A/N: Thanks for all the very kind reviews of that traumatic last chapter, they made me feel less heartbroken about writing it.

Let's see how this goes...

Anna yawned several times in quick succession, waiting for the water to heat up. At this moment, the temptation to go back to bed was particularly strong and she did for a second or two consider shutting off the water, putting her pyjamas back on and slinking back under the covers. Yet even if she got there, she wouldn't be able to go to sleep.

An ache stretched from between her shoulders all the way down her spine; she didn't really remember, but she could only imagine that she must have slept in a strange position. The water blasted down as she contorted, attempting to rub the pain she couldn't quite reach. She sighed. Once she was underneath and the slightly too hot water enveloped her, she would feel better, at least physically. Her skin flashed lightly red on the contact and she held a breath. Just for now, she'd got over the highest hurdle. The water began to gather and then swirl down the drain, washing the debris away. As Anna scrubbed her arms and neck vigorously, she wondered why it wasn't so easy to dissolve every part of her.

She didn't let herself pause for too long, just for the amount of time that she was in the shower, which was getting less and less. Give it just over half an hour and she would be dried, dressed, make up applied, hair brushed. Breakfast could wait until the office; even then it might be optional. Her days could be timed to clockwork. Even before she was out of the door, she was on autopilot. Go to work, stay later than she should, come home, throw dinner together and devour it hastily, go to bed and fall into a sleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. Then the pattern was repeated the next day, and the next, and the next.

She wasn't so oblivious to not realise that people were concerned about her, but the way she was going about things suited her perfectly. In fact, she only thought herself stupid that she hadn't done this way before. Work was what she was good at, and it wasn't so bad that it became the centre of her world. Plenty of other women lived their life that way and they didn't have any complaints. She immersed herself, tired herself out. It was already becoming a way of life, and Anna was happy about it. She was getting back to being the person she had lost sight of, temporarily, and this person welcomed the attention she was being given once more. It wasn't a way of coping, not for the most part. She reminded herself of that too often at first, but the need lessened now. She could listen to reason without faltering, and act without thinking. There simply wasn't time enough in the day for it.

But then there were moments that caught her off guard; she couldn't deny them. Of course she couldn't. They were always little things. Noticing the person in front of her ordering the same coffee. A song being halfway through when she turned on the radio; she'd leave it for a little bit, before turning it off and being left with her thoughts, which echoed in the room for a while. She let them drift, and she was happy as she did so. A calm descended upon her, she felt safe and all she could do was smile. Then, too soon, she remembered and it was like finding out for the first time all over again.

It wasn't just in passing moments, of course, but that was all she would allow it to be. She couldn't dwell, it would do her no good. The only way was to shake them off, keep herself occupied, keep moving. Whether she wanted to move on, she didn't yet know. All she knew for now was that her heart was still too bruised to hold anything more, not even the slightest bit of hope. She had soldiered on so far with it sheltered in her grasp, stopping it from shattering completely. It simply wasn't ready for any further damage. She wasn't ready for anything more than she could handle right now, which was not much past just keeping moving. Just keeping herself together.

He had called a few nights ago. She was not far heading off to bed when the ringing sounded, and she had to stop her foolish heart from getting ahead of itself. A pang pierced the centre of her chest when she picked up, and all she could hear was his breathing. Even that sound killed her. Then he began to speak, and the hurt came fast.

"Anna," he faltered. "Are you well? Please tell me you are."

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't bring herself to lie. It threatened to swallow her whole.

There was silence before he spoke again. "I don't suppose…I know it's asking a lot…have you given any thought to whether you can…"

"I can't, John. Not yet."

"I understand."

She wasn't sure whether she liked the resignation in his tone, but she still had to add it.

"I think it's best if you don't call."

"If that's what you want, of course."

Before she had time to think or say otherwise, she ended the call. A shiver ran through her as she placed the phone down, almost wanting to throw it across the room as well as cradle it to her. She hoped sleep would come even quicker than usual.

The nights weren't too bad, except for when the weekends rolled around. The time she had spare stretched out ahead of her, and there was only so much work she could take home before it overwhelmed her. Anna had the notion that that wouldn't be so bad, not when the alternative was this.

