A/N: I am sorry about this. :(

It took a little while, but she managed to move from where she thought she had become frozen, hands hugging round the pillar. They felt so dry, they didn't feel a part of her. She didn't really know what she felt, apart from the mass of weight that was like a boulder crushing upon her chest, sinking to her stomach. Her feet carried her of their own accord and she just went along where they took her, the whole world seeming to blur and break at its very edges.

Even if she moved slowly, her mind was running at a million miles an hour. It held so many thoughts, and none of them made any sense. The shock was raw, stinging so deeply while having the peculiarity of seeming so foreign that it hardly went further than the surface.

With each faltering step she took, the words sunk deeper. In the middle of the street, Anna came to a standstill to see if they'd stop. Foolishly, a part of her wondered whether if she walked them back the words would disappear too.

It must have been a mistake. She must have misheard, or otherwise the girl had misread. It was all so wrong. He couldn't have been – it hurt beyond belief to even think about – married. She would have known. He wasn't the most open of people, but he wouldn't have been able to hide such a thing from her. He would never betray her like that, it was impossible.

A lie she thought could never be told, one worse than any she could possibly imagine.

A secret so carefully disguised.

A wife.

She had never wished so hard for something not to be true, but she knew it was. Despite the riot in her head, her breaking heart could not be fooled. The space where it should have been felt so empty, and yet it ached so painfully.

To think, not that long ago she had been giddy with excitement, a swirling of love in her stomach, words of love waiting to trip off her tongue. Now she just felt utterly sick. The words were still poised, held in motion; she couldn't deny them just yet. Her throat burned as if it was on fire, but there was a drought in her eyes. It was only the shock, she knew. She hoped the tears would hold off until she was out of sight, although she didn't much care either way.

It was true. The ache that pervaded her told her so. He was married. He had a wife. She had thought he was hers, heart and soul, but he had always belonged to someone else. If she had laid claim, it had only ever been in some other world, entirely of her making; a dream that she was slowly being shaken from. She thought she could see her, in the depths of her sorrow, through blurred vision. In one second she was her polar opposite; in the next she was the mirror image of herself, more like her than she was. The torture was too much, and she thought of him instead; his face was filled with so much love, a kind she had never beheld. She didn't know who it was for. It was so much worse.

Nothing made sense about this, and somehow it all did. It didn't make it any easier, not by any means, but it started to get a little clearer, if only for a few minutes at a time. She thought about the way he had been when she had walked away weeks ago, how he had cut himself off from her completely and then had such little explanation when they met again. At the time she had not really cared to think too hard about it, but in the light of this day it all looked so different.

It had been the same months ago; little things he did, the way that he held himself, sometimes away from her as if he was cautious of really letting himself go. She had taken it to be just who he was. Fooling herself, if she was honest. It was there, in the things that he hadn't said.

It was why he had not told her that he loved her.

He shouldn't say it. He couldn't say it.

Because he loved someone else more.

The very notion made her reel. Everything spun around her, and she was lost to the creeping chaos of it all. Despite it all, the hurt, the despair, the confusion, she knew that he loved her. She could feel it, she had felt nothing else for what felt like so long. It made everything a little better, and so much worse. Her heart went on beating with love for him, and she knew it would never stop doing so, not for days, not for weeks, not for the rest of her life. She didn't know whether to be thankful for the reminder or to wish she could tear it out.

She could not comprehend it, in any way. How something could feel so real and yet be nothing but a lie. How he could have played along, so easily. He had always looked at her with so much sincerity, so much honesty, even when his mouth could not speak. She could always rely on the way he looked at her, knowing without a doubt in her mind that he had never offered that look to anyone else but her. She had only known so little of it, regretfully, but that look told her that throughout his whole life, he had not felt for anyone else like he felt for her.

Now she realised that he had two lives, one hidden so effortlessly from her sight. He was living his other life at this very moment, not that far away from her at all. The thoughts flooded her mind and broke her down. A part of her considered going down there, to the airport, being certain she would only truly believe it once she saw for herself. She hated the urge as it pierced her body, but she couldn't get rid of it.

