A/N: Once more, thanks for reading/reviewing. I'm so glad you're all not sick to death with this story yet, as there's a lot more in store! As such, I'm trying to get a little ahead of myself in writing, so updates might not always be weekly from now on (just to make things easier on myself). But I'll update as frequently as I can manage. I am rather fond of this story, and hearing thoughts about it makes my day :)

I'm glad the consensus is that things appear realistic here too. Of course I want A/B to be all loved up (it might happen sooner rather than later...) but I'm keen to make the story feel true. Hopefully you'll think this chapter feels that way too. Enjoy!

In the morning, Anna found herself up at an ungodly hour. She had already drained two cups of tea in the dim light and was brewing another, mentally shushing the whirr of the kettle. She shuffled around the kitchen in her slippers impatiently before taking a seat at the little table, perching on the edge of the chair, tapping her foot rapidly against the air.

Her restlessness was nothing new. She had tossed and turned and for the best part of the night lain awake with the sheets thrown off her, her body calm but her mind racing. It was impossible to go to sleep when all she could think about was John in the next room, just a few steps down the hall. It seemed so wrong somehow, for him to be under the same roof and not close to her. Lying in another bed and not next to her. A shiver ran the length of her, a feeling that seemed to be familiar but itched at her soul.

Turning onto her side, she wondered whether he was awake too, plagued by insomnia and similar sensations as the ones she was experiencing. He was probably fast asleep, without a care in the world, unburdened from worries he had been carrying around for months. She tried to quiet the sound of her frustrated breathing so that she may be able to distinguish his soft snores.

It wasn't that long until she had flipped onto her back again, and even less time still when she was up on her feet, padding across the floor. Instead of heading for the door, she made her way towards the wall adjoining the rooms. She laid her palm there carefully, as if she was expecting something to meet her, a hand or a heartbeat. Then she rested her forehead upon it, pressing herself unconsciously into the space. Her body was yearning, even calling for him. Her heart needed to know his touch again, to have him hold her in his own. It wouldn't take long at all. Perhaps he would be waiting for her, raising himself up from beneath the sheets when she crept in, welcoming her urgently into his arms.

Leaning her back against the wall, she let out a prolonged sigh. It wasn't right, not right now. She had to be stronger than this. Though her desires still burned within her, she gathered the sheets around her, settling herself back down almost forcefully. She closed her eyes and feigned sleep, thinking of him all the while.

Anna was thinking about him now as she sat in the kitchen, earlier than she ever had done before. The kettle clicked and made her shoulders jump, shaking her out of her reverie but not letting go of it completely. Once she had poured the water into her mug, she fetched another, slightly bigger one, smiling as an idea occurred to her. She hoped that it wouldn't seem awkward; the thought of any kind of strange atmosphere between them caused a sadness to sink within her. As she rooted around the cupboard and pulled out the faded blue tray, she decided that it couldn't possibly be misconstrued. Besides, things had felt a lot less awkward between them last night. Anna fumbled slightly with the plates, her cheeks heating as she thought about how their lips had brushed and how close they had been, again. She knew it had been right to stop things before they spiralled, when there was still so much ground to cover between them, but it didn't stop her from wondering and thrilling at the memory, the remembered feel of him.

She buttered the toast swiftly and set it down on a plate, gripping the tray firm in her hands. Her heart pounded and her fingers began to slip at the edges as her palms got increasingly clammy. Wobbling from side to side, she took it slowly, bracing each stair with steps surer than all that was going round in her mind. Approaching the top, she noticed that his clothes were missing from the banister. Anna stopped herself a couple of steps from the door, looking down at the contents of the tray and holding a long breath. She let it out in the next few seconds, along with a soft calling of his name.

"John? Are you there?"

Well, where else would he be, unless he's climbed out of the window?

Anna stepped back as the door opened slowly, revealing a half-dressed John. He stood there, his shoulders not hunched at all, his hair still messy and sticking up a little where it had been upon the pillow. He ran a hand over it, smoothing down the strands, and Anna gulped fiercely before she recovered the ability to speak.

