Chapter Beta: Sakura's Unicorn

Also, OC alert. Deal with it.

The door of the Hokage's office closes with a click, leaving Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi in the empty outer hallway.

"That's it?" Sakura squeaks, and Sasuke wonders how it's possible for her to make his voice sound like that. "That's all we get?"

"I thought it was pretty clear," Kakashi replies, sounding bored, as he starts down the hallway. With no other recourse, Sasuke and Sakura follow him.

"How can either of you think this is going to work?" Sakura laments. "He's never going to convince my parents – especially not my mom!" Sasuke bristles at this, not used to being the one that people expect to fail in a task. "We should just…both use henge whenever we're around other people."

"All right. If you think you can," Kakashi says easily. He leans back against the wall and raises an eyebrow. "Let's see how long you can keep it up."

At this, Sakura and Sasuke exchange glances and then make their hand signs in unison. Nothing happens.

"And that's the problem with your cunning plan," Kakashi says. "Not to mention that for genin of your level, sustaining a transformation over a long period of time is next to impossible. If this little swap lasts longer than Lord Hokage and Inoichi expect, we can reopen the discussion. But for now, we stick to the basics."

"The basics being lying and subterfuge," Sakura mutters.

"You wanted to be a ninja," Kakashi reminds her. "And on that note, I leave you two to work out the kinks yourselves."

Sasuke thinks their teacher is a little too obvious in his relief at not being around for that experience – or any of the others.

"Ehh?! You're just leaving? And what, we just…head home now?"

"You should head to Sasuke's apartment. Pack a bag, seeing as how you're going to stay with me. I've got my own preparations to make."

There's a puff of smoke and he's gone.

"I hate when he does that," Sakura mutters and Sasuke silently agrees.

With nothing else for it, they head for the Uchiha district.

Luckily for them, it's still early enough that there aren't many people walking the streets, and they reach the compound quickly. Sakura has never been to Sasuke's house before, something both are chiefly conscious of; he doesn't let anyone inside if he doesn't have to.

"I can just wait out here," she says when they reach his front door, folding her elbows in nervously.

Now that they're alone, she's reverted to that irritating, awkward, shy-girl front. He hates when she does that – pretending to be demure when he's seen her put Naruto on his back with a well-placed right hook. Life's too short for false modesty, and the only good thing to come out of this whole disaster so far was when she started to talk to him like she would anyone else.

"Don't be stupid. You look like me. You're expected to go inside," he tells her harshly.

"Oh. Right."

"Well, go on. Open the door." He rolls his eyes, and she hesitantly does. The familiar smell of cedarwood, incense, and tatami washes over them.

Sakura lingers by the door after they close it.

"Well…I'll just wait in the entrance or –"

"Whatever," he interrupts, slipping out of his shoes and striding into the apartment. Mentally, he makes a catalogue of things that she will need as him – clothes, weapons, toiletries – anything he can think of to ensure she doesn't have to come back here and root through his home.

He supposes Kakashi would have extras of anything actually necessary, but still.

As he tracks down an old duffel bag and begins to fill it with items, he tries not to feel hyper-aware of her presence. Even if he couldn't sense Sakura's chakra in such close proximity, he would know that there was another human being occupying space in his home. It's been a long time since anyone actually came this far. When Lord Third drops off his monthly allowance, he only ever comes as far as the entrance; any other rare visitors stop at the door.

It's relatively quick work to go through his closet and drawers for everyday clothing, but he completely freezes when he reaches his underwear drawer. The absurdity of this whole situation hits him again.

Sakura is in my body. She's going to be wearing my clothes, my underwear, and –

His brain practically stutters.

If they are really going to be trapped like this for days, Sakura's earlier worry is an imminent reality. At some point, they're going to have to bathe. There's no way around it.

Unless you're Naruto, who I seriously doubt has taken a shower in the past week.

As lame as their missions are, Sasuke and his teammates usually end up sweaty, dirty, and (sometimes) bloody by the end of them. And while he might be able to avoid looking at this borrowed body of his directly – avoiding mirrors and pretending he doesn't notice how odd it feels to walk – he won't be able to ignore it when nature calls.

In fact, he really has to pee right now.

Any kind of bathroom activity means that, at some point, both of them are going to have to touch each other's…parts.

