"What if she's found not guilty?" Alex asked as she turned the TV off and faced Olivia. Since their discussion in the kitchen, they have spent the day just lounging around the house doing as little as possible.

"What?" Olivia asked as she looked up from the book she was reading, not really catching what Alex had said to her.

"What, if for some reason, Jess is found not guilty?" Alex asked again.

"Alex, Abbie is second only to you," Olivia said as she reached out and caressed her face, "She will get the conviction."

"But what if she doesn't?" Alex asked as she stood and began to pace the living room, "There is that chance that she could walk out of the court room a free woman. What then?"

"Then I will do what I swore to you I would always do and that is to keep you safe, no matter what."

"So what, quit your job so you can be a full time body guard?"

"We're not even sure if I will still have a job," Olivia said as she stood and stopped Alex from pacing, "So that may not be an issue."

"Honey, you and I both know that Cragen will bend over backwards the same as everyone else in the unit would to make sure you still have your job."

"I'm not worried about them passing it on to another officer; I'm worried about being physically and mentally cleared to return to duty. If I'm not cleared for duty, I may just have to apply for a job as your full time body guard."

Alex couldn't help but laugh as she reached out for Olivia.

"Hey, that's not funny," Olivia said as she pouted, "I'm serious; I'm going to have to apply somewhere to start bringing money in if I'm not cleared."

"Honey, you were injured in the line of duty and will receive a disability check monthly from the department if you are not cleared for duty so that is the least of your worries. Besides, if you're worried about making your rent payment, don't; remember, you have an apartment right here that is rent free and a woman who is more than willing to take care of you for the rest of your life."

"Do what, become Susie home maker?"

"Absolutely, I expect dinner on the table by no later than six thirty and my suits pressed and ready for the next day of work."

"Yes, your highness," Olivia whispered as she pinned Alex against the wall and kissed her.

Alex ran her hands up and down Olivia's back and sighed. It amazed her at the amount of power she felt coming from Olivia and how she always managed to keep it under control, whether it was with her or with a perp that was taunting her.

"I want you so bad right now," Olivia whispered into Alex's ear without thinking, "I'm going to take you upstairs and make you scream, beg, moan, and plead with me for me to stop, but at the same time for me to continue."

"No, please, don't," Alex cried as she began to push Olivia away, "I'm sorry, please, don't."

"Alex?" Olivia said a she stepped away from the blonde and took a deep breath, "Honey, you're safe and I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

Alex sank to the floor and curled up in a protective manner as she began to plead for Olivia not to hurt her. Everything had been going so good. She should have known that all fairy tales come to an end.

"Alex, honey, take a deep breath," Olivia said in a soothing voice as she squatted down to Alex's level, "You're safe."

"Please, I'm sorry, Olivia, please, don't hurt me," Alex cried as she shied away from Olivia's touch, "I'll do whatever you want."

"Hurt you?" Olivia said as she rocked back on her heels.

"Please, I'm sorry, I don't want anyone else, I promise." Alex cried as she began to tremble, "I'll never look at another person again, I swear."

"Fuck," Olivia said to herself, "Honey, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Please just relax, I will never hurt you."

"I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours," Alex kept repeating over and over again as she rocked back and forth.

"And I'm yours," Olivia whispered as she reached forward with trembling hands to carefully turn Alex's head towards hers so she could look into her eyes, "Honey, I am so sorry, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I will never hurt you or use sex as a way to control you."

"You're going to," Alex sobbed out, "Make me beg and plead."

"No, honey, I'm sorry," Olivia said as she smiled at Alex while silently cursing herself for not controlling her desires better. She knew better than to make a move on Alex, "I wasn't thinking when I said that and I am so sorry. I swear to you, that I did not mean it as it sounded."

"I understand that I can't satisfy you," Alex said as she stood carefully and began to walk toward the stairs, "Come show me what you like and how you like it. I promise, I'll work hard to learn it."