"I brought something up," she gestured the tray towards him, being careful not to send the mug rattling and spilling everywhere. "In case you were hungry."

"That's very kind."

He offered her a gentle smile; though he seemed to be a little dishevelled and hastily dressed, the gleam in his eyes told her that he'd probably been awake for a little while. She noticed him doing up the fly and button of his jeans quickly before he reached out to take the tray from her grasp and averted her gaze, flushing pink, though she wasn't quite sure why – just the other week, she had happily viewed him in a greater state of undress. But then, a lot had happened since then.

His smile increased as he angled his arms towards her, aiming to lift the weight from her hands. The tips of his fingers collided with hers just briefly, though it made Anna feel as if the world had stood still. She heard herself make a little gasp, unbidden, and John smiled as he turned away from her, placing the tray down on the bed. In the brief seconds that he wasn't in front of her, she fought to gather herself, but found the sight of the generous covering of hair across his chest immediately distracting as it confronted her anew.

"Oh god, I'm sorry if I disturbed you," she flustered, meeting his eyes suddenly, sure he was very aware of where her gaze had been directed not moments before.

"It's fine, you didn't do such a thing. My own fault for not getting up early enough."

It was barely quarter past seven; she had to stifle a giggle thinking it was far too early as it stood.

In a flash, he had pulled his shirt over his head and covered his torso, flicking the collar back. John raised his eyes to her with a faint redness in his cheeks as she watched him closely. He braced a hand against the door, leaning a little closer towards where she was standing but still keeping enough distance between them as they had both seemed to get suddenly shy.

"Thanks for putting me up," John broke the silence that had fallen. "You had every right to chuck me out into the rain." He laughed lightly, bringing his hand up from behind his neck.

Anna gave a soft shake of her head, a bit of hair falling loose from her ponytail. "I wouldn't have done that."

Her face was utterly serious, and John nodded, courtesy flashing in his eyes.

"And for all of this too. I am a bit famished."

She thought she could hear a grumble coming from his stomach, and laughed to herself as he seemed to suck himself in, trying to get it to stop.

"I hope you didn't go to too much trouble, I don't want to take advantage or leave you without anything…"

"John," she said, a touch irritated but then softened her voice and smiled easily. "It's no trouble, really. I wouldn't be very hospitable if I didn't give you breakfast."

She had to admit, it wasn't exactly how she had pictured preparing the first breakfast she had made for him, or indeed how she expected to equip him with it, and she felt that swift pang of sorrow press against her insides again. It lifted almost completely when he presented her with a warm, gracious smile.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how you take your tea."

Anna bit her lip as she said the words, being taken back to the first brief morning they had spent together at his place. Recalling the sweetness of his gesture fondly, it was probably not what she should be thinking about right now. The situation was very different, but neither could ignore the tension that was still sparking in the air between them. Anna shuffled on her feet, near blushing as John gave a faint shrug of his shoulders.

"It'll be grand, I'm sure. If anyone knows how to make a cup of tea…"

She smiled, subconsciously resting her hand against the doorframe, on the opposite side of where his was held. Tucking the stray locks of hair behind her ear, a tiny giggle escaped her and she didn't know why. Nervous laughter, she supposed. It was as if no time had passed since last night, when they had come face to face in the hallway, mere breath between their bodies. They weren't as close now, but the feeling rushed back to Anna, pervading her senses and making her feel quite peculiar. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it felt different to how she usually was around him, before all of this had transpired. It unsettled her.

Looking up at him, she could guess that John was feeling the same way. As he dropped his gaze and took an audible breath, she felt awfully sorry for him. It had taken a lot of courage for him to come round and do what he had done, to say all of those things to her, even if there was so much that remained unsaid. When he said he hadn't done anything like that before, she believed him. That made another feeling shoot up within her, one which the better part of her desperately wanted to give in to, more as each second passed. Her resolve was wavering, and she could feel it doing so within her as she stared into the pools of his eyes, diving deeper. Yet there was still that certain reluctance, a second thought that she gave to every action now. It would wear off in time, she knew. At least she hoped that it would.