Sakura, the girl whose crush on him is utterly obvious and inarguable, will get intimately acquainted with his body. If that isn't the most embarrassing idea in the world, it's only made that much more unbearable by the knowledge that he's going to have no choice but to touch a girl's body parts.

And not just any girl, but Sakura.

Someone he's been more or less aware of ever since first meeting her. Someone who he's unconsciously, unwillingly noticed in the past few weeks has started to develop in, well, areas. It's not like he wants to notice this, considering the information is utterly useless to his goal of revenge, but he's thirteen.

As Sakura unhelpfully pointed out earlier, a certain measure of it is biological. His own body is changing; there are some things he has no choice but to notice. The fact that his female teammate has started to wear a bra is one of them.

It's all made even worse considering he is genetically disposed to notice more than the average person. Of any problems caused by his kekkei genkai, this was definitely not one he was expecting –

Wait a minute. Sakura wears a bra. I'm in Sakura's body. I'm going to have to wear a –

"Sasuke?"

He physically jolts back to the present and glowers up at the imposter using his voice.

Apparently, Sakura couldn't help her curiosity because she is lingering in the doorway of his room, examining it with wide eyes.

"You're so organised," she says tentatively.

He doesn't reply, furiously grabbing a bunch of boxers and shoving them into his bag in hopes that she's not watching what he's packing.

"You'll have to…um…relax a bit when you're at my house," she mumbles, shuffling forward to wander through the room. "I'm not a slob or anything, but…if things start looking too clean, you'll give yourself away." She trails her hand across his pristine dresser, and then gives a sudden cry of surprise. "You kept it!"

Sasuke glances up, noting that she is holding his framed copy of their team photograph. He can't help bristling at her tone, slightly offended. "What'd you think I was going to do with it, throw it out?"

"I don't know," she replies. "I mean, you weren't exactly happy about having to take it…"

"I just happened to put it there when I got home," Sasuke mutters, though his cheeks heat up a little at her knowing look; his lie isn't believable.

"Oh." Sakura says and looks away uncomfortably. She catches sight of something else poking out of the drawer and her fingers reach forward.

Sasuke shoves it back down and closes the drawer tightly before she can grab it. "That's none of your business." Bad enough she's offering commentary on his choice of memorabilia, all he needs is for her to find his old dinosaur plushie!

"S-sorry," she says, hands behind her back. "You'll have to, uh, make me a list of things I shouldn't do. Or shouldn't touch if I have to come back here. Or what I'm not allowed to say, and…" She shifts, uncomfortable. "And I guess we should make sure we can pass for each other before we leave."

"Yeah," Sasuke mutters, throwing a bunch of socks into the bag. "You give that a try."

He hears her shuffle.

"How's this?"

Her borrowed voice loses that higher pitch it's had since they swapped bodies. Sasuke glances up to see that she's adjusted her posture, shoving her hands on her pockets and slumping her shoulders forward. She's arranged his face into a scowl.

He mirrors the expression. That's how she thinks I look?

"Don't slump," he says instead. "It makes me look lazy."

She adjusts her stance. "Like this?"

"No. Now you're too relaxed. Anyone could take that as an invitation to attack you."

"Tch. As if you even know what you look like from the outside," she mutters.

Sasuke blinks. "That actually sounded like me."

"Really?" she beams.

"Until just then. Look, just don't talk to anyone and you'll be fine."

"Yeah, well, that might be normal for you, but it's not normal for me," she sniffs, and finally, the awkward, shrinking violet she'd reverted to disappears. "My vocal chords are going to rust from disuse."

"They're used to it."

"Not these ones. My actual vocal chords," she clarifies. "If you think you can get away with not talking to people for a few days – or weeks – you've never met my family."

Sasuke tenses at this, the way he usually does when he hears the word family. Sakura's eyes fly to his clenched fists and her expression softens.

"Don't look at me like that!" he snaps because that expression on his face is jarringly reminiscent of his mother's face. He never realised how much he resembled her until just now. It just makes it worse.

"Listen," Sakura begins gently, "if this is going to be too hard for you, we'll go back to Lord Hokage and get him to –"

"No," Sasuke cuts her off, instantly annoyed at being coddled. "He said to treat this as a mission and he's right. We should be able to do this."