"What I'd like," Olivia said as she reached out to stop Alex while trying to keep her anger under control, "Is for you to stop where you are."

"Yes, ma'am," Alex said as she hung her head.

"And look at me."

Alex turned around slowly to face Olivia.

"Thank you," Olivia whispered as she fought to stay where she was, "Alex, you will never know how sorry I am about that. I didn't mean it the way you took it and I would never hurt you. I wasn't thinking and got caught up in the moment and that I will forever be sorry for."

"You don't want me?"

"Oh no, I want you, but not the way you mean," Olivia said as the tears started to fall from her eyes, "Honey, you are your own person and I will never attempt to control you or own you in any form. If there was some way I could take all that back, I would, I swear to you."

"She would always say that she would make me hers and make me beg and plead," Alex answered and immediately regretted it upon seeing the look that crossed Olivia's face, "I meant."

"Exactly what you said," Olivia said moving farther away from Alex.

"I'm not comparing you to her," Alex said stepping toward Olivia.

"You don't have to; we both knew it was a matter of time before I did something to remind you of her. Look at my genes, I had two beers with dinner and just now I had you pinned against the wall."

"And if I was anyone else, we would be upstairs ripping each other's clothes off, you're not to blame and I'm not to blame, she is. Jess is the one who destroyed that for us, not you or your genes."

"Alex, I knew better than to pin you then to lose control like I did," Olivia said as she turned away from Alex and began to walk toward the door, "I did. I lost it and look where it got me. I reminded you of her."

"I'm sure that's not going to be the last time either," Alex said as she followed behind Olivia, "Huang has told me that it takes years to overcome what I have went through. He has warned me that it could be fifteen years down the road and something will happen to remind me, so you can't blame yourself."

"I knew not to pin you," Olivia said shaking her head as she looked at the ground, "I knew to keep myself under control and I didn't."

"I'm glad you didn't," Alex said moving in front of Olivia and raising her head so she could look at her, "It's nice to know that your desire for me is like that. Yeah, it scares me because the last time I thought someone desired me like that they only used it to hurt me. I like to know that I have that affect on you and one day I would love for you to be able to do what you just did, but instead of it ending like ours just did, I would love for it to end with you ripping my clothes off and taking me where I stand."

"I will never let this happen again, I promise you."

"I want you to let it happen again, Liv. You can't spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells around me. Lose some control with me. I'm not some damn china doll that's going to shatter if you do."

"Do what, send you into another flashback, or remind you of her. Forget it."

"So what, you're just going to tread lightly for the rest of your life?"

"YES!"

"No, you're not," Alex said as she grabbed Olivia and pulled her to her, "I want all of you. I don't want you to hold anything back. This will not be an equal relationship if you constantly walk on egg shells with me."

"I'm fine with it," Olivia said as she took a small step from Alex.

"I'm not," Alex answered closing the gap again, "I know what it's like to be controlled and I will never, never do that to someone I'm with."

"You're not controlling me," Olivia said as she took another step back and met the wall.

"Indirectly, I am," Alex said as she stepped forward and pinned Olivia to the wall this time, "That is not a relationship I want. I want an equal. Someone who I can argue with down here and then go upstairs and make mad passionate love to."

"If I send you into another flashback or remind you of her, what then?"

"Then, we will work through it like we are now although, preferably without me having to chase you across the room. "

"Alex…"

"Shh," Alex whispered as she placed a finger on Olivia's lips to silence, "You said something about taking me upstairs and having your way with me."

Olivia nodded unable to say a word.

Alex leaned forward and whispered into Olivia's ear, "Take me upstairs and have your way with me."

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay but I haven't been able to write the way I would like. I wanted to put Alex into another flashback or do something that would remind her of Jess. As a survivor of abuse you never know when something will trigger a memory or when it will happen. The most important thing is for the two ladies to not only talk it out but find a way to move past the reminder, together.