Their eyes found each other again after a few moments, and even despite everything, a warmth crept over Anna that she couldn't deny. Given his actions last night, it was her turn to make a move, yet she couldn't think for the life of her the right words to say. That seemed to be a problem for her of late.

"So…" she began, her feet crossing at the ankles, instantly wanting to snatch the simple word back.

John gave a half-smile, his gaze softening as it was directed towards her.

"So," he repeated, and then raked his fingers through his hair again, the locks tumbling to one side. "I'm sorry if that came across completely crazy." He shook his head gradually. "Now I've slept on it, I'm not sure if that was the best way to go about things."

"Well, nobody has tried to win me back quite like that before, so it'll certainly stick in the memory."

She was smiling as she said it, but she noticed his face falling a little in shame. She cringed inwardly; she supposed she hadn't chosen her words wisely. Her eyes shadowed with worry, but were met with John's somewhat calmer gaze. The tension seemed to change hands between them each second, like a constant game.

John shifted a little, stepping out from the doorway just a half-step, so he was still held in shelter.

"Anna," he said her name in a low voice, a little falteringly. For a moment, she was struck with fear. A small smile flashed upon his face, replaced by a more sombre look in the next instant. "Whenever you want to talk things through. Properly."

A jolt started up at the bottom of her heart. A part of her had already believed that they had gone through it all, had fooled herself into thinking it was so. Part of her wanted to tell him it was fine, there was no need to. Perhaps they could get over it by simply staying blissfully ignorant. But she knew that would do nothing to rid her of the sensation that had wedged itself in her gut.

His eyes were hopeful, but his expression remained passive, not wanting to push her.

"If you'd rather not, it's fine. I understand…"

"Of course," she rushed to say, nearly reaching out to grab his hand but then seeming to think better of it. "Of course I do."

The pleading in his gaze was relieved, and they smiled at each other bashfully.

"Just not this very moment," Anna added lightly. "You know my brain doesn't work properly until midday, at the earliest."

John chuckled softly, bobbing his head at her.

There was no getting away from it, and Anna was a little afraid. But there was no point delaying the inevitable, delaying what was needed. The question seemed to hang in the air.

"I can't do today, or tonight. There's an event in just over a week, and I've got to prep the venue." Inside, she was a little thankful. It'd give her at least some time to get her head together. "But tomorrow evening suits me. If it does you?"

The weight visibly lifted from John's shoulders as he eased himself up.

"Tomorrow would be great," he replied. "You know that it's totally your call, I think I've forfeited my right to say."

She shook her head again.

"John, don't say that. You know you're going to have to work on the self-deprecation."

He looked remorseful, and she felt as though she'd put her foot in it. Ever so gently, she placed her hand over the threshold, guiding her fingers to his forearm. He jerked his head towards her, and she shivered a little as her fingertips came into contact with his warm, bare skin.

Comforted, he didn't complain when she released him and took a little step back.

"Tomorrow, then," she said in a near whisper, her eyes delicate.

"Tomorrow."

Anna smiled assuredly as she walked a few more steps backwards, her eyes still on John in the doorway as she made to go down the stairs again. He didn't seem to want to move from where he was, his gaze similarly fixed on her, almost as if his entire existence depended on her.

She gave a little nod inside the room. "Your tea will be stone cold."

That didn't seem to make any difference.

"You're pushing your luck if you think I'm making another," she smiled, cheekiness dripping from her voice.

He laughed silently and then nodded, dipping himself inside the room after he left her with another look that made her feel funny all over.

As she heard the door click and drifted down the staircase, she wasn't sure how she was going to get through the next day or more.