It was another Saturday night and she sat, a blank stare fixed to the wall in front of her, almost missing Gwen until she slouched into her line of vision. Anna made herself look up to see her friend wearing an expression of boredom and frustration and worry, more than all. In her hand, she clutched Anna's make-up bag, with only a little hope.

"What are you doing, Gwen?"

"If you're not going to do it, don't think I won't. And you know that I can be lethal with eyeliner."

She smiled as she stepped closer to the sofa, taking the aforementioned eyeliner out and thrusting it towards a reluctant looking Anna, sitting with her knees bunched up. Deciding it was probably better to take a gentler tack, Gwen placed her weapons down and padded over, perching herself on the edge of the seat next to her friend. Leaning her arm against the back of the sofa, she sighed softly, keeping her gaze on Anna.

Relenting just a little underneath Gwen's glare, Anna shifted. Her eyes softened at her friend's hopeful expression but her mouth remained set.

"I've had a really long week at work."

"All the more reason to go out and play."

Anna frowned, taking her hair out and pulling it back into another scruffy bun, two long strands falling either side of her face.

"Well, maybe that's not the right word…I don't expect you to pull the first man you see. Maybe the fourth or fifth…"

Gwen smirked a little half-smile before her face fell. Her methods of persuasion were going all wrong and she knew it. She reached over to pat Anna's knee.

"Honestly, let's just go for a few drinks, somewhere really low-key." She looked away for a moment towards the spot on the wall that Anna had found so fascinating, and where she was looking once again. "I've had a really crappy week at work. And I've got an essay to start next week…"

Gwen's voice was petering out to a reed as she glanced up towards the ceiling, not daring to look Anna in the eye this time.

"Well, I'm not holding you to ransom. You go out and tell me all about it."

She huffed, a bit louder this time. Whatever she thought about the situation, she had to keep it restrained because then nobody would win. Gwen adjusted herself on the sofa, sitting back a little further.

"Nah, there's no point going out on my own. I'll probably just bump into someone from work and that'll be that, the night ruined." She smiled fondly at Anna. "I'd rather just stay in with you again, sad sack."

Though she tried her best to look the stark opposite of sad, Anna's bottom lip jutted out unconsciously as she faced Gwen. Her friend just laughed and swatted her on the arm, before she slumped down and rested her head against her shoulder.

Anna let out a long sigh, aware she was doing so and getting fed up of the sound herself.

"I'll see how I feel next week."

"You said that last week," Gwen reminded her with a little smirk.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Gwen," Anna groaned, swiping a hand over her face, feeling awful for dragging her down. She couldn't expect Gwen to sacrifice her social life just to keep her own selfish and – she supposed she really was, though she did her best to deny it – sad self company. "I know I'm being insufferable. You have every right to be completely pissed off with me." She rubbed faintly at her head, a deflating sensation sinking all over her.

Gwen's hand closed around her arm. "You reserve the right to be pissed off, and blind with rage, and mopey, and I'm not going to take that away from you. I will embrace all of those moodswings right there with you, and I will also get you lots of wine and chocolate when you need it."

Anna smiled weakly. "I think I've consumed twice my body weight in both of those things too much lately."

"And you still look amazing. Really, I was hoping for just a bit of leeway."

They both sniggered, and it did feel good to laugh, even if the jabbing pain against her temples was saying otherwise.

"I can't say I've been there, because I haven't. But I do know that this is really bad. It's a thousand times worse than last time."

Anna rolled her eyes, grimacing. She was awful at even attempting to hide her feelings.

"And it's for that reason that I'm absolutely shit scared," Gwen stated, a slight waver in her voice. Anna looked at her with eyes that were beginning to brim and saw that her friend was fighting to keep hold of her emotions too. "You know I'm not meaning to push you and I've only got your best interests at heart. I just don't want weeks to turn into months, and I don't know…right now, I can see that happening." She stopped to fiddle with her hair, seeming a bit uncomfortable. "And if I lose my best friend, even if she's still here, I can't help thinking it'll be partly my fault for not trying harder."

