A/N: Here we are with a 103 chapters. I can say I am truly amazed that this story has hit the way it has and I have to thank you guys for it. Thank you for allowing me to take such a touchy subject still till this day and bring light to it and what it takes for a recovery process of abuse as well. You guys are truly the greatest and I don't say it enough. If your worried that the story is coming to an end believe me our two favorite ladies still have a long ride ahead of them.

Olivia took a deep breath before she opened the bathroom door and walked into her bedroom. She honestly couldn't remember if she was ever this nervous about a sexual encounter. Hell, she was pretty sure she wasn't this nervous the first time she had ever used a toy in the bedroom either. But this was different, this was with Alex, and the last thing she ever wanted to do is scare Alex or give her any reason to fear her anymore than what she already did.

"Are you going to just stand there or come over to the bed and join me?" Alex asked pulling Olivia from her thoughts.

"Umm, I'm not sure."

"You're not sure?"

"I'm scared," Olivia admitted.

"Then that makes two of us, but we can't face it if you stay over there," Alex answered in voice that quivered with fear.

Olivia exhaled the breath she had been holding and slowly walked toward the bed. She closed her eyes before sitting down on the bed, adjusting the harness so that it wouldn't cut into her as she sat down.

"Lay down, please," Alex whispered as she ran her hand up and down Olivia's arm.

Olivia closed her eyes as she laid her head on the pillow and stretched her body out like Alex had asked of her. She willed her body to relax and tried to use some of the breathing techniques that she had been taught during her therapy sessions. When that didn't work, she tried to imagine that she was relaxing on a beach somewhere.

"I'm not sure who is more tense here, me or you," Alex said as she propped up on her elbow and smiled down at Olivia. She was terrified to ask for this but she knew without a doubt Olivia would do whatever it took to keep her safe and how she was acting at the moment was just cementing that fact even more.

"Alex, what if I send you into a flash back?"

"Liv, we will never know if we don't try. Why don't we start with this: tell me what some of your fears are with using toys in the bedroom?"

"I just stated one," Olivia said turning her head slightly so she could get a better look at the blonde, "I'm so terrified that I will send you into a flashback."

"Another?"

"That I will lose control and won't be able to stop if you need me too."

"Why you have always done so before?"

"You talked with Stacia and I'm pretty sure she didn't sugar coat anything with you either."

"How sometimes it seemed as if you zoned out and something or someone else took over your body. How sometimes you would thrust harder and harder to the point that she would beg you to stop. Or how you would love to watch her give you a blow job before and after you used it on her."

"Every one of those things you just listed, Jess made you do. How can you be so sure that I won't turn into her in the bedroom?"

"Honestly, I don't know, but what I do know is that you love me and have moved heaven and earth to make sure I felt safe and secure in this bedroom and I have no reason to believe you won't do the same thing now."

"What are your fears?" Olivia asked needing to know where Alex stood with it as well.

"First, I am terrified that I won't be able to go through with it and disappoint you."

"Alex, I mean it when I say that if we never bring a toy in the bedroom with us I am fine with that. Honey, the sex that we have now is beyond mind blowing and, if you ask me, we don't need to spice anything up."

"This is something I want to do for you and for me. I want to know that I can have one used on me and not relate it to rape or torture."

"Personally, if you ask me, we have the rest of our lives to overcome this; it doesn't have to be done in a day."

"You deserve someone who you can lose control with Olivia, not someone that you have to walk on egg shells around in the bedroom."

"Alex, you are so terrified that you are not enough for me because I choose to be careful with you in the bedroom."

"Olivia, don't you want more?"

"Alex, let me ask you: what more is there for me to want? I am lying next to an absolutely gorgeous woman who I never in a million years saw myself having a chance with. I'm lying next to a woman who has tolerated more than she should have to tolerate from me because of a medical condition. I'm lying next to a woman who is allowing me to slowly drain her family fortune to make sure I get the best medical help there is for me. So, please tell me, what else do I want?"

"To try new things, to use different positions, to be able to get a little rough with me without fear of me having a flashback, things like that."

"You're right, Alex, I would love to try different positions. I would love to put you on all fours and take you from behind. That happens to be one of my favorite positions, which I'm sure you know about since you talked to Stacia. I would love to be able to lay back and let you ride me over and over again and just when you think you can't take anymore, I would love to flip you over and send you over the edge one more time. This time with me staring into your beautiful blue eyes as I watch wave after wave crash over your body."

"I want you to have that," Alex cried.

"Want to know what else I want that doesn't involve this toy?" Olivia asked determined to prove to Alex that she didn't need to use a toy to be satisfied with their sex life.

"What?"

"I would love to place you up on your island and drop down on my knees and eat your pussy like never before. I wanted to do that to you so bad the other day in the kitchen that I had to go to the restroom and relieve some of the pressure."

Alex just looked at her stunned.

"Yeah, honey I did. Let's talk about the other night I woke up to hearing you call my name. I thought you were having another nightmare until I realized you were masturbating and calling my name out while you had one hell of a dream about me. I leaned over and whispered for you to let go come for me. Before you did, you grabbed my hand and begged me to enter you and I did. I pushed two fingers in fast and deep right before you came. You rode my fingers like never before until you couldn't take it anymore and then you fell back against the pillow and fell into a peaceful sleep."

"Oh god, I didn't," Alex moaned as she covered her face embarrassed.

"Hey, you have nothing to be embarrassed about," Olivia said as she pried Alex's hands from her face, "That was hot to watch."

"You didn't think that I was a freak?"

"Because you have needs and desires, you're a freak. Because you had an erotic dream about me and trusted me enough even in your sleep to help you over the edge, you're a freak. No, honey, you're not. Sex between two consenting adults is a beautiful and wonderful thing."

"What about me wanting to use a strap-on again after what I've been through?"

"No, to me, that's a victim taking back the last thing that was taken from you."

"Why are you so patient and kind to me?" Alex asked as she caressed the side of Olivia's face.

"Because I love you, Alex. I LOVE YOU. If you truly love someone, like I love you, then you will be as patient as you need to be with them. Alex, I love you with all that I am and if we never get to a point where we can use toys in the bedroom, I am more than okay with that."

"I love you too, Olivia," Alex whispered as she laid her head on Olivia's chest and allowed herself to fully relax in Olivia's embrace.