Waiting at the table, Anna looked out the window and sighed a little. It was a beautiful evening outside, considerably warm, and though she was saved from the sun streaming in upon her face in the spot she was situated, she still felt heat surge through her rather uncomfortably. Shifting on her seat, she wondered if she was terribly early. A glance at her watch and then at her phone told her that instead it was John who was running late.

He had phoned to apologise, and this time there was no mention of work or other excuses. He had been straight with her; his soon-to-be ex-wife had been in contact over some detail of the divorce and he'd had to have discussions with her and their solicitors via Skype. Even though she was glad he had given her the truth, the mere mention had sent Anna's blood running cold. She'd learnt that her name was Vera. She said the name over and over in her head, and somehow it just didn't sound right with John. Vera Bates. It didn't sound right at all. She wondered what her maiden name had been. She wondered whether at the end of it all, Vera would decide that she'd quite like to keep his name for the rest of her life. The thought made Anna feel possessive, and more than a little sick.

Trying to push the thoughts out of her head, she topped up her wine glass just enough so that it wasn't too much and took a little more than a sip. She needed the courage right now. In the time since they had agreed on this meeting, she'd tortured herself in every way possible. John had done everything he could to make her feel at ease, leaving the decision of where they went and what time entirely up to her. Everything was on her terms, and he went out of his way to do exactly what she wanted. A little voice asked if maybe she should have felt suspicious about that, but she knew that was silly. He was simply being thoughtful and considerate, just as he had been before all of this; perhaps even more so now it had all come about.

She couldn't stop the questions from swirling about in her head as she sat waiting, trying and failing to keep still. How would it all go? Would he tell her every single detail? Would she want to know? Whatever was said, would it mean that her opinion of him would forever be changed? She wanted him to be honest with her, of course she did. It was important for her to know; it was important for them, going forward. But if he said certain things, things that she thought he had only ever known with her, that he told her so…the idea that he loved Vera; that he had been in love with her. He must have been once, and it was stupid for her to feel such agony over it, but at the same time she couldn't deny that she did.

He had told her months ago, but she had chosen not to listen. That she might regret being with him. That she might change her mind about him. Of course then she had simply thought he was doing himself down. She knew that she didn't regret it, not even with things how they were. Maybe she had changed her view on him a little; she couldn't get away from that. But even if he hadn't gone to such lengths to convince her that they were worth fighting for, even if it turned out he had felt differently all along, she couldn't change how she felt about him. Not now, and not ever again.

As her hand shuddered against her glass, she smiled at the thought. When she looked up and saw him at the far end of the restaurant, she was certain that her mind was already made up. From what she could see, he looked gorgeous, but it was when he came closer that she was really floored. He wore a dark blue shirt, with just one button left open, and suit trousers. His jacket was draped over one arm, it being too hot to wear, and his hair must have fallen looser through the course of the day. Anna hoped that she looked okay in her red burnished dress.

The grin that he greeted her with told her that he thought she looked more than fine, as did the kiss on her cheek that lingered perhaps a little too long. She breathed in his clean scent, her skin grazing his for a moment.

"It's a nice place," he said as he took his seat, waiting until she was settled back down. "I can't say I've been before."

She smiled eagerly. "I just hope a connoisseur such as yourself will like it."

"I'm sure I will," he assured, smiling back but then frowning a little as he adjusted himself in the chair. "Although I don't know if I'll be able to stomach anything considerable tonight."

He furrowed his brow, and Anna could read his meaning implicitly. It was written all over his face. He was just as nervous as she was.

"Then we'll have to come again another time."

John smiled, but not as openly as he could have done. They seemed to both know it was too early for promises.

"Neutral ground as well," he announced as he picked up the menu feebly.

Anna pursed her lips in a little smile and bobbed her head. She hadn't relayed to him about Robert and the things he had told her; she didn't want to set him further on edge.

"I thought it was for the best."

"I agree."

His hand moved across the table a little bit, close enough to be reassured by her presence but not close enough to touch her. Anna glanced at it for a moment, holding in a sigh.