Anna sniffed, smiling sadly. "It won't be your fault. I do appreciate the tough love, you know."

"You haven't seen anything yet."

Gwen straightened up, giving her best 'I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer' look. Anna had to chuckle.

"I don't doubt it," she affirmed. "It won't be that bad, I won't let it get like that. I'm getting there already." She ran a hand over her raised knees. "You may have noticed that I'm out of pyjama bottoms much earlier, which is one thing."

"I'm very impressed."

They laughed again. Anna fixed Gwen with a look, tapping her arm.

"I'm not going to promise right now, because you'll only bring it up next week and make me feel bad." She shook her head softly. "But soon, definitely. I'll look forward to it." She could, and she would. "Just, not tonight."

Gwen looked as though she was going to argue, jumping off the edge of the sofa. She made to grab something from the table, and Anna was about to groan in protest, until she turned around again.

"Boxset marathon it is, then. And the wine's in the fridge."

She shouldn't have been surprised when he stopped calling, not when she asked him not to do so anymore. It was good that he wasn't trying so hard, was keeping his distance, her head told her heart. It meant that there was no distraction and they could both get on living their lives, as they had done before the other came along.

She was just coming round to that way of thinking, when the text message arrived.

- I know you don't want to talk to me, Anna, and I don't blame you. Just know that you're on my mind, and I'll wait for you, whenever you're ready. It's your call. J x

She wasn't ready, not yet. She didn't delete the message, but she didn't reply.

A few days later, another came.

- Words seem to come easy this way, but you should know they're not. I wish I was better at this kind of thing. I should be better all around. I'm sorry, Anna. Truly and deeply. J x

He could say sorry so many times – would she ever really believe it? This time, she typed out a response but retreated before she could send it. She tried to forget, didn't re-read over and over like she had done the last.

They became simpler greetings.

- Have a wonderful day Anna, whatever you're doing. I'm thinking of you. J x

And simpler still.

- Take care. J x

And every time, each one broke her heart anew.

She scooted across the floor, bringing files down from the shelves, picking out pictures and samples, arranging them back at her desk before going on the search again. All the while, she tried valiantly to ignore the brown eyes that were boring a troubled look into her, watching from the doorway. After a few minutes spent rifling through for just the right design that the client needed for their invitation, Anna turned towards the door, beginning to lose her patience with Mary's furrowed brow.

"Mary, there's no need."

"No need for what?" she asked innocently.

Anna huffed in exasperation. "That look you've been pinning on me since two days ago." She set the box file back on the shelf, planting her hands on her hips while Mary continued to give her best stare of concern. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I know you mean well but I'm fine, really. I won't fall to pieces if you leave the room, I can tell you that much."

Mary lowered her gaze, folding her arms against her defensively. Anna felt a little guilty, but it was either that or snap completely, and she was still afraid of doing that. God only knows how Mary would have reacted then.

"I'm sorry, Anna, but I don't think you should be here. You look terrible."

She laughed, a little shocked. "I know I can always rely on you to be as blunt as a hammer."

"I don't mean…" Mary began, not quite knowing how to take the statement back, cringing just visibly. "You're doing far too much. You need to rest otherwise you'll burn yourself out." Her face softened, the worry lifting just a little. She offered a genuine and warm smile to Anna, who accepted it. "Take a few days, get away somewhere. I could get in touch with Granny, you could go and stay at her summer house. I'm sure you'd get on. I'm a lot like her."

Anna shook her head as Mary stifled a small giggle.

"I'm very grateful, but I really am okay. I want to keep busy. The Andersons' event is in two weeks and there's still so much to organise."

"I can take over. You know, I've learnt a thing or two from watching you," Mary smiled, walking over towards Anna and tentatively brushing her hand against her arm, before retreating quickly and using it to swipe her hair over her shoulder instead. "But I know you're like me in that respect. That there's no use arguing."

"Exactly," Anna half-smiled, and clutched onto Mary's hand instead, making her flinch a bit until she settled and pursed her lips. "I'm fine, honestly I am, and I would let you know otherwise if I wasn't, don't worry about that."

