that he knew I was right. But knowing Smallville he'll be too stubborn to admit it.

"Lois" Clark finally spoke "all of what you said might be true…but you have to know that, as much as I wish they could be, there's no way Jonny and Sara can me mine"

"Smallville what more evidence do you-"

"No, Lois…you don't understand. They CAN'T be mine"

Are confused still? Don't be upset if you are. I was definitely confused…believe me it took me longer than I'd like to admit to figure out what Clark meant. I stared at Clark…wondering why he said Jonny and Sara couldn't be his. Then it clicked

"You mean…you can't have kids?" the words sounded so strange coming out of my mouth

Clark only could give a small nod and in that small gesture my heart broke a little for him. You guys don't know Smallville like I do, but Clark is one of the very few men I know who will be an amazing father. It's the truth; he has a way with a child that is almost uncanny. So to see him admit, there's a chance he will never be able to be a parent is not only tragic but also quite unreal.

"When did you find this out?" I aksed…I know I should have left it alone, most women would, but the reporter in me had to know

"I guess I was always afraid that I wouldn't be able to because my parents couldn't…I mean even though I was adopted it was always something I was aware of. But I didn't know for sure until a couple of years ago. I went to the doctor to get tested for something, please don't ask me what!" He gave me the look that said he meant it and even though I wanted to ask what STD he thought he had I knew it wasn't worth it. Satisfied with my silence he continued, "Anyway, the test came back negative but apparently my sperm count was abnormal. From that he did some more tests and basically said that kids would never be an option for me."

"Does anyone know?"

"Other than my Mom? No" he said with desisiveness "Chloe knows pieces but not everything. And Lana never knew."

"She didn't?" surprised that Smallville told me something he never told the 'love of his life'.

"I was too ashamed to tell her"

"Clark" I say trying to make my voice sound soothing instead of demanding, "You don't have anything to be ashamed of. And if Lana made you feel that way then maybe she's not the person you're supposed to be with"

Then he did it…the thing that always makes me melt and gets my heart to race. He smiled his quizsical small smile.

"Lois…you're not really thinking that you and I actually could be a couple?" Clark questioned

"Of course not, Smallville!" I pray that he didn't hear the hurt in my voice "I just don't want to see you all dopey eyes in the office anymore. It's bad for business Clark so you need to get your head in the game"

And yes…I meant what I said. It's not like a notebook that is full of pages that says Lois Lane-Kent. Besides, in order to even think about being in a relationship with someone you have to have feelings for them…which I DON'T!

After that the day was pretty mundane. Clark and Jonny spent the whole day in the barn while Sara taught me how to bake. It was a lot of fun and the muffins turned out perfectly…so maybe she's not my twin afterall.

So back to this morning, so my alarm went off at 7am…normally the time I'd wake up to get ready for work. I stared at my phone suddenly wondering how Clark and I would do. Neither of us could take off work, today the Mayor was holding a Press Conference about the supposed Good Samaritan. Mrs. K wouldn't be able to babysit considering she's all the way in Washington (D.C. people). Chloe would be busy with the Isis foundation. And it's not like Clark and I can leave the kids at the farm by themselves for 8 hours. So Clark had the brilliant idea of bringing the kids with us to work and then skipping out on me! I know he's busy and everything but did he have to leave them in my care. And then Tess comes down and starts asking Jonny and Sara questions. I may have lost my temper…and my job.

So here I am; at my desk, during lunch, waiting for Smallville to come and take care of the kids. Speaking of kiddos…where did they go? They were just here. Sara was quietly waiting and Clark was…playing with his chair. Suddenly, a tall man came and hugged Sara and Jonny. Thrilled to finally see thei—SMALLVILLE? Oh I am so sorry guys but he is dead. He is so dead meat. I'll talk to you all later when I have pictures of him in the morgue. Talk to you all later…

LL