"How was everything, with the venue?"

She shook her head, coming back to earth.

"It was good. They seemed happy with it, which is always a good sign."

John smiled, fiddling with the menu in his hands, looking at Anna intently. "What's it for?"

She bit her lip a little. "It's a joint baby shower…and a wedding reception."

His expression wavered. "Oh well…that's quite something."

Anna watched him squirm a bit in his seat. Even their small talk was pointing in one ominous direction.

"And, how was everything with you?" she asked, a little nervous for the response. "With…Vera?" It took her a while to be able to say the name aloud, and it left a strange taste in her mouth.

He offered her an apologetic look that she should have to say her name. His shoulders heaved.

"It was what it was. A little difficult," he sighed heavily, swiping a hand by his jaw. "But everything seems to be sorted now, nothing else should crop up. Thank god."

"That's good."

She straightened her back, taking another swift sip of wine. The situation did still seem a little unreal to her, and yet here she was in the thick of it. John was still silently saying sorry, and she gave him a smile to reassure him that she could handle it all.

Once the waiter had come to take their orders, John finally eased back against his chair, though his frame was still tight with anxiety.

"God, Anna, I don't know where I should start."

"The beginning sounds like a good place to me." She tilted her head a little to one side, wearing an encouraging smile, her hand just inches away from his on the tabletop.

He returned with a tiny smile of his own and exhaled a long breath, as though he was letting out years of repressed tension.

"So, as you know, I went back to Ireland not long before my mother passed."

Already, he wore a look of deep sorrow. Anna's heart ached for him reliving his grief; she could tell that it was hard for him to recall.

"It was the thing I was most glad about, that I had at least some time with her. I just hadn't prepared myself for how far gone she was. She was always so strong, you know, and she never let anybody know how much she was suffering; that was just how she lived all of her life. She fought until the very end." His voice began to crack. "I was with her. I held her hand. She told me she was proud of me."

He glanced up and Anna could see the tears in his eyes.

"Oh, John. I'm sure she was prouder of you than anything."

He smiled a smile that melted her heart and sniffed.

"It was the worst thing I'd ever had to deal with, Anna. It hit me so hard. The first couple of weeks immediately after, I think I was just numb with everything that was happening. Once we'd said goodbye and it was over, that's when the shock really set in. I was so lost. Every second of every day cut me to pieces, and I couldn't stand it. I wanted that numbness back, or at least I thought I did. I don't think I really knew what I wanted. The only way I could seem to find it was at the bottom of a bottle."

She saw him eyeing the new bottle of wine longingly, and with some regret. He'd drank in her company and been fine; it seemed strange to think he might have had a serious problem, but she supposed you never knew.

He answered the question she had before she could say it. "I'm not saying I was an alcoholic, but I was probably close to becoming one at that point. Given the chance, at one stage I would have drunk Ireland dry." He gave a little laugh. "And that's saying something."

His reaction gave her the permission to half-smile at him.

"It was my brothers who really pulled me out of all that. They saw what a sorry state I was in when I was too hammered to know, or even care. They dragged me onto my feet again, and basically told me what a self-pitying tosser I was being, and that Mam wouldn't appreciate it."

Anna tilted her head further in sympathy, but John shook his swiftly.

"That's just our banter. And they were right. I needed that kick up the arse." He smiled and huffed out a sentimental sigh, but then his face shadowed again. "But I'm not going to lie, it was hard to hear it. They were settled, they had their families, they had support. And there I was, on my own. It seemed too bloody easy for them to be preaching at me. I was bitter about it, but it wasn't just that. Looking at them and then back at myself, I just didn't know where I fit in. I didn't know what I'd done with my life, what I had to show for it. It seemed like any achievements I'd made had come to nothing."

He sighed as he looked into the sapphires of her eyes again, finding nothing but understanding there, though she couldn't have ever been in such a mess as he had.

"I know my mother would have loved to have seen me settled down with someone. She was always saying 'There's a nice girl out there for you, Johnny. She's just waiting for you to come along and sweep her off her feet.'"