"Well, I'll try not to. But you can't tell me anything, either."

Before she could wave her out, Mary went into the next room of her own accord, leaving Anna to get on. Though she did value her fussing, and also found it a touch unexpected, Anna breathed a sigh of relief when Mary was out of her sight. The office was her haven at the moment, and the last thing she needed was to feel uneasy there too. But she was thankful that she had a friend almost as firm as Gwen in Mary, and she knew she could rely on her to stay true to her word.

She submerged herself deep in her to-do list, only being roused when a knock could be heard against the door.

"I'll take care of it!" Mary shouted up, her voice fainter as she bounded down the stairs.

Anna carried on contentedly, not hearing much other than muffled talking and footsteps. The new set thudded, as if they belonged to a man, and for a moment she went heartsick. That was until she heard the word 'Papa' being spoken by Mary. Robert followed his daughter into the room opposite, bypassing Anna in her office, though she was sure she felt his gaze, not unlike that of his daughter's, peer in at her briefly.

There was chatter amongst father and daughter, none of which Anna could hear and none of which she wished to. A quiet fell after a little while, and she would have believed that Robert had left, but then Mary's voice rose sharply in admonishment.

"I can't believe you never said anything, Papa! Poor Anna…to think, you might have prevented this."

"Mary, it wasn't my place to say…if I could have done, then I would."

A chill ran through Anna as she sat there, listening to them talk. She was restless suddenly, had the urge to do anything but stay still. And if they were going to continue to talk about everything as if they had no idea she was in the next room, then she couldn't take it. She hastily gathered her things on the desk and stood a bit too soon, making a charge for the door. As she did, she was met with Robert appearing there and Mary with a stony but apologetic expression at his shoulder.

"Hi, Anna," Robert started, a slightly uncomfortable yet still sincere smile on his face. "I'm sorry if you overheard…"

"It's fine," she snapped, not meaning to sound as harsh as she did. It wasn't his fault, after all; he had only been caught in the middle.

"Papa, now's not the time," Mary piped up, her face defiant. "If you want to discuss something, let's do it another day."

Robert turned round briefly to face his daughter. "Thank you, Mary, but I'd just like a quick word with Anna." Swivelling forwards again, he looked at Anna softly, tilting his head. "If that's okay?"

"Yes, it's alright."

"But…"

"Mary, it's fine," Anna assured, nodding her head towards her. "We're nearly out of milk, if you could go and get some? I could do with some tea."

Mary's eyes flashed briefly, and then she calmed, nodding back at Anna before she made her way down the stairs.

Robert shuffled around nervously, settling himself in a chair and standing up again seconds after. He was making Anna anxious just looking at him, so she turned her attention to the shelves.

"How is everything at the restaurant?"

"Great, fantastic," Robert replied quickly. "It's going really well, much better than I'd hoped for. Though I wouldn't mind you doing another fancy bash at some point, maybe at the end of the summer?"

"I'll have to see if we can fit you in," Anna laughed lightly, still feeling the tension which didn't seem close to dissipating. Robert smiled back, hands in his pockets, and the awkward silence hung in the air, though not for that long. Stepping forward, Robert took a breath before he went on with what he had come to say.

"Anna, I won't insult you by pretending why I'm here. I think you know it's about John."

The mere mention of his name made her stomach flip over.

"Robert, I don't think it's…"

"Now, I'm not going to fight his battles for him. God knows he has never let me. He doesn't know I'm here now, and I know for certain he would be horrified if he knew I was talking to you. But I couldn't not." He sighed, breaking gaze. "I mean, I can't help but think I've had a part to play in all of this."

"You weren't the one who lied. You weren't the one who was having an affair while you were married."

Robert looked like he had taken a bullet on John's behalf, wincing at her clipped tone.

"He's always needed a push. He has a habit of getting listless, when he wants to. And I've never known him to get this bad."

He frowned deeply, and Anna felt like she had to look away.

"He's cut up, Anna. Tearing himself apart, saying over and over that he should have told you and how much he regrets everything. I've told him time and again that he's been a fool, but it's not doing any good to lay more of it on now. He knows what damage has been done."