"Okay. So, we will. Do me. I-I mean, pretend to be me," she hastily corrects herself, cheeks turning red.

He sighs, throwing the last sock into his bag, frowning as he tries to figure out how to proceed.

"If that's your attempt –"

"It's not!" he snaps.

"You're way too tense. You need to relax."

"I am relaxed."

"For you, maybe, but that's not relaxed for me. So loosen up."

With a supreme amount of effort, he forces himself to ease the strain in his shoulders and unclench his fists. It feels completely unnatural, like someone could pull him apart if they tried; it's only his stubbornness that keeps him from tensing again.

Sakura seems to notice, however. "Seriously? We've been on the same team for almost a year now and you don't know me well enough to pretend to be me?" she demands.

"It's not exactly something I ever figured I was going to need!"

"Well, you need it now."

His eye twitches and he exhales angrily through his nose. Then he straightens up, squaring his shoulders the way he's seen her do when she's gearing up for something mildly unpleasant. With an exaggerated toss of her long pink locks (that are definitely going to need some getting used to!), he adopts an imperious expression as he approximates his version of Sakura's know-it-all demeanour.

"This is utterly ridiculous," he complains. "I could be doing something important right now, like catching up on my beauty sleep or painting my nails."

Sakura's eye twitches. "I don't sound like that," she snaps.

He sneers at her and crosses his arms, unexpectedly filled with the same smug note of satisfaction he feels when needling Naruto. "You do so. Or it's –" He leans forward now, hands on his hips and chin jutted outward, "Na-ru-to! You are sooooo immature. Could you grow up?"

"Right. And you're so much better?" Sakura demands. She turns and frowns off into the distance, assuming an excessively low and sinister voice. "I am Sasuke Uchiha. I'm so broody and mysterious that no one could possibly know my pain because I'm too much of a superstar to let anyone in!"

This time it's his turn to glare. "I don't do that."

"Well, now you know how I feel!" They exchange annoyed frowns and then Sakura sighs. "This isn't working. All we're doing is making each other mad. Let's try something else." She considers for a moment, and then nods. "Okay. What if we come up with some kind of…stock reactions for different possible situations? It'll be like learning jutsu or formations."

Sasuke ruminates on this and decides he appreciates the analytical take on it. "That might work."

"Okay. Let's start with you, because you need more practise."

"Tch!"

ナルト

"First of all," Sakura declares matter-of-factly, "You can probably minimize about fifty percent of all interactions with people if you just smile."

"I hardly think it's that important."

"Well, it is," she retorts. "My first year in the Academy, our kunoichi instructor said that a woman can use a smile as a weapon. It hides one's true feelings, and can be used to disarm someone before you even strike. So, think of it that way – a ruse to make people underestimate you."

It's a good, practical piece of advice which she thinks will appeal to Sasuke's purely functional view of the world. He seems to accept it as such because, after giving an annoyed sigh, he offers her his first attempt.

"That's a smirk, not a smile. It needs to be less…smug."

"I'm not smug."

"You look smug. And that'll definitely get people asking you questions you don't feel like answering."

He grumbles and tries to rearrange his expression, forcing atrophied muscles into a clearly unfamiliar gesture. The result is a disaster. Sakura's eye twitches at the sight.

"You look like you just sat on a pine cone," she informs him solemnly.

Sasuke turns red, instantly losing the painful looking grimace and snaps, "Shut up! I'm working on it!"

"It's a smile, not a summoning jutsu. This should be –"

"If you say easy, I'm going to punch you."

"But it is!"

"Maybe for you. You're happy all the time. It's unnatural."

"I'm not happy all the time," she exclaims, insulted by the notion. Granted, she hasn't dealt with the same kind of stuff that he or even Naruto have growing up, but to automatically assume that she has the perfect life shows just how uninterested he's been in her.

She tries to shove away the hurt at that realisation.

"Look, physiologically speaking, it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown," she sighs, "It should be easy. Just…think of something funny or something that makes you happy."

"There's nothing."

"Really?" she cajoles. "Nothing? What about…sleeping in on your days off? Or when you trick Naruto into paying the lunch bill? Or when we get assigned a higher-ranking mission?"

He rolls his eyes. "Those things don't make me happy."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

She can't believe this. "So there's nothing that you find amusing then? Nothing that makes you laugh? Do you even know how to laugh?"