His gaze softened pointedly towards Anna, and she blushed a little in response.

"It just felt like another way that I'd failed her. I hated myself for it, beat myself up every day. It was as though I could atone somehow, make it up to her, even though now I know I needn't have done such a thing." His eyes darkened again with trouble and regret. "I'd fooled myself into thinking it was the solution for me as well. If I just had someone there, to talk to and share everything with, then perhaps I could find my way back again."

He unfolded his arms against the table, laying them down carefully. Anna's heart was in pieces. She berated herself for daring to think so badly of him, when he had clearly been in such a difficult place. But then she told herself not to get too far ahead; she hadn't heard the whole story yet. She braced herself for what was coming next, and he did the same.

"I knew Vera from years back. There was a big group of us who hung about in school, and she was part of it. We weren't that close, but then again everyone is in a small town. I hadn't seen her in years with having moved away, and then one night I was at the pub – unsurprisingly – and she was there. We said hello, and got talking. She'd not long moved back herself, and we caught up over a few drinks. It got to be a regular thing over a few weeks, chatting about the old days and how our lives had gone. It turned out she'd never got married either, and well, it just seemed to fit. Or at least I thought it did in my head."

He took a gulp of drink to steady himself, and began to shake his head thinking about it.

"I know my judgement was clouded, but that didn't stop me. You know, I thought it was some kind of sign." He laughed incredulously at the notion. "She was from the same place, had the same upbringing…it seemed comforting in a way, given all that I'd thought I'd lost."

Anna bit her lip and exhaled slowly. She was beyond relieved, yet she felt unbelievably sad for John, that he had gone through things in that way.

"It all happened so quickly, and I didn't have enough time to process it. People told me at the time it was very fast, and maybe I should think it through, but my mind was made up. The night of the wedding, I knew something wasn't right. As the days went on, the feeling was still there, but I told myself that it was just because I wasn't used to something so serious. I kept saying that I'd get used to it, in time. That we'd grow into each other." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling, a look halfway between disbelief and shame on his face. Then he looked at Anna again, and she could feel every emotion running through him. "Of course, we never did."

He gave another shrug, returning Anna's gaze honestly.

"We coasted for a bit, but things went wrong very soon afterwards. We'd argue over the silliest things, and important matters too. It didn't take much. It seemed like it wasn't an ordinary day if we weren't bickering. I know marriage isn't always easy, but surely it wasn't supposed to be that hard."

Both of their hands had slid further across the table, and Anna joined her fingers lightly with his. John seemed momentarily shocked by the action, until he saw her and smiled.

"It was on both sides, I can't let Vera take all the blame. As much as I'd want to say it, she's not a bad person. We just weren't compatible, not like that. We only brought out the worst in each other. It had only been eight months or so, and I decided I couldn't live like that anymore. I told her I had to get away; the same night I packed my bags, and the next day I got a flight over here."

She tightened her grasp on his hand while he grimaced.

"Looking back, it was the wrong way to go about it. I was being a coward, as usual." He gave a burst of laughter, raising his free hand to his forehead. "I couldn't even tell her to her face that I wanted a separation, it was like admitting my failure all over again. I was being purely selfish. It was only a few weeks later that she came to the office, screaming her head off, saying how dare I do that to her. I managed to calm her down before she made too much of a scene, and after she took a few shots at me, she broke down. Her mother had been diagnosed with dementia a couple of days after I'd gone. God, I felt awful. Like it was retribution, somehow."

"You weren't to know."

He nodded his head rapidly, tracing his fingers across her palm.

"I know, but still. It seemed like everything I did turned against me, and everyone else. As though nobody should go near me, because they'd get burned too."

Anna could see it in his gaze, could see him questioning her. Like he wouldn't blame her for getting up and walking away, getting to safety away from him.