She nodded slowly, swallowing hard to rid herself of the burning in her throat.

"I know he's been in touch with you, and I don't know what's been said, but I know you haven't seen each other." Robert shifted again, rubbing his hand over his jaw before fixing her with a stare. "If you could do this one little thing, Anna, and just let him know that you might…"

She let out a cry, unexpectedly, turning on her heels.

"Robert, please don't. I don't know if I can, just yet."

"Anna, I don't mean to beg, but I'm desperate."

The shake in his voice forced her to turn towards him again.

"I've never seen him despairing like this, not through anything. I wouldn't bother you, but I'm terrified. I got woken up by a phone call at 4am the other morning; it was John saying he couldn't sleep for thinking of you, saying he hated himself for what he had done." He paused for a moment. "Saying you were his world…"

Anna gasped. "Don't guilt-trip me, Robert."

"I'm sorry, Anna, but it's all I could think to do. I really am sorry for troubling you."

She found herself shaking; she had to lean herself against the table, clutching on to an empty glass to steady herself.

"What am I supposed to say to that, Robert? What am I supposed to do?"

As she looked up at him, he couldn't offer any answers, and she felt all of her carefully constructed barriers come crashing down, leaving her completely defenceless.

"I'll see myself out," he said quietly, his form shrinking away from her. Before he left, he stopped and Anna watched him closely, her eyes pleading for some answer.

"Just let him know, Anna. Just don't leave him hanging."

The screen was near blinding in the darkness of the room. She squinted, the throb in her head amplifying as she held the phone above her, agonising over what it was she wanted to say. Whether what she wanted to say was the right thing to say, she still didn't know.

The clock read 4.02am. With a sigh, she heaved her legs up over the edge of the bed and the rest of her body followed.

- I'm so angry, John. I can't understand why you would do it.

- My heart hurts more each time I think of you, and yet I can't stop.

- Why did you have to do this to me? I miss you so much.

She rifled a hand through her hair, the emotions coursing through her leaving her so confused. This wasn't the best time to do this; but then, when was?

- I will give you a chance.

Just don't let me down, she thought, drifting back to sleep, phone resting in her hand.

It had seemed like such a good idea only hours ago. She was the one who initiated it, calling up Gwen hastily and saying that she wanted to go out. After Gwen assented, more than a little surprised, she darted up the stairs, pulling out a dress and heels from her wardrobe, getting ready at such a speed that she wasn't afforded the time to change her mind.

Ever since he had said them, Robert's words had refused to leave her head. It was impossible to push them away and they were sending her over the edge. Thoughts of John desolate wouldn't let her alone. They sent a pang through her whole being. If he had done anything stupid…had he already tried? The responsibility of it pressed down upon her made her shudder. She was frantic, and everything came rushing up to meet the surface, almost overwhelming her. She should see him. Talk some sense into him. Even if it was to say something he didn't want to hear.

It was too much for her to cope with; she had to clear her head, or at least do something to try to. This seemed to be the best option. As they stepped out of the cab and into the loud music of the club, Anna felt the doubts start to creep in. She did her best to not let them overcome her, having a couple of drinks in the hope that it would loosen the knot that was tied tight in her stomach, rising slowly up her body. She stayed towards the back of the club, looking on, trying to let the thudding beat erase the chaos that was building again in her mind. Aside from a few guys looking her way, nobody bothered her. Nothing happened to cause it and it happened so fast that everything suddenly became a blur.

The room was spinning about her and she felt unbearably hot, as though she'd been cast into a fire. Her fingers were numb, her legs were like lead and it was getting harder to breathe in the space that wasn't that cramped. It was an effort to get the words out as she grabbed at Gwen's arm, trying not to grasp on too tight.

"Gwen, I have to get out of here…please, I've got to get out."