"It's not exactly a skill I need for my purposes."

"Hm." Sakura frowns at him, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully. Then she nods to herself and punches her fist into her palm. "All right. I have an idea. Desperate times call for desperate measures."

She steps closer to him, a determined expression on her face.

"What?"

"Don't you dare hit me," she commands. "I'm only doing this because I know how I'd react."

"Wha–"

And then she lurches forward, zeroing in on his sides just below the ribs.

"Hey!" he cries, trying to stagger back, an expression of utter confusion and worry on his face. "Hey – hey stop it!" She ignores him, focussing on the spots of her body that she knows are the most ticklish – and render her utterly useless. "Sakura, what are you – ha! – what are you – ha-ha! Stop that!"

"No," she replies, feeling a tiny, ruthless element of enjoyment. "You need to get used to how it feels to laugh, so…"

"Not – ha-ha – not this - this way!" he gasps, words interspersed with astonished guffaws. "This – is – ha! – ridiculous!"

But he is laughing, and even though it's her own face she's looking down at and her own voice that she's hearing, there's an underlying note of surprise and shock in his reaction that isn't hers. She knows with a sudden clarity that this is probably the first time he's laughed since his parents died. And even if it's not as hard won as making him laugh naturally by just saying the right thing, it's a start.

She continues her ruthless assault until they are both down on the ground, and he has curled his knees into his chest, laughing uncontrollably and trying to avoid her hands.

"Stop it!" he gasps, weakly beating away her fingers. "You'll make me piss myself!"

Which instantly causes both of them to freeze.

Then they separate very quickly, putting at least six feet of distance between each other.

Sakura supposes it's time. They have to have the discussion about bathroom usage and bathing habits sooner or later. She doesn't want to – honestly, she would rather spend a day hunting angry boars than bring it up at all – but she knows, if she doesn't say anything, he definitely won't.

Gods, and it's not just hygiene, either!

She doubts he's noticed – she is fastidiously careful not to let anyone on the team know – but she's started getting her monthly cycle. And if this body-swap goes on longer than a month –

I'm going to throw up! How the hell am I supposed to talk about this to a guy?! And not just any guy, but Sasuke Uchiha?!

She groans pressing her face to her hands. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Tell me about it," Sasuke agrees, mutinous.

"Okay…okay. Let's just approach this calmly…and rationally," Sakura declares. "There's no point in…in us getting embarrassed over stuff we both have to do, right? So we don't have to…we don't have to talk about going to the b–"

"No."

"Okay. Okay. Good," she exhales in relief.

There's a long silence.

"Showers," Sasuke says after a minute through gritted teeth. "Not baths. And only when absolutely necessary."

"Right," she agrees. "We can take care of everything important without having to…expose anything we shouldn't. And even when we have to, we're just going to be very quick and…and detached about it. No…looking at stuff, or…or touching longer than necessary."

"Agreed," Sasuke says with a firmness that suggests he expects to be turned to stone if he considers the alternative.

Another long, awkward silence, both of them avoiding each other's eye.

"I have to tell you –"

"You should know –"

They both begin to speak at the same time, exchange embarrassed, panicked expressions, and then look away again.

"You first," Sakura mumbles.

"It's fine. You go."

"Oh. Um…okay. I'm just telling you this i-in case. I hope it doesn't become an issue, but we don't know how long this will go on and –"

"Spit it out, Sakura."

"I started my period three months ago," she blurts out. Sasuke freezes. "It should be another two weeks before…but in case you're still, uh, there when it happens, just so you're not surprised by it and, uh…"

"I'll figure it out," he replies, voice strangled.

"There's supplies in the drawer next to my bed, and painkillers, and –"

"I get it."

"Okay," she breathes. "But, if you need anything, or have any questions –"

"I won't," he interrupts, clearly not wanting to continue this particular line of discussion.

Fine. Just for that, I hope you do have to go through it. It might be a humbling experience for you.

"Make sure you only wear the loose shorts," Sasuke tells her suddenly, drawing her out of her somewhat vindictive thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Loose shorts," he repeats stiffly.

"Why?"

He shoots her an expression like she's dribbled on her shirt. "You'll know. Trust me. Also, make sure you know where Kakashi keeps his spare sheets. Just in case."

