Omega gathered some herbs in the forest. She was thinking about the way she lied to Owl about her killing the kits on purpose. She was so scared and didn't want Yellow Bird to be more angry than she was. Omega thought how strange it was that Owl was interested in herbs, and knew two herbs already without anyone telling him. He certainly was a fast learner. Would he make a good medicine cat? Probably. Maybe he could take her place. She didn't deserve to be one. She didn't know why she didn't deserve to be one, but she had to remember sometime. Hopefully sometime soon.
A half moon later, Omega was getting ready for her half-moon trip to the Star Hill, the tallest landmark in the forest that was close to the sky and stars. She would sleep there and dream with Starclan.
"Omega," someone's voice called. Omega turned and saw Owl standing awkwardly at her entrance.
"Hello, Owl," Omega said nervously. Did Owl come to question her more about the death of his littermates?
"Hi," Owl dipped his head. "I have a question. Can I talk to you in private?"
Omega looked out of the den. No one was around, and the medicine den was pretty private. "Talk here," she said, flicking her tail.
Owl padded inside and smiled shyly. "I… I wanted to ask you… if you could teach me some herbs. In your free time. And my free time. I'm just not fitting well with the other apprentices and I can't… I can't hunt or fight like them. It's mostly because of my size, but…" Owl trailed off, looking sad. "I just don't belong," he finished.
Omega looked at him closely. "Why would you want to learn about herbs?"
"I really like herbs. I study them instead of looking for prey- it's a habit that annoyed Silver very much today. I think about how I would heal someone's wound instead of inflicting one during battle training. It's distracting, really, but I feel like I have to… I don't know. Don't laugh at me. I want to become a medicine cat," Owl blurted. He glanced at Omega anxiously. "Sorry, I know you have to get somewhere… right?"
Omega nodded briskly. "That's right. I'm going to the Star Hill. I've got to reach there by moonhigh. If you want… you can talk to me more outside…?"
Owl brightened up. "That would be great! I'll just say I'm going to practice hunting land animals, then."
Omega nodded. She felt slightly guilty making Owl lie to his mentor. But then again, it was his decision in the first place. She smiled. Maybe she could train Owl… then she could die. If she joined Starclan, surely she would get her memories back? Starclan was where all cats found peace, and Omega would be at peace if she knew the truth.
Owl went off to lie to his mentor, Omega's sister. Omega lapped up her traveling herbs and said goodbye to Mudstar, who was talking to Rowan Leaf near the medicine den.
"I'm off to the Star Hill now," Omega told Mudstar. Mudstar flicked his long, thick black tail.
"Take care," he rumbled. Omega dipped her head at him, then at Rowan Leaf, then padded out of the camp. Before she was out of sight of the camp, she turned to see where Owl was. Owl was talking to his mentor, his head down. Omega wondered why he was so sad about practicing hunting. She paused long enough for Owl to look up and spot her. Owl gave her the tiniest nod of his head, gesturing her to go on. Omega gave a tiny nod back and left the camp. The night was warm and the air was sticky and humid. Crickets sang their late night songs under the half-moon, loud and clear. Omega lifted her head high as she trotted through the undergrowth, her fur prickling. Something about this setting, her walking alone through a dark forest at night to go to a special place with someone else, made her feel nervous. Like she'd been in this situation before. Omega stumbled over a small log as another memory flashed through her mind. This one was different. She was actually in the memory, looking through the eyes of herself in the past. She could control herself and think in this one.
Omega looked down at her paws. They were smaller and the fur looked fluffier and softer. Like a kitten's pelt. Was she a kit again? She must have just been apprenticed, by the looks of herself. What in the name of Starclan happened? Omega looked around anxiously. Where was Owl? Did he manage to convince Silver? Suddenly a large dark gray tom about the age of a warrior slithered through a bush and stopped in front of her. It was midnight, and the half moon illuminated the tom's fur.
"Omega," the dark gray tom growled. "What are you doing here?"
Omega wanted to scream. It was a rogue! How did he know her name? Was he the one who caused her trauma? Was he the one who ruined everything? But instead, the words that came out of her mouth were a different cat's words. She realized that she was in the body of who she was in the past, and the past Omega was speaking. Her past voice was slighter higher and surprisingly more confident."Hello, Mallow. I wanted to see you. I had to sneak away from Riverclan because I hate it there. I like to be with you." Omega's past self sounded so… in love, foolish.
The dark gray tom- Mallow?- relaxed. His deep amber eyes glowed. Omega noticed he was incredibly handsome. Mallow purred, "Then we'll be together, if that's what makes you happy."
Omega's past self said, "You are what makes me happy. That's why I wanted to agree to your offer. We've known each other for only a moon, but I like you a lot. If you promise that you will make me belong, I will help you and your rogue friends."