Even at the height of her panic attack, she hoped she didn't sound too pleading. Her feet swept her past the crowds, her eyes closing as she tried to contain herself, willing the sensations to pass quickly. Gwen stayed by her side, rubbing her back softly as she gasped in the air, staring straight at the ground to centre herself. Over and over she thought of how ridiculous she was being. It took a while for her to realise that Gwen had bundled them into the back of a cab, and longer still to realise it had stopped in front of her apartment. She knew that Gwen had asked if she wanted her to stay, but she dismissed her with a soft whisper. Her trusted armour came out again. I'll be fine. She promised she would as Gwen went down the path, telling her to call if she changed her mind at any point, no matter how late it was.

From the second she closed the door she had slid from her feet down against it, and she was still there now, legs twisted in front of her, barely moved an inch. All she was aware of was her breathing, slow and steadying, in and out. The peak of her fear had been reached long ago, and though it had took a while to come down, it had subsided now. All she was left with was that wave at the pit of her stomach that was there day and night, waiting to rise up and consume her.

She stared ahead of her, down the hallway; seeing nothing, feeling not that much. She was absolutely exhausted. Letting out a sigh, her eyes lifted. Amidst the regular pattern she'd just got it back into, her heart jumped in a strange beat. The wave was beginning its charge and she saw no choice but to surrender.

The tears began springing from her eyes before she had finished pounding the staircase, and by the time she had got into the room and landed upon the bed, they were a flood. Her chest heaved and her stomach contracted painfully; she covered her face with her hands, wiping away the wetness that had streamed down her face, only for more to come seconds later.

She had kept herself together for so long; she hadn't let herself cry since that evening, even though she had been on the verge several times. But there was no use containing it. Tonight, something had broken inside her. She shuddered as she lay there, one hand tucked under her head, the other drifting over her arm in some hopeless attempt to comfort herself. Her sobbing bounced from the walls, surrounded her in the darkening room. They quietened gradually, but didn't come to a stop when everything became black.

Anna woke to hear the soft patter of rain outside. She blinked, raising herself up slowly onto her arms, feeling dazed. It was still dark, but there was a faint glow resting against the curtains which told her it couldn't be that late. She took in the time and saw that it had just gone eleven. It was as though she had been asleep for hours. She felt worse than she had before she'd cried herself to sleep; her mouth was so dry and a slight nausea had settled within her. She wavered a little moving herself further up the bed, bringing a hand up to her head, feeling a bit better as the moments passed.

The sound of the rain was soothing and Anna closed her eyes against it, sinking on the pillow. Emptying her mind of thoughts, she hoped it wouldn't be too long until the hush lulled her into a deeper, more restful sleep. She tuned herself into it, but then heard the unmistakeable but fairly quiet sound of her ringtone drift across the room.

Wobbling over to the other side, she grasped it too late, the tune dying as the phone was cradled in her palm. Her breath caught unconsciously seeing the sign on the screen.

She had only just settled herself to sit back down on the edge of the bed, adjusting to the near-silence again, when the beep of the message alert echoed twice. She picked it up from her side, nervous but full of anticipation.

- Look out of your window.

Anna padded across, her fingers grasping the edge of the curtains and sliding them back. Cautiously, she peeked out from behind the blinds. Her heart almost stopped on the sight.

There he was; John, standing below in the garden, rain misting over him.

He gazed up at her with a little smile on his face, his hands held out in front of him; his eyes she could see, even from this distance, were filled with emotion.

She'd underestimated how much she would feel when she saw him again. Maybe it was because she wasn't prepared, but something told her otherwise. Her heart was going wild in her chest. Even though her eyes were still red, she could feel them dancing with light, and her lips were desperately wanting to curl into a wide smile. She fought the urge keenly.

"John," she breathed his name hesitantly, "what are you doing? This is crazy."

He sighed, shaking his head and giving a little shrug, his eyes finding hers again.

"Maybe it is, but I had to do something. God knows I couldn't sit back a moment longer, knowing I'd messed this all up. Knowing how much I hurt you. It's killing me more each day, Anna."

She rested against the windowsill, needing to look away from him for a moment. She couldn't remember; had she even sent him the message to let him know she did want to see him again? The rawness in his voice made her feel so guilty.

"Anna."