Anna could only think about what she would see in his eyes if she did see him. If she saw them, together. Would he be looking at her in the same way, with eyes so open and loving? When he reached to hold her hand, would his touch contain the same depth of emotion, the same want? Or would it be even stronger? She saw his fingers drifting over the skin of another, tender at first but then grasping strong, the action being almost desperate. His lips mouthing silent words. Words she had believed would be said to her. I've missed you so much. I love you.

She couldn't bring herself to go. The thought alone proved too much. It brought her to her feet, sending a bolt through her that couldn't be ignored. She began to walk again, taking shaky steps that became slowly more certain. That's all she found she could do right now, to just concentrate on walking. Anything else was too much.

As she walked, she realised she had absolutely no idea where she was going. But she knew wherever it was, it would be miles away from where she had expected to be.

John ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he looked out of the window of the cab. The exhaustion of the journey was still weighing heavy on him, and he had slumped even further when he got back from his brief detour to the office to find no sight nor sound of Anna. He'd locked the house only a couple of minutes after he'd come in, not bothering to freshen himself up, heading straight for Anna's place. He was desperate to see her, the smile that was always on her face whenever she saw him filling and soothing his mind, not to mention the way she wrapped her arms around him.

When there was no answer at her door after he'd knocked several times, he got a touch troubled. When he turned up at her office to see that it had long been vacated, he became quite frantic indeed. It was as if, in his absence, she had completely disappeared. Swiping his fingers over his face, his heart began to beat with a sickening slowness. A part of him couldn't shake the feeling that he had only ever conjured her beauty for himself, from the depths of his mind that couldn't seem to hold on to anything right now, except the question of where she could possibly be.

"Left or right?"

He looked up, momentarily confused to where the other voice was coming from.

"Excuse me?"

The cab driver was leaning himself round, just about meeting the corner of his eye.

"You haven't said which way, and I don't plan on being at this junction all bloody night. Is it left or right?"

"Sorry, mate. Right, definitely right."

"Hallelujah."

Looking fully forward now, John could see the driver eyeing him exasperatedly in the rear view mirror. He offered an apologetic look in return, but wasn't sure that it was noticed. He supposed he couldn't blame the guy for being annoyed, given that he had made him drive around the city and wait for him to climb back in after jumping out in various locations. He nearly pleaded for the cab to come to an abrupt halt in the middle of a teeming street when he saw the back of a blonde head running along a crossing.

He'd wondered enough times when it would finally happen; that she'd come to her senses and the feeling would fade for her. His would never go, but Anna's would, eventually. He just thought himself the luckiest man living that a woman like her would want him, even for a little while. But if he was completely honest, he didn't think it would happen now. While he had been away, his feelings for her had only grown stronger. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He had always thought the reverse, had enough experience to be sure that he was right about the idea and everyone else was wrong. But not with Anna. Everything was different with Anna. Even in his panic, he had to smile about it, thinking of her and how much he loved her. God, he really did. He'd never known anything like it. If only she would have come along sooner. He'd never have enough time to catch up, to be with her in all the ways he wanted – no, needed – to be with her.

And though you could never be completely sure about these things, he had to think that the same was true for her. The joy he heard in her sweet voice when it came over the phone and carried across the miles to him. His lips curled themselves into a smile just recalling. The way she laughed lightly at some stupid thing he said, the little catch in her throat when she said she couldn't wait to have him home. He had heated all over at the sound of that breath escaping her on the line. It was enough to make him leave, fly back instantly and rush to her, enveloping her in his arms as he kissed her all the while. The week had been so long, and he'd had to put up with so much. The thought of getting back to her was the only thing that had been keeping him going. The thought of her was the only thing that really seemed to matter at all.

Before the cab came to a stop, he dialled again. John held his breath as he waited. There was nothing; her phone was still turned off. He felt the frown grow deeper on his face, turning the phone over in his hand. It was the strangest thing, the last thing he had expected. He racked his brain to think of what he could have done or said. There was surely something, but everything other than Anna escaped him.