"I agreed that I'd go back over a few times, keep up the pretence for the sake of her mother. It seemed like the least I could do. There were a lot of visits at first, but over time they got less. She didn't really know anyone by the end. Vera dealt with it in her own way, which was to shut everyone out. I felt absolutely lousy, but there wasn't anything I could do except come back here. It all went quiet for a while, until she called out of the blue and said that she'd agree to a divorce."

There it was; the whole story. Somehow, John seemed more perturbed than he had done before he'd started.

Lifting his head, he sighed heavily, letting his hand travel over the skin of her wrist.

"There's so many times that I look back at the things I'd done, at who I was, and I'm so thoroughly ashamed. I hate myself for being like that. I hate the damage I caused."

As frustrated as she had been, and was a little bit somewhere still, she couldn't bear to hear him speak like that. She hated seeing him look so distressed and eaten up with guilt.

"John," she said his name softly, tapping upon his hand to make his hazel eyes look towards her. "You can't let it get to you. What's done is done. We don't know what we'll do when we're faced with something so huge, and we all react differently. I certainly don't know how I would have been if my dad had…when I was older. Maybe I would have gone off the rails."

He looked at her as if to question whether such a thing would ever be possible, and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"What I'm saying is, you can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up over one part of it."

"But Anna, sometimes I'm certain that I haven't left it behind. That that is who I am, and always will be. Someone who causes hurt and pain, despite everything I want."

His eyes escaped hers, and Anna held a breath. She knew only too well what he was trying to say, and it was hard not to break down in tears once again. Instead she smoothed her fingers over his, and then grasped his hand where it lay.

"I know you, John Bates, and I know you're better than that," she assured him, keeping her voice strong, willing it not to falter. "I can't blame you for what you did before I knew you." That was true; it wouldn't have been fair. And yet something worked away at her. "I just don't know why you didn't tell me from the start." She couldn't stop her voice from breaking a little now when she thought of it. "Why you thought I didn't deserve to know you like this."

He looked up at her again, completely startled.

"Anna, no. Of course you deserved it. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to have you know me."

He sighed, taking her hand delicately before he set it down again.

"I knew straight away that you were special. When you looked at me that first day, I couldn't believe the things I felt. I didn't expect you to respond to my ramblings but you did, and I thought 'my god, John, you'll never be so lucky again.' I didn't know what you would see in me. I still don't. You're far too good for me. Pushing fifty, disaster zone in love. A man with a train wreck of a marriage already nearly behind him."

"John, if you really think I would have been put off by that," her voice was louder, attempting to overpower his notions. "I can be trusted to make my own decisions. I am a big girl."

She laughed a little to break the atmosphere, and it raised the faintest smile from him.

"It doesn't make sense, least of all to me. But I suppose I wanted…to shield you." He cringed as he said the words, knowing how they sounded. "Protect you and at the same time only have you see a certain side of me. When, god knows, I wanted you to have all of me. Even though you'd be the one getting the worse deal."

Anna shook her head, shrugging.

"But you should have let me make the choice," she affirmed once more. Her hand found his again, her touch speaking more emphatically than her words. "Do you really think it would have been any different?"

He half-smiled at her, raising his shoulders and drifting his thumb over her knuckles, sending shivers through her. They stayed in contemplative silence for a few moments, and Anna was happy to let the weight fall from her shoulders.

Out of the blue, something occurred to her, and John noticed her frown.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she said, a little unconvincingly. "I just…does Vera know about me?"

John squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"She knows there's someone. But I didn't want to go into detail until we had spoken like this."

Anna bobbed her head silently. She was glad of that, but she couldn't help feeling a little anxious of what was to come. The thought of having to come face to face with her, even years down the line…

"As far as I'm concerned, the papers are already signed. I don't have to see her again." He was allaying her fears before she thought them. "Let her think what she wants. I don't care."

"I do," she said in a small voice, her cheeks turning slightly red.

John tilted his head to look at her with soft eyes, and after he caressed them tenderly, laced her fingers back with his.