Mallow's gorgeous amber eyes narrowed. "Really? Do you promise? Because you'll have to give up something."
"Anything, Mallow," Omega's past self purred. "Whatever you want, I'll give it to you." Ugh, Omega thought, what was I thinking back then? Why would I want to talk to a rogue in the first place?
Mallow lifted his head. "The reason you don't belong is because you are smarter than your fellow apprentices. You have a natural instinct to think. You just think, think, and think all the time. Am I right? Do the others make fun of you because of this?" he tilted his head to one side sympathetically. Don't believe him! Omega wanted to shout at her past self.
"Yes," Omega's past self said sadly, "they call me the stuck-up apprentice. They make fun of how I have to know more than my mentor does, and I've only been an apprentice for two moons! They make me ashamed for being smarter, and I hate it, Mallow. I hate my intelligence. I want to be normal."
Mallow scowled. "Don't hate your intelligence! It's who you are! That is why you must give up training as a warrior apprentice. You shall become a medicine cat, and hone your quick thinking and wisdom." His flame-colored eyes sparkled with pride. "You can be yourself as a medicine cat, Omega. You are a special cat."
Omega frowned. So this was how she became a medicine cat. By agreeing to a strange cat's offer. How weird. Her past self meowed in determination, "If you really think so. I'll try to convince Mudstar and the medicine cat, Delta. But… I'm the best fighter Riverclan has. Don't you think I should keep defending my clan?"
"Don't you want to be closer to Starclan? You can defend your clan that way. Seek guidance from the stars. I know I've always wanted to see my ancestor's spirits," Mallow said wistfully. "Do this for me, Omega. Please." He smiled a little, coaxing an answer out of her.
Omega's past self nodded. "Alright. Just for you, Mallow, okay?" After a pause, Omega's past self added, "Why don't you join Riverclan? Being alone in the forest everyday must be lonely." She blinked hopefully.
Mallow's gaze darkened. "I have my friends, Omega, and you have yours. It's been this way since forever."
"Aren't I your friend too?" Omega's past self protested. "I though I was important to you!"
"Of course. You're my very best friend. And that's why I'm asking you to agree with my plan. I want to help your clan, Omega. And I can help them by proposing a joint leadership with Mudstar. We will lead your clan together," Mallow purred, swishing his thick silver tail.
Omega's memory ended and she woke up with a gasp. Owl was next to her, looking on the verge of tears. "Omega! What happened? You just… you just collapsed when I got here, and you weren't breathing at all!" Owl gasped. Omega stood up, stumbling on her paws. She had just relived a memory! Who was Mallow? Was he still alive? He looked very young, even though he seemed older than Omega by a few moons.
"I… I got a flashback, is all," Omega lied. She was shaking. "I'm fine now. Let's go."
"Are you sure you're okay?" Owl asked. He narrowed his green eyes.
"Yup. I'm fine!" Omega said way too brightly. When Owl looked at her again with that annoying look of concern in his eyes, Omega fixed him with a glare and started walking in the direction of Star Hill. They traveled a long time in an awkward silence before Owl finally said something.
"So… why are you exactly agreeing to mentor me in the ways of a medicine cat?" Owl questioned.
"I didn't exactly agree yet," Omega pointed out with a flick of her tail. "But now I agree. And I agree because I think you're special. You would make a better medicine cat than me." And she left it at that before the string surge of guilt swept through her body every time she thought of what she did. What did she do? She still had to find out, and Starclan wasn't telling her anything. She bristled at the thought of Starclan. They refused to help everyone. Apparently Omega had become a medicine cat apprentice to be closer to her ancestors, but they weren't any closer than they were when she was a warrior apprentice!
"Wait, so you're actually agreeing? Even if my mother blames you for my sisters' deaths?" Owl asked with disbelief. "You're, like, enemies with her or something."
Omega winced. That was true, and she hated it. She knew it was some kind of sadness or anger issue that made Yellow Bird this way, and she wanted to help her through her grief, but Yellow Bird stayed stubborn and furious. Besides, Omega didn't know of any herbs that would heal a cat's heart or mind. "We're not exactly enemies, Owl, so don't tell your mother that," Omega said carefully. "But we are in a sort of… conflict, to put it lightly. Your mother is just still grieving and her way of grieving is blaming and being angry at someone who makes the most sense to be mad at."
"Can't you help her? I mean, she's not always angry or sad, but when she is, it's kind of hard to cool down," Owl murmured.
"I don't have any herbs that heal sorrow, unfortunately. Hopefully time will heal her heart," Omega said. She looked around the forest, recognizing the small stream flowing between two thick swathes of blueberry bushes. "We're almost there," she added.
"Great!" Owl purred excitedly.