"Just in…" Sakura's eyes go wide as the penny drops. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Are we done?" Sasuke snaps. "Or do you want a diagram, too?"

"Don't get mad at me. You think I like this any better than you?" she cries.

"If you hadn't broken open the shrine, this wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that for sure!"

"Got any other explanations then?"

"No…" she murmurs, looking down; she knows he's probably right, but it doesn't make her feel any less terrible about the whole thing. Her eyes start to feel tight and there's a sharp twinge in her nose, the precursor to tears.

"Hey!" Sasuke exclaims, eyes wide and somewhat panicked. "No! Don't do that! Don't cry. That's not…it's not going to help, okay? So, let's focus on what we can do to make this easier."

"It's not easy. It's not going to be easy. You're right, I messed things up for everyone," Sakura sniffs, rubbing at her eyes. "I get it if you hate me. I hate me right now."

"I don't hate you," he tells her through gritted teeth. "But crying about it isn't going to help. And you can't start bursting into tears at everything anymore."

"What do you mean, anymore?" she cries, self-pity instantly giving way to anger.

Gods, this body has more moods than I do!

"Forget it," Sasuke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, just…tell me what I have to do when I get to your house. I'm the one who apparently has to watch myself the most, right?"

"I guess," she agrees, sullen. "First of all, if you have to call them anything, it's Mom and Dad. Anything else and they'll think I'm mad at them or something. Then my Mom won't leave you alone, and my Dad will make a whole bunch of really terrible jokes to make you feel better."

"I'll just avoid addressing them," he replies stiffly.

"Fine. Just in case you have to, though," she allows. "Every morning, I have chores – which you shouldn't have a problem with. Just…every so often, you have to forget to do something…like taking the garbage out or making the bed. I sometimes forget, so you should, too."

"Hm."

"Don't sleep with my contacts in, or your eyes will feel like sandpaper the next day," she advises. "And don't eat anything spicy before bed or you will get sick."

"Fine."

"And, very important – beauty regimen," she tells him. "You have to wash my face every day or I'll get really bad acne. Lukewarm water only – not hot or my skin will dry out, and then you have to use toner and moisturizer. Steam my face once a week to clean out the pores, and every other day it's a face mask – oh, and my makeup – don't touch the stuff in the blue case; it's old and I didn't get around to throwing it away. But the stuff in the green case is new. Make sure to brush my hair – one hundred brush strokes before bed and a hundred when you get up in the morning. That's enough to make sure it stays healthy looking. If you notice split ends, you have to see the hairdresser and –"

"Sakura, none of this is important."

"It is so! Can you imagine what would happen if Ino or the other girls thought I was getting lazy about this sort of thing?" she demands. "They'd know something was up!"

"Or you'd be showing them you have more important things to care about," he points out.

Sakura glares at him, silently promising him injury if he ignores her. "One. Hundred. Brushstrokes."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. If it's that important to you…"

"It is. Oh! Speaking of Ino, if she comes up to you, you can insult her however you want. You don't take any of her garbage," she continues, inwardly beaming because, even though it will be her mouth doing the talking, the idea of Sasuke telling Ino off makes her giddy with glee.

"I'll just avoid her."

"No. You can't avoid her. That'd make her know something is up. Just treat her like you treat Naruto – wait. No. Don't treat her like you treat Naruto. Dial it down a bit. Or a lot." Sakura huffs. "Ino drives me crazy, but I don't want her dead. The way you are with Naruto, he'd be dead if he didn't have that whole…thing about him."

Don't think about the Nine-Tails right now! Don't think about the Nine-Tails right now!

"I doubt anything I could do in this body would amount to a quarter of what I'm usually capable of," he returns coolly, and Sakura winces as that barb hits its mark. "Speaking of, you have your own work to do. I don't want my body getting weak just because you're occupying it."

"Hey, I train!"

"Not enough," he retorts.

"Oh? And just how much is enough?!"

"Eight hours."

"Oh. That's not so bad." She would've thought it was more.

"A day."

"A day?!"

"Only on days when Kakashi works with us, or we have a mission that doesn't take long. Weekends, it's ten."

"It's no wonder you don't know how to laugh! You never have any fun, do you?" Sakura cries in dismay. "You actually expect me to…to do push-ups or jog for eight hours?"