"I only care about you," he uttered, the rasp of his voice going straight to her heart.

Her eyes flickered up towards him, and she was met with a wonderful smile. He looked more relaxed than she had seen him all night, than she had really seen in so long. The true John Bates was sitting in front of her now, holding her hand, telling her how he felt. In those simple words he said, she believed everything.

She was truly glad she could know him now.

It had been a long night, and Anna hadn't realised how much it had exhausted her until they were out in the muggy air. Neither knew what to say, so they simply smiled at each other, feeling between them as though that said it all. At least, all they could say that evening. They'd talked and talked, and everything that needed to had emerge had done.

John had not so much been unburdened as finally set free, letting her see all the parts of him he had been too scared to show anyone else. Anna was thankful, and happy, and felt as though she'd been through a gamut of emotions in a very short space of time. Everything had took her over and she felt almost dizzy, the heat of the night not helping matters. She explained to him gently that she needed to let things settle, just for a little while. There was no use causing any more confusion by rushing things along, making a snap decision when her head was so full, even if she wasn't as uncertain anymore.

She had been worried to see his reaction, and felt as though she was holding her breath for some time. There had been no need. There was no fighting, or rushing to ask why. He left her with a kiss on the cheek, longer and softer than the one he had greeted her with hours before. She carried the feel of his kiss home with her, along with the warmth of his eyes and sincere smile. That night, she slept soundly and her mind granted her the chance to dream contentedly.

Perhaps her dreams did something, as she awoke with a clear mind and much clearer intentions.

As soon as she was able to, she made her way to his house. She still felt like a bundle of anxiety as she knocked on the door, quietly collecting herself to see his face once more.

He opened it quicker than she had imagined and was smiling at her immediately. How had it taken her so long, she thought to herself?

"Anna."

She couldn't fight the bright smile at the sound of her name leaving his lips, nor at the way he looked so astounded to see her.

"John," she replied, giving a little bob of her head, her hands clasped in front of her. She couldn't keep him waiting any longer. "I am so glad you let me know everything. And it's taken a lot…"

"I know," he hurried to say and then admonished himself, stepping back.

Anna smiled.

"But I think we deserve another chance."

The grin was wide on her lips as she said it. John let out a breath before he burst into a beaming smile too.

She couldn't have denied it; they were worth fighting for, every step of the way. Everything had changed, and she felt it keenly. But she wasn't afraid of it. This had been hard, and she had been close to surrendering completely, but she knew from here on in they were only going to get stronger.

"Oh god, Anna. I don't know what to say. Thank you."

She shrugged, stifling a chuckle.

"There's no need for that," she assured, giving him a mock-warning look with her eyes and smiling genuinely. She wavered for a second before she went on. "But I do have two conditions, of sorts."

John looked a touch worried but was completely accepting. Running a hand through his hair, he said "Of course. Anything, Anna, I'll do it."

She smiled, sinking her feet further into her shoes.

"First, you let me make my own decisions about you and us. I'm big enough and brave enough to handle the consequences."

"I couldn't agree more."

Anna glanced down for a moment, enamoured by his intense and honest gaze. She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist before she looked up again and said her second point, which was a little more difficult.

"And, for both of us, I think we should take things more slowly from now."

Part of her was screaming that it was ridiculous, but realistically, she knew it was right. Seeing the look on his face, she could tell that John had the same conflicting emotions.

"It's just from what you said…you know that I'm nothing like Vera. We're nothing like that. But we have only known each other a little while, and maybe we've got ahead of ourselves…with what's happened, I just think…"

He came to her rescue and stopped her getting lost.

"I understand," John said. "It's down to you, Anna. Completely."

"Down to the both of us," she corrected, and he grinned.

There wasn't a kiss, nor an embrace; just a brief touch of hands and a meeting of eyes before she left, unfurling her fingers from his slowly. Yet it was okay somehow. More than that.

They were on the same road, just a different route. What was meant to be was still, just altered slightly. And they were both starting to be happy, again.