AU insert for the end of 2x05, 'When the Bough Breaks'

First/Last

"Good luck on your new book." She presses out the words, pastes a smile on her face that she doesn't feel. "I know that you'll do it proud." That part, at least, is true.

"Thanks," he replies and she waits for the words he seems to try to add but they never come. Instead he keeps looking at her, and entirely without her consent, her heart starts thudding rapidly in her chest, warmth rising to her cheeks. His mouth keeps opening, then closing, the words seemingly stuck and she'd find it comically - a writer with no words - if she didn't feel it too, that lingering knot in her throat that makes it hard to swallow, that dark gaping hole she feels opening up before her.

"You take care of yourself," he says at last. The words are too casual and she hadn't thought it would hurt this much.

It wasn't supposed to hurt at all.

He holds a hand out to her. She startles, stares at it for a long moment with her heart in her throat before she slowly slides her fingers against his palm with the bitter taste of goodbye on her tongue. She's somehow not at all surprised by the warmth that engulfs her when he closes his hand around hers, has to fight down the cloying sadness that she convinces herself she doesn't feel.

Her eyes lift to his, startled by the stark, raw expression she's never seen on his face. It's both serious and tender, his eyes dark blue with things unsaid and she swallows, subconsciously lists forward. He tugs on her hand and she comes, sinks against his chest as he enfolds her into his arms, his broad palms braced against her back. Her head fits just right into the curve where his neck meets his shoulder and she inhales his scent, her fingers clawing into his shirt as she chokes on the swell of tears that rises within her.

This will be their last hug, she suddenly realizes and she closes her eyes, presses her forehead against him, for this one time giving into the ache that simmers low and unacknowledged within her.

They part just as slowly as they came together, inevitably drawn apart as if tethered by invisible strings that pull them in opposing directions and maybe that's what it is, their lives moving forward, this tentative friendship acquaintance, reluctant partnership just a passing story of their lives.

Maybe it's how it was always supposed to be.

"Goodbye, Kate," he says at last, his voice gruff and she viciously squashes the wave of pain that's drowning her.

I'll miss you. The words clutch at her throat, remain unsaid as she watches him walk away, his broad, already so familiar form shrinking from her view. He doesn't look back and she realizes-

This was only their first hug.