Leaving the driver with a generous tip, he all but sprinted up the path to the house, reaching his hand out to knock swiftly. Taking a few breaths to calm himself down, he was relieved when the door wrenched open.

"Gwen, thank god you're in. I don't suppose you know where Anna…"

"You've got a bloody nerve, coming here!"

Before he could finish his enquiry, he was soundly cut off by the woman standing in front of him, arms clamped against her like a shield. The stern look she was shooting straight at him was fierier than the colour of her flame red hair.

"I should slam this door in your face…or do something I'd take more pleasure out of."

She cast her gaze down briefly before she made to close the door swiftly. Feeling panicked and greatly confused, John stepped forward, bracing a hand against the grain and removing it a second later when Gwen relented.

"Help me out here, Gwen," he pleaded. "I really don't know what's going on."

She rolled her eyes heavily. "Oh, of course you don't."

"I honestly don't. I'm sure there must be a reason but I don't know what it is. All I know is that Anna's apparently vanished off the face of the earth without a word and I'm half-sick with worry."

The daggered look sunk even deeper, tempered with pure incredulity at what he'd said, as if it was the most ridiculous statement anyone could make. She stayed silent for a few agonising seconds, and John grew more helpless.

Finally, she shed some light on the matter, although John wished he hadn't heard it when he did.

"She knows, John. About your wife. You know, the one with the wedding ring?"

Oh, god.

In that moment, it was as if the earth had been pulled from underneath him and he was falling, falling without anything to save him. And it was all his fault. He wondered how, though he knew he had no right to. She would have gone to the office. He should have told her to wait for him to come to her. Gwen was right, he did have a nerve. He should have told her so long ago. None of this was down to her. As was always the way, he had turned everything to dust, breaking her good, innocent heart in the process. He hardly cared about his own heart. God knows he had made enough mistakes in his life, but for this, he would never forgive himself.

He stared up at Gwen, tears beginning to surge from the backs of his eyes, the dread sinking deep within him.

"Gwen, let me see her, please."

"She's not here," she stated as a fact, and even though part of him wanted to burst through the door, he had no reason not to believe her.

Lacing both hands into his hair, he paced the path back and forth, so many things rushing through his head, primarily the curses he screamed at himself for what a fool he had been. From somewhere amongst all that, he could hear Gwen ranting in the background.

"God, I mean, what is it with you men? If you're not screwing someone else then you're bloody married to someone else…do you get off on it all or something?"

He knew that his words would sound pathetic to her, but he found himself saying them anyway, not knowing what else he could do.

"I swear, I never meant for this…Jesus Christ, I'm such an idiot."

"I'll vouch for that."

He wandered a few more times, Gwen watching his sorry figure like a hawk from the doorway. Anything he did now would seem so fruitless, would only come as a very poor excuse. He knew he had no excuses. But he also knew that he wasn't going to lie down and give up without a fight.

John rushed up towards the door, and noticed Gwen hopping back on her heels.

"I have to see her, Gwen."

Desperation dripped from his voice, but he didn't care. He glanced up to see Gwen's face almost completely unmoved. His fingers waivered in the air, stopping himself from seizing the door again.

"Please, Gwen, I know you think I don't deserve it, and I don't, but I can't turn around. I've looked everywhere…you don't know where she could be?"

Gwen simply shook her head before she gripped her hand against the handle. "I don't, and even if I did, why should I tell you? It's your mess, you sort it out."

He hadn't expected her to help him, but it was worth the shot. Walking away down the path, he was resigned to spending the night going to the ends of the city in search of her, and also resigned to hating himself.

"Oh, shit, shit. Bollocks! Oh god, you idiot!"

He had expected to hear the door slam firmly behind him, but there was no sound. As he went from the gate, he turned back for a moment and was surprised to see Gwen still standing there, following his movements.

"I will tell you something, John," she shouted to him, a troubled expression on her face. "She's absolutely devastated. Honestly, I've never heard her so upset."