"No. A lot of it's training the Sharingan which you'll need because you can't call it up yet." He wanders over to a drawer and pulls out a chart. "Kakashi drew up these exercises when I first awakened it. The ocular muscles need to be used or they'll get frail. The more you use it, the less it will drain you when you need it. And make sure you're eating. It helps keep your strength up to deal with it – so no dieting."

"Why would I diet? Your body's fine."

"And what exactly is wrong with yours then?" he shoots back. "Because I'm starving right now, and I shouldn't be after the meal we just had. You do get that you need to eat to become stronger, right? Maybe you'd be a better shinobi if you actually had the energy to fight."

"And maybe you'd be a better one if you knew how to take it easy," she retorts, cheeks flaming because she is not going to discuss her personal insecurities with Sasuke Uchiha, especially not when he's being so mean.

Stupid jerk. He's just lucky I like him, or I'd be kicking him right now.

It's a definite change from the usual, where Sasuke's cold comments usually just inspire a patient decision to ignore him.

"And if you're so concerned with me being able to fight, maybe you could deign to spar with me every so often," she continues, irritated. "Naruto's not the only one trying to improve himself."

Which you and Kakashi would know if you ever bothered to pay attention.

Sasuke shrugs. "We have to anyway, if we're going to be of any use in these bodies. You have to know my moves and I have to get used to not relying on the Sharingan again. If we work together, it'll be less of a transition when we get our bodies back."

"Okay," Sakura says, "but only if you promise that when we do get them back, you won't just start ignoring me again. I want to improve myself. And that means fighting against the best."

Sasuke blinks, looking oddly uncertain, though whether it's about her request or her compliment, she isn't completely sure. It can't be the latter, she decides, because she's always complimenting him. But is training with her really so bad that he actually has to think about it?

"Agreed," he says, cutting off her thoughts. "Of course, before any of that happens, we have to make sure I can pass for you, so…"

"Right," Sakura says. "Let's focus on behaviour. We can work on the smiling thing later."

"Just…as long as you don't tickle me again," Sasuke says, shifting uncomfortably.

ナルト

Kakashi arrives home at the conclusion of his very long, very strange day and promptly falls face-first onto his bed.

It will probably be the last time he actually gets to use said bed for a while – he isn't about to make Sakura sleep on the couch indefinitely. It's not entirely a chivalrous gesture on his part, more the knowledge that kids her age need all the sleep they can get. He's used to going without, she isn't; and in that body, she's going to have to keep up her strength.

Kakashi's head throbs and he wonders if that sake was a good idea. At the time, sure, it felt like a blessing, but right now…

He groans.

There is a knock at the door.

He groans again, not wanting to deal with it. Anyone on official shinobi business would use the window, and none of his students would come inside without an invitation. Well, Naruto might, but he'd barge in, making a huge amount of noise, and considering he's currently an ostrich, it's obviously not him. Sakura or Sasuke would wait outside, respectively patient and exasperated.

When the lock clicks and he hears it slide open, he knows it's Manako. He relaxes even more when the smell of smoke, ink, and accelerant fills the room. Not a common reaction to have to that scent, but he's gotten used to associating it with his…

Well…

His thoughts stall here, as they usually do when he reflects on what to call the Inuzuka woman.

Girlfriend is too childish, lover is too intimate, and anything else he can think of is just crude. They lead completely separate lives, so partner doesn't exactly fit either. They are both fiercely independent – he's a jōnin and she's a former ninja who runs a successful business. Despite an impressive clan lineage, she makes a point of staying out of shinobi matters. He's never asked why and she's never volunteered the information; just like she never asks him about his childhood or why he's remains such a loner.

Kakashi keeps his life carefully compartmentalised into separate spheres. In one, he is a jōnin instructor. In another, a former ANBU. In another, he is a man who has lost his whole family and all of his friends. In another, he is a connoisseur of fine literature. And, in yet another, he is a healthy man in his late twenties with certain biological needs.

The point is, he and Manako have an arrangement: they have sex. And when they aren't engaged in various naked pursuits, she's the closest thing he's had to a confidante in his entire life (he doesn't count Gai, because Gai is…well, Gai is a special circumstance. He defies all attempts to fit him into a specific category, but Kakashi thinks their relationship is somewhat closer to Sasuke and Naruto's, only without the need to draw each other's blood on a regular basis).