She looked down again and nearly melted at the look on his face, so open, clutching onto this one last bit of fading hope. She knew she should have been furious still, and some part of her was, but the longer she gazed upon him the quicker her resistance began to break down.

"Years ago, months ago even, this wouldn't have happened. I would have let fear and pride and my stupid head get in the way. But I can't hide anymore, I won't let myself. I can't walk away from this. I can't walk away from you."

Her eyes were filling again as she saw him gulp in a breath, pouring everything into every word.

"Nothing really mattered before this, I'm aware of that now. I'm still not sure if I'm worth it, but Anna, my god, you are. You deserve so much, and I am honoured just to stand before you without you sending me away."

A little smile came onto her face, but then she frowned as he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"I know I shouldn't have kept things secret from you, and I don't expect you to believe a word I say." His hand shook as he raised the sheet, Anna seeing patches of ink visible where the rain was showering upon it. "So, this is what I've done, and this is what you need to hear. Because you deserve it. And I just hope I can deserve you."

He cleared his throat before he began to read. Anna was anxious, slowly releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"I was three, and I broke my mother's favourite vase on purpose because I was jealous about my brother being born. She always thought it was an accident, and I never said otherwise."

She narrowed her eyes as he lifted his gaze from the page to her, still not absolutely clear about what he was doing.

John's shoulders relaxed a little, and he looked down again.

"When I was seven, I ate sweets from the corner shop without paying. Two different times. I missed church saying I was sick, and then after everyone had gone I sneaked out to play football…"

Reeling off the list, it clicked. Anna folded her arms against her, shaking her head in disbelief.

"John…this is silly." The rain had started to come down harder, it was soaking through his jacket. "You don't have to do this, come on, it's silly."

His expression was resolute. "If this is what it takes, then I don't think it is. No more secrets," he uttered, and a shiver ran right through her.

Anna adjusted herself at the window, watching the rain fall and John stand firm. If he insisted on going on, she supposed she had nothing to do but listen. He continued to run through all of his past secrets and wrongdoings, year by year, and she wanted to laugh with the absurdity as well as gather him to her.

"I shaved off our housemate's eyebrows at university when he'd passed out drunk, and I let Rob take the blame. I never told Cora that I lost Rob on his stag night and didn't hear from him until fifteen minutes before their wedding."

"John, please don't…you can stop now."

The rain lashed against the window pane, seeming to gather momentum on purpose. John was not deterred, as his hair stuck slick to his forehead. He was getting absolutely drenched, and the paper he was holding had all but dissolved. He looked at Anna deep and searching, so many sentiments held within his gaze. She felt them all acutely, bolts of electricity charging through her and holding her still. In the next moment, he crumpled the wilted page tight in his fist, not needing it for what else he had to reveal.

"A few years ago my life went to ruin. I drank too much, I was on the verge of having a serious problem."

Anna inhaled sharply, a touch surprised perhaps, but her face softened.

John took in another deep breath, not losing sight of her for a second.

"I got married to the wrong person, for what I thought were the right reasons."

She sighed heavily, resting a hand over her chest. She was sure he was telling the truth; hearing the words from his mouth as well as seeing him so sincere seemed to make all the difference.

As relieved as she suddenly felt, she had not prepared herself for his next confession.

"I fell in love with the right person months ago, from the moment I saw you."

The tears were welling in her eyes, and one dropped down her cheek. Though the rain was blurring her view of him a little, she could see that he was overcome too, just from the way he was completely still and still looking up at her.

Anna was certain she heard a gasp as she backed away from the window swiftly, practically galloping from the room and down the stairs.

When she opened the door, he was stood looking at her, his mouth just slightly open as he didn't know what else to do or say. He left it all with her, was at her mercy completely.

"Come on," she said softly, her hand welcoming him inside.

"Anna, are you sure? I don't want to…"

"John, come on," she reaffirmed.

He brushed past her only slightly as he entered the hall, soaked to the skin. Droplets of water dripped from his nose and his hair, flying out as he shook himself slightly, a pool forming on the floor. John looked up at Anna just as she was about to reach her hand out to help him with his jacket. A breath caught in her throat seeing his dark yet soft eyes, and she pulled back, taking the article from him when he'd taken it off. He tilted his head towards her, but she simply smiled.