He closed his eyes as he thought of Anna, those beautiful blue irises clouded with dark tears, her face crumpled and her heart broken. He felt a wrench tear through his body, splitting him in two.

"If you do find her, you've got a hell of a lot of work to do."

As Gwen disappeared from his sight, John was still nodding, swallowing the selfish lump that had engulfed his throat. Picking up his steps, running down the road, the vow sounded loud in his head.

If he never did anything else in his life, he would make this right.

Anna looked down at the river below, always flowing, rushing with the tide. She watched the gentle waves pass by, but she didn't really see, feeling removed from everything. A careful hand pressed against cold steel was the only way she could tell that she was here, experiencing all of this, and that novelty had worn off a while ago, the bridge moulded warm against her skin for the amount of time she had held it there.

She wondered for a moment if the last few months had really happened or if she had imagined it all, if she had been standing here the whole time. It was almost like déjà vu. Almost, because it was so much worse this time around. The pain was so much worse, gnawing down to her bones. If she was honest, she had expected it somewhere along the line with Jeremy. The sorrow had still been there, but more than anything else then she mourned for the years wasted, the energy used up, the life that had passed her by. Now, she felt regret for the life that she thought was ahead of her fading to a shadow of what it should have been, but it was the thought of John that hurt the most. The thought of not having him. The thought of never having him, not truly. Still, the questions revolved in her head, and they cut deeper each time. The shock would never wear off, the pain would never leave her.

How did she end up here again? Maybe it was best to stay forever.

A wave washed over her suddenly and she grimaced, holding one arm against the bridge and clutching her other hand to her stomach. She turned away, pressing her back against the hard steel, needing to be supported. Below, the river swirled and roared with a hush. In its own way, it seemed to be comforting her but taunting her too, letting her know in all of its wisdom how foolish she had been.

She had gone home for a bit, hours ago, but she had been too restless to stay and felt too trapped being inside. There was also the chance that John would come round, eventually, and she couldn't bear to see him. Before she had left and before she had switched it off, she had phoned Gwen. She just needed a friendly and familiar voice, someone to tell her it would all be okay, however wrong that might have been. She had stayed calm while she waited for her to pick up, but dissolved into tears as soon as Gwen asked her how she was. Through sobs, she had relayed what she had found out, and she had hardly stopped crying since. Her stomach hurt from it. She could still hear Gwen's shouts as she railed against John, turning to a softer tone as she tried to soothe her, telling her to come over. Despite knowing she only meant the best, Anna had to rebuff the offer. She needed to be alone. It was where she had gone wrong before.

Her eyes were dry now and her expression blank as she looked out beyond her. In the past few hours she imagined she had cried herself numb, in fits and bursts as flashes of memories came back to her. Except the truth was she wasn't even close to being numb. The agony had lodged itself in her heart, and even if she cried a river to rival the one flowing so far underneath her, she doubted it would ever go away.

She sighed, breaking her gaze, staring down at her feet. It was getting late, she would have to leave soon, return home and to reality, whatever that was now. She found she wanted to be anywhere else than here, the place that had broken her, put her back together again and now only held her, not knowing what else it could do. A place once so full of prospects, now just as drained and hopeless as she was. She had the want to go, but neither it seemed the will or the way, and that seemed to stand for everything right now.

Taking a breath, Anna looked up again, glancing to the side of her. In the distance, she thought she could see a figure, running, getting closer. She narrowed her eyes, and then felt fire followed by cold shivers run through her. He soon became unmistakable. Before she pushed herself up and turned to go, the desperate sound of his voice met her.

"Anna! Anna!"

She began walking at speed, not looking back even though his cries of her name followed her and pierced her heart. This was happening, and yet it all felt so unreal. It shouldn't have gone this way. Her heart pounded with each firm step she took, and she had to scream to silence the part of it that still wanted to turn and bound straight into his arms. As the wind picked up against her with the strides she was taking, tears started to sting her eyes afresh. Even as she did it, she didn't believe it. She never thought she would be walking away from him.