They started climbing up a grassy slope, weaving through dark gray boulders that jutted out of the ground. "When we get to the top of the Star Hill, I'm going to dream with Starclan. They won't speak to anyone unless they are a medicine cat, a leader, or someone they have to talk to for important reasons, so you can just take a nap while I dream, okay?" Omega instructed Owl. Owl nodded, stumbling as the slope steepened.
"How far up is this hill?" Owl wondered out loud.
"Pretty high. Remember, it's the closest point to the stars in this forest," Omega pointed out. They climbed and climbed some more and when they finally reached the top of the hill, they could see nearly all of the forest through the trees. The hill they were standing on was more like a rounded cliff, overlooking everything else. The moon shone brightly, directly above them. "All right, I'll be done soon," Omega said, settling down on a patch of moss on the hill.
"Okay. I'll be here," Owl meowed, sitting next to her. Omega smiled slightly and closed her eyes, falling asleep with the light of the stars on her back.
Immediately, Omega felt the familiar tingling feeling run through her body and she opened her eyes to a new world of starry cats. She stood and stretched, spotting Mistystar, the ancient leader that lead the first Riverclan cats here to this forest after the tragedy. Mistystar's silver tabby pelt sparkled with light and her blue eyes were narrowed.
"Greetings, Omega," Mistystar meowed. She dipped her head and Omega dipped her head back in respect.
"Hello, Mistystar. It's good to see you. Do you have any advice for me?" Omega asked, adding the second part silently in her mind: And do you have any memories for me?
As if Mistystar had read her mind, the powerful gray she-cat lifted her chin and said, "I cannot give you your memories back yet. It is your mission to find them through your heart."
"What does that mean?" Omega frowned. "I don't remember anything!" She lashed her tail in frustration, ready to give up on Starclan's power if they didn't give her memory back to her.
Mistystar sighed. "I'll tell you everything you need to know later. Until then, Owl needs to be trained as a medicine cat."
"So I really should train him secretly?" Omega asked in surprise. She hadn't expected Starclan to approve.
"If you want your memories, you'll have to do exactly that," Mistystar said solemnly.
"But… how will training Owl get my memories back?" Omega countered. "Owl has nothing to do with the things I know I did but can't remember."
Mistystar lashed her tail. Her eyes glowed as she said firmly, "Owl will help you in a way you'll never expect. So it's your choice. Just train him and we'll see how it goes from there."
"And if training him doesn't work?" Omega challenged Mistystar. "Owl actually wants to be a medicine cat- I can tell. If your plan doesn't work, I can't just say to him that he can go back to being a warrior apprentice. That would crush him."
"Then don't do anything wrong," Mistystar said.
Omega hated how vague Mistystar was being. "I don't even know what's right anymore!"
"Yes you do. Like I said, search for it in your heart. Your heart will always do good, Omega, remember that," Mistystar purred, and disappeared into a swirl of star-speckled mist.
"Is that it? Come back!" Omega yowled, looking around in exasperation. "Mistystar… help me, please!." There was no answer. Omega guessed their meeting was over and, with a long sigh, curled up and closed her eyes.
She woke up in the living world and found Owl in the same spot, watching her with wide eyes.
"Hi," Owl said shyly.
Omega yawned and stood up. "Hey," she replied. "Guess what? Starclan approves, but we have to keep it a secret."
"The training?" Owl grinned, lashing his tail delightedly.
"What else? Of course, the training! I guess we can get started right now. I'll only be able to evaluate how many herbs you know so far because you have to get back before someone notices; but that's enough for now," Omega purred, deciding not to spoil this young cat's happiness.
"Thank you so much, Omega! You don't know how much this means to me," Owl said earnestly.
"No problem," Omega mumbled. "Okay, let's go down this hill and look at some herbs in the forest below. Sound good?"
"Yep!" Owl bounced giddily down the hill from rock to rock, his tabby fur fluffed out like a kit's. Omega felt a rush of amusement and laughed at his excitement. She followed him more slowly down.
By the time they reached the edge of Riverclan territory, the moon was lowering in the sky. "Okay," Omega said, stopping near the border. "What herbs do you know?"
Owl tipped his head to one side. "Dock for scratches and infections, coltsfoot for breathing, marigold for infections, borage for fever or helping a queen produce more milk, raspberry leaf to relieve pain especially during birth, feverfew for fever, and tansy for coughs."
Omega was impressed. "Wow, did you learn that all by yourself?"
"Um, yeah," Owl said in embarrassment. "I observe a lot of things. Like when one time I pricked my paw on a reed and saw the herbs you gave me. Then when I went hunting today, I remembered the scents of the herbs I found along my way and learned what they were called and what they do."
"You have an impressive ability, Owl," Omega said. "Since you know a lot already, can we continue tomorrow? Just find me whenever you're free, okay? You've got to rest for your warrior training tomorrow." They started over the border and back to their camp.
"Sure, Omega," Owl said happily. "This means the world to me, you know?"