"You look like shit," Manako tells him bluntly, taking a seat next to his head.

He grunts out that he feels like it, too. At least, he thinks he does. It's possible he just grunts.

With a supreme amount of effort, he turns around until his head sits in its usual indentation on his pillow. "I'm exhausted. It feels like I've been operating on full power since this mission started. Which should tell you something because we were escorting a damn bird from Point A to Point B."

"And then it got complicated?" she offers, amused.

"Got it in one," he grumbles.

"Ah, complications," she muses. "Yeah, I actively avoid those."

"What's your secret?"

"Blowing things up."

He laughs then moans, instantly regretting it when the movement jars his head.

"Wuss," she says, but reaches over to massage his temples.

It's both the best and worst feeling in the world, and he lets out an incomprehensible gurgle which might be a protest or a plea to continue.

"You know what the best cure for a headache is?" Manako asks, bringing him back to the present. He knows that tone in her voice and the familiar way one of her fingers begins to trail down his chest. In reaction, a warm, tight sensation builds in certain lower regions of his body. For a minute, he even considers it because if anyone deserves release after the day he's had…

Instead, he groans and pushes himself into a seated position.

"Can't," he says, apologetic. "Sak-Sasuke is going to be here in a little while."

She shrugs, looking unbothered. "Okay. Later then."

"Probably not for a while," Kakashi says, hesitates, and then adds, "not here, anyway. He's going to be staying here for a bit."

This makes Manako's eyebrows rise. "Okay. That I didn't expect."

Kakashi reflects on what he should tell her. As a rule, they don't lie to each other. Manako because she doesn't see the point of it, and Kakashi because it's just too much trouble to keep his heartrate and breathing steady or worry if he's giving off some kind of scent that she'll pick up – Inuzuka are pretty much human lie detectors.

However, telling her would be in direct violation of an order, and so, he resigns himself to making the effort. As usual in situations like this, he settles on the truth as much as possible.

"The Chūnin Exam is coming up," he explains. Even though he has no intention of entering his students until their bodies are swapped back, he had been contemplating it. "There's bound to be a lot of interest in Sasuke. Sometimes he feels held down by the others, and this way, I can give him some guidance. I know he's been feeling stuck lately, and I thought some one-on-one training would get his mind off things."

"Which you could do with him still living at home," she points out and smirks teasingly. "You just want to keep an eye on him."

Which, even without the strange circumstances, is essentially correct. Kakashi does check up on Sasuke a lot, even going so far as to watch over him when the boy is off-duty. He tells himself it's because it's his responsibility as the only other Sharingan user in the village, but he knows it's because he sees a lot of himself in the kid – alone, no family, a genius dogged by an infamous family reputation.

"You got me," he says, shooting her a hopeful glance. She rolls her eyes, but allows him to lie back down, head in her lap, as she continues to massage his aching cranium.

"What about the others?" she asks. "They're on your team, too. Are they getting one-on-one time with you as well?"

"Not exactly," he yawns. "Sasuke and I are of similar temperaments and, I suspect, similar chakra natures. I can achieve the best results with him. As for Naruto –" He thinks of the boy-turned-ostrich working with Tenzō who will, no doubt, teach him a few much-needed lessons in chakra control. "– he's got alternate plans."

"And Sakura?"

"Huh?"

"Has anyone been helping her train?" Manako clarifies. "It's a lot harder, coming from a civilian background."

Kakashi shrugs. "I'm not worried about her. She's smart. She'll excel at whatever written test they give her, and she's devoted enough to the others that teamwork won't be an issue." Of his three students, Naruto is the only one he could imagine screwing up.

Manako snorts and her fingers stop moving. "So, the boys get guidance and the girl gets to figure it out herself. The way of the shinobi world continues."

He is confused by her tone. "What are you talking about?"

"That mentality right there is why you don't have very many women who are shinobi," she tells him. "At the Academy, in squads, in exams…their instructors are much more concerned with making sure the boys succeed than worrying about the girls." She adopts a mocking deep voice. "'Oh, they're so much more disciplined. They don't need my help.' And then you people are surprised when only a fraction of girls go on to become chūnin or jōnin."

"It's not that simple."