He wasn't far away at all from her now, his breath coming out in rags, a slight squeak in his tone as his words didn't stop. Anna tried to shut her eyes against them.

"Anna…god, please…Anna, you've made a mistake. No, I'm the one that's made the mistake, of course I have…I'm such an idiot."

Her steps came to a halt and she shuddered violently. Oh, how she wanted to believe. Part of her already did, no matter what he said.

She didn't turn around, and so he carried on.

"Oh, Anna…what have I done?"

His voice, always so measured even in the worst of times, was breaking. She almost couldn't stand to hear it, and then thought it was exactly what he had asked for.

"I know what I've done, and I'm so stupid, and I never meant…"

His breathing, while still frantic, seemed to regulate, and Anna heard him take in a deep, heavy breath. She sensed that he had come to a stop too.

"Please, Anna, turn around."

She took in a breath, staying still as she listened to his pleas. She wanted to turn around, she wanted to look him in the eyes and see the truth for herself. She was too scared of what that truth would be. Her hands were trembling as she rested them against her chest, feeling the thud of her confused heart. His cries of her name echoed in her ears. When she found the words to speak, she didn't know what would come out. All of the things she had rehearsed in her mind seemed so empty, all of the sentiments in her heart retreated. Would she face him with her head held high, or simply break down?

The space between them was suffocating with the weight of anticipation. John wavered for a moment.

"Anna, look at me. Listen to me, please."

"No, you listen!"

She swivelled round in an instant, her whole body shaking with the force of her shriek, her lungs expelled of the last bits of energy she had. Her blue eyes had turned dark with rage and grief and they pierced a hole through John, who had taken a few steps back, although he was already at a little distance from her. He was contrite and completely fearful in that minute. He had never seen her like that and the distress was reflected in his eyes. Anna resolved that even when confronted with that heartbreaking look, she would go on. Indeed, it seemed there was no stopping her now that primal scream had unleashed at least some of the tumult of emotions that lay within her.

"After everything I have been through, I have been through enough these last few months to last a lifetime, and you knew that, I told you that."

She was shouting, coming closer to where he stood but not close enough that he could reach to touch her. Part of her wanted to lash out against him, take out all of her anguish physically. By the way he was just standing there, looking at her, it appeared that he would have simply took whatever she threw at him without a fight. Instead, she pointed a juddering finger at him.

"I thought things were getting back to how they used to be…no, not that…they were different. They were better. And it was because of you."

Anna spluttered out the words, beginning to cry again through her anger. She saw John gulping, his face completely forlorn and breaking in just the same way as hers was. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come.

"I should have known, known that it was too good to be true."

Even now, she realised she was still clinging onto her misguided fantasies. She looked at him, her eyes steely but with the wobble of her bottom lip betraying her stare. Underneath that shell he was there somewhere, something told her. The man she knew, the man she wanted to be with.

John dropped his gaze to the ground, shaking his head from side to side as she began to breathe a little less shallow. She wanted him to offer her something, he was bigger than this surely. Perhaps she had never really known him.

He looked up again slowly, remorsefully. He took a couple of small steps towards her.

"Anna," his voice was a reed of a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't you say that! Don't you say that."

She swung her arms out towards him, but only hit air. Retreating, she heaved a wracking sob.

"I won't have it. Not after everything, not after all the things we have said to each other." Her heart crushed in her chest as she thought of but a few. "Just saying that, John, no. It's not good enough."

There was painful silence for a few moments. John seemed absolutely defeated. For her part, Anna was distraught. Even with it all, she had expected more than that. She had deserved more. They had deserved more.

She sighed, and then a half-cry, half-laugh escaped her throat. John lifted his eyes towards her, clearly confused but not daring to say anything lest it made her erupt again.

"When I met you, I knew instantly that you were unlike any man I'd ever met," she began to say, calmer now, caught up with the memory. In love with it. The smallest hint of a smile flashed for a moment on her face. "You were so nice, and you made me feel so good, straight away…and right then, even though it seemed impossible, I knew I felt something for you."

Anna saw that there was a bit of a smile on his face too, and seeing it again made her heart flip.