When she got back from placing his jacket in the sink and fetching a towel, John was still standing just by the door, somewhat aimlessly. He nodded a thanks at her, taking the towel and rubbing it over his hair and face. Anna hugged her arms against her, watching, more than a little charmed by the way he looked and still rather taken aback at all that had happened.

"Well, I'd better get working," she exclaimed, "I owe you quite a few secrets in return for all that."

His face straightened as he took the towel away from her.

"You owe me nothing, Anna. Nothing whatsoever."

She saw that his eyes were glistening, and she had such an urge to reach out and touch his face.

He seemed reluctant to move, so she stepped back a little more, telling him wordlessly that it was okay for him to be there.

"I know that's just the beginning, and it doesn't come close to what you need to hear, but I swear, I will tell you everything you need to know."

Anna bobbed her head as he took a few steps closer to her. His breath was already rushing upon her face, surrounding and intoxicating her. Any nearer, and she was certain she would be lost again.

"Since we've been apart, I honestly don't know how I've coped," he said sincerely. "I've lived in such a fog of misery since you left that night. I think I'd forgotten what happiness is."

She gazed downwards, feeling her heart flutter at his words as he came closer still. Part of her wanted to stick to her guns, not give in so easily. They still had a way to go and many more bridges that needed to be crossed, that even needed to be put back together after the wreckage. She was counting in her head; she knew he was so close to her now, and she would have to look up at him again soon. He had such a hold over her, it was crazy. She wondered whether she should fear it, but in truth she felt calmer than she had for weeks.

"Is that so?" she managed to say, feeling a little bolder when she did gaze up at him. His eyes were wonderful, holding her completely. He looked absolutely gorgeous, his hair damp and plastered to his head. She wanted him to clamp a hand to her waist and pull her to his lips, though she knew it was too soon.

He smiled just a little. "It is," he breathed, his whole face as intense as his stare was upon her. His mouth was but inches away from hers now, and his hand was hovering by her cheek. "Anna, life without you…it just doesn't seem worth living."

She closed her eyes and felt his lips brushing hers, lighter than any kiss she'd felt before. Beginning to respond, she pressed her mouth to his, hearing him sigh in response as she grasped the edge of his wet shirt, his arms welcoming her completely. The rain had made his lips even more soft and pliable; a couple of rain drops fell from his face onto her cheeks, and Anna felt herself shudder, not completely sure that they weren't tears streaming from her eyes.

It was all too easy to get lost. She soon realised how fragile everything was, how fragile she still felt. He didn't seem too surprised when she pulled away, and wore an apologetic look all over his face.

"I'm sorry Anna, I shouldn't…"

"It's okay," she assured, flushing with heat at how she had got caught up. "It does take two."

He gave her a little smile, moving away from her. Despite his efforts, he was still dripping all over the floor and looked very awkward.

"I should get going, I'm sorry for this…"

"John, don't be stupid," Anna cried. "You can't walk back in that. You'll catch your death, even if it is summer."

He gave a sheepish shrug, as if to say that it was his own fault.

"You can stay here tonight. In the spare room," she was quick to offer, and it left a little sting for them both.

After a few reluctant seconds, he nodded in acceptance and headed upstairs. Anna held a foot on the bottom stair, watching and wondering whether she should go after him. Seeing him get to the top, she took it down, breathing out as she wandered back towards the kitchen, not seeing him look down the landing towards her.

Later on when she came back up to go to bed herself, she found herself stopping when she saw his clothes rung out, hanging over the banister to dry off. With quiet steps she padded towards the door of the spare room, which was open a little. She jumped back, not wanting to be seen, but peered forward again when she realised that John was in bed. She could make out his dark hair and the curve of his neck peeking out from the covers, facing away from her. Sighing, she closed the door over, leaving her hand upon the grain a little while too long, her other covering her thudding heart.

It was only the beginning, and how she wished they didn't have to start over again. But it was better that they started somewhere, this time with no secrets.