"The hell it isn't. I see it all the time – I lived it. On my genin squad, we had two girls and a guy, and our sensei constantly spent any extra time with him. I was the screw-up he couldn't be bothered with, and Izumi was…well…" Manako trails off here, a pained look on her face that Kakashi doesn't need to ask about.

Izumi was an Uchiha. Greatness was expected of her with minimal effort, yet it was destined to never be achieved in the wake of the clan massacre.

Manako shakes this off and picks up her train of thought as if nothing happened. "It also doesn't help that the judges of these things are biased against women. But you'll figure out all of this in time, I guess. The point is, don't assume just because a girl is intelligent and talented, she wouldn't like or need a mentor."

Kakashi is quiet, reflecting on this.

She has a point, he realises, and it's one he didn't really bother thinking about before. Casting his mind back to his own team, he remembers Minato taking an interest in him much the same way he is now interested in Sasuke.

Natural talent and a damaged psyche. Gods! It's like history repeating itself.

And after him, it was Obito, who always needed whatever extra help he could get. Minato used to encourage him with tips and tricks and compliments. But he never needed to help Rin because she was just naturally hardworking and smart. She taught herself basic medical ninjutsu and sought out teachers to help her improve on her own. She was the only one Minato was "not worried about."

And she ended up kidnapped and killed for her trouble.

Kakashi decides right then that this won't happen to Sakura. He'll do his best to offer her guidance while she's under his roof, and as soon as her body is swapped back, he'll find a mentor for her.

She's a genjutsu type, and he suspects she's been talking to Kurenai, but the Yuhi woman has her hands full with her own team. Sakura will need someone who can devote the time just to her. Kakashi might as well start looking now, since Sasuke is going to be in her body and he'll want to keep busy.

Which means finding someone that Sasuke won't antagonise.

Easier said then done.

"Well, you look sufficiently distracted," Manako says, standing up. "I guess I'll just be going if you've got company coming. I hope you have enough food stocked for a teenaged boy. If he's anything like Kiba, you may have to get a second job while he stays with you."

Kakashi suddenly stumbles from his bed and scrambles to his feet. "Damn it! I forgot!"

He hurries over to his shelves and cabinets, frantically collecting every third or fourth item that has been neatly tucked away. Within minutes, he has a bundle of magazines and videotapes with lurid covers.

"I need you to keep this stuff at your place for a while," he tells her, trying for nonchalant despite his earlier panic.

Manako raises an eyebrow, looks down at what he is offering, and then snorts. "Are you seriously giving me your porn collection?"

"It's erotica. And I can't have it here with a minor in the apartment."

"Right. Because the first thing Sasuke Uchiha is going to do is snoop around your house to find your titty magazines?"

Kakashi shifts uncomfortably; Sasuke might not be the snooping type, but Sakura is easily bored and very curious. It's bad enough she scolds him for reading his favourite series. He doesn't want to have to live with the constant disapproval if she finds the other stuff.

"Oh, come on – you're serious?" Manako laughs. "Relax. Maybe seeing it would do him some good. Kid needs to loosen up."

Kakashi shoots her an unimpressed look. "This is why you should never have children."

"On this point we both agree."

"Would you just take these?"

"Fine," Manako huffs with the air of someone acquiescing to a major burden. "Do you want me to also take the Icha Icha –"

"Excuse me, that's literature," Kakashi sniffs. "It stays with me."

"There's something wrong with you," she informs him, adjusting her hold on the bundle of contraband and heading for the door. "Well, fine. I'll take one for the team – wuss."

Kakashi exhales as he hears the door close, and grudgingly sets about trying to put his apartment into some kind of order to accommodate two people. Seconds later, something occurs to him, so he hurries to the door, yanks it open, and shouts down the stairwell, "And if you watch any of them, have the courtesy to rewind this time!"

"Rewind what?"

Kakashi jumps and turns to see Sasuke – Sakura – standing in front of him with a duffle bag.

And I'm clearly more tired than I thought if I didn't even notice her standing there.

"Nothing," he lies, moving aside. "Come in."

つづく

I know, no Naruto this time, but there was a lot of heavy stuff that had to be gotten out of the way, and Condor's commentary was just not conducive to that. And I figured doing it earlier was better than later. But we'll see him again next chapter :)

クリ