"And as time went on, I felt even more, and I believed, though I know it was stupid now, that here was a man who was different from all the rest." She gasped, overwhelmed by her emotion, her incredible stupidity. "But it is clear I was blinded by what I wanted to believe. And that I couldn't see…"

She stopped herself; it was too soon for her to say the words, though she could see that he registered them. The worst thing was that the look deep in his eyes told her that he didn't deny it. A coldness ran through her veins.

"I trusted you, John," she said quietly, truthfully. "Trusted you with everything, trusted you with my heart. You know how I felt about you…"

Anna noticed his face fall the second she'd said it. How I felt about you. His brow twitched and his features filled with guilt and regret. The corners of her own mouth turned down. Right now, she honestly didn't know what she felt.

"I never, ever thought you could hurt me. But you've hurt me more than anyone else."

"Anna, please believe me. I never meant for any of this. I never wanted to hurt you. I know I have, and I regret it so much. I regret it more than anything in my life. How could I have possibly hurt you like I have…I can't forgive myself."

The pain etched upon him was almost too much to bear. She could see he was agonised, and she was too, but the emotion was still raw within her.

She had held herself well, but she trembled with the thought when she spoke again.

"And to know that was all I was to you...just a sordid affair."

She could have burst into tears. Knowing that all of their times together, when she had shared everything of herself with him, all amounted to that. She was truly distraught.

John rushed to speak, unable to contain himself. "Anna, you never were…you would never be…please don't say that."

He went closer to her, reaching out towards her. Anna could feel the warmth and comfort of his embrace waiting, the scent of him intoxicating. Her eyes flickered to his, shining soft with unshed tears, and she held a breath before she moved away.

"Just do me a favour, do both of us a favour, and please leave me alone. It's for the best."

She couldn't hold back the tears as she turned away from him, making to walk where she had previously intended to go. It didn't feel like it was for the best now, and she knew it wouldn't for a long while yet, but she couldn't take any more heartbreak.

"No, Anna, I can't accept that. I won't let you leave like this, not before I tell you what you have to hear. You need to know."

Again, she ceased her steps to the sound of his voice, straining with need. Uncertainly, she turned around again to meet his eyes, fervent upon hers.

"Yes, I am married."

Anna stopped herself from choking out a cry. It was even more painful hearing him say the words.

"I am married, but I am separated. I have been for more than two years, since I came back here. Not long after that, my wife turned up at the office because back then, she couldn't accept it. I had to placate her and that's why people at work believe I am still married, because it caused too much trouble to say otherwise. And because, if I'm honest, I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't think I would ever be with anyone else, so it was easier to say nothing."

She looked at him with some suspicion. Her head was still reeling.

"The day I was on that train, the day that I met you, I was told that my application for divorce had been accepted. I'm waiting for things to come through." He bowed his head briefly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "The reason I went to Ireland was because I had things that I needed to sort with my wife and her solicitor. The reason she has come here is to take care of the final matters with my solicitor from her side. She will be gone again in two days and I only have the intention of seeing her when I must." He let out a lengthy sigh, his gaze still locked on her. "It's not official yet, but it will be in a matter of months, weeks even. That is the truth, Anna."

A tear trickled down her cheek as she stood, watching his face keenly. Everything told her that it was the truth he was telling her. Her heart lifted on seeing the look in his eyes, and she fought to bring it back to earth.

He knew that a further explanation was needed and she didn't wait long for it to come.

"I didn't tell you before because…I honestly don't know why I didn't tell you." A hand was in his hair as he looked totally lost. "I just…well, I didn't expect this. I didn't expect you. The more I was with you, I just couldn't believe that you wanted me and so I needed to hold onto that, even though I didn't deserve you."

Anna saw the desperate longing in his eyes as he treaded carefully towards her.

"There were so many times that I wanted to tell you, so many times I knew I should have. Please understand, it's not your fault, it is all mine. I was so selfish. I thought I would lose you, Anna. I was sure you would hate me, and I couldn't bear it." He breathed in sharply and exhaled with a heavy sigh. "And now you've found out like this, and all that has come to be anyway, and I just wish I would have told you."

She sniffed quietly while his voice became a weak quiver. It was all she could think, and she wanted to say it; I don't hate you. I wish I could but I don't, not one bit. That's what makes this hell for me…

His eyes were dark and wide, awaiting an answer from her. When he didn't get one, he moved to speak again, his movements slow, all made on her terms.

"Anna, there's so much I have wanted to say for so long. I've kept it all inside, and I don't know why. You've taught me so much, you've changed me. You've made me a better man."

She could see that the tears were beginning to come from him and they sparked hers too.

"John, don't…"

"You have, Anna. And I wish I could have been better for you."

He reached out so slowly, and when his hand met her arm she started shuddering and it seemed she couldn't stop, but it was only for seconds and then she was still, relaxed against his touch. Anna sighed, her sobs coming to a cease as he overwhelmed her once more. She needed this, she needed him and she couldn't do without him. It didn't matter. Breathing unsteadily, her eyes looked up to his. The storm had calmed there and they were so soothing. With the same considerateness he had shown just moments before, his fingers came up to meet her cheek. They wiped away the wetness from beneath her eyes tenderly. Anna could only stare at him, reverent in his actions, her eyes blinking fiercely. He was so gentle with her, the touch she had always known. He couldn't hurt her.

"Anna."

His breath fluttered against her, her name never spoken in that way before.

"I will be better. I promise I will."

He had laced their fingers lightly together, pressing them as he spoke.

"You mean everything to me."

She looked down at their joined hands and then up at him. After a second, his words sunk in and the spell was broken for her.

"You lied to me," she uttered quietly, but firmly. "You lied, purposely. About why you went away."

John's eyes shadowed again, and he dropped his head, sighing.

"I'm so ashamed of myself for that. I shouldn't have done it, you don't deserve it. I did it because I wanted to fool myself. I wanted to hide. I think I believed it was true."

He looked up at her again, his eyes full.

"A thousand reasons wouldn't be good enough. I know that, Anna. But there'll be no more, I swear."

"How do I know that?"

Her eyes danced over his face, hoping beyond hope that he could tell her. The fact was she didn't know, not anymore. She snatched her hand away from his rapidly and pulled herself back. She couldn't lose herself again.

She hated to see such a shattered look on his face as she turned to go, but it couldn't be helped. She couldn't be there any longer.

There was the faintest strangled cry from behind her, then silence. Then, his voice followed her again, persistent.

"Anna! Don't leave it like this, please. I know you have every right to walk away, and I won't deny you that. If we are not going to be together," he faltered for a moment, gathering himself, "let's make sure it is for the right reason. And there is no reason. Not in my heart. If you must go, then take this with you. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. And that is the truest thing I can ever say."

She squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from flowing.

The weight of his words lingered in the air, his breath was heavy.

"If you won't listen to me, I will understand. But please, listen to yourself."

She felt like she was being pulled in so many different directions and in the confusion, she didn't know where her heart lay. Turning back again, she saw him, looking hopeful and simultaneously listless, having given everything he had. Now, he was depending on her and what she would say. They depended on her. The weight was so heavy upon her shoulders. She saw that a solitary tear had fallen from his eye and it was more heartbreaking than if he had cried endlessly.

"I…"

She began, having to raise her voice to bridge the distance between them. That split second made her change everything, and she shook her head, barely swallowing her sorrow.

"I can't do this now, it's too much. I…I don't know if you're the person I thought you were anymore."

Anna turned sharply on her heels before she dissolved, before she could see his reaction. In the distance she heard him begin to sob with abandon and she clamped her hand over her mouth as she walked away, her eyes blurry.

She'd made her choice, and she was already regretting it, leaving them both broken in two.

A/N: Please don't hate me! We're so far from the end of the story.

In the film, this scene goes a little differently - the characters sort things out pretty quickly, probably given that it's only an hour and a half long. I just don't think Anna would turn around so easily, not after a bombshell like that.